Chapter 6: Probably pause pondering

Cain was hyperventilating for no reason. Well, some reason. The adrenaline rush he had gotten from dealing with Dimas and his crew had worn off, and he didn't know if he regretted it or not. He didn't quite know why he had done something that brash. It didn't take a genius to know breaking someone's limbs is probably a bad idea, yet he had gone ahead and broken three different people in different places, not to forget the second degree and maybe even first degree burns they had suffered. He had no idea how he would even come out of the event without being expelled. To be fair, he did know they couldn't expel him, considering his potential, but it wasn't just rumours that said that even a powerful gifted can be "dealt with" if they begin acting too dangerously. Cain had lived too long in pessimism to be killed off now, when a glimmer of hope was finally showing. The chance he had been given was all luck, given so very rarely, and wasting it seemed improper. He had lived so long being put down only because he was weak compared to his peers, and it was only right of him to not show the same unkindness now that he was strong. If all the strength did was make him bully, then he shouldn't have deserved it, should he? Then again, unredeemable people like Dimas were powerful, and the idea of deserving it or not didn't seem to matter in those cases. Adults so often acted like being good was the gateway to success, when the bad people were the ones on top of the social mountain, and the powerful ones were the worst when it came to proper behaviour.

The deliberation had finally stopped the stressed and heavy breathing that Cain was going through when he had been overwhelmed. His thoughts seemed to be in order, now that he was wondering if there was anything actually supposed to be "deserved", or if it was all relative. All bias that people had that dictated the fiction in their head about "karma" and "punishment and reward". What natural law had ever said that only the good would rule the earth, especially when such a sentiment was so obviously wrong.

Cain tried his best to shake off his train of thought, feeling unsure about everything he had blindly believed for so long. The weirdest part was that he had thought this way all the time till now. For so long he had surely believed that "deserving" didn't play a part in power acquiring, but now he had finally gotten the power he had craved, he so desperately wanted to believe he "deserved" it. Whether his ego was inflated enough to attribute his gifts to his own merit, or he was stupid enough to believe the bullshit that people blabbered on about "cause and effect", he didn't know. Was the world just an amalgamation of random events with nary a speck of sense or moral justice? Or was it a system that rewarded hard work and good nature?

And, with that thought, Cain went all the way back to how irresponsible he was, and with the ego to show it. He wondered, with all the power in the world, would he still be considered an useless disappointment of a son by his mother? Would his father have still left even if he knew his son was fated to be great? Would the world, that respected power more than anything, still have spat on him if they knew that he could possibly be stronger than most about all of them could even hope to be? What good wondering all that did, Cain wouldn't know, but it somehow, almost, comforted him. The idea that all the wrongs that had been done unto him were unfair. He had always known it, but having something tangible, that made him more powerful than anything anyone expected of him, it was close to being a good feeling.

Any which way, Cain got up from his bed, now looking at the wall instead of the ceiling. With no instigation, he just punched the wall, in a weird mixture of excitement and frustration.

He regretted it very quickly, "What in the world are you doing up there, idiot?" Leron's voice was mixed in with sleep and annoyance.

"Oh, didn't really realise you had come in. When did you even come?" Cain had been sleeping for a while before he awoke and began overthinking. So probably Leron had entered in that little window of time.

"When you were dozing off, asshole. And I made sure not to wake you up. If only I could expect the same from you."

"I'm sorry, mate. Really am." Cain settled back into his bed, raising his hand upright to gaze at his fingers, "They said you are fine enough to leave the infirmary?"

"Yep. Said I'm tip top now. So, why are you punching the wall? Does it owe you money?"

"Yep, it does. The cracks in it took half of our security deposit."

"That they did. But seriously, what possessed you to try out MMA at goddamn midnight?"

"Nothing, to speak the truth. Just wanted to punch a wall."

"As if our security deposit hadn't been drained enough?"

"Sure. You don't ever want to just a smash a fist foot-deep into a wall?"

"No, you lunatic. I would rather like to have my knuckles intact. Also, no smashing your fist into the wall for you. I need some sleep on my own bed, after so many days deprived of it. So you go sleep too." Leron rustled his bedsheet, trying to find a way to cover himself best with it.

"Nah, I don't think I will sleep. I'm gonna go out and take a walk, methinks." Cain got out of bed, and made his way down to the ground, looking down on Leron sleeping.

"Whatever, dipshit." Leron didn't even try opening his eyes to see Cain, "Take care. If you see Dimas, tell him that I would prefer if he doesn't put me in the infirmary for the rest of the month.

Cain considered telling Leron that Dimas was now the one in the infirmary, but decided against it, "Yeah, yeah, good night. Sleep well, idiot." He picked up his coat, and put it on. Autumn cold is Atlanta wouldn't be easy to weather.

"I won't be, thanks to a certain someone waking me up in the middle of the damn night."

