ACT II

I don't really know what I'm doing here. So please forgive me.

Just a little convo between friends.

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"Then, why did you kiss her? "

"I was drunk, doofus!" Beca sat on the couch, hands on her face, burying her face, tearing it away from her friend who was interrogating her because she was all smiles a few days when she got home after the New Years' party at a friend's house and suddenly, all dark and depressed.

"May I remind you, using your words, I was not that drunk" Stacie sat beside her. Getting fucks and facts from people are the things that she's good at, even with her friends. She's been friends with Beca for almost 7 years now and maybe that's the reason why she knows something was up.

"Was I?" She huffed in frustration because honestly, she didn't know the answer. She's not in love with Chloe, right?

She can't be.

They've been friends since forever and by forever she means since college, and no matter what happened before, all the cuddling when they sleep and exchange of breaths, she had never thought of it that way. Well, maybe except the other night when they were at a friend's house and everyone left except them.

She really should have gone home.

But Chloe said in her text when she invited her that the after New Year's party is supposed to be like a sleepover and she was excited. She hadn't seen her friends in a long while because she was busy, & she hadn't been able to spend time with Chloe because she was busy.

She didn't expect everyone to go home.

And Chloe.

She might have mentioned that night that she's going to go home.

What the fuck.

What the actual fuck.

She sat there. Doesn't really know how to react to that.

Did Chloe give her the wrong information?

So she sat there.

Disappointment on her face.

Chloe might have seen that and changed her mind because the next thing she knew, Chloe was asking everyone if they could just stay the night.

But everyone left.

Except them.

She bought some cigarette.

Chloe never really liked that. She wasn't happy to find out that in the many years of friendship, she never saw her smoking. She never knew.

They would usually argue when Chloe found out, telling Chloe she's being a judgmental bitch and Chloe defending that she just does not like the smell and she'd end up all fumed asking Chloe to not go near her.

But Chloe has her ways. She would always be near her. Washing her hand free of the smell of cigarettes or anything.

"Oh come on. You like her, like her."

"I don't."

"You don't? really?"

"I don't know."

"You know, she likes you. You like each other, everyone knew that."

"Oh, fuck you."

"Well, in college, everyone would always say that you're gonna hook up, and I really don't know why you only did it just now"

"Dude. Not helping."

"Oh come one, Rebeca. She wasn't drunk. Why else would she do that if she doesn't like you?"

"I don't know, she wouldn't talk to me about it."

"What really happened?"

"I already told you, we kissed."

"I want details, Mitchell. Details."

Beca knew that she wouldn't get away anytime soon from her friend. She believes that what happened between them should stay between them... But these days, she feels like if doesn't do anything she's going to explode. If she won't be able to talk about this, she would probably lose her mind.

"Well, how do I even begin?"

Stacie stayed silent, waiting for her.

"Well, we cuddled. We always do, that's normal."

"Yeah, yeah." Stacie found herself a comfortable position sitting opposite to Beca so that she can really get all the juicy details about this.

"We we're talking about lots of stuff, then I mentioned that I didn't feel like my heart beating, there was no heartbeat. She even told me because I have been dead inside for years now and she laughed. I told her, I was serious and that she should try to listen to it which she did."

She paused. Breathing. Remembering.

"She stayed silent and just laughed. She burrowed her head on my chest and whispered that I'm right. I adjusted myself to get to see her face and saw her smiling, you know it's really stupid that we had no lights but the stupid fucking moonlight was there- are you even listening?"

"I am, stop blaming the moonlight and continue your story."

"Well, yeah. There we were. Then, we shifted. This time, I was the one burying my face on her neck which I don't know how that happened. I can feel her breath and her heartbeat, that I can hear. It was slow but loud. I moved my face away and I asked her why is it that she had her heartbeat that loud and she laughed. Her eyes were closed but I know she was listening to me, waiting for what I'll say next."

"Hmm." She stopped for a while and when she saw her friend looking at her, waiting, she continued.

"I can feel her breath. I don't know why but I adjusted myself so we can be faced to face. Her eyes were still closed, I was thinking about kissing her then and there but then I hesitated. This could ruin our friendship, I know that. So I waited, if she moved away I would not force myself. But she didn't, when I teased breathing into her, she breathed back."

"And then you kissed her?"

"no, I asked her. Is this okay?"

"And? Can you stop stopping?"

"You're the one interrupting my story, you should be thankful I'm telling you this."

