15 15: Enter Delirium

With a grin on my face and a song in my heart, I surveyed my kingdom. Oh, that was a thought. Maybe I should see about getting live music for the bar.

Maybe I could get Black Canary to sing here. Or get John Constantine to resurrect the punk band of his youth. I think even some of the Bat Family dabbled in music. It'd be a treat to see some of them perform here.

I knew Lucifer did something similar with his bar. Though he was more one to perform himself than let others have the spotlight. I didn't want to be seen as stealing his style but a little concert here and there couldn't hurt, right?

Lucifer was someone I was well aware of. He was one of the truly omnipotent beings in this universe. He was one of two beings who could hope to match the Presence, DC's version of the biblical God — the other being his brother Michael. The whole biblical canon took place outside of time itself but he was easily as Endless as Didi and her siblings. At the same time, he was more powerful than them, especially when working with the Demiugic Force of his brother. Then, he could create entire multiverses.

Some might be concerned when they learned about him and what he was doing on Earth. Not me. I couldn't see him becoming a problem for me, Didi, or the Dead End. Game recognized game. Anyone who abandoned the celestial hierarchy to run a piano bar in LA had their head on straight in my book. I'm sure he'd feel the same about me.

So I wasn't all that concerned by Lucifer, the literal Devil. His current existence wasn't nearly as terrifying as the bible made him out to be. Who knew the book written by mortals who weren't there for the events they wrote about would be fallible?

If anything, he seemed like a cool guy. I was already considering inviting him over for a drink or two if he didn't show up unannounced first. Didi could be considered something of a distant cousin to him in some sense of the word. Relationships at the level of cosmic beings became complicated like that because technically everyone was related to existence itself.

Like I said, game recognized game. He'd probably quite like what I was doing here with the Dead End. He might even take notes. As amusing as it was to not be believed when he claimed to be who he really was, maybe he'd like to follow my example and infuse his domain with belief in his words. I'd certainly kill to be a fly on the wall when his audience realized they really were listening to the Devil play the piano and drinking his liquor.

Making a note to talk to Didi about becoming pen pals with the Devil, I went back to observing my bar. The Dead End was back in business. The regulars were back, sitting at the bar as if they'd never left. The mooks and goons followed the villains' lead. Even the unnamed masses of Gotham were coming back as word of the Joker's demise got out.

That was something that had to be seen to be believed. And with the punishment Didi and I decided on for Joker, that was actually possible when you visited the Dead End. In the mirror behind the bar, Joker's ghost could be seen by all who entered.

Red Hood was now a frequent guest at the Dead End. For reasons that were obvious to anyone who knew, he took great joy in taunting the Joker in his prison. He was straight-up savage about it too. His 'Ding Dong! The Clown is Dead!' musical number was a nice treat. I would've thought the Joker's death would leave Jason Todd slightly listless but it was just as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

The Joker was… not having the best time of it. Good. It was a punishment for a reason. He didn't deserve the peace an afterlife could offer.

Instead, he was stuck in his own personal Hell. On display for all to see. Never being able to affect anything he saw. A literal ghost to the world. Only there to be LAUGHED AT.

The mirror was something like a Horcrux. Except much more limited as Didi made it into a prison. It kept him on the verge of life and death, making it so his legend couldn't find a way to cheat Didi while it slowly faded into irrelevance.

The Joker could never hope to leave. Even if the mirror somehow broke, he would just exist in one of the shards. That didn't stop him from trying. So far, he'd knocked himself stupid several times trying to run through his side of the mirror.

He'd made less than zero progress. All he succeeded in doing was making a fool of himself and killing his legend bit by bit. No one who visited the Dead End and saw him in the mirror was scared of him anymore. Not after seeing how utterly neutered and impotent he was.

With him here, I didn't even need TVs for the bar. People watched him in the mirror as they drank. They chuckled and shouted jeering curses at him. They laughed in his face. They thanked everything holy that the infamous Joker was finally dealt with once and for all.

