1 Chapter 1
Blood.
Blood was everywhere.
Fire.
Everything was on fire.
"Mom!" A young boy with brown haired walked among the corpses and remains of the crashed plane. His vision was blurry and everything was tinted with red.
"Dad!" He ignored his parched throat and kept walking towards the clearing. His parents should be waiting, they should be waiting.
He continued onwards, the vision of his mother and father smiling warmly at him invaded his thoughts as he finally reached the end of the long plane, that's when he realized-
'Survive'
He needed to survive. Among the corpses and burning metal, his parents laid there and they no longer breathed therefore he must 'live'
He ignored the wound on his forehead, despite it coloring his vision red. The boy with hopeful live eyes was gone and now a survivor with determined yet empty eyes replaced them.
'Survive'
He ignored his dislocated shoulders that he had to aid as he walked.
'Survive'
He ignored his fractured toes that ached in numb pain as he stepped because he needed to-
'Survive'
He kept moving onwards until he noticed his surroundings change, no longer was he in a burning crash site, but rather a forest full of plants and trees. In front of him was a cave, dark but-
'It looks comfortable...I want to rest'
He shook his head, denying the thoughts of resting and walked past the cave. He needed to see people, civilization, somebody...in order to survive.
As he went past the cave, he also ignored a voice calling out to him. He wasn't going to fall prey to any tricks death might have for him, though that doesn't count a certain dimension jumping troll now do they?
"Oi, brat! Didn't your elders tell you to listen to someone when they're talking to you?" He raised an eyebrow, staring at the injured boy in front of him.
A man with white hair and beard stood before the boy, he had a black suit and white gloves accompanied by a grin, a grin so malicious the boy could only hope the 'thing' in front of him won't harm him.
"Oi, oi. Aren't you an interesting version? Those eyes are very similar to my other pastime" He placed a hand this chin and tapped his foot on the ground while thinking, soon he raised his finger and took a black a card holder from his pockets, it looked so solid that it seems nothing can ever destroy it.
"So, kid do you like heroes?" He grinned, his sharp fangs showing as he took nine different metal golden cards from it and held it out to the boy.
Contrary to his expectations though, the boy only stared at the man incredulously and tilted his head while asking.
"Will heroes help me survive?"
The vampire rolled his eyes and muttered something about 'failed prelude' or something.
The boy on the other hand stared at the cards, the first card had a man in an armor with a sword, it glowed before a figure appeared behind the vampire.
He wore a blue kimono with five different colored rings designing it, the figure was blurry but his most notable features were the two swords on each side of his hips.
The second card was a man with a spear or a polearm, it glowed as well before another figure appeared behind the vampire.
She had a long vibrant black hair and Eastern-Dragon themed Chinese armor. Her most notable feature was the dragon designed spear she had the had the aura of victory on it.
The third card glowed, a man with a bow before it glowed as well and a figure once more appeared behind the vampire.
A man with tan skin and hair white as snow reaching towards the floor, along with his loose gray kimono that showed his bare top naked body riddled with scares of many and varying proportions as his feature to remember.
The fourth to sixth card glowed at the same time, one had a man with a chariot, the other was a man in a robe with a staff, while the last card had a pale man with a skull mask while behind the vampire three figures appeared.
The first one had long wild blue hair and a clothing that was the mix of cloth and armor riddled with countless eye catching jewelries or treasures that had the aura of being 'divine' he held a thumbs up at the boy while smiling.
The second man was a white haired man with flower like styles and a robe that was unique as well, he had a wooden staff and the petals flowing from him was something to remember.
The third one was an extremely tall black 'being' who had the same skull mask as the one from the card. He had a sword planted to the ground with both his hands resting on the sword's hilt, the few bits of blue flame around him was his feature to remember.
The last card to glow was the seventh one with a man standing fearlessly with a ram helmet or he had the head of a beast, a figure appeared behind the vampire.
He was a tall man, with curly, long, warrior like black hair. He had African features and he had no clothes aside from the skirt shaped armor covering his hips slightly above the knees, his only white eyes were his most notable ones.
The eight card, unlike the previous ones didn't glow but instead lit ablaze as a figure appeared behind the vampire.
A woman with fox ears and nine tails wearing a long blue kimono with pink hair style into twintails, the floating mirror beside her along with the blue ball of flame on her hands were her stuff to remember, the boy swore he saw her wink at him despite him blurry vision.
The last eight card was the one where a woman held scales signifying some sort of balance, contrary to the usual glow or fire, a beam of light from high above the heaven came down and shine upon the card before another beam of light shone behind the vampire.
A man stood there, steel gray messy hair and goldish brown eyes, he had the garbs of a priest and a red coat or shroud with him. His most notable feature was the his uncanny resemblance to the Archer one.
"Hoh~ what a unique group this is~" The vampire looked behind him finally and scanned them before he held out his thumb pointing towards the kid before he faced him and bowed.
"The name's Zelretch and you lot say your piece to the kid already"
The nine different beings looked towards the boy and the first to talk was the man with swords one.
"Yo~ Grand Saber here! Survival is key, and you learned that at such a young age~ reminds me of mine when I was just a little bit older than you"
He smirked before he disappeared and merged with the first card.
"Grand Lancer. With me, you will learn to forever be victorious and survive and hurdle... you're a cute one ahuehuehue"
And then the second card took her away.
"Grand Archer. Don't be distorted, kid" He smiled lightly before crossing his arms and disappeared into the third card.
"Grand~ Rider~ I swear surviving nearly became my last name, good thing I was lucky sometimes...or a lot"
He smiled at the boy before he too disappeared to the fourth card.
"I'm Merlin, I don't really know why I was summoned considering how I don't share the same sentiment for survival as you...oh, wait I do! I remember now, so by the way, are you interested in becoming a her- hey wait!"
And the fifth card ate him away.
"Grand Assassin. Thy head is intact, thy death was denied, thou shall wall the boundary such as I"
He nodded his head and stared menacingly at the vampire before he too disappeared into the sixth card.
"Grand Berserker. The Lord allowed you to live longer just like me, do not waste it pray whenever you can because just like I was given strength, you were as well... although my own mission has long since ended"
He grunted before the the seventh card swallowed his too just like the others.
"Grand Avenger. I hate humans, they sullied me and gave crimes I NEVER DID, THEY DIDN'T LISTEN TO MY QUALMS AND UNTIL THE VERY END THEY CONDEMNE WITH NO PROOF! You won't be like that riGhT? Future Husband~"
She quickly came toward the boy and gave him a hug he couldn't feel before disappearing into the eight card.
