Abyss of despair I:

My whole life has been a series of misfortunes. For as long as I remember I have suffered from bad luck. Although that may have been mostly due to my own clumsiness but that does not explain all the suffering I had to go through.

I would receive injuries from time to time. Falling ill out of nowhere, slipping and falling were normal. And even my friends were not spared from my ill fate. I even lost a friend in an accident during my childhood, maybe that was also my fault.

I was not good at studying so my teachers and tutors were always disappointed in me. And their disappointment transformed into something worse. It started as a light scolding, then yelling and finally beating.

After some time, even my schoolmates started bullying me. And through those experiences, I came to know that even young children can be quite cruel.

I was the sole child of my widowed mother. I was born when my parents were in their 40s and my father died some time after my birth. That was probably the start of my misfortune. My parents named me Michiru. And just like my name suggests, I was forced to mature at an early age, at least in some aspects. I think that I was mentally stronger than most people.

My old mother loved me very much so I also did my best not to make her worry about me. I never told her about my bullying.

I lost trust in people and started to be alone as much as possible. I started to keep pets especially cats because these animals would bring me comfort when I was lonely and weirdly, were never affected by my bad luck.

I never had a friend throughout my childhood or even in my early teens. But as I grew older I at least found a way to escape suffering. That way was to always smile and laugh. Even if you are in pain or sad, just smile. If someone hurts you, just smile and treat it as a joke.

By smiling and laughing, I managed to reduce my bullying. And after some time I had another epiphany that if people are happy they won't hurt you most of the time. Nobody cares about your suffering. People will always try to stay away from pain and are attracted to happiness. But I was not someone who could give something I never had a chance to experience myself so I put on a mask and I started to do my best to make people laugh.

I got into this persona so much that it felt like I had forgotten what self esteem was. But that became a burden on my mind easily, it was really hard to always say things you didn't mean. I wanted to vent too but I couldn't do that or those days of suffering will come again.

After that I put on another mask of deception. I started showing my true thoughts mixed with lies, making it look like I just couldn't be honest. I think people called it a tsundere. I would even make a joke of myself in front of others. because if I always showed myself as a dishonest person, people wouldn't't know even when I was voicing out my true thoughts about someone I disliked and people would also be amused.

My bad luck started to die down when I got into high school. I even got my first true friend Sachi. I was so happy just being with her that every day I would pray that if that was a dream it would never end. And even when I was rude she would just laugh it off and always told me to be honest. Even my mother noticed my improved mode and would ask about my friend from time to time.

I was so excited to know that I would be going on a school trip with my friend that I couldn't even sleep at night. It really was fun.

But I had forgotten what kind of fate I had. I let my guard down thinking that my suffering had ended, that I will live a normal life. And then the disaster struck and every hope, dream came crashing down as I saw the look of pure horror on the face of my precious friend.

"Ah. It's my fault, isn't it." A whisper escaped from my lips.

How could I forget what happened whenever I received some form of happiness, what happened to the people who were close to me. How could I forget that, even when I saw my old widowed mother daily. How could I think about living happily when I have always been putting on a mask and deceiving others. How could I forget that forgiveness doesn't come that easily.

Is this my retribution for thinking I was pardoned.

'I am sorry.'

'I am sorry for thinking my punishment has ended'

'I am sorry mother that you had to live with a daughter like me'

'I am sorry that even when I am going away, I will make you sad'

'I am sorry Sachi, for taking your friendship as granted'

'I am sorry that I never treated you sincerely .'

Finally, this is the end. Maybe if I close my eyes, this will end quickly and I won't feel pain. But as soon as I closed my eyes right after a loud sound, a flaring pain came from my head. But it was short lived as everything went dark in a second.

......

As soon as Michiru opened her eyes, first thing that came was intense pain from her forehead. She felt light headed and couldn't move. She arduously moved her hand and touched her forehead. It felt sticky and wet. She couldn't comprehend the situation as she looked around.

She remembered what happened as she noticed the extremely dented roof of the car. All windows were broken and glass shards were everywhere. Probably the prickly pain coming from all over her body was because of these shards. she looked ahead and what greeted her were two open bloodied eyes whose light had long since faded. Her eyes opened wide but she didn't scream for some reason.

She quickly looked sideways to search for her friend and she saw her unconscious leaning on the broken dented door. She sighed in relief when she saw that there were no injuries visible on her aside from some bruises and cuts mostly on her arms, legs, and clothes.

She put her hand on Sachi's shoulder and gently shook her while calling out her name. After some time, her eyes fluttered open as she groaned.

"ughh. What happened?" she asked absentmindedly.

"we fell down the cliff. Are you okay?" Michiru asked her friend worryingly.

"I think I am okay. What about you."

Sachi questioned as her eyes adjusted to surroundings which had somewhat darkened.