Of course, more people in the bar also meant more opportunities for the Joker to act up. Not to any real effect. But the Dead End's patrons were reflected in Joker's mirror prison. On multiple occasions, he tried to choke out one of the reflections or otherwise deliver his usual sadistic jokes to no avail because they were just that: reflections. Everything he did now failed to land. The only reaction he got was laughter. And not the kind he relished in.

Seeing him so helpless only helped kill his legend. Eventually, the Joker would be forgotten. He'd just be 'the clown in the Dead End's mirror'. He couldn't hurt anyone. He couldn't escape. He couldn't hope to cheat Death like he'd done so many times before. He was just a showpiece at this point. Something to be laughed at.

After our parlay, the tension in Gotham had died down by quite a bit. The city wasn't on the verge of a gang war anymore. It seemed Black Mask — who turned out to be a surprisingly reasonable guy — had come out on top with barely any blood spilled.

Sofia Falcone and her crime family were already seeking an alliance with Mask and his faction. She'd seen the way the wind was blowing and put herself on the winning side early. The other crime families were left to sink.

In my free time, I was working on the 'Colosseum of Crime', as Harley had dubbed it. Big project, that. I didn't think the city would give out permits or otherwise condone the Colosseum's existence in any way. Even in Gotham, there were limits and it seemed that an organized gladiatorial arena getting legal approval was across a few dozen lines or so.

So I didn't bother going through all the bureaucracy. I just carved out my own little pocket dimension, connected it to the Dead End's basement, and got to work there. This way, the Colosseum wouldn't technically be IN Gotham so it wouldn't fall under anyone's jurisdiction but mine. And I was sure I could convince myself to look the other way.

The finished product would be under the Dead End's banner and enjoy the same neutrality that the bar and Ivy's Ivy did. While it was turning out not to be needed for this particular conflict, it would be useful in the future.

The Colosseum was very clearly the reason for Falcone's change of heart and loyalty. She knew she couldn't hope to match Black Mask's people one-on-one. Her switching sides was what really put a nail in the coffin of the coming gang war. I expected the other three crime families to be subsumed into Black Mask's faction in quick order once the Colosseum was finished.

With peace returning to the city, things in the Dead End were getting back to normal. I could go back to what I loved. Telling stories and playing with Barbara Gordon's patience…

"So with just under 100 million dead guardsmen, the Imperium of Man successfully… held their ground at Hive Hades. They didn't win. Not yet. It would take another year or more of intense fighting to drive off the Ork Waaagh. But the world was essentially saved there and then. The Battle of Hades Hive put an end to the Second War of Armageddon. Of course, that peace would only last about half a century before Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka returned for the even more bloody Third War of Armageddon."

Silence followed my story. Most of my audience were visibly twitching at my tale of war in the 41st millennium. A few of the more hardened villains, led by Two-Face requested a whole bottle to share between them. Barbara had her head buried in her hands.

"Sean, please! I'm practically begging you at this point. Talk about something lighter. You're giving out fits of existential dread like cookies!" Batgirl pleaded.

"Y-Yeah…" Penguin agreed, swallowing heavily. "You're in good form today, Mr. Barkeep."

I shrugged, "That's just how things worked in the 41st millennium. Honestly, that was a good day for the Imperium. The butcher's bill could have been and regularly was much higher than at Armageddon. With no guarantees of victory."

A henchman cackled to himself, thick with disbelief and uncomprehending horror, "Hehehehe… Good day… 100 million soldiers died in one battle on a good day…"

Moments later, he fell out of his chair. When one of his buddies went to check on him, they announced, "Yeah, he's out like a light. You must've brought up some old memories. Probably did a number on his PTSD, boss."

"Ah, shit…" I muttered to myself, rubbing the back of my head sheepishly. "Right, when he wakes up, be sure to tell him he smokes for free at Ivy's Ivy. And I'll pay for whatever therapy and medical bills he has after his time in the service.