"Grand Ruler. I agree with berserker, you must cherish the life God has gave you, and do not pay heed to the grumbles of a mad being of vengeance, humans might be sinful creatures but only the Lord can judge them truly, that is why I seek salvation for them and pray for them everyday, it is my duty as a saint and my wish for mankind"
He smiled amicably towards the boy before patting him the head and disappearing into the last ninth card.
"What a fun bunch, so then kid, tak- Kid?!"
The vampire had worry in his eyes for a moment before it disappeared and he smiled again, he took the kid and knelt beside before placing the card holder inside his pockets.
"Issei Hyoudou, what a very different version you are..."
He opened a portal and dropped the boy in front of an orphanage, soon he himself also disappeared into the dead of the night the only remaining proof that Issei had of that night was the cards he had on him.
And also memories of the godfuck trollcucksucker.
* [A few years later]
"OFFER THY HEAD"
He walked towards a man, shaking in fear while managing to crawl backwards and corner himself to the wall.
"Don't come near me! Monster! Help!"
He ignored the cries and pleas of the man and stood menacingly in front of the the pissing man.
"DOST THOU NAUGHT HEAR THE EVENING BELL?"
The man gulped, thinking that maybe the man was possible to be bribed.
"I-I have money! I have slaves! You can have them all just please l-let me live!"
He nodded. Making the man sparkle in hope but to only be shocked once more as he lifted him by the hair and pointed his sword to the man's neck.
"VERY WELL, THY SOUL IS CORRUPTED, THUS-"
He quickly swung his sword, decapitating the man as his body fell back to the ground.
"GIVE ME THY HEAD"
He continued walking out of the room, revealing a blood bath and mountain of decapitated corpses with the heads neatly lined on the side. He looked towards the watcher and nodded.
"BOY WHO WALKS THE BOUNDARY SUCH AS I, WHY DOST THOU ONLY WATCH?"
The watcher felt himself sweat but this wasn't anything uncommon for him, he was about to answer back with a question but he woke up instead.
"Aniki, wake up already! It's Six in the morning already, aren't you going to be late?"
A blonde girl was standing beside Issei's bed with her hands on her hips and a ladle, she currently wore the very noble looking uniform of Kuoh and her glasses the rested snuggly on top of her nose was a pleasant wash away for the heads he witnessed.
"Aoka, stop lying"
Issei groggily sat up and stretched while keeping an eye open looking at his sister...adopted sister.
Her breast that was hugged tightly by her uniform and the back pantyhose she wore that serves to give an outline and leave the imagination to wonder what's hidden in it.
Issei glanced up and silently gazed at the supple, soft looking lips of his sister that slight shone with the lip balm she had, her hime cut blonde hair that reached past her bottom and most importantly, her green eyes, not only was it a sign of them being of different parents but it was her trademark among the first years as well, emerald gems like eyes that when the glasses of hers were removed, she gains the title "Medusa of Kuoh" simply because she's too cute and beautiful that looking at her eyes petrify you.
"Stop lying?! Fuck you then you overgrown fungus! Screw you if you're late, I'm not talking to that shit face purple eyed copy cat again!"
Oh and she was a potty mouth privately, courtesy of Issei Hyoudou, the one mostly under the barrage of insults.
As the sound of the door slamming finally came, Issei absentmindedly blinked a few times and sighed before looking at his alarm clock.
"Looks like I offered thy head the damn thing, huh?"
He placed his feet at the floor and took a feel for the ground, having dreams of different memories was a weird feeling, sometimes he had to take a feel for being in Earth and just be human before he could finally go on with his day.
"Honestly, those cards are worth less than what they seemed, I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with them" Issei sighed a long one before going to the bathroom, after preparing his uniform and taking off his clothes to shower.
He finished all the important parts before finally donning the uniform of Kuoh, he didn't finish the buttons and left it open showing his red undershirt.
"Now I'm set, okay!"
He slapped his face and took the black card holder, stuffing it into his pockets before he went downstairs and saw that his sister has already gone to school, the breakfast in the table was still quite hot so he took his liberties and sat to eat slowly with a floating blue fire beside him.
...
His head looked towards the side like a man hit in the face with a baseball bat.
"What the?!"
The flamed tilted, as if it was the head and continued on to the other side of the table, Issei followed where it was heading until his sleepy eyes, for once, finally woke up.
"Ho-wha-wh-when?"
His jaw was wide open, the room was littered with blue fires and they went about like they're NORMAL.
Issei started hyperventilating and didn't touch his food and straight waltzed out of his house.
"What the hell!"
Only to be greeted with more blue fire floating around his neighborhood. He shook his head and closed his eyes in denial and ran towards Kuoh High.
'Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!'
When he finally saw the gates of the school, he grabbed the stone near the gate to propel himself and found the school to be devoid of the blue fire, he sighed in relief as a familiar voice called out, or rather about to chew out on him.
"Oh? Hyoudou-san, you're a little early today aren't you? Only 3 minutes late?"
He was about to make a snarky comment about fire and running but just as he turned around, they showed themselves, no, he saw them.
Gulp.
Bat like wings resting at her back. The wings of Devils aren't technically invisible nor is it just going inside their backs, the wings of a devil appears and disappears from existence, or more simply, they go out of the reality where normal humans reside and go into another until they are called for.
Here, Issei gains the vision of a being from the boundary, in other words Issei sees past the reality where humans see and whatever is above or below that, above being Gods, beings of the arcane and Divine and so on, below however are the dead and spirits who remained or reside in the world, this includes the wings of a devil and invisibility magic.
"F-Freak!"
Sona raised an eyebrow and snorted at Issei's words before crossing her arms.
"I've heard plenty of people call me names from behind, should I commend you for calling me right in the face?"
She glared at Issei, releasing a little bit of energy just to frighten and soothe her scratched pride.
"What the hell is going on! Freak's everywhere!"
Much to her shock, Issei went past her with obvious fear, and his eyes gazing right behind her out of reflex she glared at him and moved her wings a little to see if it was hidden.
"Oi? Hyoud- he's gone, Tsubaki keep an eye on him, he might've just awakened something..."
"Understood, president"
...
"Am I really just that ugly?"
*
Issei didn't attend class, no, he was in fear inside the gym warehouse, hugging his knees for whatever it's worth.
"What the heck, why? When? How?"
He gritted his teeth and slowly his breath got deeper and deeper until he started hyperventilating, his head had a drilling ache and his lungs started acting up again, a burning pain that he found himself feeling whenever he started being nervous.
"Aniki?"
He snapped his head to the side and saw his adopted sister walking towards the corner he hid himself on.