Walking to the door, Cain turned back, saying "I wonder who that certain someone might" in a singsong voice. He closed the door behind himself, realising that he had forgotten his phone back in the room. He ended up deciding that he could take a walk without a phone. Leron wouldn't have appreciated being disturbed again anyway. Cain put on the shoes he had kept outside the room, and walked to the stairwell. Making his way down, Cain began to wonder how he would tell his other friends about his powers. Surely, by now they would have heard the news, but he hadn't met them yet to break it to them personally. He would have to do that soon enough.

The stairwell lead to the main lobby on the ground floor, and the main door. The laundromat was the room on the left of Cain, while on his right was the toilet and gym. He left through the main door, and walked back to the fountain. He really did hope he wouldn't meet anyone, especially Dimas or one of his friends, on the way. The fountain had stopped pumping water as it usually did, and it's majesty was lost under the moonlight at midnight. The maze was especially hard to traverse, with the huge unilluminated patches due to lightbulbs broken in childish fight. Funny, that he called a fight childish, when he had been doing one a few hours ago. When Cain finally entered the fountain area, there was only one person there, with their back to him. Unfortunately, to the fact that Cain wanted to go unnoticed, this person could read people's emotions when they were close to him.

"Hello there," Kevin turned back, flashing a smile when he realised it was Cain. "Aren't you tempestuous right now?"

"What, you read that from me? This is unethical, Kevin." Cain sat down next to him.

"Not like I can just switch it off. Even though I really do want to sometimes. So, I suppose the cause of the uneasiness in ya is the acquisition of some, uhm, powers?"

"Sure, yeah. Becoming extremely powerful after being completely weak just a day ago is not exactly a feeling you get used to."

"Of course, of course. Though you seem to have adapted to the situation quick enough."

"What are you even talking about? I almost killed my superior when I got this damn gift? You call that adapted?"

"Well, I overheard something quite curious, and it does hint you know how to use your powers. Isn't it so very weird that Buzz and two of his friends admit into the infirmary with second degree burns, on the exact day you acquire a hand controlling flames? I find it extremely strange."

"Yes, very weird. But it would be even more strange to think I would be the cause of the issue."

"I never said anything like that. I just called the circumstances and coincidences curious."

"And what happens if I confirm any of your, hmm, propositions?"

"Nothing at all. I would just congratulate you on the victory, and advise you to keep more caution moving forward."

"I don't know, but being advised about caution by you doesn't sit right with me."

"Is that so?" Kevin ran his hand through the water in the fountain, "Tell me, how are Leron and Tevin?"

"Fine enough, both of them. Now, my chance to question, why are you here, Kevin? Shouldn't you be with Lara or something?"

"I can't be with a girl after midnight. Would be uncouth."

"You expect me to believe that, kid? What happened between you and Lara?"

"You know, sometimes I wonder if you have the emotion-interpreting gift too. I guess I can't wonder that anymore. And nothing happened between me and Lara. She is just pissed at me for reading her emotions without her permission. I think she sometimes forgets I don't have control over it."

"Ah, unfortunate. I'm sure it will be fine."

"It is fine."

"Sure, sure. So, when are you planning on sleeping?"

"I should as soon as possible, but I don't want to. As I know you are feeling happy right now, I'm going to say something mad insensitive."

"Go ahead."

"I have to assure you, I'm very happy you got your gift. But I'm also kind of sad. With you getting it, I'm officially the weakest in the group. You know, after saying that, I quickly I realise I shouldn't have."

"Probably shouldn't have," Cain tried to hide his dissatisfaction, "And I don't quite prefer the opinion that I was the weakest in the group, even if it is true. That being said, we aren't a group rooted in rankings and strength and other immature shit. And there is more than one way of being strong. You are strong in your own way, mate."

"Is that so? You still make a poor liar. I think I'm going to go sleep. I truly am angry at myself for feeling that, by the way."

"No problem, Kevin. I know you don't mean any actual offense. Good night."

"Good night. Sleep well. I hope Dimas has nightmares about you." Cain chuckled, as Kevin left him. Being alone, he was submerged back into thought. Yet again he was challenged on the idea if power was given to deserving it. Kevin surely deserved it, but he was weak in physical strength. Even if power is more than one kind, it is still true that people who were completely assholes (And didn't know the meaning of a word as simple as buzzkill), were given powers they didn't deserve. What even was the point of his wondering. Anyway, Cain was deflated that his close friend was saddened by the power acquisition. Even something as singularly positive a development as him finally gaining a power was fated to disappoint. Perhaps that never changed, whatever else changed. Perhaps it was an absolute. Amusing.

Just with that, Cain's mood darkened enough to make the resolution of going back to bed. But before he left, he decided it was about the right time for him to unlock a new Hand of his. The way to get all the hands is shrouded in mystery, but knowing that the fire Hand was controlled by anger, he could guess that the other hands would have some sort of emotion tied to them too. Knowing that, he decided that the next emotion to try out was quite obvious. Sadness was something he was building a dam against, and he never knew when the walls would break and it would all flow out. Getting the chance to benefit off of making a hole in the dam was an opportunity he couldn't leave behind. He ran his hand through the water of the fountain, letting the thoughts he had tried to block off flood him.

