1 Shall we begin?
How did I get here? I could have just said no and even if she were unhappy, at least I would not have been resentful. This is the last place I want to be, in a car driving four hours back and forth on a Sunday when I have two meetings in two hours and four hours respectively.
I must reach out to my group and tell them I will not be able to lead our meeting tonight. UGG! I hate being unreliable.
Since I started leading this group, I have missed one hand full of meetings. Not too bad for an entire year of leadership, right! Yet whenever my reason for not showing up was not substantial enough, it felt like I am cheating my group and I hate it.
As we cruised along the highway on I-94 to Orlando in the pouring rain, we encountered accident after accident, traffic, and congestion, it was so chaotic.
"Why is the road so busy and it's Sunday" I complained
"It's rush hour" Bettany replied
"But it's Sunday though" I hissed
At this point I was thinking just stop the car and let me walk home.
After the thought I immediately came back to my senses when I grasped that I was twenty minutes away from the destination.
Oh well, I might as well get with the times.
Instantaneously, I heard Sign of the times came on.
I was already moving to the beat even though the volume was way below ear level.
"Can you turn that up?" I urged
She turns up the volume.
":Just stop your crying it's a sign of the time, welcome to the final show, hope you're in your best clothes"
After slow jamming for the entire four minutes of the song I forgot I was mad. It was Matthias Nebel's version. Loved it!
During that moment I started reflecting upon a conversation that Bettany and I had a couple days ago.
It's funny how people tell me exactly what they think about me all the time. I recounted.
This girl blatantly told me she thinks I am not doing anything with my time.
"Hey, promise, when do you plan on studying for your work license?
"I am trying to get it done in a couple weeks"
"Yea, I was thinking you could get it done now before you start working since you are not doing anything"
I nodded bobble headedly.
I was exhausting my efforts participating in projects after projects.
"Why would she say that" I asked myself.
I saw this statement coming based on her reaction when I told her about my next big idea for a project I was working on.
Man, this was way sooner than I thought.
I felt my mood changing as the song ended, and I catch myself dozing off into dream land.
~
"Oh snap" I yelled, as I jumped up from my sleep
"What's wrong?" Bettany queried
"Nothing" I angrily uttered after realizing that I not only missed my meeting to attend a stupid road trip, but I forgot to send the meeting guide to the member who decided to lead the meeting.
It was seven o' five pm, the meeting ended five minutes ago.
"Never again" I said as I forced myself to fall back a sleep and forget my misery for the next couple hours until I get home.
~
At eight thirty pm I stepped in the house to meet all plates and pots clean.
I pondered for a few minutes trying to make one of the most difficult decision ever.
About five minutes into my strategy session, I went in the floor cupboard for a pot to make some curry gravy to eat with white rice.
I am the most non-Indian Indian you will ever meet.
I curry everything.
"I am going to bed" I heard Bettany uttered from across the kitchen.
"Yes, do that while I prepare something to eat at this hour of the night, because I didn't eat so I could be ready on time to accompany you to"
Before I could finish lashing out in my head, I burst out into laughter.
Nobody forced you to go, so why are you mad?
It was within this moment that I realized that it was way deeper than going to Orlando. It was the fact that I was always trying to be everyone's hero and neglecting myself.
~
** Ding Ding*
Goes the sound of my alarm at six o' clock telling me it's time to get up for my exercise.
What day is it, leg, arm?
It does not matter; I must get up either way.
Around seven thirty I felt my clothes sticking on to me so tight I could count my ribs. I knew it was time to cut for the day.
What do I have to do today? I pondered as I got ready to conquer the day's Goliath.
Four thirty I realized I have not done a few things on my to-do list.
Instead of continuing I allowed my frustration to lead me to Hulu, then Disney, then NBC, then peacock, then YouTube.
Before I knew it, I heard my eight thirty alarm go off for my therapy session.
I haven't even watched anything yet, just spent my time scrolling and now I have to go participate in a two-hour long session.
Why am I doing this again? I annoyingly contested as I mentally dragged myself to the zoom call.
