Planning for forever
Sun He went back to work the next day. He had obtained some foundation from his mom and now his bruise was no longer visible. He greeted his coworkers and started working on his assignments. He had a lot to catch up on since he was out for three days. Sun He hated feeling as if he was delaying everyone's work so he immersed himself in his work. By the time he finally caught up, it was very late at night and Sun He had skipped both lunch and dinner. He almost keeled over from the pangs in his stomach. Sun He grabbed an energy bar out of his lunch box and sipped on his water, hoping this sustenance would last him until he can make it home.
Sun He stared at the night sky and he really did not want to go back. Back to his empty apartment. Gu Liwei had spoiled him, he thought. Whenever Sun He went back home, Gu Liwei would be right in the kitchen making their dinner. If Sun He happened to work overtime like he did tonight, a late night snack would be waiting him right on the kitchen counter, and Gu Liwei would be on the sofa. He would claim that he had some work to do, but they both knew that he was waiting for Sun He to come home. Home. Sun He wondered when he started thinking of his apartment as home. Home to him was his mother's house. His apartment was just a place to sleep.
Sun He stared at the shoes on the shoe rack that clearly were too big to be his. The raincoat and jackets in the closet by the front door. The camera in the living room. Pictures of landscapes and random strangers in his study. Gu Liwei had integrated himself in every aspect of his life.
When Sun He opened the fridge, he saw the leftover food from the day before and quickly warmed up some dumplings and eased his hunger. Looking around the quiet apartment, he felt lonely. He looked down at his phone and there were no new messages or calls from Gu Liwei, nor were there any updates in his moments. Sun He sighed before going to take a shower. Lying in bed, he was not able to fall asleep even though his body and mind felt tired. He missed Gu Liwei. He missed his kisses, his smell, and most importantly his warmth.
Sun He did not know how he survived the next two days. In addition to the projects given to him by his manager, Sun He had picked up a few freelance projects. Therefore, he was swamped with work. Every day when Sun He came home, he would be so tired that he would fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. Sun He barely had time to eat and sleep, and even less time to think about his personal life. He consciously knew that he should stop avoiding thinking about Gu Liwei's suggestion. Sun He had always used avoidance as a coping mechanism and, while he knew it was not healthy, it was hard for him to get rid of his bad habits.
Four days before Gu Liwei was due to come back, Sun He finally allowed himself to think about therapy. He instinctually knew that Gu Liwei was right. He had not known Gu Liwei for as long as he did Tang Jing, and within a few months Gu Liwei had drawn the same conclusion as Tang Jing. That alone made Sun He realize that he really was not doing well. However, Sun He was not sure, if he was strong enough to go through therapy. He was not sure he was strong enough to discover his traumas and to deal with their repercussions. His sight fell on the guest room, and he stared at it as if an answer could be obtained from the room itself.
Sun He headed to the guest room and hesitated before opening the door. The room was empty except for Gu Liwei's shirts hanging in the closet. Sun He caressed the shirt in front of him and blushed. He wanted to smell the shirt and did just that. The shirt only smell of detergent, very different from Gu Liwei's cold pine smell. Sun He was closing the closet door when he saw a box on the top shelf. His curiosity got the best of him and he reached to grab it. He accidentally pulled the box too hard and fell down with the box spilling everything out. Sun He started panicking and hoped that nothing was broken. On the floor were various props which he guessed Gu Liwei used during his photo shoots. Sun He picked them up and put them back in the box. He looked around to ensure he had not missed anything and his gaze froze on a small black box by the foot of the bed.
Sun He stood there for a few minutes staring at the box. He was scared. He was scared by what that box might be and what it might imply. Sun He tremblingly picked up the box and opened it. He was not sure how he felt when the box revealed a ring. The ring in the box was a thin silver band. Embedded in the center were three small stones: a diamond surrounded by two beautiful vivid-blue stones. The ring looked simple but elegant, and when you turned it, the blue stone looked purple. Tanzanite, Sun He thought. Diamond and Tanzanite. His and Gu Liwei's birthstones.
Sun He picked up the ring and looked in the inside, his heart in his throat. Tears fell out of his eyes seeing "Sun He + Gu Liwei = ∞" written in the inside. He rubbed the inscriptions and choked. While he was unconsciously waiting for Gu Liwei to leave him, Gu Liwei was planning for forever. Sun He felt awful. He needed to see Gu Liwei. He needed to talk to him. He needed to apologize. He needed to fix this. He needed to…
When Gu Liwei received Sun He's call, he was in a bar with his assistant. His client had invited him to this bar under the pretext of sending him off. Gu Liwei could not refuse. Gu Liwei told himself that the reason why he accepted the offer was to maintain good relationship with his client but given Gu Liwei's status in the fashion industry, no one could force him to do anything he did not want to do. Gu Liwei knew himself too well. He was never one to indulge himself as he liked being and feeling in control of his actions, however he was scared to think about what he might experience when he goes back to country C. He wanted to drown himself in alcohol. He wanted to forget everything, even if just for one night.
While he truly believe that he would stay with Sun He even if he refuses to go see a therapist, Gu Liwei knew that if something did not change, it would be hard for him and Sun He to stay together. If Sun He kept pushing him away, would he still be able to love him ten, twenty years from now? Even if his love was not consumed by years of lack of trust, would he truly be able to say that he was happy? That THEY were happy?
Gu Liwei was frightened by how much he loved Sun He and by how fast he fell. He did not know what it was about Sun He that made him want to give him his everything, his heart and his soul. Gu Liwei thought about Sun He's smiling face, his blushing face whenever Gu Liwei teased him, his red and seductive face when he was in the middle of their throes. Ah, he really wanted to see him. He wanted to kiss him. Wanted to see his smile.
Looking at the name on his phone, Gu Liwei hesitated to answer. But thinking of Sun He's distressed face when he left for the airport, Gu Liwei headed towards the balcony and answered. Sun He did not say anything after he answered. They both remained like that. Silent and taking comfort in each other's slight breath. Gu Liwei felt like they were the only two in the world and thought that staying like that was nice too.
"My first session will be in two weeks." Sun He announced suddenly. Gu Liwei's breath caught in his throat hearing that. Slowly a smile formed on his face. "Liwei…" Sun He stared at the ring which he wanted to, but did not dare to, put on his finger. His face was red and a smile hung on his face. Sun He's eyes were shining, and he blushed thinking of his next words. "Gu Liwei… I love you".
Gu Liwei's eyes widened and his heart started pounding. Did Sun He really…? Gu Liwei pinched his arm and the pain confirmed that he was not dreaming. He had actually never been so wide-awake. He wanted to confirm that he did not hear wrong. "Sun He", he started but then he heard the disconnect tone.
Gu Liwei stared at his phone screen and could not believe that Sun He actually hung up after telling him he loved him. Gu Liwei tried to call him back, and Sun He did not answer. A chuckle came out of his mouth. Actually, he should not be surprised. Sun He was probably feeling shy right now. That was his Sun He: shy, strong, courageous, an interesting mix of contradictions.
Gu Liwei stared at the bustling streets of N City. Vibrant colorful lights reflecting from the advertisement hit the streets below. Cars and people rushing everywhere. The sounds of cars, people, music came together to form a beautiful symphony. The starless night sky overlooking the skyscrapers looked especially beautiful tonight. Everything seemed alive and harmonious. Even the polluted air seemed to smell and taste better.