"I'm sorry for causing anyone undue anxiety with that story. The next few rounds are free. And I'll see about getting coupons for anyone else who needs to take home some of Ivy's products. The good thing is that that future won't come to pass here. I promise. So don't go worrying yourself to death over nothing."

The cheers were weak but the mood lifted slightly. I made sure to file my 40k stories as off-limits even in the Dead End. I was being honest when I said that was the story of a good day. I hadn't even told them about the First War of Armageddon, which ended in a much… messier way.

"That's a good start, Sean," Batgirl said, her expression brightening beneath her mask. "But please don't tell stories of unending war again. Something lighter. Something that won't trigger trauma just by hearing it."

"So noted," I nodded. "I'll see what else I have kicking around up here."

As I searched my memories for another story, Deathstroke said, "I didn't think it was that bad."

Riddler rolled his eyes, "Not many people deal with death like normal people deal with groceries, Deathstroke."

Deathstroke ignored him, "I would like to have a drink with that 'Commissar Yarrick' fellow. He sounds like the kind of man who never stops being impressive."

"I'll say," Two-Face snorted. "Fucker lost a hand to a power claw and then had the same Goddamn power claw fitted onto his arm to replace it! 100 percent badass, 100 percent of the time."

"He developed something of a rivalry with the Ghazghkull Thraka after that," I said absently. "One of the only instances I've heard of an Ork respecting a Human."

Catwoman laughed, "I guess even across species in the 41st millennium, the arch-nemesis relationship never changes."

"What were you doing during all of this, Sean?" Batgirl asked.

"Oh, I was a Rogue Trader. Given a warrant by the God-Emperor of Mankind to do just about anything I wanted. Only tangentially related to the War of Armageddon when I ran supplies and logistics for the Imperium," I explained, giving her only half my focus as I continued to look for interesting stories in my library of memories.

She sighed, "Of course, you were…"

"I was basically a divinely sponsored pirate."

"Now, THAT sounds like an interesting story!" Penguin exclaimed with a laugh.

"Maybe another time," I said. "I think Batgirl will try to kick my ass if I tell another story from the 41st millennium so soon after the first. Besides, if you really want a story of me as a pirate, you're better off waiting to hear about my time searching for the One Piece."

There was a brief, sharp, and sudden intake of breath from Riddler and Penguin as they seemed to recognize my words. Men of Culture like them would know the significance of the One Piece. I shot them both a sneaky little smirk as they looked at me with wide eyes of awe.

"I very much will," Batgirl growled. "Because I already know it'll turn out just as if not more traumatic. A swashbuckling Sean does not inspire hope in me, for SOME reason."

"Yeah, but how many of us have traumas related to pirates?" Riddler chuckled.

Several henchmen and goons raised their hands. Riddler looked at them in surprise for a moment before sighing and raising his hand as well, "Cavalier?"

"Yeah, he knows what he did."

"Same."

There was a moment of silence as those involved nodded and I kept going back through my memories. 68 lives worth of memories made for a cluttered mindscape, even when I tried my best to keep it organized. I was pulling books of memories off the shelves, looking for something obscure, light, and interesting.

A gruff snort from Bane broke the silence, "Fuck off, Joker. Pendejo…"

Looking back at the mirror behind the bar, the Joker could be seen trying to give Bane a wedgie. He was failing miserably, of course. Even with a tight hold of Bane's pants, he couldn't make them budge. He couldn't alter anything in his reflected prison. He wasn't even as annoying as a buzzing fly at this point.

Bane swung out with his arm at empty space. In the real world, he hit nothing. In the mirror, he slapped Joker upside the head and sent him flying.

"I think that's the best part of his punishment," Penguin chuckled. "We can still hit the clown."

With his very soul bruised and battered, the Joker came right back. Immediately, he started trying to choke out Riddler. Riddler just shook his head, utterly unaffected.

