Amson, 17, "Peacemaker Delusion"

From the last glimpse I saw of Tora's face, she looked pitiful, her dejected expression leaving a lasting impression on me as I walked to Baun's truck, ready for whatever response I could imagine he had to offer. I couldn't shake the feeling that I should turn around and talk to her more, especially since our fun'd been cut so short, but I had bigger worries, worries that'd dictate whether I survive or succumb to the unrelenting wilderness.

For all I knew, he could've left, but I wouldn't have blamed him: we both have school tomorrow. Still, if he did leave, I would be left here, only the cows and such to keep me company through the cold night. I turned the corner of her front walkway, and to my eternal delight, there his truck was, the same as I remember leaving it.

The lights were off inside the vehicle, and it wasn't until I got closer that I saw probably the most priceless thing I'd seen in a while. I peered through the window, and there Baun was, out like a light with snores that pierced the protective casing of his bread and butter. His head slumped backward, hanging over the median between the driver and passenger seats, and I knew I had to do something, anything to fuck with him.

I know I was in deep shit whenever he woke up, but a chance like that comes once in a blue moon since we live so far away from one another. The only time I had to have real fun like this was in school, and you already know how that turned out.

Needless to say, my mind was set, but my attempt was aimless at the moment; I had to think of something. My options were next to none. There was nothing to do with such a barren driveway, and all the ideas that came to me didn't satisfy. It had to be special.

'I can't fuck with the cows...' I pondered. 'Think, deeper still.'

Then it came to me.

///

Baun slept soundly, letting anyone within a good yard's radius know. It was like the truck's engine, but the second I heard it, I knew it was him. He'd modded the thing so much that it was nigh-impossible for it to make a peep unless Baun, himself, commanded. The sound rattled the inside of the truck, and I crouched below the window near the passenger seat, giggling like a cartoon villain.

Sometimes, I marvel at what this mind can do with so little. A little bit of chance and a resilient body and mind, and we make miracles. It's just too simple. I was prepared, and as I knocked on the window, I was shaking with anticipation. I wanted to see the reaction at all costs, despite the costs.

Knock, knock, knock, I said rhythmically, with a 'rumpumptumtum' and a few more stylishly artistic tunes. With so much room to work with, my creative liberty was unmatched; I was ready.

Baun didn't respond for a short while, but the spirit of trolling was only made grander, urging me to continue my mesh of sounds, this time only louder and more rapid. Eventually, he raised his groggy head, rubbing himself free of the tells of sleep, and I immediately halted my sound. He inched his still waking head toward the window and all was silent for a split moment, before disaster had struck within the confines of his beauty of a vehicle.

On the window's surface was a great stag, a beauty that I'd borrowed from the expansive wilderness. Baun's hellish screech reverberated throughout the truck, the sound leaking outside to where I could hear as clear as day.

The sharp-yet-low leak of a squeal was only matched by my laugher, and the truck shook from the force of his fumbling fear. I dropped the beetle entirely, and it flew off into the night.

"Amson!" Baun yelled from behind the door. "Laugh while you still have the lungs, bitch ass!"

Still, I couldn't stop, curling over and falling onto the concrete. He nearly kicked his door off, yet as he approached me and I saw the expression on his face, I couldn't hold it in, spooking all the cattle near the Fletchlins' giant house.

///

"Oooh..." Baun exclaimed from the passenger seat. "You-- you managed to get away with this bullshit again!"

I drove, my self-induced punishment for the troubles. As I'd expected, Baun was nearly feening with rage, the prank leaving him wide awake with his mouth moving without stop. I listened, only responding when thrown a question.

"You were in there for..." Baun glanced at the digital clock on the dashboard. "Five fucking hours! What in the hell'd you two do in there?"

"We talked a bit." I said calmly. "Just as you assigned, captain."

"So, you still wanna fuck with me, Am? Like I'd believe that bullshit! No one talks for that long! I bet you had some... family fuck sesh!"

"Even if I did, I got what we came for."

"At least deny the shit, Am." He pushed his palm into his forehead. "So, what was the answer, man, before you get on my last nerve."

"Nope." I said bluntly.

