Ch. 44: Sinner

I took a few steps back, not stopping until my back touched the cave wall.

A gust of wind from nowhere kissed the cheeks of my face, before doing so, it whispered into my ear and laughed at me.

It sounded like scorn.

My hands were trembling, holding the book that was about to fall out of my hands. If I drop it then I'm shameless! I am a sinner!

The corner of my lips twitched, then curled. This was nothing but a form of self-reproach.

I wanted to laugh at myself right now for being a criminal who had killed an innocent child!

Fuck!

My hand shot up, hitting my cheek hard. I did it over and over again until I shed tears downwards, onto the wet ground, letting the cave soil absorb them completely.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!!!

My cheeks became very sore. If those children were still alive, they would have suspected that I was a grown man who liked to beat myself up.

I could imagine how disgusted they would be with me... seeing me as a sinner.

Looking up at the ceiling of the cave... Mr. Henri, only one acquaintance has that name. He was the man who drove the carriage when I was about to complete the quest from Mr. Edward.

Then... are Mr Edward and Li Wei also here? Did I kill them... too?

My hand covered my eyes.

What kind of adventurer am I? Instead of saving them, I killed them.

In the pitch darkness, suddenly a scene flashed in my head, it was the moment where Yanyan was surrounded by Hilichurls, and one of those Mitachurls was furious when the other died in my hands.

My lips trembled... were they, those Hilichurls, the... friends Yanyan had mentioned?

They came out of this cave and managed to find Yanyan, unfortunately Yanyan did not recognise them because of the Hilichurl's transformation and chose to hide from them...

While deducing the probability, another scene slipped into my memory, it was the memory of them being killed, cut in half by my sword.

Remembering that made my stomach churn instantly!

I vomited out all the contents of my stomach that were filled yesterday!

At that moment my consciousness slowly vanished.

I was tired... may I die a sinner... a sinner who killed a child, and an innocent grown man.

However, as my eyes slowly closed, I gasped and regained consciousness instantly.

Everything about desire, guilt, purpose, and so on entered my head.

I must atone for my sin!

Sleep and die? What an innocent bastard!

I'll go out then... I looked at the diary I was holding.

After that, I put it into my Inventory.

Looking at the dead Hilichurls, I let out a long breath. I really can't go back in time and correct my mistakes. But I...

I began to dig into the soil in this wet cave, one by one, making enough holes to fill the size of a child each.

I didn't care about my dirty body. I didn't care if my body got hurt and started to get sick.

I would bury them and pray for their sins to be forgiven and accepted by "Him".

After wiping off the sweat, I picked up my sword lying on the ground and turned around.

Before I was about to go to the mouth of the cave, I turned my gaze back.

My eyes saw one grave after another from left to right. They were the children who had been killed by me. In the center of them was a grave with a tombstone formed from rocks found in the cave.

On the tombstone was written a name.

Henri.

I smiled, then turned my gaze back to the front.

After that, I looked down, looking at my fingers, there the surface looked damaged as well as my nails.

I'll find a way out, for sure.

I don't know how long I've been here.

The deeper I go, the ground surface of the cave turns to stone and no longer soil.

I'm just walking in the direction this cave is heading. With bare feet of course.

The end? I don't know at all. Anyway, I just kept walking.

Actually, I was getting thirsty and hungry, the contents of my stomach had all been wasted.

If other people saw me, I would look like a zombie that just came out of the big screen.

At this moment, my body froze instantly. I looked around frantically. In an instant, the damp and gloomy cave was gone, like a movie screen being turned off. I found myself in a place that wasn't a "cave" anymore. This place had suddenly changed!

The cold air pierced my skin, bringing with it the scent of dust and weathered stone.

I gulped... preparing my stance in case something would happen.

While being vigilant, I took note of where I was standing at the moment.

Before me lay an unfamiliar and mesmerizing sight. Magnificent ruins sprawled out, like the remnants of an extinct glory.

Giant stones lie scattered about, decorated with intricate carvings that tell stories of the past. At the center of the ruins stood a giant throne made of white marble. It was cracked and weathered, but still exuded an undeniable aura of majesty.

At this moment, my ears caught an unfamiliar voice from behind the throne, it didn't sound like a human voice.

My hand tightly gripped my sword.

Moments later, the figure that created the strange sound came out from behind the throne. It seemed that he realized that there was a "guest" who came to him impolitely.

That figure was...

Abyss Order.

***

Please throw a power stone to keep me motivated!

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I really want to make the Protagonist regret and make him fall. However, I don't know how... I feel like he's not a person who falls down easily just because he killed children, well, I mean... of course he's still mentally affected by doing that, but it's not to the point where he wants to die. It's more like the guilt that keeps haunting him. And of course this would impact how he would act later on.

I was looking for a way to bring the protagonist's mentality down to its roots, to the point where he would want to kill himself 😂

I've been losing motivation to write lately, maybe tomorrow I'll take a break, and decide to step away from the story for a while. It's time to touch the grass.