"Aniki! I know your there! Don't forget that you never won against me in hide and seek"
As she got closer, Issei gave up and lifted his head and stared at the blonde girl coming towards him. She eyed him, uniform drenched in sweat, hyperventilation, bleeding lips and some wounds on his forearm from gripping too hard.
"You look like a fucking dog who got kicked in the face" She cringed as she held out her tongue in disgust.
"Gee, thanks" Issei frowned, watching his sister kneel near him and start hugging his head and patting him.
'Warm'
Issei closed his eyes in comfort and slowly relaxed, remembering two brown haired individuals smiling at him and patting his while they held his hands, his voice laughing with no care in the world and finally...
'Survive'
His eyes opened in shock and he found himself laying down on something incredibly soft, compared to the slightly dim gym warehouse he was in a dark place, the only hints of light being a stained glass of different colors as the ceiling or whatever it was.
"Hubby! You finally came to visit m- us!" A fox eared girl shouted as she continued to pay Issei's head.
"Heh, she was just about to say 'me' didn't she?" A man with gray hair muttered while resting his hands in the sheaths of his four blades.
"Oh, cute boy, are you ready now?" A woman with dragon themed armor asked with a creepy smile in her face
"Thus, boy who walks the boundary, at last awoke thy power" An all familiar skill masked gramps said in while gripping the hilt of his sword a little tighter.
"Hm" The man with a tan skin and loose kimono said. (read snorted)
"Ah, it seems we are about to be finally used" The man who had an uncanny resemblance with another whispered as he kissed his cross.
"God bless the boy" The man with African features said as he clasped his arms together.
"Oh~ It's the young boy! Say, I was interrupted before, but do you want to be a her-"
"The world plays with dolphins?! Where was that when I was alive?!" The blue haired man excitedly started swinging both his arms upwards and downwards with sparkles in his eyes.
*
"So...you guys are the ones I keep dreaming of?"
"Indeed, though it's more of you interacting with our memories more than dreaming"
Issei gulped and stared at the eight others who were bound a some field of light, then he looked towards the Avenger who was beaming as she kept patting his head.
"So why are they in that thingy?"
"Because you haven't finished connected with us officially yet, consider the memories as downloading and now you just have to install it, until then we're here" Archer replied, still with the cool voice and uninterested look.
Issei nodded resolutely then glanced at the fox girl beside him, he inhaled and then screamed.
"AHHHHHHHH! I HAVE WEIRD FUCKING GHOSTS INSIDE MY BRAIN AND THEY'RE GIVING ME MEMORIES AND THEN THIS CUTE BUSTY FOX GIRL KEEPS CALLING ME HER HUSBAND WHILE I'M STILL AS UNDERAGED AS FUCK! ZELRETCH! FUCK YOU!"
"C-Cute?! Aww~ hubby, you sweet talking sugar~ I wuv yu" She pounced on Issei while rubbing her face to his face.
"No seriously, why aren't you like them?!"
"Because I'm Tamamo no Mae, the complete version"
She smiled wiggling her nine tails and then continued rubbing her face at Issei, said teen was about to make another pointless question so the weirdly caring tanned skin man answered properly for her.
"Compared to all of us, she's technically still a God, and one who excels exactly at stuff related to the spirit, in layman terms, she's a gamemaster acting like a player because she wants to be with her online husband"
"How do you even know that?"
Archer shrugged and continued on with his business, the one aside from minding others.
"So, how exactly can I...borrow your powers?"
Issei stood up and meekly asked while fixing the way he sat, he tried his best not to mind Avenger as she rubbed her entire face on him.
"That's really simple, we'll tell you when you get there. For now, try getting that damned Apostle to actually treat you seriously" Saber who was the most normal of them all finally said as he knocked at the force field stopping him from coming closer.
"Though, unlike the rest, I can definitely cut this, I'm just not in the mood to, especially not when it's just me and that fox, so do your best reach some sort of connection with everyone and free them, kay? Now then, I think you've spent your time in here now, the world's calling for you!"
Issei felt himself being sucked, like sticking yourself at a vacuum, he watched as his surroundings twisted and distort itself before all turned white and then with reality again.
*
"Ugh... clinic?"
The newly awoke looked around and saw his sister sleeping by his side, he smiled at her and returned the pats he received to her, which made her move a little and eventually wake up to Issei patting her head.
"Aniki... you're a fucking idiot. If you're having PTSD attacks then just go straight to the worthless room we call a clinic"
She raised her arms up in the air and stretching, her hugged breasts in full view for Issei who smirked a little before looking outside the window.
"Man, how many minutes was I sleeping?"
Aoko's face cringed, she shook her head and pointed at the visible clock just above the exit.
"5:47PM, you mean how many hours, oh and no I didn't skip class, I just went here to sleep after class"
'But, I wasn't in that place for even an hour...'
Issei perished the thought and saw his sister heading for the exit so he went out of the bed and followed after her. He was definitely going to look for the weird man responsible for everything this Sunday.
*
Or so he originally thought but now a very cute girl was asking him out on a date.
"U-Uh Amano-san? Aren't you probably mistaking me for someone else?"
"N-No! It's you Issei-kun. So we're going to have a date on Sunday right?"
The girl in pink asked, as she slowly held Issei's hands, he was about to reject her but in a scale of blue fire to cute girl, blue fire was first.
Gulp.
"I'll take that as a yes! See you on Sunday Issei-kun!" She let go of him and ran away quickly, like a shy girl who swallowed pills of courage and is now out of it.
The boy who was invited though, had something else in mind.
'Why is it just haunting me?! Why me?!'
And then he ran, faster than the air and closed his eyes, if he knew he wouldn't have asked her sister to go first out of fear that the blue fire was harmful.
Eventually, he got home and, well he forgot that his house was swarmed with them. Result?
"I'm ho- Hoooo- Hoooooo-"
Thud!
"Aniki?!"
*
Waking up to a familiar ceiling he removed the cold bags on top of his head and sat up, he sighed while looking around him. He sighed out of fear.
"Aniki? You're awake already? Cool, so care to tell me why you've been having shitty attacks lately? You're even worse than a person with anemia holy shit"
Aoko appeared out of the kitchen with her signature apron, one that was sewed specifically by Issei for her as a gift when they first started living together. It had a pinky peach color and the design was technically embarrassing for anyone that could've made it. 'I Love Onii-Chan★'
"That still fits you?"
"You made it extra super large like a retard, wishing that I use it till I reached my max size asshole"
Said asshole scratched the back of his head with a sheepish look, he quickly wished to kill himself of the past.
*
"Achoo!"
"Archer's sick!"