"Einstein's definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Riddler's words triggered something in my mind. A very specific memory from one of my earlier lives was pulled to the fore. Oh… This was certainly an interesting story. It wasn't a happy story but it was a Hell of a lot lighter than tales from a galaxy engulfed in endless war.

"I think I have another story if any of you care to listen," I said softly, the memory already affecting my emotions.

The change was easily noticed by my regulars and they perked up in interest, "Oh, yeah, Mr. Barkeep. You know we'd never turn down one of your stories."

"It's better than the last one, right?" Batgirl asked intently.

I waved my hand so-so, "I like to think it's much lighter. It's a tragedy but not a war story. One I feel I have to share now that I've remembered it. For an old friend of mine and the man she once called her foster father.

"Let me tell you a story… from a realm of magic and Madness… Defined by nuclear war…"

"That's lighter?!?!" Batgirl all but screeched.

"It is," I nodded firmly, not to be swayed. "The Land of Ooo was anything but a serious place, even with the many tragedies that lurked underneath its surface. It was a world of Madness, driven by a thousand years of radiation and magical fallout. But it was also one in recovery. It healed more than it hurt and even with how Mad it could be, the world's future was bright."

"Ooo…?"

"The Hell kind of name is Ooo?"

"Oooohh~! Ooo~? I love that place~!" A new voice — melodic as a song and ethereal, almost fairy-like — exclaimed. "Some of my favorite insanities exist there~!"

Sitting on a new stool at the bar was a woman of extremes. Her appearance was frazzled and tidy at the same time. Her eyes were wild with cheer and life. Yet there was also a depressing darkness there that must have followed her wherever she went. Her hair was a rainbow of colors and her clothes were a rainbow of different fashion styles.

"Delirium?" Didi said. "What are you doing here?"

"Didi~!" Delirium exclaimed excitedly. Mid-sentence, her tone shifted to something somber and mellow, so sad it almost physically hurt to hear. "It was cold outside. So cold…" In an instant, it was back to peppy cheer, "But then I found you and now I'm warm again~!"

"Del, honey, that doesn't explain much. Why did you come to find me in the first place?" Didi asked with a soft, fond, smiling sigh.

Delirium just cocked her head like a puppy, "But it does, doesn't it? I said I came because it was cold. And then I heard your Hand-guy-thingy talking about a place I've always wanted to visit. So I figured I would make myself at home~!"

"I suppose I can follow that logic…" Didi said slowly before shaking her head, "Whatever the reason, I'm happy to have you here. It's good to see you again, Del."

Delirium tutted like a wizened old sage, "You should know better than to follow logic, Didi. It always leads you to unpleasantly real places." She giggled like a teenage girl, "Yay~! It's always so good to see my favorite sister again~!"

"When my only competition is Desire and Despair, that isn't saying much," Didi smiled in amusement. "And you know that advice only works for you, Del. The rest of us still have to pay some mind to things like causality and common sense."

"Oh, boo~…" Delirium pouted. "I should really get rid of that 'common sense' thing one of these days. I still think it was one of my biggest blunderoonies. Hey, Didi~? Would you be willing to KILL common sense for me~?"

Batgirl made a choking sound in the back of her throat, "P-Please… Please don't…? Some of us use it quite a lot."

Didi just smirked at her before turning back to Delirium, "Sorry, Del, I think I'm going to have to side with Batgirl on this one. You'll just have to LIVE with your mistake."

"Well, where's the fun in that~?" Delirium pouted even harder. "Common sense is only useful when I'm on a sanity kick. The rest of the time it just gets in the way~!"

"So, uh…" Riddler started, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I'm almost scared to ask but who… Who's this…?"

"Delirium of the Endless," I explained, extending a hand to her. "It's nice — strange, I should say — to meet you finally. Didi's told me so much about you. I'm Sean Caine. Didi's Hand, lover, and boss as well, I suppose."

