8 [Let Out Your Sorrow]

My steps echoed loudly throughout the hefty hallway. Besides my loud footsteps, there was only silence to be heard from this hallway, completed devoid of people.

It was just a moment ago that I learned of this world's harsh reality. There was no such thing as peace. We were only deluded into believing a false truth, a false hope of "peace." But aside from that, the old man's question lingered around my head. He had asked me if I believed in the gods. Of course, there were no gods in this world, and I didn't believe in them.

But I knew that I was lying.

It wasn't that I didn't believe in them. It didn't matter whether I believed in them or not; even I didn't know if I believed in such beings. But I knew one thing.

I hated them.

Ever since my little sister's incident, I have hated them ever since.

No, hate wasn't a word I could use to describe my feelings towards the gods. An emotionless freak such as me had no rights to use such terms. I couldn't feel such strong emotions. I didn't know what it felt like to hate someone. My heart was devoid of such feelings.

Was I even human…?

But one thing I knew for sure was that If I were to ever feel such emotions, I would have pointed those feelings towards myself. It was not that I hated the gods.

I hated myself.

I hated myself for being so weak.

My sister had always taken care of me and fought for me, even though I'm the older sibling, but instead, she was the one who was punished by this harsh world.

Why didn't they punish me instead?

Why didn't they punish me for my weakness?

I hated my weak self.

Amid my thoughts, I was interrupted by a loud sound of arguing.

"…!"

Curiously, I ran to the door and peeked through the unclosed door to see a familiar person. I could see that Hachiro was guarding himself with his arms crossed like an "X" across his face from pillows being thrown at him, and the one who was throwing the pillows was—

"I told you, I'm fine, so you can get out!"

—Akane.

Despite her conditions, she looked lively as always.

"My lady, you need to stay in bed to rest—"

"That's what I'm telling you! I'm fine! I need to go see if he's okay!" She yelled out loud, declining Hachiro's requests.

He? Did she perhaps mean me…?

"Tanaka-sama, I assure you he's fi—"

"Hachiro." She said coldly.

I could see that she was starting to get irritated.

"She has an awful temper, doesn't she…" I thought to myself.

As I was about to leave the two be, I lost control of my footing and fell towards the door.

"Wha—"

As the door slowly opened, I could see both Hachiro and Akane staring at me in surprise.

"Wait, this isn't what it looks lik—" before I could make an excuse, I fell to the floor, head-first.

BONK

As I opened my eyes, I could feel a stinging pain on my forehead, where I had fallen on. I rubbed my forehead and looked up to face Hachiro and Akane.

Hachiro looked and clicked his tongues as he continued to treat me like trash, and I could see Akane's face lit up bright red with her mouth open.

"Why are you her—" before Hachiro could question me, Akane jumped out of her bed and in an instant, she reached out her hand and grabbed onto mine, her face still red, "Let's run."

"Wait, where are you go—"

With my hand in hers, we ran out of the room together, leaving Hachiro behind.

2

Through the long and vast hallway, Akane and I ran until Akane found an empty bedroom that Hachiro was most likely not going to inspect.

"Ha… Ha… Hachiro cares too much about me, you know," she said while panting heavily.

"He acts like a different person around you," I replied, "Though, I think he's already annoyed of me."

Akane let out a little giggle and sat on the side of the bed.

She paused for a moment and made a hand motion indicating that I should sit beside her.

Understanding her gesture, I sat on the bed beside Akane. We sat so close to the point that our shoulders brushed off each other's. I looked over at her and could see that her cheeks were still red.

"Are you sure you're okay…?"

As soon as I asked, she jumped in surprise.

"Wha—? Why are you asking?"

Her cheeks were brighter than ever.

"I mean… Your cheeks are red, so I assumed you had a fever?" I cluelessly responded.

She then put her hands on her cheeks and began slapping my back furiously.

"You idiot!" She shouted.

I had no clue as to why she was slapping me. She was still in bad condition, perhaps?

I couldn't quite understand this girl.

As she sat back down, she looked at me, and her eyes traced down to my right arm, which was still wrapped in bandages to prevent further damage.

She quietly muttered.

"I heard about your right arm from Hachiro," she said, "I'm sorry."

"…"

"You see, I wasn't a very wary person, to begin with. I tend to mess up on everything I do, and the people around me always seem to get hurt for my sake. You might not believe it at this time, but I used to be strong! Strong enough to protect the people around me," she paused for a moment and continued in a trembling tone.

"If I had the same strength as I did nine years ago, this wouldn't have… happened…," she began to tear up, "If I didn't make that mistake nine years ago, nobody… nobody would have gotten hurt… I could have protected everyone, yet…!"

She was cursing herself for her weakness. The girl that has saved my life countless times was cursing herself. She even risked her life to do so, yet she was cursing herself, when in truth, I should've been the one shouldering the blame.

I couldn't bear to watch her. I didn't want her to suffer because of my weak being.

"I'm not strong enough," she finished quietly.

I cursed myself for not being able to share her sorrow.

—If I were normal, I would've understood how she felt, yet I couldn't.

I didn't deserve to be called human.

How could I tell her not to curse herself when I didn't know how she was feeling? Did I have the right to comfort her? Would any of my words reach her? What could I do?

"Reo, go ahead and say it," she spoke as I looked at her curiously, "Go ahead and say that I ruined your life! That you hate me!"

"I…"

"Because of my mistake, you had to get hurt. Because I was weak, you had to suffer. That's why… I want you to be honest and tell me that you hate me."

"…"

I could see that her whole body was trembling, and her face was once again red. Her eyes were shaking, and looked as if they were going to tear up anytime now.

"Akane, I…"

Before I could finish, Akane stood up and began shouting.

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT YOU DESPISE ME?! JUST TELL ME THAT YOU HATE ME! THAT I AM A GOOD-FOR-NOTHI—"

Before she could finish talking, I quickly stood up and wrapped my arms around her head and pulled her closely onto me.

I could feel her warmth pressed tightly against my chest as I firmly held her. It seemed that her body has stopped trembling as she stayed motionless in my arms.

She was an idiot, an idiot who curses herself for the sake of others.

She was too kind for her own good.

I couldn't let her suffer.

"Akane." I began.

"I can't understand how you are feeling right now because I don't have a way of knowing all the hardships you suffered through. I will never understand how much you had to endure, nor can I make any assumptions, but I know one thing. You are strong," as I continued, she grabbed onto my shirt tightly and buried her face against my chest, "I don't want to see you cry over your weaknesses because you are not weak at all. Your strength is the reason why I'm still breathing. So please, don't hate yourself. Even if you resent yourself, just remember that there are people out there who love you."

As I finished, I could feel her grip beginning to loosen and slowly, she began releasing all her sorrow that she had pent-up.

"You're…not going anywhere… right…?" She quietly whispered as she silently wept.

I pat her head gently as if I were handling a baby and whispered,

"I am here."

As the girl in my arms wept so sorrowfully, I stood by her side, comforting her until she had let out all her sorrow.