Writing Club

After a long day of school, I stared at the typewriter calmly, observing its beauty. I don't know how to even use this thing, where to start? I've sat here for the past few minutes, pondering the idea of changing my school report. Maybe I shouldn't use this, I don't even know it's history in my family. Maybe it's useless since now we use keyboards instead of this thing! My mom waited for me as she called for dinner, knowing I'm still studying the typewriter as if it's a monkey in a cage. Well, it's not an entertaining one as matter of fact, it's so boring, I could die!

Mom saw me in my nightgown when I pulled up a chair to the table, knowing I was preoccupied with something so negligible in her eyes. I've done it for the past three days, ever since she gave me the thing! I have no use for it and I have to show the class this without boring them to sleep! She grinned as I huff at the idea of using it to type my report.

"It might not be a bad idea, wouldn't you say?" she twirled her fork into the spaghetti, eating the huge portion off her plate. I still reject the idea, no way am I going to struggle on that. Bee is lucky, she decided to use her mom's broken curl iron and I'm stuck with something that can't get me an easy A!

"Mom, I dunno. You've kept saying that and I just can't change my mind," I mean I can't, honestly…..

" Amber, you really need to, I could help you with it too. Your grandmother did that for me and I should do it for you….,"

"When you put it like that, I'm starting to feel guilty mom…," I gazed at my fork, not touching my food any further.

"What if I try?, I think you will benefit from it, Amber!"

"It will? Are you sure mom?" hoping that questioning her might get me somewhere v.s. struggling on my own.

"That's splendid, I'll be in your room after dinner!"

"I hope I don't regret this?!!" she stared at me blankly before I left, maybe I struck a nerve?

Later that night, she showed up as she said she would, surprisingly. Bringing the box it was contained in with the instructions.

"Here, this should help," my eyes widened, she really thought I was going to read that big pamphlet.

"You're not going to explain it or anything, I am an auditory learner after all!" she looked at me like I was the crazy person in the room and scoffed at me.

"This is your project honey, this will help you. My job is to assist you, not do your project for you," She read that email the teacher sent to all the parents! Great! Now how am I supposed to read up on this! I thought she would at least explain this because that's what grandma used to do for me!!!

"You can't be closed off from me like this anymore Amber! I know you used to be more dependent on your grandma, but you have me now. You need to let this habit go…..you'd do this all the time and never tell me anything…," her face formed a frown as a tear left her eye.

"Mom, I'm sorry…..I thought you wouldn't understand how I feel, I thought you'd never get me or who I am. I just thought you'd hate me!"

"Hate you for what?! Because you like Bee!?"

"No mom, the car accident!" The room went silent, our faces soaked with tears and snot running down our noses. I'd never thought I would bring up the car accident again, not in a million years. To think that she's right , I was too close to grandma, I favored grandma more than her! My poor mother thought I never showed her more love and affection than I did with grandma. I never realized how hurt she has been, why she was distanced towards me. She could never open up to me because I never gave her the chance, I'm a horrible person.

"I'm sorry for everything! I'm a horrible person, I'm the reason why it happened and why you don't feel as though we don't have a relationship , mom!" She ran towards me to hug me.

"I'm sorry I never told you about Bee or the fact that I'm…..mom…,"

"It's not your fault, I shouldn't have brought up your grandmother when you were finally trying to ask me for help and open up to me…,"

"It is mom! If it wasn't for me, Dad would still be here!!!" Those words burned in the back of my throat, but I was able to finally push them out in the open.

She stood up and looked at me, watching me sob. Her face was furious, looking at my home line, getting ready to dial numbers.

"Was it that wench Jo-Ann, she said this to you, didn't she?! I should've f*king known she did this to you!!!" I sat there on the bed, looking at the typewriter. I shouldn't have told her, I knew she'd act like this. My grandmother Jo-Ann told me back in kindergarten that daddy wasn't coming home because I'm the reason why he died. My mom wasn't grieving as badly as she is now and I never really knew the emotions she felt until now. He died in a crash because he was speeding to the hospital. I was still being delivered when he crashed into a large gas truck and it exploded. I wasn't even born yet and his side of the family hated me. They've always hated me and my mother!

"Don't call her, I'm fine. I just needed to tell you that!" I gulped at her reaction, what if she called her for real, that woman hates us and always says all sorts of nasty this about!

"Ok, that means you trust me now?!" my mom was reposed, seeming relaxed enough to continue my project…

"Yes, but please don't hide anything else from me...I feel as though I've never known you for your whole life, Amber….,"

Trying

"I won't, as long as you please tell me how to use this, reading is boring," she looked annoyed again," I was only trying to lighten the mood mom! Besides, we should start living in the now!"

"Fine Melissa McCarthy let's hope your teacher doesn't flip out on this...," we laughed it off, sitting there while she shows me the pamphlet. I read had to read the instructions, sadly. She taught me how to use the keys, change the ink, clean the cartridge, etc. I felt kinda happy knowing that she was helping me instead of grandma...I wished it lasted forever, but I have writing club in the morning. Mom says that I need an outlet anyway, hoping I don't mope like we used to a few weeks ago.