Delirium's smile could have lit up the moon from Earth, "It's strange to meet you too~! Didi's told me all about you too~!"

I raised an eyebrow, glancing at Didi to see her blush scarlet, "She has? When was this?"

"I-I have duties outside the Dead End as well, Dear," Didi sputtered slightly. "They often take me into contact with my siblings. It's not like I was seeking her out to… sing your praises or a-anything…"

Thankfully for Didi's sake, Two-Face interrupted her embarrassment, "So Delirium of the Endless huh? What's that mean? You the patron saint of crazy people or something? Must have half of Gotham under your belt if that's the case."

"Dent!" Batgirl hissed, likely trying to get him to shut up and save Two-Face's ass.

"I'm Insanity and Sanity and everything in between~!" Delirium happily declared. "If it's a state of mind, I'm it~!" Melancholy crept into her voice, "I suppose you could also call me Emotion…"

"Well, shit, Miss, I didn't mean to make ya sad," Two-Face said sheepishly, honestly apologetic.

"You don't have to worry about that sort of thing with Del," Didi explained like a lifeline for his shame.

"Yeah~!" Jubilant joy was back in Delirium's mood. "I'm every emotion, all at once~! So you never have to worry about hurting my feelings~! And I know you didn't mean it like that, Mr. Flippy-Flippy-Coin-Man~!"

Two-Face laughed in surprise, "Heh, that's a new one. Good thing that though. I was worried I put my whole leg in my mouth with that one."

"Is…" Batgirl cleared her throat. "Is this going to be a common occurrence now? Having another of the Endless show up at the bar unannounced? 'Cause I may need to report that. Just so we know not to freak out when an aspect of existence comes to town."

"I dunno…?" Delirium shrugged, suddenly looking as confused as a newborn babe. It passed just as quickly as it came, "I just wanted to visit Didi. Then I heard Mr. Barkeep talking about the Land of Ooo and I decided to stick around for a story as well~!"

"Speaking of which," I said. "I should probably get back to the story at hand. I'd like to ask everyone to treat Del here like she's any other patron. If you're not afraid of Didi, there's no need to be afraid of any of her siblings either."

Batgirl sighed, "That's probably a good idea. I have so many more questions I want to ask but I wouldn't want to be a bother."

"You could always ask Didi. You'd get a much straighter answer to any of your questions from her," Delirium's tone became as serious as a heart attack.

"Damn!" A henchman suddenly realized aloud. "I'm drinking a beer brought to me by Death!"

There was a pause at the bar. Everyone looked down at their drinks, many of them realizing the same thing. Didi giggled, "At least people here believe me when I tell them who I am."

"As opposed to…?" Penguin asked with a raised brow.

"Lucifer."

"He runs a piano bar in LA," I explained into the stunned silence that followed Didi's words. "He doesn't hide it but no one seems to believe him when he tells them who he is."

"Oooh~! Big Bro Luci~! Has he come to visit yet~?" Delirium clapped in excitement.

There was a sound as if multiple engines tried and failed to start at once. Looking around, I could see most of the villains, henchmen, and Batgirl staring dead into empty space. Like their minds had collectively bluescreened.

The notable exception was Penguin, who just shrugged when I gave him a questioning look, "I'm Jewish. The Devil doesn't hold the same weight in our beliefs."

Batgirl shivered viscerally, "I'm… just going to ignore this newest development. For my sanity most of all. I mean, he's just… the Devil… right? How much harm can him running a bar do?"

"Now, now, Batgirl~ You should know better than to ignore your problems. It isn't healthy," I teased.

"I do," Batgirl deadpanned. "It certainly hasn't helped with you so far."

"So what is this story about, Sean?" Didi asked, hiding her amusement behind a hand.