"That's his fault for basically being naked and even his clothes are half worn"
"You say that like you wear something?"
"My faith for Lord is my coat for any situation"
*
"So, you're telling me that you're hallucinating flames out of nowhere? And that skimpy copycat had bat wings? And then most importantly someone asked YOU out on a date?"
Gulp.
"Yes. To the dot"
Aoko stared at his brother for a good few seconds before sighing and continued putting rice on her mouth.
"I don't really care 'bout the shitfest you're seeing but, see. YOU DON'T JUST ACCEPT A DATE FROM SOMEONE LIKE THAT"
A dark aura started seeping out of her that made Issei flinch and subconsciously tighten himself, looking more like a meek nerd than anything.
"Honestly. When did you become such a wimp? You're like a fucking turtle worm chimera personality wise"
"How does that work?"
"You're as worthless as a worm, as shy and meek as a turtle, and a abomination to top it off. Personality wise, of course" Aoko replied in a stern tone while placing down her bowl and chopsticks.
"Now then, Aniki. Who. Is. The. Girl?"
"S-someone named Yuu...uh, something Amano? Yuuma Amano!"
"Very well, Aniki. You're not coming to that date"
...
"Huh?"
"The name sounds fake, stupid, shitty, it reeks of filth like a crow"
Issei stared at his sister like she grew 4 more arms...maybe she did?
"But-"
"No buts or I'll kick yours till kingdom come, got it shitlord?"
Her tone was final, she stood up and went to her room, slamming the door with a loud bang.
"She probably knows the girl...I guess that explains why she knew my name when she asked me out"
*
"Hey this blondie, how do you like it when we pull your hair huh?"
"Let go! Bullies! Don't touch my hair! Dad gave it to me!"
"Is your dad gay?! Hahahaha! No way!"
The group of kids kept pulling her hair, some even took out scissors and pretended to cut it. This continued for a few minutes until a truly smart kid did cut it, and not just a bit, he cut it so much the girl's hair became lopsided, one side was long while the other was short.
"You! No!"
"Ah, crap? My hand slipped"
The girl was so angry that she charged at the boy ignoring the scissors and punched him. She mounted him and kept punching his face until the other boys pulled her away and some smart kid decided that cutting more of her was going to fix everything.
Chaos ensued.
5 boys fighting against a girl with blonde hair styled really weirdly. Naturally, the boys beat her and not lightly either causing her to have bruised and even cuts in her face while the boys continued to kick the girl who fell down already.
"Mom...Dad"
She hugged her hair that was cut and continued to brace herself from the kicks when, tears were about to fall but held it in because-
'Aoko... if you don't cry a knight won't come for you, do you want that?'
'But, I don't want a knight! I want my savior to be just like you dad!'
'Just like me? What's so special about me? Hahaha!'
'You're...'
...
Suddenly she felt no more pain assaulting her so she opened her eyes and saw something that was forever going to be remembered by her.
A young boy slightly older than her, holding two sticks half his size as he skillfully beat up the bullies, the girl had sparkles on her eyes as she watched the boy duck, weave, counter like-
'A hero!'
She watched in awe and she sat still as the bullied each left one by one until only the boy was left in the field, his eyes were empty but they were determined. Like a fire calmly, but surely lighting up the darkness.
"Are you okay?- Or not"
The boy came close to her and knelt down, touching parts of her face and scanning her body before he sighed and picked up the hair in the ground.
"Bad kids like those exists everywhere, you're that silent girl from the orphanage right?"
She shyly nodded and the boy smiled while offering her a hand, it was small and not too obvious, but it felt like the most important thing the girl has seen before she took the boy's hand and let herself be saved by her 'hero'
*
Opening her eyes, Aoko saw her room littered with nothing but pictures of Issei, her brother was stupid, retarded, meek, a nerd and most importantly he was her hero. So what would she do when her brother was being targeted by fallen angels? Then it was her turn to protect him, walking towards her window she picked up her broom with a person to squeeze out favors from.
*
"Look here, I would help you out of responsibilities but to protect your brother aren't you plenty enough yourself?"
A blonde haired man with blue eyes and a face extremely similar to a certain girl was pinching the bridge of his nose while looking at said girl.
"Look here you faggot with a maid fetish, I helped you escape back then and now you're helping me keep my stupid retarded turtle brother safe from those filthy shitty crows"
"Onii-chan, maybe we should do it, it'ss two bir- crows with one stone"
"You did not just make a pun"
"I'll make more punny puns until you decide to agree with our cousin!"
A weird sight that can cause migraine played out. Three identical looking individuals all stood near each other, a male with glasses, a girl with glasses, a girl with blonde hair, another girl with blonde hair, blue eyes, blue eyes, oh wait the other one has emerald eyes... the banter between the three relatives lasted for about a good hour before they agreed on something.
"Fine! Le Fay will help you watch over your brother! While you will help me spy on the devils of your school, is this fine for you?"
"I Aoko Hyou-ah fuck, Pendragon agree with the specifics of the stupid deal" Aoko said while having a palm to her chest
"I Le Fay Pendragon agree with the specifics of the deal" Le Fay said copying Aoko with the action.
"I Arthur...ugh Pendragon agree with the specifics of the deal" Arthur followed suite, albeit hesitantly
"That wasn't that hard was it? Maid fetishist heir of the almighty Penlizards"
"Say that in front of the politicking bunch"
*
"Koneko are you absolutely sure that a fallen has contacted that 2nd year and that you smell a dragon from him?"
"Yes, buchou, it was feint but he truly had the smell of a dragon"
"Then, I want you to follow him this Sunday and give him one of our tickets, if push comes to shove...help him directly"
With that another party is set to follow Issei around on his date.
*
A familiar shitty vampire was silently sitting on his weird ass mother fucking useless couch.
"I can hear that"
Ah fuck, doesn't matter, I don't even like this job, especially not when a fucking asshole just shoved me into the role. Fuck you and Alaya.
"Maybe I should pay that interesting version a visit"
With that, the gears have started turning and a fucking troll is about to meet with his latest victim.
"He's not a victim"
You're a Vixen.
* [Two days later]
A brown haired boy was silently looking at himself in the mirror, he checked everything from shirt to even the hair on his balls...you never know.
"Okay, I'm ready!"
He went downstairs calmly while talking deep breaths and checked his wallet before going to the exit. Also, he tried his best to ignore the blue fire everywhere and started treating them like how you treat a lizard. It's just there...
"Aoko, I'm going out!" He shouted while putting on his shoes.
"Fuck you! Eat a dick! Break a leg! Literally!"
"Goodbye too, see you later"
...
