5 5: Deadly Aphrodisiac

Batgirl was glaring at me. Like, really glaring. It was like she was trying to bore a hole in my skull with just her eyes. That expression probably had something to do with the story I'd just told. Batgirl only caught the end of it but that was the most damning part. After all, who would think their unassuming but handsome bartender would be the type to spank the Infinite Dragon God into compliance?

Maybe I should stop telling stories that made the Bat Family question everything they thought they knew about reality… Naaahhh, where was the fun in that?

And jokes on her, that glare just made Barbara Gordon so much hotter in my eyes. Fiery eyes to go with her fiery red hair. A perfect fit for a beautiful, blindingly intelligent woman of conviction.

And don't think I can't see that spark of desire, woman! You're 50 lifetimes too early to fool an unrepentant player like me! I will woo your goddamn spandex off!

Didi elbowed me in the side, breaking my heated staring contest with Batgirl. Somehow, she just knew where my mind was going. I shot her a look and we had a conversation without words.

"Sean, stop glaring at the spunky young heroine."

"Can you blame me?"

"No, but I want you to make a good first impression. Behave, Sean Dear."

"Was healing her not enough of a good first impression?"

"*Sigh* I suppose… Just don't embarrass the girl in front of the villains, please."

"Wouldn't dream of it. My humiliation kink doesn't leave the bedroom."

"Was that a joke or do you truly have such a kink?"

"Depends on how into it you are, Didi~"

The exchange took a second. It ended with me wiggling my eyebrows at the physical embodiment of Death while she blushed back at me. Satisfied with my victory, I turned back to our customers, Batgirl in particular.

"Howdy, Batgirl, lovely seeing you out and about again. What brings you to my humble establishment?"

Batgirl schooled her glare with a deep breath, "Hello, Mr. Caine. It's good to be back. As for what brings me here, well, you invited me, didn't you?"

My eyes must have been twinkling something fierce, "No, I'm pretty sure I invited Oracle here for a drink or two."

Batgirl's glare was back, "She passed the invitation along to me. Thank you for that."

The glare softened, "… And thank you for everything you've done for her."

"Wasn't a bother at all," I waved dismissively. "Gotham will always need a few more good heroes. The least I could do was give one more a chance to do what she loves."

"What about your supposed neutrality?" Batgirl asked. "Doesn't… helping Oracle show bias toward the heroic side of Gotham's equation?"

"I don't think it does but I can see how some might cry bias. Hmm, how about I make things even?" I shrugged and offered.

Batgirl's eyes narrowed behind her mask, "Even how…?"

"You'll see~" I teased.

"Yo, Freeze!" I called out to the man sitting toward one end of the bar and minding his business.

He sat alone, encased in an isolated suit that catered to his specific physiology. Like Poison Ivy, Victor Fries had been irreversibly changed by an unfortunate research accident. He could only survive in temperatures below freezing. The suit he wore regulated his unique body's temperature with cryogenic fluids and made it so he could live in any place other than Antarctica.

When he came into my bar, I worked with him to devise a way for him to drink with the rest of the villains. In my opinion, he was one of Gotham's more sympathetic Rogues. The unfortunate accident he was in only occurred because he was trying to save his cancer-stricken wife by freezing her until he could find a cure.

Realization dawned on Batgirl's face, "Wait, don't!"

I pressed on, "How would you feel about me curing your wife of her cancer?"

Ironically, the whole bar froze. The other villains looked on in trepidation as if they were expecting Freeze to explode into a hail of icicles at any moment. Batgirl stared at me with a strange look of relief and shock. Mister Freeze focused his entire being on me. I'd just offered him everything he wanted. He'd be a fool to do anything different.

"I would be forever in your debt, Mr. Barkeep," Freeze said, his voice modulated by the suit he wore. "But I am not so naive as to assume you would do so for free. Name your price."

"Nah, this is pro bono. I'm just making things 'even' between Gotham's heroes and villains. I healed Oracle so I should heal someone from the villainous side of things as well."

"Mr. Barkeep… Nothing I can say would accurately express the full extent of my gratitude."

I grinned at him, "Then don't say anything. Just be sure to bring her by for a drink sometime."

"When…? How…?" Freeze couldn't seem to find the right words to ask.

Well, that part was simple. I made a show of waving my hand, "There, it's done. Now, go unfreeze her, buddy. Check for yourself if you have to. Just be with her. You two have plenty of missed time to make up."

I don't think anyone had ever seen Mister Freeze move as fast as he did then. He was out the door before we could even blink. A flurry of hail and snow swept through the Dead End. Then as quickly as it came, the blizzard was gone.

