I am scared…
Gu Liwei: Have you eaten?
Sun He smiled down at his phone and flicked the light switch, illuminating his apartment. He exchanged his shoes for his slippers before heading to the living room. He sat down on his sofa and grabbed a pillow, putting it underneath his arm. He really was not expecting Gu Liwei to contact him again, especially considering he and Gu Liwei both knew Sun He had left him on read.
Sun He: I have. What about you?
Gu Liwei: Have not had the chance to yet. I just came back from a run and thought of texting you.
Sun He checked the time on his phone and calculated that it was only 7 a.m. in Country A. He grinned and felt himself blush. He looked down at his phone thinking about what to say. As he was about to answer, a phone call came in. Sun He stared at Gu Liwei's flashing name and hesitated before answering.
"Hello!" Sun He voiced nervously.
"Hope you do not mind that I called. I realized I would much rather hear your voice."
Sun He blushed at Gu Liwei's words. Gu Liwei's voice was warm and sounded rougher on the phone than he did on person. Sun He felt his ears tingling and his breath caught in his throat. Gu Liwei had a beautiful voice, he thought. It was pleasant to listen to and Sun He felt enveloped in warmth and sweetness.
"I don't mind" he whispered.
Gu Liwei chuckled and sat down on his sofa looking at the skyscrapers through his window. "I actually did not think you would answer." He confessed. "I thought I scared you away with all my flirting."
Sun He felt amused and laughed. Gu Liwei did flirt with him a lot that night. Sun He had felt giddy and had secretly enjoyed all of Gu Liwei's flirting. It had made him feel alive. Had made him feel better than he had felt in a long time. "Well, you did." He teased. "Makes me wonder if you flirt with everyone like this."
Gu Liwei laughed. Even though he thought Sun He was joking, he still felt the need to clarify. "I actually have never flirted with anyone else as much as I had with you. That says a lot considering that was our first date." Gu Liwei omitted to say that the only reason why he flirted so much with Sun He was Sun He's reactions. Sun He would turn red and his eyes would be twinkling, and a small smile hung on his lips. He looked beautiful that way. Gu Liwei selfishly wanted to see him looking like that for as long as he could. Gu Liwei heard Sun He's sharp breath in his ears and felt a tingling sensation in his spine. He would love to see what Sun He looked like right now.
Sun He blushed at Gu Liwei's words, and his arm tightened on the pillow. He felt his heart accelerate and a smile drew on his lips. Sun He touched his cheek trying to cool them down and his finger accidentally touched the rising corners of his mouth. I am smiling. Sun He froze and his eyes widened. Why am I smiling? Sun He put the phone down next to him and put it on speaker. He drew his legs up and rested his head on his knees. He suddenly felt very cold. He looked towards the night sky and could see the rain hitting his windowpanes. Sun He thought of something he heard from an overseas' friend. Rain is a sign that the gods are crying.
"Gu Liwei" he started. "I am not sure if my mother told you, but I just got out of what I thought would be a long-term relationship. It has only been two years and I never thought that I would separate from him."
Sun He spent all five years of his relationship with Fang Cai, looking towards the future. Even though he knew they would not be able to get married, he had classified Fang Cai as his family. They had bought their first apartment together and Sun He had decorated it all by himself to turn it into a home they would both be happy to come back to. They had spent countless birthdays and celebrations together. Even though they had their fights, Sun He had never thought he would be better off without Fang Cai. He had never thought that he and Fang Cai would one day separate. He had loved Fang Cai. Loved him to the point of stupidity.
Sun He thought back to the night when he had walked in on Fang Cai with his secretary. That night was their fifth anniversary and he was going to propose to Fang Cai. He had planned it all out. He would come home early from his business trip. He would make Fang Cai's favorite food and surprise him with a romantic dinner. Sun He had stopped on the way home and had gotten Fang Cai a bouquet of roses. He was so excited thinking of Fang Cai's reaction to his proposal.
When he opened the door to their apartment, the sounds of moans in their living room had stopped him in his steps. Sun He had told himself it was nothing. He had made various excuses but nothing had prepared him to deal with the sight of Fang Cai and his secretary having sex on their couch that Sun He had meticulously chosen, in their apartment that Sun He had finally started regarding as his home. Sun He wanted to leave, but he could not. His heart had seized up and his feet felt glued to the floor. Only when Fang Cai's secretary had screamed in horror at the look of him had he finally woken up. Sun He had looked at Fang Cai and at his secretary then at the flowers he still held tightly in his hand before walking towards their bedroom. He felt ridiculous. He had dropped the flowers on the floor watching the petals scatter all over the floor. Sun He had blocked out all the curses coming from the living room, all the explanations behind him and had brushed off Fang Cai's attempts to touch him. He had simply packed his bags and moved out that night, leaving everything that was not solely his behind. Only when he had reached his parents' home did he allow himself to cry, and cry he did in the bosom of his mother.
Gu Liwei sat up straighter and his hand clenched on the phone he was holding. "She did mention that."
Sun He briefly described his relationship with Fang Cai. He was not sure why he was telling Gu Liwei all of this, but something deep inside him was pushing him to. Sun He was not sure what he was trying to express but continued nonetheless.
"I am scared." Sun He said. "I am scared because I don't know what to say or how to date in general… I cannot trust easily. I am awkward and I am a coward…What I am trying to say is… I don't know what I want and I am not sure if I am ready to date. I am not sure if I can give you what you want… I actually don't even know what you want." Sun He stared at the rain droplets hitting his living room window. He stared at the dark night sky and felt weak. His fingers trembled and he almost dropped the phone. He told himself there was nothing he could do. He should be proud that he opened up. He should be proud that he was willing to share his thoughts with a stranger. Yes, Gu Liwei was a stranger. Someone he had just met. Moreover, to this person, he had bared his heart. This meant he was doing better, right? Sun He wondered again what made Gu Liwei so different. What was it about Gu Liwei that made Sun He so willing to open up to him?
"Thank you." He heard Gu Liwei say. "Thank you for sharing that with me."
Ah, Sun He thought, that was it. Gu Liwei made him feel comfortable. He made him feel important. Made him feel like every single word that came out of his mouth mattered. Instead of laughing when Sun He had expressed his desire to open his own studio, he had guided him. He had helped him consider the pros and cons of both opening his own studio and staying in his current company. They had spent hours talking that first date, to the point where Gu Liwei almost missed his flight. Even after realizing he would be late, Gu Liwei had a carefree attitude. As if as long as he could spend more time with Sun He, nothing else mattered.
Gu Liwei smiled and his heart felt heavy hearing Sun He's ragged breathing coming out of the phone. It must have taken him a lot of courage to share all that with me, Gu Liwei thought.
"Sun He, I am a rigid person. The moment I agreed to go on the blind date, I was thinking long-term."
"But I don't know if I can give you that." Sun He whispered.
"That's okay." Gu Liwei walked towards his window. "All I am asking for is a chance. A chance to get to know you better. Everything else can come later. Sun He, are you willing to give me that chance?"
Gu Liwei waited for Sun He's response with bated breath. Gu Liwei stared at the city below him. The streets were more alive than they were before he went running. He stared at the people spilling out of the buildings and at the condensed streets below. He marveled at how beautiful it looked when the sunrays hit the glass buildings and smiled at the shy sound of agreement coming from his phone. It sure is a beautiful day, he thought.