The two met at their promised meet up place and exchanged numbers before continuing on with their date. Unaware that a witch, a cat, and a vampire was silently following the two soon to fight couple.
*
As the evening came and the sun set, the duo arrived back at the fountain they met up on and had a certain understanding between them, well, the other one had a different understanding though.
"That was a really fun date. Say, Issei-kun, can I ask of you something?" Yuuma with a coquettishly tone said, while slowly closing the distance between the two.
"U-Uh...sure, Yuuma-chan"
"Can you die for me?"
Gulp.
"I think I misheard you a bit, can you please repeat that?"
She leaned closer and whispered.
"Can. You. Please. Die. For. Me.~"
And that was the cue before she transformed right in front of his showcasing her wings. The watchers, kitty and witchy, were about to pounce on and attack but they found themselves unable to move, courtesy of a certain bitch troll who thought it was cool to have every introduction start with that fountain scene, fuck him, fuck this job, fuck Alaya, fuck the entire multiverse, fuck Kaleidoscope.
...
"W-Why? Yuuma-chan? Why are you doing this?"
The now nudist Raynare made a thinking pose before creating a spear of light and pointing it towards Issei.
"Well, you're dangerous and you're a lowlife cockroach, I can't understand why Azazel-sama even wants you alive, you're more of a threat than anything"
Issei's face slowly darkened as his bangs covered his entire face. He was in a state of nothingness, empty, the budding feeling of trauma back when he 'survived' returned and his body shouted, screamed, begged for him to live but his heart did not. She was her first thought of love, she was sweet and he thought they might be somehow actually a plausible couple.
"So please die"
Her words were like a trigger and the spear shot out but before it could even leave her hands, Issei's surroundings changed back into a black world. The only thing present was a gigantic door, along with a gigantic statue of the Saber card leaning towards it.
"W-What the?"
As he finally gained awareness, he saw that it wasn't only one door but there was a total of nine, each with their respective classes of Lancer, Archer, Rider, Assassin, Caster, Berserker, Avenger, Ruler.
"Yo! Kid! You're finally on the roll call eh? Finally, so since I'm now free, I'm assuming it's me?"
In front of him was no doubt Saber, a man with gray hair and...an extremely beautiful face, his eyelashes was long and gray as well, in fact he wouldn't bat an eye if he was a she but he clearly was a he, on a closer look his eyes weren't really slits as he told him. He just purposely closed them and now the eyes the greeted him was beautiful golden eyes.
"Oi, oi, you're not turning gay are you?"
"N-No"
"Cool, so, let's go!"
"Go where? I'm dead aren't I?"
"...Oh my God. You're actually telling me to explain to you what just happened?"
Issei pursed his lips and nodded determinedly, Saber sighed at this and say cross-legged at the ground before Issei followed suite.
"What do you want to know?"
"Why are you the one chosen for me as a Saber?"
"Woah, that's deep. Well, to be a Grand Saber, we basically gotta meet the qualifications"
"What are those? Do you need to be good at swords?"
"Not necessarily, well actually yes but not good as in just good, Grand Servants are summoned by the world herself to take care of some mutts gone wild, Zelretch trolled the shit out of Alaya and dragged us here where there IS a beast as well, though we aren't servants but class cards instead"
Issei visibly gulped and slowly nodded, taking the informa like a sponge and water.
"And the qualifications are, the skills Instinct at such a high level that we can fight while in a coma, Eye of the Mind (True) at a level that even if our chance of winning is 0.000000000001% we will win, Eternal Arms Mastery to the point that we beat other Sabers 10 out of 10 in pure swordmanship, fame to be known throughout the world AS a Saber, meaning if you are knows throughout the world as a user of the spear despite having the qualifications for Grand Saber, you still wouldn't be one and most importantly-!..."
...
"Don't add suspense!"
"I'm sorry, it rubbed off me. Anyways, the last is to be as good with the sword that the concept of cut is applicable to beings without it"
"I don't understand?"
"Concepts are the effect, if you're an immortal you don't have the concept of death, if you're a metal that has never been scratched no matter what then the concept of cut isn't present. Grand Sabers can add the concept of cut to anything, now anything else?"
"Concept of cut...who are you?"
Saber grinned, like a child who heard his parents are taking him to watch a super hero movie. He stood up and unsheathed two of the blades he has in his left hips before making a stance, a stance that anyone claiming themselves as Japanese or an Otaku would know.
"Shinmen Takezo no Kami Fujiwara Harunobu or Shinmen Takezo of the God Wisteria Field Spring Section! Or most known as-!..."
Gulp.
""Miyamoto Musashi!""
The two said in the same exact time, this earned the attention of several others who came to see, including a fuming Lancer who started muttering something about swords being inferior spears.
"I-I-I have a legendary swordsman as m-my...can I have an autograph?!"
The sounds of a Lancer's Heart could be heard breaking at this moment.
"Oh? Are you a fan, boy?"
Issei nodded his head like a chicken pecking the ground.
"Not really as much now, but when I was a kid I used to practice niten ichi-ryu from a dojo near my previous orphanage"
Saber's face had an 'oh so that's why' expression before he took out his a card, exactly like the Saber card Issei has.
"Here, just say the word, Include Saber and you'll feel like your great idol, ohohoho~ (read as: Suck it Lancer, this kid's my fan)
But Issei's previous joyous face disappeared when he remembered why exactly he was here, he could feel sweat appear from his temple and his lips pursed as he gripped the card tighter.
"Oh kid? Something wrong?"
"Can't...you do it for me? To fight I mean, like I summon you and you fight..."
Only to be met with a fist to the top of his head.
"Idiot, the point of the cards is to help you fight, after all the joy in fighting is fighting in itself, that's also the reason I won't understand colloseums, if you like to fight, do it yourself understood, kid?"
"B-But...I can't hurt Yuuma-chan, even if she wants to kill me, I can't..."
Musashi slowly knelt down and placed and arm to the shoulders of Issei.
"Survive, Issei"
And just like that, something deeper inside Issei reopened, the memories of a few years ago, the death of his parents, the thrill of survival, yes, he wanted to survive more than anything else.
Slowly, the lively, yet fearful eyes of Issei disappeared and ⟨I S S E I⟩ replaced him.
*
Back to his reality, Issei's eyes became empty the moment the spear flew out of Raynare's hand and from his pocket he took a card, along with a roll to the side, successfully dodging a spear of light that made the ground he stood on before crumble in to pieces, well a bit of them.
"Tsk, stop wasting time human. Cockroach with the powers to kill a God? Impossible and completely blasphemous, now be a good 'boyfriend' and die" A snarl formed in her face as she created another spear of light only to be replied with an empty yet determined voice from Issei.