I turned back to Batgirl with a smug smile on my face, "There, now no one can claim I'm being unfair or unneutral. Plus, it feels good to do good things for someone in an unfortunate situation, doesn't it?"

Batgirl's cheeks colored ever-so-slightly and she glanced at the table of injured henchmen she was at before coming up to the bar, "… It does. Honestly, I was a bit worried you'd do something foolish or cruel for a moment there."

I snorted, "I noticed that when you tried to stop me. Did you think I was going to taunt the poor man about his wife or something?"

The blush on her cheeks took on a hue of shame, "My apologies for doubting you, Mr. Caine…"

"Call me Sean, darling," I said suavely, leaning over the bar to the border of her personal space. "After all, we're hardly strangers, are we? I'm sure you know more about me than I do at this point~"

"Batgirl was the one who took the shower pictures!" Batgirl sputtered in an uncharacteristic hurry.

"Batgirl?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and a grin.

"The other Batgirl! Not 'me' Batgirl but the, uh… yeah, other Batgirl…"

I nodded agreeably, "Of course, of course. Standard Bat Family recon procedure, I assume?"

Batgirl looked away for a moment, "Something like that… Ca-… 'C' is bad at personal boundaries, sorry."

"It's fine. I'm sure my nudes are in good hands now."

"They're safe and sound, I can promise you that much."

"Well, if you see Oracle, tell her she's free to use them if she wants to. I don't mind providing her with a bit of extra 'stimulation'. After a few years in a wheelchair without sensation in her lower half, she deserves that much."

Batgirl froze for a moment, "I'll… be sure to pass that along."

"Just doing my part," I said, nodding with an easy tone to my voice that hid my internal amusement.

Spending so long behind a desk hadn't done her social skills any favors as she stiffly replied, "That's very… noble… of you, Sean."

Barbara Gordon as Batgirl was very fun to tease. She was just stuffy enough to provide entertaining reactions but not so stuffy that I had no ammunition. And making her break character was sweet ambrosia for my soul. Pretending I didn't know she was Oracle had already paid dividends as far as I was concerned.

An amused grin spread over my face and I was just about to blow my act when a voice interrupted us, "No WAY! Girl-Bat, is that you?! Oh my God, oh my God, you're back?!"

Batgirl froze again with a plea in her eyes, "Help me…?"

Barely a moment later, she was impacted by a missile of red and black and bubbly laughter. Harley Quinn clung to Batgirl, hugging her with everything she had. She picked the recently-returned hero up and spun her around in her arms.

Batgirl resisted weakly, blushing beneath her mask, "Harley! Let me down!"

"No way, girl! I need my Girl-Bat batteries recharged! It's so good to see you! We've missed you so much!" Harley laughed with audible glee.

I absently wiped down the bar as I watched the touching reunion. I don't think I realized how close Harley and Barbara were. It made a strange kind of sense though. One of Gotham's original female heroes and one of its original female villains. They must have fought each other plenty of times. Who's to say they didn't stop and bond on a few of those occasions?

Plus, it was a nice scene to watch. Who was I to not appreciate two women in their primes enjoying themselves and hugging in skintight spandex? Not that kind of fool, that's who.

Batgirl was clad in all black and danger. Her suit was formfitting to the extreme but still lined with plenty of armor that did well to make her look less indecent. Her fiery red hair escaped from beneath a stylized Bat-cowl and her fiery eyes were currently spinning from Harley's intimate greeting.

Harley, on the other hand, was all bubble and cheer and femininity. Her suit was just as covering and wonderfully tight as Batgirl's but less armor broke up her petite and womanly silhouette. Instead, she was a checkerboard vision of red, black, flexibility, and mobility—a fitting image for her gymnastic background and the vibe of her persona.

Her hat wasn't what I'd been expecting. I was expecting a jester's hat but this version of her costume looked to be based on one of those puffy hats with ear flaps and a comfy inner lining. The trademark twin pompoms still extended from either side of the top of Harley's head though. Blonde hair the color of hay or straw peeked out from beneath the hat.

Frilly and puffy sleeves hid her hands. The whole costume gave off comfortable vibes. Almost like it was a suit of very specialized pajamas of all things. The only thing that 'hid' her identity was the white facepaint makeup on her face. She'd even gone far enough to draw a black domino mask around her eyes.

"Hello, I was recommended this place by a mutual friend of ours," Another voice interrupted my polite admiring. "Seeing the clientele you cater toward, I believe that recommendation was rather apt."