As soon as she gazed at her friend, a silent scream left her mouth as she saw her blood on her forehead. She started panicking and her eyes fell on the cold body sitting on the driver seat. A shrill scream echoed as large drop of tears fell from her eyes. This scream managed to wake Yuria up who also looked relatively fine.

......

Yuria and Michiru managed to calm the pink haired girl down after some time. They managed to get out of the car with some effort as the car was already falling apart.

Sachi and Michiru hugged each other as soon as they got out of the car, while Yuria looked around. They were on a leveled ground which was a few dozen feet wide. There was a slightly protruding cliff dozen of meters above their heads from where they fell down. The rocky wall extended to both sides as far as the eye could see. There was lush green forest on all the other sides of their slightly elevated platform.

Yuria went back towards the car as she did her best to ignore the corpse on the front seat. She moved towards the back Seats where Amane was still unconscious. She tried to wake her up but her gaze fell on her legs. Her hands shot up to her mouth as a gasp managed to pass through her fingers.

Michiru and Sachi also came to her side when they heard her gasp.

"What happened Yuria sensei. Is Amane alright?" Sachi asked anxiously.

But they didn't receive any answer. They moved towards the car but they also had the same reaction as yuria. Michiru closed her eyes quickly as she felt dizzy and Sachi fell unconscious. There was a sharp metal part from the door embedded deep in Amane's thigh after leaving a few centimeters long deep cut. There was blood all over her leg.

......

It took quite some time for two conscious girls to get a hold of themselves. They tried their best to calm down and assess the situation. They also managed to wake Sachi up but her mental condition was not the best.

They needed a place to rest comfortably for the injured Amane. Fortunately, there were three tents from their field trip which were in back of the car. They also had some other supplies but they focused on setting up a tent first for Amane.

After that they somehow managed to lay her down in the tent by dragging/carrying her from the car.

Yuria could not stop her body from shaking after seeing the horrible wound. It looked quite deep but it was not bleeding that much due to the metal piece still in it. They needed to do something about it first.

She asked the dazed Michiru to fetch the first aid box from car. Michiru went to the car and came back quickly with the box. Yuria checked the contents of the box and sighed in relief.

"There are some bandages, a bottle of antiseptic for wound cleaning, some band aids, and some painkiller tablets."

She thought out loud and looked to the side at the still dazed Michiru and Sachi who hadn't stopped crying. She spoke to them in a low voice

"We have to remove this metal piece from the wound although it will start the bleeding again but we cannot bandage the wound without removing it. Let's just hope there is no major artery puncture."

She asked the girls for help. The absent minded Michiru moved to her side but Sachi remained still in her place shaking her head.

"hic. No. I... I can't. Please" She said through her sobs.

Yuria sighed and left her alone. She moved to the wounded leg and asked Michiru to hold Amane's shoulder in case she gained consciousness. She put one hand on her leg and the other on the metal piece.

She felt afraid. Fear of blood and pain gripped her heart. She closed her eyes as a silent tear escaped and dripped down her cheek.

'I cannot let myself be shaken. I have to be strong. I have to be the one to take care of these girls because I am their teacher.'

Yuria firmed her resolve as she promised herself to be the pillar the girls needs to survive.

She gripped the metal firmly and carefully started to pull it out. But as soon as the metal came out of the wound it started bleeding again and Amane gained consciousness due to severe pain. A heart wrenching wail echoed throughout the forest and Yuria felt like her resolve almost crumbled.

"It hurtss....Aaaaaaughhh... No.. It hurtsssss"

she started thrashing like fish out of water, crying out in pain. But Michiru somehow kept her down.

Yuria hid her face behind her hands so others won't see her crumpled face smeared with tears, forgetting about the bleeding wound splashing blood drops on and around them.

"This is just a dream. It will be alright. I will wake up soon. WAKE UP please. No more"

Sachi screamed as her legs gave out and she covered her ears, trying to run away from her cruel reality.

Michiru had her eyes closed but her face was emotionless as she did her best to hold Amane.

A few seconds which felt like eternity to all girls, passed with Amane's scream ringing in the background and she lost consciousness again.

Amane unconscious but still in pain, Sachi screaming and denying reality, Yuria trying her best to get ahold of her bearing but failing, and Michiru still dazed and silent, all girls wanted their suffering to end but they didn't know that this was just the start.

They will have to suffer and bear much more than this to even have a chance to hold on to their rationality, to survive in this abyss of despair.

_____________________

A.N

There were some dialogue which gave cringe vibe even after i changed them again and again. Looks like I can't escape cringe *sigh. cringe is eternal.

And I think I am having difficulties in dialogue consistency like sometimes pacing is slow and sometimes really fast.

QUESTION:

Should I use sensei and senpai like japanese work or should I completely remove senpai/senior and keep teacher word instead. Because I think it will feel like a cultivation novel if use senior here. (I won't use honorifics like chan, san, or kun)

Choose one by commenting on paragraph.

A) Use Sensei Senpai

B) Use English words only (teacher and miss)