"Install Grand Saber"
Raynare and the others watching felt a shiver run down their spines as ⟨I S S E I⟩'s eyes changed from brown to gold, and his brown mullet hair shortened to turn into a gray bishounen hair do, his shirt changed into a black kimono with 5 different colored rings as designs and his shoes turned into a pure black geta with red straps. Fours swords appeared, two in each side of his hips, one was long while the other was a smaller blade, each of the blades emitted an aura similar to a cursed sword that could slay Gods.
"No fear, no hesitation, no surprise, no doubt"
While the fallen angels was stuck in shock of what she just witnessed, ⟨I S S E I⟩ took the chance to draw his swords and charge forward but Raynare was still able to fly away in time and escape death momentarily.
"Although he has the Grand Saber's power, currently his state of assimilation is only at 53% further experience is needed to reach 100%" ⟨I S S E I⟩ said to no one in particular.
"Fucking lowlife cockroach! Making me run? Who do you think you are?!"
Raynare created 2 spears of light and hurled them towards ⟨I S S E I⟩, which he dodge with minimal movement, his golden eyes piercing the darkness the evening introduced as he jumped high to the air in an attempt to do a double diagonal slash at the flying woman.
"Tck! It doesn't matter if you're fast the air is a domain no human will ever reign on! That's why you trashes are worthless!"
She increased her height off the ground and the cycles of dodges continued, from the eyes of the inexperienced ⟨I S S E I⟩ was in trouble but-
"He won..."
Donhaseek who was watching silently behind the scenes rushed to save his companion quickly but the moment he arrived he was already late.
⟨I S S E I⟩ other than dodging slowly manipulated the terrain and made several dodges to the fountain and made sure to splash, his aim was to wet the fallen's wings, it didn't matter if she fell or dried it quickly simply because a moment of distraction against the world's strongest saber was simply the same as pushing your head towards a guillotine.
"Wha-" Raynare shifted in weight when her wings suddenly became soggier, taking this chance ⟨I S S E I⟩ readied his stance, the height advantage was present thus his only choice was to do what sabers were known for.
Beam attacks.
But it wasn't just an ordinary beam attack, make it two beam attacks with the fifth form, but not just two beam attacks with the fifth form make it a beam attack from a cursed sword the slays Gods and Demons Myoujingiri Muramasa but then, add the state of nothingness to the beam slash...but then what if this Nothingness Double Beam Slash of the Fifth Form from Myoujingiri Muramasa was further improved by an Empyrean Eye (True)...
Goodbye Raynare.
"⟨I S S E I⟩ has reached 69% Assimilation. With the minimal available power, he will perform an attack named [Empyrean Nothingness Dual Beam Slash of the Fifth Form from Myoujingiri Muramasa]"
With the the two sword of large and small behind him, his eyes sent signals throughout the entire universe, timeline, dimension, and parallel worlds, to the point the the glow of Kaleidoscope appeared momentarily. Ominous purple flames emitted from the two swords, the eyes cancelled each and every present and future, that contains anything but the strike ⟨I S S E I⟩ wanted, his swords created from the forge of Muramasa showed their splendor while the nothingness and fifth form firmly added the concept of cut into the very atoms that built Raynare. This wasn't just a slash, this was cut in it's purest form granted by the Grand Saber Miyamoto Musashi in Japan.
Countless honed strikes and many duels official and not, experience from countless voyages and fights. A strike formed not because of the sword, not because of the technique, not because of the style, but a slash created from the experience of a man.
This was a strike of perfection.
And the only thing Raynare saw was the entire reality blacking out, darker than the evening as purple flames cut through her at a single moment of distraction causes by her blunder of nearing the fountain.
Truly "You win battles with the timing in the Void born of the timing of cunning by knowing the enemies' timing, and thus using a timing which the enemy does not expect"
In a flash. It was over.
"Uninstall, ⟨I S S E I⟩ through the cutting of different versions of the many different possible scenario, thus cancellation of the butterfly effect, has reached 101% Assimilation of the Grand Saber's Saint Graph. Include has been unlocked, Install function has been locked due to the high bonding experience between Miyamoto Musashi and Issei Hyoudou, the two are now counted as a single being thus Include now borrows the power Issei Hyoudou can successfully take, current power limit: in summary, all stats are reduced by 2 ranks, all skills reduced by a rank"
Slowly, the empty eyes of Issei disappeared and his previous live eyes blinked twice before he realized what happened.
"ZELRETCH! I BLAME YOU!" He screamed while pulling his hair apart, along with his sneaky tip toe act as he tried his best to escape the scene of...well, a terrorist attack, right? Yes it was a terrorist attacks.
As soon as both Koneko and Le Fay had the ability to move returned from them, Koneko the stronger willed of the two and is actually Japanese easily retreated, one to report and two to get the fuck out of this fuckfest she just saw and three fuck Issei Hyoudou, not literally.
Le Fay on the other hand, was not Japanese so for the most part, she got scared shitless but pissful and the less part, she better fucking say something to her brother and keep this a secret from her lost sister. After all, what sort of adopted brother slashes and completely removed from existence a fallen angel? A being abandoned by God but still created by he himself as well, the only possible conclusion was either God wasn't truly omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent as he was made out to be, Or-
God was not there. (DxD Fans know the answer)
Thus with no answer, Le Fay Pendragon moved to hit the shower first. No way was her brother seeing her wet with piss while scared shitless, on the bright side...
"At least he's safe, right? The deal was upheld right? We didn't even need to guard him if he's that...much of a freak right?!" She said to particularly no one, she brought the sudden immobility to being fear, instead of an actual individual stopping them. The girl has got to save her ego somehow, okay?
Donhaseek, was...well...you Don Ha to Seek him...blame Zelretch.
*
Issei Hyoudou was currently in front of his house, he checked himself thrice in order to make sure that there was nothing different from him and after ten more checks he was indeed normal.
"I'm home!"
Thud, Thud, Thud!
A wild Aoko (Worried) appeared.
[Attack]
[Skill] <--
[Item]
[Run]
[Skill] - [Hug] [Kiss] [Pat] <-- [Bed]
[Issei Hyoudou used Pat!]
"Why do you look so worried nothing happened (nothingness did), it was date but we didn't just hit it off...hehehe" Issei said while watching a pouting Aoko accept his pats with no defense.
[It was super effective]
"...Turtle shitlord with no life...what do you mean nothing happened?"
Issei raised an eyebrow and shrugged, he knew this might be a probe but jokes on Aoko he has practiced what to say for a total of 100 times! Taking a lesson from Musashi himself.