That would be Harley's partner — in more than just crime — then. I turned to the woman who'd just approached my bar. Poison Ivy was just as spectacular a sight as I'd always imagined. A literal goddess of nature — touched by the Green — made real in the plant-based flesh.

Her body was one of glorious nature — sex, sin, and so much more. Those curves made me want to give in to something primal, perfect, and (re)productive. Leaves and vines concealed her modesty instead of clothes. They did a wonderfully poor job of it. She smelled of honeysuckle and fresh dew.

Her skin had a lovely green tint. Fresh and vibrant, it evoked feelings of a perfectly nurtured garden and wild, untamed nature at the same time. Ivy's hair was as red as rose petals. Her face was beautifully balanced, staring at me with almost neon green eyes. Dangerously crimson lips quirked up upon seeing me staring.

"Yes… You are definitely in the right place," I eventually said, not as affected as I seemed but putting on a show to appease Ivy's expectations and ego.

Ivy smirked, "I can see that. Though I'll admit, we weren't expecting to find an old friend here as well."

I smiled, "Welcome to the Dead End, Poison Ivy. This place is neutral ground. Heroes are just as welcome here as villains. We pride ourselves on serving all customers equally. And I'm sure I have a drink or two that even you will enjoy."

Ivy cocked her head, "How curious… You're not as affected by my influence as you seem, are you?"

Well, that didn't last long at all. I dropped the act, allowing the barest hint of my own aura to wash over the bar, "The world is much larger than you might think, Miss Isley."

The Green welcomed Death like an old friend. Plants withered and died, blossoming to life just like everything else in the universe. Where there was Life, there would be Death. More importantly, for there to be Death, Life would forever come first. It was a philosophy the Green was intimately familiar with, even with its definitively nonhuman point of view.

The Green didn't view Death as Humans did. Humans, Aliens, animals, they were beings of the Red. Beings of the Red were individualistic. They desired nothing more than to spread, to thrive, and to live as long as they could. For the Red, Death meant an end. A natural end to be sure, but still an end to all things.

The Green desired nothing more than to grow. Growth in all things. As a collective, as an individual, it made no difference to the Green. The Green had been here long before the Red and it would be here long after. Death to the Green was just more fuel for growth.

To Ivy, I must have felt like the most potent and perfect fertilizer she'd ever felt. Something like fertile soil with plenty of water and nutrients. Something to set her proverbial roots down in. Something to GROW from.

Flowers bloomed and blossomed in Ivy's hair at just the taste of my aura and her eyes went wide with emotion, "O-Oh my~…"

So many different things showed in her expression. A bone-deep satisfaction as if a lifelong hunger was finally sated. The peace and contentment of finding a purpose, an end to all things. A strange sense of familiarity.

And most of all, LUST. Born from the Green and tainted by the Red. Desire, passion, a need to breed. To the remnants of the Red inside Poison Ivy, I was a dangerous old friend, an intoxicating warning and promise of peace. To the Green, I was pure flowering potential, just waiting to be cultivated for further GROWTH.

The Green wanted growth but Ivy was an exception to its usual subjects. As connected as she was, she was still originally a being of the Red. As such, her interpretation of the Green's drive and desire were filtered through that perception. All of that was an incredibly verbose way of saying my aura made Ivy want to fuck.

She lunged across the bar at me. I could have reacted. I didn't. I didn't want to. When those rose-red lips are coming at you, the only sensible choice is to pucker up.

Ivy grabbed me by my collar. She pulled me halfway over the bar to meet her. Those eyes were fierce, almost frenzied, and one hundred percent pure fucking sex. Her lips smashed into mine. Her tongue ravished mine, trying to make me submit by sheer force of passion.

In the background, the entire bar went silent. All that could be heard was the sound of Ivy's muffled moans and lewd lips smacking together. A who's who of Gotham villains could do nothing but watch as Ivy tried to lick my tonsils. Oh, and Batgirl. And Harley…

Against what my body was telling me, I figured it might be a good idea to end this kiss before the crazy clown girl got jealous I was kissing her girlfriend. *Sigh*, what a shame. I was holding my own, giving as good as I got.

Still, I pulled away, leaving Ivy panting and smelling of somehow sexy pollen. I reigned my aura back in as well. Slowly, reason returned to Ivy's eyes. Even then, a (potentially un)healthy level of desire stared back at me.

No one moved. No one dared react. No one knew how. An entire bar of villains just stared with open mouths as 'Man-Eater' Poison Ivy tried to literally live up to her name.

Sighing with exasperation, Didi nonchalantly pulled me to the side. She wiped the lipstick from my face and lips as if she were wiping up a bit of spilled food from a child's face. Amusement hid in her eyes, shining through for only me to see.