He reminded himself of every countless way people had ended up disappointed in him. Not like he had a scarcity of moments to choose from. He thought of how both his parents had left him, though using varying methods of departure. His friends were barely tolerating him, and even his successes only succeeded in making them feel even worse about him. He pondered on the fact that all he did when faced with adversity was act cranky like a child, or mope around like an over-sensitive teenager. He crumbled in the face of hardships and defeats, and couldn't linger in his successes long enough to make any sort of valuable difference. He was, in every sense of the world, utterly useless.

Cain found himself punching the water of the fountain in frustration, and was overly surprised to find himself drenching in water afterwards. When he looked up, he found a huge collection of water, floating against gravity, in the rough shape of a fist. He stood up, to get a better look on the water, shimmering in the moonlight like a hundred thousand jewels. It was quite a bit cool to the touch, left in the night breeze in autumn, and it washed over Cain's actual hand, as he passed it through the water. Whatever shape he made with his hands, the water Hand in the sky did the same, turning from a fist to a high-five to a thumbs-up in quick succession, sloshing and splashing the whole time.

It was only now that Cain had realised the state of the fountain. It was almost completely empty, all the water drained into the floating palm above it. An outside observer would proport that Cain's sadness had by now vanished completely into thin air, as a smile found itself gracing his face. The sight of the newest upgrade to his gift was quite welcome. Even then, the exhaustion finally caught up to him. It wasn't like the middle of the night was a great time to work with water, which wasn't exactly visible in the dark like fire was. The thought brought him to a newer proposition. Frank, or someone else, had said that the usage of two Hands in tandem was possible, albeit difficult. Having the fire Hand alongside the water Hand would both solve the visibility issue, and help with Cain's improvement. He immediately began trying to get both the Hands together, and just as immediately realised just how dumb the idea to do so was as of now. He could barely hold the water Hand together, and getting the fire one up was out of all realms of possibility.

Despite desperately wanting to persevere, Cain gave up soon enough, and just decided that doing everything together was way too exhausting. He had to just sleep now. It must have been an hour and a half past midnight by now, and he was still sitting around the fountain, with nary a care that he had classes today. Well, he didn't (it was a Sunday), but he needed an excuse to just give up and go to sleep. Having carried nothing with him, except the coat he was wearing, he began walking back to the dorm. He had walked halfway through the maze before he realised the water from the fountain was still hovering over him. Though leaving the fountain completely drained was quite an amusing prospect, he ran back to the centre to fill up the empty basin. Once done, and left with nothing ominously hovering above him, he resumed his walk to the dorm building. He somewhat missed the beauty of the water Hand in starlight, a clear mixture between equal parts of darkness and sparkle. He would probably have to find a way to have a water source near him wherever he went, however impossible that task sounded.

When he opened the door, Cain was surprised to find Leron propped up against the wall, clearly awake. "Why aren't you asleep?" Cain asked, keeping his coat on the study table.

"Oh, I wonder. Maybe cause someone decided to disturb me after I had finally gotten sleep in a long while." Leron sounded pissed, though he was still smiling almost knowingly, "Where were you for so long, Mr Introspector?"

"Met Kevin. He and Lara seem to have fought."

"When do they not?"

"Yeah, yeah. I also unlocked the water Hand." Cain climbed the ladder up to his bunk, and laid down.

"Ooh, good for you. I don't know if you know this, but lights have this thing called a switch, and someone needs to flip this switch off so that the people in the room can go to sleep."

"Imma flip you off, Leron. The light's near you anyway."

"Ughh, fine," The lights went off, "So, how is the water Hand like?"

"Somehow, beautiful. Breath-taking, to be exact. The fire Hand is chaos, while the water Hand is like a prism formed by ultimate stillness, a thousand diamonds bejewelling a single hand." Leron silently agreed, and they were both suspended in silence for a while after, until Cain broke it, "Leron, answer this truly, but what do you feel about all this?"

"About what, exactly?"

"Me getting these powers."

"Why, I am happy. What else would I be, numbskull?"

"I don't know. I don't know if the development would make you sad, angry or something like that."

"Why would it? I'm happy that your weak punk-ass can finally act up to people like Dimas."

Cain was taken aback by surprise, "Who told you?"

"I was there when Buzz came into the infirmary, idiot. And Kevin told me too. Also told me that you confirmed it."

"Damn Kevin. Ah well, are you gonna say anything about it to me?"

"Nothing at all. Just, be careful. Don't do dumb shit. I know you are going to, but just act like you are trying not to."

"Sure, sure." After another moment of silence, Cain resumed, "So, you aren't jealous of me getting strong?"

"I would kill myself if I was ever jealous of you, Cain."

"Of course. You know, I don't even doubt for a second that you are telling the truth."

"Good, as it should be. Now, let me sleep, shithead. You already ruined my sleep twice."

"Jeez, I'm just making conversation, but fine. Good night, sleeping beauty." Returned with a meek 'good night', Cain stopped pondering, finally. He didn't know if he had run out of things to wonder about, or he was just exhausted, but he really did want to sleep by now. Well, that was the case, until he realised that tomorrow he would probably have to talk to Dana, especially about the gift. And just like that, he began overthinking all over again.