"No? Tora?" He laughed in disbelief. "Ain't no fucking way."

"Why so surprised?"

"Nothing... Nothing at all." He said, only raising my suspicion. "Well, if five hours of fucking ain't convince her, nothing would."

"Would you stop about the fucking?" I said, annoyed. "And we just talked."

"I don't give a fuck whether you talked, had a woodland orgy, or any other rural-fantasy-harem bullshit. You fucked me, and not only that, you're about two fucking seconds from fucking yourself. So, I'll say whatever the fuck I want while you're driving my goddamn truck, you hear me?"

"Roger." I said, my concentration returning to the pitch-black road ahead. "Thanks for helping me out today, Baun."

Although bitter, he silently took my thanks, and after that, the conversation was hushed, leaving the both of us to our own, separate worlds of thought. There was no point in arguing with him, nor did I have the right. I knew I was in the wrong, and it was only through his kindness that I was able to make that connection with Tora, albeit cut dismally short. He'd helped me organize this entire party, and tomorrow, it'd finally happen, the kick-off to the perfect school year.

"Hey, Baun." I said, all sentimental. "I'm sorry."

"Fuck you." He said bluntly.

That angered me a bit.

"What the hell, man." I groaned in disbelief. "It's just a bug."

"And I just don't accept your apology." His calm voice struck with even more force.

"Then, how the hell am I supposed to make it up to you? What do I have to do? Where do I have to go?"

He thought for a moment, only to return his eyes to me with the most contrived serious face I'd ever seen.

"There still aren't nearly enough man-whores in hell." He said, calmly. "I'm sure there's room."

Point taken.

///

I drove myself to my house, and Baun drove the rest of the way to his, ending the wild night I'd been subjected to. I couldn't bring myself to tell him I got shot at; I would never deliberately allow him to get involved in something so serious. I intended to keep it to myself for the foreseeable future. Neither my sister or parents would know nor would it make much of a difference, anyway.

I doubt I'd ever step foot in that house again.

I opened the door, locked it behind myself, and ascended the stairs, turning the lights off behind me. The hallway was dark, but I felt a presence in the shadow.

"Lore?" I called, sure it was her.

"Where were you, Amson?" She asked from the dark, a seriousness behind her voice. "I haven't heard from you all day."

"I was around, inviting people to the party I thought Baun told you about." I said, suspicious. "He did tell you about it, right?"

"Yeah, of course." She paused for a second, only to speak words with a weight I could never hope to fathom. "You could, at the very least, answer your phone when someone calls you."

The words flipped a switch within myself, and instantly, I knew why.

'Lester Fletchlin's still got my damn phone.' I balled my fist, breaking the skin with the pressure.

Blood seeped down my palm, and I stood, unresponsive as Lore's presence never vanished, just remaining in the hall with me. I walked to the bathroom without a word, and as I turned the light on, I saw of glimpse of her pants, clothes she only wore when preparing to go somewhere.

That's exactly what I get for allowing myself to live in la la land. Reality hits me, and I'm back to square one, the same person I've always been. I'd never change, and because I'm nothing, I'm powerless to change the infinite loop within my own mind.

I leaned over the sink, washing away the fresh blood with the running water. The stinging helped remind me of my ignorance, the blissful illusion that I've allowed myself to live under for the past three years. A normal life, ambitions, romance... it was useless when I knew where I'd inevitably end up, either dead or prison. All of these people telling me what I want to do, and when I give them a face to grab onto, they pull too hard, leaving my bare skull.

They don't want to see who I am, and I'd do my best to make it appear like I'm larger than life, lying in the crevices of everything expected of me. I haven't changed. I haven't changed...

I slammed my hand against the sink, hearing the creak of it's hinges underneath what I could see.

"Calm the hell down, Am." Lore called from the other side of the wall, the door still open. "You'll only open the wound more."

"Alright, Lore..." I took deep breaths, in and out. "Alright..."

I looked down at the sink as my hands rested on it's edge, blood staining it's beautiful white. Then up, seeing my face, still red from the scratch Tora'd gifted me. I wiped at the forming scar, the anger within me festering until it's inevitable release.