"There, all better, Sean Dear," Didi said, still pretending to baby me. "Perhaps next time, you'll think better of teasing the sexual nature goddess on the clock."

I growled, "I'll show you teasing on the clock, woman!"

Didi giggled and danced away when I swiped at her. I was left to huff and turn back to Ivy. She'd composed herself thanks to the teasing exchange between me and Didi. Yet even now, she didn't look embarrassed by what she'd done. Just kind of… hungry.

At least, she did until Harley made herself known again, finding her voice with a shocked gasp, "Red?! What the what was all that about?!"

Ivy blushed as if just remembering Harley, "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me! That was-…"

"So frickin' hot!" Harley interrupted her. "Are you kidding me? You were like a force of nature, Red! I thought you were gonna take Gothboy behind the bar and rock his world there and then!"

"Gothboy?" I asked with a cocked brow.

"I was thinking it too," Batgirl mumbled absently, her head in the clouds from the heated scene she'd just witnessed.

Harley stared at Batgirl with her mouth open with ecstatic shock, "You too, Girl-Bat?! Oh my Bats, yes! It's like Christmas came early!"

"Wait, what? What do you mean by that?! Harley? Harley?!" Batgirl's sputters weren't answered at all, Harley's focus already back on me and Ivy.

"You're… not mad, baby…?" Ivy asked hesitantly.

Harley snorted, "Hells, no, Red! Do you know how hard it can be to get you in the mood sometimes? Gothboy seems to have an instant cheat code switch that solves exactly that problem! And he ain't bad to look at either~"

Ivy looked back at me as Harley purred, seemingly considering something, "How did you do that anyway? It was as if I was hit by the world's strongest aphrodisiac… In fact, how are you even standing? My lipstick should have killed you twice over by now."

"Maybe I'm just that charming," I said faux arrogantly, pretending to buff my nails on my shirt.

Harley giggled, "I'll say~"

Ivy hit me with a deadpan look and tone, "… Charming enough to ignore neurotoxins?"

"Something like that."

"That's not how that works!" Batgirl raged. "That's not how any of this works, you impossible, impossible man!"

"Are you sure about that? Maybe it is and Ivy's only kissed losers before this," I suggested, hiding a smirk with a serious mien.

Ivy shook her head, "I've kissed Batman before and even he was at least somewhat affected."

"Then maybe Batman isn't as sexy as we all think."

Harley cut in, "Nah, that's cap. He's not my type but there's no denying Bats is sexy as Hell."

"Well…" Batgirl hesitated to admit but did so all the same. "He is surprisingly, uh… nerdy… out of costume."

I couldn't resist poking that, "Hyper competent man like that, I bet he can't just turn that off. He spends his free time researching dead languages and the societies they come from, doesn't he?"

"That's… not far off…"

Harley laughed, "Aww, Batsy has hyper fixations! That's adorable! Yeah, no shot, Gothboy. He was already sexy. Add in unique personality quirks like that and he's adorable too. The dead languages thing is probably why he gets along so well with Miss Kitty."

I sighed, admitting defeat, "Yeah, that's fair. It was a shot in the dark anyway. Let's just say I have certain advantages even Batman doesn't have."

Batgirl glanced at the trophies behind me and then stared at me for a few long moments, "… You don't say."

Ivy nodded matter-of-factly, "Yes, I believe that much was obvious. Batman does not inspire the same… ~craving~ in me that you did."

"Oh, is that why you called us here?" Harley perked up. "To seduce me and Red with your masculine wiles? Oh, woe! To be at the mercy of such a man!"

"Harley, I've heard only two of his stories, and both of them had to do with him seducing god-like beings," Batgirl warned.

Harley just grinned, "Kinky~"

Ignoring Batgirl, I replied to Harley directly, "For once, no. I asked Catwoman to invite you here because I have a business proposition for Ivy."

"Kinky business~?"

"Down, baby," Ivy 'tugged' on Harley's 'leash'. "What would this proposition entail…? I'm sorry, I haven't even gotten your name yet. How embarrassing…"

I chuckled, "Most of my patrons here call me 'Mr. Barkeep'. I think we're a bit past that at this point. Call me Sean."

Ivy nodded politely, "A pleasure, Sean."

"Ditto, Gothboy!" Harley chimed as well.

"Good enough," I shrugged. "My proposition is relatively simple. How would you like to add something only you could to my business model here?"

"Hmm, I don't know. I'm a very busy woman," Ivy hummed.

