Chapter 1

7 years later

Once again, I woke up with tears streaming down my face and cries so loud it hurt my own ears.

Nightmares were there every night to remind me of what I once had and that I should never again feel love so deep it could break you in pieces. Once upon a time I used to have it all…love, family,faith…hope.

Now there is just emptiness and my constant fight with all the demons of my past and all the questions which I don't have answers to.

So instead of looking for questions today, I got out of my bed, straightened the sheets and took the shower which I desperately needed after a long night full of nightmares.

Breakfast was something I don't remember eating in years and today was no different. Instead, I took my purse and walked out the doors toward my car and drove to work with music as loud as it could go just to shut down voices in my head.

When I arrived at my destination, I looked through the window where the sign stood: "Vi's little piece of heaven" and this little bar really was my piece of heaven. When I first started bartending, it was just to help me get through school. Over the years, it became something that made me happy, and gave my life back its purpose. So, when I was 21, I got money from an inheritance and with it I bought my own place and started on my own.

When I walked in through the door, Kensie was already waiting for me. "Hey girl. Had any fun this weekend? Or were you once again playing a 40-year-old widow?"

I wasn't actually 40 years old. I was only 25 and on most days had enough energy to run a marathon. But Kensie was one of my best friends, and she knew what had been wrong in my life, since we had known each other since we were 6. She was bartending in my bar, so we practically spent every minute together. The other best friend and help in the bar was my sister Kaya. She is 3 years younger than me, but what life served us made us both grow up really soon in our lives. While me and Kensie keep the guests entertained, she keeps our little boat floating. She takes care of our accounts, pay checks, inventory…absolutely everything except bartending.

I looked into the piercing blue eyes of my best friend and couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face when I answered her question. "Oh no honey, I ran 5 miles the other day in the morning and in the evening, made lunch, actually cleaned my house not like you and I even went shopping on Saturday. So I guess it was one of the better weekends, don't you think?"

She just stared at me for a moment and then we both started laughing like lunatics, which was just…so us. When we finally managed to catch our breath, she looked at me and said, " Your soul is older than my grandma. You know that, right? What do you say, we grab a coffee and then wait for some crazy person to come in and tell us some new crazy shit that went down this weekend?"

That started another laugh from me. "Sure, Kens, let's go get that coffee and you can tell me all about your new weekend boyfriend."

"Oh my God, that's one hell of a story. He is 35 years old, and still lives with his mother. When we left the club on Saturday night, he said we could go to his place, so we drove in his car. When we got there, he unlocked the door and when I stepped into the house I was met with a pair of very angry eyes. Then the horror began. She started asking me what my intentions are with her son, when are we planing to get married, can I have kids and how many grandchildren am I going to give her and when. It took me all my willpower not to scream at her at 4 in the morning!"

Half the story in, I was already bent in half and laughing like crazy. Kensi was really attractive. She was tall with curly blond hair and beautiful blue eyes. She had curves in all the right places and knew how to show them and use them. Me, on the other hand? Yes, I am also tall, but I look gigantic with my long limbs and small boobs. I have green eyes – my daddy's eyes- and my hair is straight and every week it is dyed a different color. My ass is the only part of my body that I am proud of. But Kensi? Yes, she knew she was beautiful and used it well. So she had a new boyfriend every weekend, so she could not get attached to a man. And her stories were something I looked forward to hearing every Monday.

"So what did you do, with the crazy old lady and her little boy?" I asked her, still laughing.

"What could I possibly do? I listened to her and answered her truthfully, that I had just met her son, had no intention of marrying him and no desire for kids. And when she finally stopped blowing steam she threw me out. She threw me out!"

As she shouted the last of her words I couldn't stop tears from laughing anymore. I could practically picture her stunned face when that mean old lady threw her out the door. After a few minutes of laughter, she straightened her face and looked at me with seriousness in her eyes.

"You know, Vi, you can't let the past pull you down. Live your life a little, go out, meet people, find yourself a boyfriend, get laid for fuck's sake! You can not live like that anymore. What happened to your dad is not your fault!"

"Hey! I go out. I have fun, I just don't need someone to share my life with, much less my bed. I have you and Kaya. What else could a girl ask for?"

"I don't know. Maybe sex?" she said with disbelief in her eyes, like I was some kind of weirdo who didn't understand a thing about life.

"Look Kens, you know how things are for me. Sex always turns out to bond people. And I can not afford to get used to someone. I don't think I could survive my heart being broken again. I just can't." Instead of waiting for her response, I turned around and started the coffee machine, which was so loud there was no way she could continue with her talk. So instead, she just shook her head and went to open the door and turn around the sigh to let people know we were open.

The day went by pretty peacefully. And I didn't even realize it was already evening when Kensi stopped me in my tracks to unload my tray.

"Hey, I'm out for tonight. Will you be OK on your own? If not, I could stay for awhile."

I turned around the bar and actually it was pretty crowded for Monday night. But it was mostly regular customers, so there was no need to hurry.

"I'm ok. You can go home. See you tomorrow at 8 right?"

She stepped closer to give me a kiss on the cheek. "Of course darling. As always. Don't work too late and be safe. Oh and…I'm really sorry for what I said in the morning. I should keep my nose out of your sex life, but I just worry about you. I hope you can forgive me and that you know I love you unconditionally."

I had already forgotten our little episode from earlier that morning and I knew she didn't mean harm, so I just smiled at her and hugged her real tight. "Don't worry honey, there is nothing to forgive and you know I love you too. You and Kaya are the only constant people left in my life and I don't know what my life would be like without you in it."

She hugged me even tighter for a few seconds, then she stepped away, smiled, and walked out of the bar. Once again, I was left alone with my thoughts and memories. I went to place washed glasses on the shelf. I heard the bell from the door. I didn't turn around because everyone knew that we were taking orders only from the bar. Then I heard someone sitting down right behind me and when he said his first words all my nerves were on end. Shivers went down my body from my head all the way down to my toes.

"Hey there. I am looking for Violet. Have you seen her maybe?"

I recognized the voice immediately. I won't forget the deep baritone in a thousand years. I turned around so fast that my head was spinning. I looked him straight in the eye and said the only thing that came to my mind.

"What are you doing here?"

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