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'The most painful goodbyes,

Are the ones that are never said

And never explained.'

- - -

It was six in the morning. I leaned back against the car seat, breathing in mother's favorite lavender scent one last time as dad rolled the windows up. Slowly we drove forward, out of the gate, away from the past and all its painful teachings. I gazed out the window at the scenery flitting by, not realizing when it all blurred and I drifted to sleep.

***

We were going somewhere. It hadn't been too long but mom and dad were acting like it was alright. Like what happened didn't happen. I knew why they were doing this, but it was hard to accept. But I had to try. For their sake, to lessen their burden, I had acted too. And so, I put a fake smile on my face.

I don't know when I started smiling for real, but that was the moment tragedy struck. That one smile of mine made mom turn back at us and flash a smile of her own, one filled with love and gratefulness, and dad to take his eyes off the road and gaze back for one second. One second, which quite literally flipped us upside down.

The next few minutes were a blur. I only saw headlights and then I was floating like we were in space. I could hear the sound of rain which had appeared out of nowhere, the sound of shattering glass, the sound of screams, and the silence that followed. But I was I shock, by the time I came to my senses, the car was a mangled mess.

Even though the dizziness I could make out that dad was pinned to his seat by the airbags and seatbelt. My brother and sister were hanging upside-down in their seats, both unconscious. I pulled myself up and dragged my soaking body towards mom. She had been flung out of her seat like me and lying on the side of the road. The closer I got, the more blood I saw.

"Mom", I said, my voice hoarse.

Mom opened her eyes slowly and gave me a pained smile.

"I will always love you, baby.", she whispered. "It wasnt..your...fault..be..fore. This..isnt..either."

"Hold on, mom.", I cried.

But, she didn't. She couldn't. Death was a release she accepted and I was the one who had to watch as the life drained out of her eyes.

***

I woke up with a jolt. These dreams weren't nightmares anymore, just painful memories. Wiping my tears with the back of my hand, I got out of the car and faced our new house. It was a modern two-storied house, sleeker and more polished than our old place, which had a cottage-like feel. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and turned my head sideways, my eyes meeting the forest green orbs of my twin brother, Killian.

"The moving vans are here.", he said.

"Start unloading. I'll be right there.", I told him and turned back towards the house.

He squeezed my shoulder and headed back to unload the boxes. Taking a deep breath, I strengthened my resolve, rolled my sleeves up, and put my hair up in a ponytail. I had survived a four-hour drive; a few new changes wouldn't kill me. Then, with those thoughts, I headed the same way to do my share of unloading.

***

Eight hours later, I collapsed onto the couch I had just moved. Sweat was running down my body in rivulets and I was half sunburned. My little sister Emily was nowhere to be seen but out in the front yard was the sight of Killian dousing himself with a bucket of water and shaking his head to get rid of the excess. It was nothing special, just my family dog drying himself as usual.

"I told you to wear sunscreen.", dad reprimanded me as he handed me a glass of orangeade.

Instead of replying, I gave him a small smile and gulped down my drink.

"I'm going to take a shower.", I said and headed upstairs to my new room which was as bare as a haunted house but I'd take care of that soon enough. I grabbed my towel and toiletries from the packing box and headed into the bathroom.

A long shower later, I emerged refreshed wearing cotton shorts and an oversized t-shirt. I left my towel to dry and headed downstairs for dinner, the smell of chicken wafting up the stairs fuelling my hunger. At dinner, dad informed the three of us about our new schools and filled us in about the necessary information required to adjust to a new place.

Apparently, the school I was about to attend – Oakcrest high – was built and funded by my grandfather. It was a school for the privileged which had scholarships for the not so privileged. And everyone knows what happens in such schools: the weak get bullied and powerful rule, worse than in normal high schools. And here I was thinking, my life was going to get boring.

With a 'goodnight' I headed up to my room and threw myself on the bed. The past, the present, and the future were all question marks in my head. I didn't know if I had something to look forward to in my life that was made of nightmares since that unfortunate day.

Staring at the ceiling, I never realized when my thoughts shut down and sleep took over.