"And the things you do are rightfully important," I nodded. "But I think this could solve any financial issues you're having in a completely legal manner. All it would take is a slight investment of your powers and perhaps a bit of time if you're willing to spare it."

"I will not sell out Mother Nature," Ivy warned, her expression growing hard for a moment.

"I wouldn't ask you to," I soothed. "I was thinking of opening a medicinal dispensary attached to the bar and asking you to supply the product. Nothing more and certainly nothing that will distract from your true purpose."

Ivy blinked, "You want me to… sell… weed…?"

"With your powers, you could do a lot of good this way. Perhaps even help displace the toxic and predatory pharmaceutical industry. Specialized strains that could do anything from cure cancer to get someone blazed as fuck. Maybe both at the same time. And aside from the financial compensation, I might be able to spare a bit of time to help with your true quest."

I turned to Batgirl, "Helping the environment is still neutral, right?"

Batgirl nodded hesitantly, "Yes… But I think Batman and the rest of us would feel better if you would keep out of Ivy's… more villainous exploits."

I shrugged, "Fair enough. I can still help with the other stuff. So long as no heroes show up, I'll count it as neutral."

"I do not need help…" Ivy puffed up in offense. "To protect Mother Nature-…"

Harley cut her off, surprisingly serious, "Red, Hun, shut up for a second. You'd really help, Gothboy?"

"Harley?! Do you truly believe I need the help?" Ivy sounded almost betrayed.

Ignoring her girlfriend for a moment, Harley turned to Batgirl, "Girl-Bat, could he help?"

Batgirl nodded slowly, "Very likely… Even we don't know all that much about him or this place. From the stories he tells and the trophies he keeps, it certainly seems like he can do anything. And as far as we can tell, he isn't lying. Even with his more… unbelievable stories."

Satisfied, Harley focused on her girlfriend again, cupping her face and soothing her worries, "Red, how much progress have we made this year?"

Ivy hesitated with a wince, "… Not much."

"And it was the same last year as well. I want to help you. But it's pretty clear we're getting nowhere on our own. Maybe it's time we start looking for powerful allies. If we have to sell a bit of your stash to get them, so be it. You can always grow some more. Think about it, if even Bats is spooked by Gothboy, how will the corrupt, polluting bastards feel?"

"You… may have a point."

"You two don't have to decide now," I said. "Sit a while, have a drink, and talk about it. In the end, it's just an idea. I'm open to helping and deepening our relationship in other ways."

That seemed to take some of the tension out of Ivy and Harley looked at me with a comedic leer on her face, "Oh? Other ways~?"

I rolled my eyes, "Sit and have a drink, you horny gremlin. I'm not about to ruin your relationship."

Ivy recovered some of her wits, smirking, "By Harley's reaction to my attraction to you, I think you'd be doing anything but."

Still, they took seats at the bar and I got the pair of them drinks. A concentrated nectar-like drink for Ivy and a fizzy hard seltzer for Harley. Batgirl joined them. Well, more like she had no choice with the way Harley pulled and insisted.

They began to catch up and I left them to it, turning my attention to the rest of the bar. I found almost everyone was staring at us. Most of them looked to be a strange combination of jealous and terrified. More than a few — mostly the actual villains — raised their drinks to toast me.

I rolled my eyes, "Alright, show's over. Does anyone need refills now that I'm free again? And don't bother with nosy questions or bothering the girls. I ain't answerin' jack and they'll sooner kick you in the balls than humor you."

As I went back to work, I overheard a few of my patrons talking to each other.

"Gothboy? More like Chad-boy," A henchman scoffed.

"We sure his name ain't Casanova or something?" Another asked.

"Tch, pretty boys get all the luck," A third said.

Penguin shook his head, "Better him than me. Harems ain't all they're cracked up to be and those girls are more than enough to kill a man."

Scarecrow hummed, "Would that make for a good fear? Fear of too many women?"

One henchman forcibly shushed another before he could laugh, "Yes… It would make the best fear illusion. You should only give people that as a vision from now on. It's damn terrifying. Isn't that right, boys?"

He was answered with a near comical amount of nods, including one from the man whose mouth he was covering.

Riddler tapped his chin, "I'm more curious about what Freeze will do now that his wife is cured. That was his main motivation as a villain, after all."

"Work for Mr. Barkeep and sell Poison Ivy's weed?" Condiment King shrugged and guessed.

"There's a riddle in there somewhere…" Riddler considered. "Smoke and ice? Blazing and freezing? Hmm, something like that…"

Penguin sighed, "Oh boy, looks like he's got an idea. Keep an eye out for clues on GCWO, boys. The prize this time might just be a lifetime supply of Ivy's special stash."