~
The meeting did not go as planned, but it felt great.
I spent two hours and one minute with my group, that's a first. Well I usually have a meeting shortly after, so that would make sense.
I have grown to realize that the best parts of life are never planned, and I cannot help but wonder about the things I have missed out on because my schedule is always full.
What are you thinking about Ms. Shannet barked?
I jumped, frightenedly, I did not see you come in.
Yes, so what are you thinking about?
Life, can you help me with something? I asked knowing that she couldn't help me with a darn thing, but any escape from this conversation is genius.
If nosy was a person, it would be Ms. Shannet and the only thing that ticks me off more than nosy people, is people nosing around in my business.
What do you need help with sweetheart?
Can you stop nosing around in my business, is what I wanted to ask but instead I said, can you pass my phone?
We both chuckled as she realized I was trying to find anything to deviate from our conversation.
Girl, you don lost your mind! Go get your phone.
Close the door behind you, thanks goodnight!
Ms. Shannet as such a beautiful heart, she allowed me to stay with her for a couple months until I found a job, but I felt like I was back in my hometown.
In the village that I grew up in, everyone has a PHD in nosiness, I would stay home all the time to avoid this level of toxicity, but people would still want to show up at your home to snoop.
Talking bout, it's not gossip if it's true. Or am not snooping if it's on Facebook.
Well, yea that's not wrong, but I believe I could still make the choice to leave it alone since it was not my truth.
These people have some serious issues.
~
Speaking of issues.
I love track and field.
I grew up watching it and I even ran the one hundred meters in school before I started having ankle pains while running, and I opted out.
The issue with this is, I don't agree with some of the rules in the sport.
Don't get me wrong, I believe in rules, and I think they are extremely important, but come on, how can a runner be banned from their specialty race but still be allowed to run the relay.
This is like saying, you are not allowed to study but you should show up for the final exams.
My grandmother always tells me to mind my own business and I probably should if I want to have peace, so after I had this conversation with Ronnie, I avoided him for two weeks hoping he would have forgotten all about it.
That did not work.
A month later I ran into Ronnie a tall dark skin pink lip, mixed hair, muscular fashionista that I totally sometimes have a crush on. I find that my crush is constant when he does not talk to me, because we are both extremely argumentative and once I start arguing with him, I completely forget who is infront of me.
If I thought I was into track, Ronnie must have been the co-founder of the sport alongside the Olympians in Greece who started the sport to end war and bring nations together.
He feels this strongly about it, and after I made my comment, I realized I would have done myself better if I had not avoided him so he could get things off his chest.
Monday morning, as I was having lunch in the cafeteria, I saw him through the corner of my eyes and as I grabbed my bag to run, I bumped into him.
One step ahead of you, he smirked.
Have you been avoiding me?
Nervously chuckling, No, what? Why would I be avoiding you?
You know what, it doesn't matter, we are here now.
Can you have a seat ? I have a case for you.
No, I have Civic writing in five minutes, and I cannot be late for Professor Mercy's class.
You won't, because we take civic writing together and that is not until another hour.
Oh crap, I forgot we are in the same class.
Okay, whatever, just hurry up
I won't be long
I would have laughed but I was more annoyed than anything. I knew he would be talking until the time for class, but I just sat there and fed his ego.
When the sport was created in Seven hundred and seventy six BC it was for the unification of nations through competition.
As the sport evolved, so did the mission and vision.
Regarding the comment you mentioned. A three-month sentence was lessened to a month at the discretion of the USADA, for a rule that was clearly broken, so if I got to compete at all I would run with that.
He made some good points if I am being honest, but am I going to tell him that, heck no. If his head swells any bigger am sure my crush would go away, and it felt nice having a crush after what happened last year.
As my alarm went off for class, I turned it off and gathered my belongings and walked off.
Are you coming? I said after seeing him in the same position.
You didn't even ask me if I was finished.
Aren't you?
Yes, totally!
He clearly lied, because I saw him rolling up three papers that he didn't present to me.