"Oh~! The Candy Kingdom and its tyrant Princess Bubblegum~?" Delirium asked, practically jumping up and down in her seat. "Finn and Jake~?! The Human-eating Rainicorns and their war with the Talking Dogs~?! Grod Gob Glob Grod and Abraham Lincoln, King of Mars~?! Oh, I know~! Gunther the Immortal Penguin~!"

Penguin perked up at that, "I'd be interested in hearing about that last story."

Very robotically, Batgirl turned to Vicki, "Miss Vale…? Please tell me you got all of that. I'm afraid I might be experiencing auditory hallucinations."

"No…" Vicki said just as slowly. "I got it all. What I have written down looks like the ramblings of a madman though."

Batgirl sighed, "Considering who's telling the story and the fact that Delirium is here, that sounds about right."

"Twas certainly a Mad place," I smirked. "A fitting setting to share with our newest guest. But none of those things are the topic of today's story."

I sobered slightly, shaking my head with a sense of melancholy. My audience noticed and leaned forward on the edge of their seats, "No, this is the story of a good friend of mine. A story from her past that shaped her into the woman I came to know so well. It's not a happy story. But it's one that deserves to be told anyway. Let me tell you about… Marceline the Vampire Queen and the tragic Madness of Simon Petrikov, the man who became the Ice King."

"Oh no~!" Delirium cried a cry that pulled at the souls of everyone who heard it.

"What? What's wrong?!" Batgirl snapped to sudden alertness before relaxing when no threat presented itself. She looked at Delirium inquisitively.

"This one always makes me cry…" Delirium sniffled. "It's such a good story but it's so sad…"

I sighed softly, "It is, isn't it?" Shaking my head, I got back into the storytelling mood. I leaned forward across the bar and whispered as if I was sharing a secret.

"Forget everything you think you know about reality, for this realm does not subscribe to sense or reason. Here, before there was time — before there was anything —, there was nothing. And before there was nothing, there were monsters."

A vision of insight accompanied my words. There, cupped in the palms of my hands, an illusion presented itself. My audience leaned in to get a better look, only to recoil as they saw what I held there. A roiling sea of primordial monsters greeted them. Impossible masses of mouths and eyes and limbs writhed in discordant chaos.

"By sheer improbable chance," I continued. "These monsters eventually came to an agreement. From the consensus, the universe was born. With existence came the concepts we're familiar with today. Life and Death. Physics and Magic. Uncountable Dimensions.

"Fast forward a few billion years and the Earth was formed…"

"Wait, wait, hold the fuck on," Two-Face interrupted. "All this shit happened on Earth?!"

I nodded, "Not an Earth any of you — except Delirium — would be familiar with but yes. Earth. And from the Earth sprang life. Species lost to time, some more intelligent than others. Ever since life began on Earth, five fundamental elements existed. Fire. Ice. Candy. Slime. And Lumps."

Like almost everything else about this realm, that was met with incomprehension. My audience didn't quite bluescreen again but confusion wrote itself across their faces. Chuckling at the expressions, I continued.

"With the elements came the Elementals: powerful wizards who represent their element. These Elementals reincarnated throughout history. The one most important to our story is the Ice Elemental. 65 million years ago, Urgence Evergreen foresaw a comet that would bring a great evil to the world. He set out to stop it, creating a powerful artifact that would grant the first user's greatest wish.

"He was killed before he could use it. Instead of Evergreen, the crown artifact passed onto his assistant — a mentally scarred, intelligent dinosaur named Gunther. While Evergreen's greatest wish was to stop the comet, Gunther wanted nothing more than to become Evergreen. His wish was granted when he put on the crown. And so, the curse of the Ice King was born…"

"Freaking magic," Batgirl groaned. "It's always freaking magic…"

"I have to agree with Batgirl on this one," Riddler added. "I have… bad experiences with magic."

Catwoman chuckled, "We live in Gotham. Of course, you're going to have bad experiences with magic here. The whole city is cursed."

Her joke received a good-natured round of laughter. Then a mook paused and turned to ask me, "That's not… true, is it? Gotham bein' cursed?"

