4 I hope you have time to spare because it's going to be long
When I realized that my death wasn't the end of me, the first thought I had was to regret killing myself because given the reason why I did it, there was a high probability that I had just bought myself a one-way ticket to hell...
As an atheist (another reason that could get me sent to hell by the way), an eternity of flames, torture and sadistic demons was a price that I definitely didn't prepare myself to pay.
Before opening my eyes I was almost expecting to come face to face with a horned, red-skinned creature who would tell me with an ecstatic expression that it couldn't wait for us to get to know each other more deeply while fondling a pitchfork, but fortunately I couldn't be more wrong...
Looking around I immediately realized that I wasn't in hell, well, unless demons have already started playing tricks on me.
I was lying in a large, empty room with a pristine white floor, walls and ceiling, which made me believe that I was in heaven.
"FUCK YEAH!" I rejoiced while raising my arms above my head before noticing as I looked at them that they were a lot different from normal ones...
"Strange." I said with a tone more intrigued than frightened while looking at them under all the seams before lowering my eyes and noticing that in addition to the fact that the rest of my body was also transparent I was missing my 3-piece service, 'Okay, that's not fun anymore.'
As I was wondering why I was like this and who dared to remove my little soldier, I received an unexpected answer, "No carnal envelope equal transparent body and unfortunately no dick." A grave and feminine voice told me.
Startled by the voice I spun around to determine where it was coming from but saw nothing and no one, "Where are you? And who are you?" I asked nervously to prompt the entity who had spoken to me to reveal herself.
A few seconds later I felt 2 giant and calloused hands rest on my shoulders, "I'm here, Harry." The same voice from before whispered in my left ear.
I was about to flinch but I managed to control myself in time, wanting to not give satisfaction to whoever was behind me for having managed to surprise me a second time because I had the intuition that it was what she wanted, I tried to behave normally...
"It's pretty rude to touch someone you don't know like that." I said casually without turning around.
"It's pretty rude to not feel shame while naked in front of someone you don't know." She retorted in a playful tone as she started to skillfully massage my shoulders, "Though, that sound a bit wrong since you don't have your pecker anymore."
I didn't catch her comment, I was too busy enjoying her touch which was simply divine if I had to put a word to it...
'How can a basic massage like this be so good?' I wondered as I relaxed and totally forgot that it would be wise for me to ask about the person who was massaging me.
***
After a few minutes of pure bliss during which I miraculously managed to contain my moans, the massage stopped...
"That was your first gift, now let's move on to the second." The entity behind me said before taking me off the ground and making me rotate easily with her powerful hands so that I would face her.
"So, am I your type?" Asked the 2.5 meters tall smiling armored woman I was now facing.
'Uh…' For a moment I remained speechless, mesmerized by the singularity of my interlocutor's appearance...
The most striking things about her were of course her height and the Viking style of her armor, which made me understand that she was definitely not an angel and presumably a Valkyrie, the equivalent of a reaper in Nordic mythology (which made no sense since I wasn't the profile of souls they usually collect if my knowledge on that mythology was accurate), but that was far from being everything that caught my eyes…
She was very muscular but not overly so, many scars more or less deep were on her legs, arms and neck…
Her golden hair was styled in a braid that went down to her hips, her eyes were of an extremely deep blue and her very angular face was nevertheless harmonious and pleasant to look at.
The surprise passed, I came to my senses and answered her while reciprocating her smile, "I would say yes without hesitation if I had ever seen a woman like you in my life."
"And he has good taste." She said aloud to herself as she brought her face very close to mine with the expression of a predator on the hunt on her face, "It's really a torture for me to have to let you go knowing that."
Although I found the situation quite exciting, I decided to get to the point when she mentioned that I had to leave, "Could you be more specific?" I asked while boldly bringing my face even closer to hers.
She stared at my lips, then grin before backing up, "Well, I'll spare you the details but basically, by having your mother sent to prison you created a butterfly effect that prevented a lot of trouble on a global scale so I've been tasked with rewarding you by reincarnating you into a world that you are very fond of." She explained, seeming downhearted to have to talk about this subject (wow, she gets attached quickly).
Disregarding completely what she meant in the first piece of information she gave me, I let myself be carried away by the enthusiasm that the second one brought since there was only one possibility that came to mind when I heard the words 'a fictional world that you are very fond of'.
My eyes widened in realisation, "Don't tell me..." I began to say with glee.
The Valkyrie chuckled then started humming, "Naananananaa..." Hearing her replicate the Game of Thrones theme song confirmed what I had deduced.
I was about to rejoice, but several questions that came flooding in prevented me from doing so, the most important being evident...
"What about my father in all this, when would I see him again?" I asked, letting concern replace my cheerfulness.
The Valkyrie wore a serene expression after hearing my question, and her answer finished reassuring me on that point...
"He's in heaven and right now he's probably partying with the few angels there who don't have a broom up their ass, I wouldn't worry too much about him if I were you. Anyway, you will see him again when you will die for the second time." She answered me while sweeping the air with several backhands of her left hands to incite me to move on.
Relieved, I took the Valkyrie's advice and was now thinking of more self-centered things...
"So, in what conditions exactly are you going to send me there?" I inquired with a dubious tone, wanting to evaluate my chances of survival because in a medieval world one can never be too careful.
This time the Valkyrie's response was less pleasing...
"You don't have the choice of where you will be reborn and in what year exactly but don't worry we know what you want and what you need. Also, good health, preservation of your memory and being born in a great house are things you will have as well as other privileges." She replied, amphasizing on the 2 last words of her sentence.
I'm not going to lie, the choices that were imposed on me were pissing me off since I had my preferences but she seemed adamant about it so I moved on...
"What other privileges were you talking about?" I asked, puzzled.
"3 wishes..." Before I even had the time to get excited, the Valkyrie gave me a cold shower, "...but no magic, no supernatural stuff as well as too unreasonable things."
"Okay mom." I replied in protest while frowning.
"You are lucky I'm also into that." She murmured before pretending she hadn't said anything by avoiding my gaze when I looked at her judgmentally.
'Well, I have choices to make.' And being the kind of person who never rushes to make a decision, I preferred to warn the Valkyrie, "I hope you have time to spare because it's going to be long."
She replied with a flirty smile, "I have all the time in the world for you."
***
6 hours later
***
Given what she told me before we started negotiating my wishes I thought she would have more patience than that...
"FOR FUCK SAKE! YOU WON FUCKING BASTARD!" The Valkyrie shouted at my face with several veins pulsing on her forehead and neck while clearly holding back from hitting me in view of the way she was clenching her fists.
I had finally managed to make her lose her patience with my last wish which she had so far refused to validate because technically it involved magic even if it was passive.
"I would have been gone 3 hours ago if you had said yes right away." I teased her while approaching her before showing her one of my cheeks since she told me that she had to kiss me there to send me into my next life (100 % sure that she made that up to take advantage of me, but I didn't mind since I kind of liked the little game there was between us)...
"It's time to send me to my destination." I told her while tapping my cheek with one of my index to encourage the Valkyrie to kiss it quickly.
"A peck on the cheek, huh?" She asked rhetorically with a tone of voice that I found suspicious, "With all that you've put me through, I'm not going to settle for this anymore, sweetheart."
Everything went very fast from the moment she told me that to the moment my mind went blank, so fast that I had few certitudes on what happened in between, but the foreign and sweet flavor that I tasted on my lips before my conscience fade was a sufficient indicator to guess.