"...Look at the mirror then tell me the same thing"
...
"Oh boy"
His eyes were still golden, the Empyrean Eye (True) did not disappear.
"Aliens I tell you! Fucking Aliens! What right do they have to just change people's eye color like that! Sheesh, they should take a page from your club and respect other people's eye no matter how ugly or beautiful right?"
He didn't rehearse this.
"Uhuh. Now what alien did this to you?"
"The Empyrean Aliens"
"And what does this Empyrean Aliens do?"
"They remove any other future, present and now the past plausible actions in order to get a single sure conclusion, it's in the area of near omniscience and with a little bit of Quantum Theo-"
"You're grounded from dating anyone and porn for 6 months"
A slight twitch came from Issei's mouth, yes he was fine with the first half but the second?
"I agree with the first and disagree with the second! Aliens have nothing to do with porn!"
"Did you know wanking your small dragon too much can cause jaundice? And one of it's symptoms is yellowish eyes"
"That doesn't even make any sen-...ok, I didn't either. Point taken"
Aoko smiled and allowed Issei to continue on with his business without asking too much, she knew what to say and what to no say. She also knew that Issei couldn't lie to her and when he lied, so if he was doing his best to...
"He... didn't lie? Wait?! Aliens really abducted him or did my turtle shut-in useless retarded worm like brother finally learn to lie for the world's sake?!"
Remember people, white lies are true and false. So if you have a magical bimbo machine that analyzes lies from truth, you're somehow gonna blow it up. Cool thing to remember just cause you never know when Zelretch will decided to go to your side of reality and place you this world, blame Zelretch.
*
Issei sighed and laid down on his bed, waiting for either sleep or Aoko to call him down for dinner. He went back and tried to remember everything that transpired today, from his quick first love to his near death and his trance like stare along with his final strike, he remembered clearly unlike any other trance like states he knows of in mangas and the like.
"Reminds me..."
Issei took a piece of crumbled paper, specifically the note both he and Raynare exchanged while in the cafe. He was filled with anger but at the same time it wasn't against Raynare but something else.
He was angry but he didn't know to who or why, he was angry but there was nothing to be angry of so he took the paper and focused his attention for it to shoot "land inside the trashcan" before he threw it to the window, the window then slightly opened making the sudden night breeze flow and bring the crumpled paper to the table, rolling and rolling before a vibration caused by Aoko playing something in the spear while forgetting to turn down the volume she probably used while he was gone, it reached all the way to his room and to the table making it shake a few times dropping and pencil that rolled all the way to the crumpled paper and pushing it to the edge and thus the conclusion "land inside the trashcan" has been achieved through one sure method by eliminating all other future, present and past conclusions regardless of what the starting point was.
"This eye is truly heavenly"
And several other ways to use it appeared on Issei's mine. One being, would he be able to somehow hack into his neighbor's password just by guessing?
...
Yes, yes he could. After he ate his dinner he finally felt the grips of slumber reach him form the depths of his soul. In all actuality it was just Avenger greedily hogging Issei as he came.
"Husband! You're back again, I'm sorry I missed your visit with Saber~ but I guess it's fine since it's just Saber..."
"I heard that, fox"
Issei who was busy admiring his newly found wife, snapped his head to the side and saw a Musashi sitting on a stool and painting, he quickly released himself from the grasps of the fox and quickly ran towards Musashi, much to everyone's gay thoughts..
"MUSASHI!" He screamed with tears tempting to burst out of his eyes.
"ISSEI?!" Musashi shouted back, with tears coming form his eyes.
"MUSASHI!" Sparkles are now present.
"ISSEI" Sparkles add ons.
"MUSASHI!~" Rainbows.
"ISSEI~!" Rainbows too.
...
A then he kicked said teen in the face with his Geta, it was a metal Geta by the way, Musashi was rather obsessed with walking and the way.
"Why'd you kick me for?!"
"I'm not gay, kid"
"Neither am I! If you think one is gay for you then chances are you're gay as well!"
"..."
"He got em' good" Rider snarkily replied added.
"Shut up Rider"
"Oh by the way, I have to ask something" Issei stood up rubbing his nose and waited as everyone's attention was on him.
"You see, is it bad if... perhaps I reach 101% bond with a heroic spirit?"
...
"Come again?" Musashi asked with sweat drops forming from his forehead.
"I kinda reached 101% assimilation or something with you, is that bad?"
"I told you he was gay"
And so, they said that the Saber gate never opened since then. Avenger now has complete control of the flow of Issei in the class card realm, everyone one is happy, yes everyone is happy at the expense of another's pride. Musashi didn't dare call himself straight after that day, on that note. Reaching 101% bond with a heroic spirit in a class card meant that the spirit was truly fond of you and allowed himself to literally be one with your soul as you are in the state of assimilation. Dummy words: Your souls fucked and you had enough attraction with each other to allow it to finish. Thus most 101% Bonds are from a female heroic spirit with a male user or vice versa, now you understand why that was gay as heck right?
Though, you can blame Zelretch. He created the damn thing after all.
*
And the next day he found himself at the other side of another freak...with bat wings. How he exactly got to this situation? Well...
When Issei finished crying himself in Avenger's lap after finding out the truth about 101% a number he now bears hatred against. He found himself refreshed and awake in a new day, and his sister about to kick him in the face.
"Aniki, huh. Sadly I didn't get to kick your ugly mutt this time..." She mumbled the last bits before exiting out of the room and after a few seconds...
Thud.
And then she's out.
Issei's day remained the same as ever, blue traumatizing fire floating everywhere so ignore them like lizards. A terrorist attack at the plaza... What a bunch of hooligans, amirite?
Breakfast that he didn't get to finish because the flame was way too close, him rushing towards the exit with his eyes closed because blue fires don't seem to want him to get out of his own house, and as he reached the streets, he sees a blonde girl similar to her sister but very different size wise, being followed by countless blue fire...
'Wait, that's not part of my daily life...'
And so he tried his best to ignore her, if he found out something this past days, it's that the fire was relatively harmless.
Unless of course, if you're Issei Hyoudou with Pyrophobia and being in close proximity with fire being the trigger for PTSD attacks of his parents death. You're not? Good.
And so he managed to return back to the route of normality in his daily life as the gates of Kuoh High was now in his sights...until a white blur kidnapped him...jolly.
*
"Who are you really?"
A red haired girl asked the sitting Issei who was meekly looking down at the floor in all attempts to preserve his dignity as a male in a room filled with the best of Kuoh.