I nodded, saying matter-of-factly, "Several times over. Lazarus Pits leaking into the water. Slaughter Swamp sitting at the city limits, reviving corpses like Solomon Grundy. There's that Bat-Demon and his cult of followers who I won't mention by name. A dark warlock was buried alive here long before Gotham was even founded. And the natives who lived here first cursed the very land the city was built on."

Crickets could have been heard in the silence that followed. Someone groaned, "God, this whole city is fucked."

"Only in Gotham," Like an unholy chorus, the others nodded and said in synch.

Chuckling, I asked, "Back to the story?"

"Oh, God, please," Batgirl said, her voice thick with relief. Probably the first time she'd been relieved to hear me tell the story. By the sudden glare that entered her eyes, she realized that too.

"Where was I?" I asked myself, hiding a smile. "Right, still with the background info. Let's speed this up. There was a whole thing with vampires predating humans and a civilization of wizards but none of that is very important right now. I'll just skip ahead to the modern era of the world.

"By then, magic had waned on Earth and Humans were running about with a developed society roughly equivalent to what we're used to. Now, in comes our main character. Simon Petrikov was a normal man. A scholar. An antiquarian — someone who deals with the study of antiques and artifacts.

"Eventually in his career, he came across a couple of genuine magical artifacts. One could be considered the most powerful spellbook in existence. The other… was the crown of Urgence Evergreen. And Simon made one mistake that would haunt him for the rest of his days. He put on the crown.

"Simon was stricken with the curse of the Ice King. He was granted fantastic powers over ice magic. But there was a cost. His body temperature dropped. His hair turned white and grew extensively. His mind faltered and changed. Simon resisted as best he could but ever-so-slowly, the crown drove him insane.

"At the same time, global war struck Earth. The Great Mushroom War was named so because of the mushroom clouds of the countless nuclear bombs detonated across Earth's surface. And for one bomb that was a bit more than nuclear… The Mushroom Bomb. The world as anyone knew it ended with the Mushroom Bomb."

Looking around at my audience, I only saw expressions of horror and grim faces. I might have made a mistake. Hearing about a society so close to the one they knew devolving into nuclear war might actually be more traumatizing than tales of the 41st millennium. Yeah, I probably shouldn't mention the moon-sized chunk that was ripped from the Earth's surface during the war…

"But even the end of the world wasn't, ya know, the end of the world," I said quickly, trying to mitigate the damage before it could set in. Judging by the way the atmosphere seemed to relax, I was mostly successful.

"Many people survived. Including Simon, protected as he was by the Ice King's crown. The world was still inhabitable, even if anything passing for society was irrevocably changed. Life persisted. It… found a way."

The Jurassic Park reference got a few good chuckles and stabilized the mood in the room further. Satisfied, I nodded and continued my story.

"During his time after the Mushroom Bomb dropped, Simon eventually came across a young girl named Marceline — Marcy, for short. Marcy's mother died sometime after the war and her father was never in the picture because he was a fry-stealing demon bastard."

The description of Marceline's father received flat expressions and dead looks but people seemed to be adjusting to the insanity of Ooo so I pressed on, "Simon took Marcy in, acting as the father and friend she desperately needed. They lived together like that for a while. Marceline once told me those were some of the happiest days of her life."

My voice was calm and soothing while a sad smile played across my face. I knew what came next. As I spoke, images flashed between my fingers. Images of Simon and Marcy, as taken from Marceline's memories. My audience watched them survive together — telling jokes, exploring, and living as best they could after the apocalypse. But with each scene, Simon's visage grew more and more tortured.

"Unfortunately, Simon was still cursed by the crown. He was becoming the Ice King, losing himself slowly. Each time he was forced to put on the crown to defend himself and Marcy, he was pushed further into the curse.

"Though her existence wasn't an easy one — in Simon, Marcy found someone who loved her despite her demonic heritage and appearance. She found a place to belong in a desolate wasteland. Only to lose him — her new home — bit by bit during their time together."

