Amson, 18, "My Wish Upon a Star" ///TW///

'Why…' I thought, imagining the heavens in that jet-black nothing. '…Why is this happening to me?'

No sight... no touch... just the sound of my violation. With only the gross noise of her body against mine, I could only wonder, if there were a god, why hadn't he intervened. Was he laughing from on high or was he sobbing, letting fall the amaranthine teardrops of the omnipotent?

Was he so limited to not spare me this self-destructive, wrenching humiliation?

With every second of hearing that degrading clapping of flesh, my mind descent more and more into a place I could never consciously reach, a hole within my otherwise impenetrable mind. I was exposed in every sense, my weakness bare-- my face open and numb.

'She couldn't have known...' I told myself. 'She couldn't have known.'

This feeling… there was no satisfaction— even had I allowed lust take me over I'd never feel an inch of pleasure. I was merely vegetative, an audience to and of myself. I heard the clicks and flashes of a camera, a third eye serving only as witness.

"Y— Amson…" Nicky mouthed amidst her ceaseless moaning. "You're… so… big!"

I wished she'd just be silent, leave me to the peace inside my head. I was knocked away from the one disconnection I had from this moment, forced to listen to her enjoy my suffering with every nerve of her trembling body. Each whimper-- each peep from that whore only sent me further beyond that brink, beyond the fragile bounds of sanity. After only a while, I'd settled that if I were freed-- once I was free of this biological cage, I would skin her slow and ground her skull underneath the weight of my breaking fists.

That, at the very least, would be within the power of myself, a mere human.

I tried to imagine the sensation, but the feeling was lost to the painful, dead tingling along my skin, and as I listened to her more and more, I'd eventually lost hope.

I wished I would die.

In that moment, as if a freeing revelation from the god I'd just denounced, I wished only for the absolute destruction of myself, to be nothing. I would be at peace, no matter what state I happened to be in. Whether Heaven or Hell, the release of my being was the salvation I'd searched for all along.

I was a scavenger stumbling upon the harrowing shepherd that was death, epitomized.

I felt the pressure as Nicky forced my face deeper into the pillow, gasping with excitement with each pound against my skin, and I lie there, indifferent. It was all meaningless. That realization that, finally, everything would cease was beautiful, and tears of joy flowed, escaping my senses yet my mind understood.

"I knew..." She wiped the tears from my face. "I knew you'd understand, Amson. I just... I just thought you would see me-- truly see me before..."

She practically purred, then, warmth around my groin, free flowing liquid from her deranged affection.

"...Before it'd turned to this..." She stopped, planting her ass back in the filthy mook. "But how could I have known he... How could I?!"

I felt the pattering pressure of small drips around my stomach. Nicky's body pressed against mine as she lay along my abdomen, her face underneath my sky-gazing chin.

"You, Amson..." She muttered. "You were only an idea... I get that now. The revered 'Goliath' from that rundown hull I'd only heard shit-lined gossip about... yet here you are, just like any other man."

I felt her arms wrap, hiding her face into my chest as if lying on a desk.

"What have I done?!" She gasped for air, hyperventilating. "Why-- Amson..."

She heaved as if panicking. I sat there, a sponge to her outburst. Still, I could only think one thing.

'What...' I thought. 'You gonna say you're fucking sorry?'

Yet, there was still much more hope of me forgiving her than her stopping my rage. She was unathletic, and no matter where she would run, I would find her. Not to give her any such disgusting treatment-- to break even... but to draw and draw and draw until I wasn't reminded of her when looking at my aftermath.

I would sacrifice nothing but myself.

My honor and the superficial face that others might have planted on me are useless bargaining tools, and whether or not that bitch was sorry would wait until my rage was leveled-- after I was done. Not because she did anything to me but because of what she's done to Baun.

"You..." She finally lifted her head from my chest. "...No-- I've done enough."

As she finally lifted her damned thing from my waist, my heart went ablaze. She was going to leave without a single consequence. I rattled the insides of my brain from strain, just to utter a single iota of my wrath. I screamed within my head until a peep surfaced, somehow fighting through the effects of her pill.

I groaned, seemingly catching her attention as she stood at my bedside. I could feel her eyes upon me, much clearer than anything she'd done to me for what felt like an eternity.

"Hmph." She sounded. "Seems like the effect was wearing off, anyway. My mom's a pharmaceutical scientist, but most I could scour was the defective ones. You get what you get."

She placed her hand along my chest.

"You're a tough cookie, Amson. Forty-five minutes and not so much as a drop, even being the virgin you are."

She giggled a bit.

"Do you think that means you're still a virgin?" She pondered. "I dunno; I've never been a book person."

I felt her look away, then back to me.

"I know you hate me." She said, calmly. "But I'm afraid you won't be seeing me again. Knowing who you are now, it'd be a little stupid, sticking around. I'll find a reason to move, and to you... Take care."

Her steps led toward the door, and just like that, there was no evidence she was there anymore. Tears fell from my eyes, and I sat within the nasty, perfume ridden air, soaking in my hatred as my consciousness slowly slipped away. I groaned once more, and as my hearing, my last remaining sense, whittled away, I finally heard the sound of the door, a familiar voice creeping through.

"I--" She started embarrassed and bashful, but in but a moment, her tone changed completely. "...What the hell did you do to him... Nicky?!"