"I'm Hyoudou Issei, 2nd year at Kuoh High, the phantom third pervert of the famous perverted duo of Kuoh High. Also, adoptive brother of Aoko Hyoudou"
"You might've forgot adding 'being a legend level swordsman based on Miyamoto Musashi' to that"
A certain Sona Sitri snarkily replied while glaring at the man who once called her freak, or actually just the other day.
Rias on the other hand was ready shove to her last knight evil piece into Issei's lungs and make sure he died because of it, just so she could get a knight similar to her brother's Souji Okita. If Koneko's reports were true anyways...but seeing the 'terrorist attack' from the news, she could only hope.
"I-I... I'm not anybody like that..."
And just as he was about to call himself useless, pretty boy maximus came to the rescue...or not.
"I challenge you to a sword duel"
*
And you see that's the situation right now.
"Draw your swords Hyoudou-kun"
The pretty boy who's image seem to overlapse with another certain saber inside him, mainly looks wise and let's hope not the 101% part, was now creating swords out of thin air.
"B-But, I can't fight..."
"A sword user who can cause a 'terrorist attack' not know how to fight? Are you calling all others below you worthless then?" Kiba Yuuto, the knight of Rias and the prince of Kuoh High said in provocation.
And so without further ado, Kiba moved quickly in fact that Issei couldn't see anything but more blondes...err I mean blurs that suddenly appeared in front of his aiming for a vertical slash.
Now, now, come here people. Why is Kiba fighting with the intent of not simply sparring? One, its a duel, two it's a duel, three if he died you get to revive him, four it's a duel and lastly he insulted his pride as a swordsman in that order.
So, dodging the slash somehow, Issei was now stuck at a impasse, he can fight and fuck it all up or he could not fight and still fuck it all up.
'Choosing the lesser of the two impasse...'
Issei disappeared once more, and came back out good ol' ⟨I S S E I⟩ with his empty determined eyes, also this caused Koneko who was in the vicinity when the previous terrorist appeared, to simply kneel down in terror. Because a terrorist attacked there right?
Kiba halted his attack, yes he might've had the intent to kill but didn't embody the intent to kill an enemy who was not ready, nor did he embody the intent of dying carelessly, though in this case if ⟨I S S E I⟩ wanted to, Kiba can die to carelessness, or at least Kiba would think so but he was just manipulated so thoroughly that he could call it carelessness.
"Include Grand Saber" An empty voice full of power resounded throughout the back side of the old building, same chill as the one from the terrorist attack.
Yet again, two sword appeared on each side of Issei's hips, minus the Musashi get up.
Yoohoo! Lesson time, what's the difference between Include and Install? Include is literally including but only the weapon, while Install is literally installing the entire servant into you, get up and all. But, you see blame Zelretch, because for some weird reason, 101% bond allows for Include to include even the skills and stats like on Install state albeit nerfed a bit, just like Install, minus the get up still. So in this case, ⟨I S S E I⟩ who for reasons unknown, can literally merge with a Grand Servants to the soul, is allowed to not only retain a specific part of the servant like Empyrean Eye, but also to be a literally nerfed Shinmen Takezo no Kami Fujiwara Harunobu.
Back to the fight.
"No fear, no hesitation, no surprise, no doubt"
As the state of nothingness is tapped into by ⟨I S S E I⟩, he readies himself into a stance from the niten ichi-ryu style. And prepares to have a clash with Kiba, they exchanger a few slashes but only three takes, ⟨I S S E I⟩ has already grasped Kiba's style and everything, such was the Eye of the Mind (True) that even if nerfed is still a stupid skill along with Instinct.
Kiba was now dancing in the palm of the evil ⟨I S S E I⟩ and Koneko realized this so he tried to tell her comrade but it was too late, after all Empyrean Eye won't allow anything to interfere with what it has already dictated.
'The terrain was one with dirt with the consistency of sand and trees, the enemy's style was unpolished thus immature, ⟨I S S E I⟩ has found the way to victory, Empyrean Eye dictates "To hit Kiba regardless of the hazard" commencing'
⟨I S S E I⟩ continued using a tandem of speed and disengage to lure Kiba into a spot in the ground where the footing was slightly lower, and after the block, ⟨I S S E I⟩ successfully drags Kiba into a lower ground while he skillfully threw one of his extra swords up in the air, a swordsman is rarely distracted but when the notion of throwing ones weapon to fight is introduced, people will be distracted, even if it's just a fraction of second, ⟨I S S E I⟩ took advantage of that and kicked up and large amount of dirt smoke, obstructing vision, the devil might see in the dark but they don't see last solid materials because night vision isn't X-ray.
And just with that Kiba lost.
When the dust cleared everyone was in awe, they didn't get to see any terrorist attack but they did get to see a swordsman who manipulated the entire fight to his own beat. A truly magnificent display of skill and wit, and the one at the receiving end was Yuuto Kiba with the quest of vengeance.
"I...Yield"
Emptiness disappeared and the usual Issei came back, and then he quickly backed away.
"Uninclude"
The swords disappeared...
[Rias will remember that...] (Telltale Games? Anyone?)
And just as everyone was about to praise Issei and comfort Kiba, Issei was nowhere to be found, in a blink of an eye, such was special ability inherent to the Hyoudou family.
To disappear without a trace like Mr and Mrs did...
Or your dad for that matter after he went out it buy some milk.
Or your porn collection whenever your mom cleans the room.
*
"This is bad..."
And for the last time.
If a vampire wearing a suit with the all familiar white hair and white beard coupled with the toothy malicious grin kidnaps you.
"Blame Zelretch, okay why am I here?"
"Weren't you looking for me?"
Issei gave a cold glare to the vampire before snorting. He couldn't really care less because the vampire wasn't actually going to answer him properly, no?
"I promise, I'll be slightly serious this time"
"Slightly?"
"Yes, at least I am serious right?"
Issei gave up and sighed, he fixed the way he sat and placed both him palms to the knees, first important question was none other than-
Where do babies come fro- "Why me?"
"You see Issei, when mommy loves daddy very-"
...
"Because I felt like it, happy now brat?"
"You chose me to hold...hold this power because you felt like it?!"
Zelretch raised an eyebrow and only laughed before waving his hands at Issei.
"Regardless of what I would've done, you would unlock power one way or the other"
He wasn't lying.
"What do you mean?"
...
...
"Would somebody just remove the concept of suspense for God's sake!"
"Boosted Gear"
"What's that?"
"Bullshit power multiplication table 101..."
"101? Okay"
Wait for it....
"AHHHHHHHHHHH! WHY AM I ALWAYS CONNECTED WITH THAT DAMN GAY NUMBER?!"
Issei.404 broke.