A silence had fallen over my audience. An intent quiet as they all waited with bated breath for what came next. Their ears were open and focused on my words. The tragic tale gripped them by their heartstrings. Already, their eyes were wet. Delirium was straight-up bawling with thick tears pouring from her eyes. She knew where this story went too, it seemed.

"Simon was forced to make a hard decision. With the Madness of the crown taking hold of him, he forced himself to leave Marcy. For her own good. The way things were going, he couldn't keep taking care of her. Eventually, he would hurt her in his insanity. And it would break him.

"When Marcy was 13, Simon left her. He did what he thought was best. I won't say it was the right decision. But I can't fault him for it. Not knowing what he became. Before he left, he contacted Marcy's father — a Primordial Demon named Hunson Abadeer."

Softly, I wrapped up my story, "Simon died not long after. Not in body. But in mind and spirit. All that remained was the Ice King. Protected by the crown, Ice King lived for a thousand more years. Due to her demonic heritage, Marceline did as well. They would meet time and time again. Each time, Marceline was forced to face the man she'd loved as a father. A man who was long dead. The corpse of a loved one, puppetted by a cursed crown.

"No matter how much she tried to reach him, Simon was never coming back. It took a thousand years for Marceline to hear from him again. In the form of a message. A message he wrote during his last moments of sanity…"

From my memories, Marceline's voice invaded the bar, soft and full of emotion. A final message to a foster daughter that she'd turned into a heartfelt song. I Remember You.

"Marceline~

Is it just you and me in the wreckage of the world~?

That must be so confusing for a little girl~

And I know you're going to need me here with you~

But I'm losing myself and I'm afraid you're going to lose me too~

This magic keeps me alive~

But it's making me crazy~

And I need to save you~

But who's going to save me~

Please forgive for whatever I do~

When I don't remember you~…"

The tortured voice of Simon Petrikov as the Ice King joined the song.

"Marceline~

I can feel myself slipping away~

I can't remember what it made me say~

But I remember that I saw you frown~

I swear it wasn't me, it was the crown~"

They both came together for what passed for a chorus.

"This magic keeps me alive~

But it's making me crazy~

And I need to save you~

But who's going to save me~

Please forgive me for whatever I do~

When I don't remember you~

Please forgive me for whatever I do~

When I don't remember you~"

The ghostly voices slowly petered off, leaving only silence once more. There wasn't a dry eye at the bar. I discreetly wiped a tear of my own from my eye as well. Must be raining…

"Damn… I should really call my daughter…" A henchman muttered.

"Damn… I think I need a second."

"Damn… Got some… Got some dust in my eye."

"Damn… anyone got any tissues?"

"O-Oh, it's just so sweet and tragic~!" Delirium sniffled and cried something fierce, breaking the streak of 'damns'. "It makes me cry every time~! I love the Ice King for his delightful Madness but I hate him for what he did to poor Simon~!"

"That was a beautiful story, Sean," Batgirl said, stifling sniffles of her own. "Thank you for sharing it."

"I don't often tell stories I'm not a part of but this one needed to be heard," I said softly.

Bane nodded in agreement, "Simon Petrikov was a good man. His story shouldn't die with him."

Penguin raised his martini glass, "To Simon and Marceline."

The rest of the regulars didn't hesitate to join his toast, "To Simon and Marceline!"

"May Madness find you only once," Riddler added, trying for something profound and serious.

"We live in Gotham!" A mook laughed, quickly joined by the others. "It's already found all of us!"

"Rude," Delirium said with a quick sniff. "I'm sitting right here, you know."

The look on the mook's face as he froze could have been put on a poster. So could the utter relief he experienced when Delirium broke out into a fit of giggles. Huh, I should really get a camera for the reactions that happened in the Dead End. I could put them up on the walls like pictures of famous customers. An idea for another day…