"Okay, fine. Go on, you bitch."

"Well, she nodded and then whispered yes. It was weird. So I placed my lips onto her, like, literally, and she reciprocated. I haven't done anything yet, but she already kissed me back."

"So technically, you haven't kissed her."

"I did, I guess."

"What happened after that?"

"Well, when I broke the kiss I thought she was going to freak out and maybe leave the room but—"

"She tore you out of your clothes?"

"What? Dude, no" Stacie could see the frustration and confusion on her friend's face and it was something she finds amusing because she doesn't get to see this often.

"Okay, relax. Go on."

"She... I think we hugged. Cuddled? Scooted closer?"

"Hmm."

"I was on her left side and I told her that we'd switch sides. We did, my back was against her and I thought she's gon do the same. But she put her arms around me and when she did that, I faced her and hugged back. I thought what happened, the kiss, was a dream. God, I don't even know if I wanted it to be real or not."

"Well, it was real for sure."

"I know that now. When I was facing her, I kissed her again. I need to know that it was real, that this was happening. And then there we were again, kissing."

"How was the kiss? The first one?"

"It was slow."

"Slow? What do you even mean by that?"

"Slow but hungry."

"I know what you mean, like, you've been waiting for this all your life, amirite?"

"I don't know, Stace."

"Did you black out during the kiss?"

"I didn't, I was still in my body. I was still able to think."

"But?"

"All I could think about is kissing her at the very moment I was kissing her. So stupid."

"Well, you are. How about the second one?"

"Well, it was more torrid."

"Do people still use that word?"

"We do."

"Did she bite?"

"She always does. I think she likes biting and damn, she's good at it." Remembering how much Chloe likes biting people.

"tongue?"

"Yes. It was wet. Wet and delish." Beca blushed when she was able to say this at the first time. "I can't believe I'm saying this. I was on her neck then I stopped."

"What?"

"I was afraid I might leave a mark, I told her that, this might mark she just nodded. I don't know what happened next. The morning after we were spooning."

"I'm guessing you were the little spoon."

"You bet. "

"What happened in the morning."

"Why do I feel that it's not a question?"

"Because it is not."

"Kay, fine. Well, said our good morning. Was really expecting it to be awkward and stuff. Then I kissed her. It was hungry, very hungry this time. Like, we both knew that could be the last. I put myself on top of her"

"She's okay with that."

"What do you mean?"

"Personally, I think she's gonna be okay with whatever you do to her. What did you do?"

"Just kissing her as hungrily as she did. Then she put her knee between my legs. Well, you know. She knows what to do. I adjusted myself and did the same. But I stopped."

"You are an IDIOT."

"Dude, It's hard to explain things. It's not that I didn't want it to happen, I don't know."

"Did you talk about it after?"

"She acted like the way she usually acts, she even told me that one of our friend who unfriended her sent her a friend request. I laughed then spent the next 5 minutes staring at the ceiling, thinking what the hell happened. She went back to bed, I whispered that we need to talk about it, I even joked that we should probably go on a date after this. She just laughed."

"Chloe's is a bigger idiot than you."

"Don't."

"Did you talk after?"

"No, I took her to the bus stop cause she needed to get home. I needed to do so too. She even kissed me on the cheek."

"text her."

""I did. Yeah, but she's really good at deflecting stuff."

"And?"

"She said she doesn't understand what happened, that we should just forget about it."

"That's why you're here all wound up and sad?"

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Fight for her!"

"She's my best friend. If I keep pushing this, I might totally lose her."

"Becs, she's all confused and stuff. Give her time."

"I am. But I can't help but be sad."

"You love her, don't you? I knew it. I knew it since college."

"We graduated 2 years ago, I should have known if I did love her before."

"You love her now?"

"I. Don't. Know. I'm confused, I need to see her again to find out."

"Then go."

"It's not that easy, Stace."

"Beca, it'll be okay."

"It might not."

Stacie didn't really know what to say. She's not really one to give love advice since hers also pretty fucked up but she knew that this has been the saddest she have seen her friend. She had never seen Beca sad when everything else fell apart but this time, she's seeing her vulnerability and it breaks her heart.

She remembers her, Emily and Jessica's wish for her was a broken heart but that was just a joke. Beca's heart was never broken before and she's afraid that though her friend might not realize it yet, this could be one of those moments where hearts are broken slowly, quietly and badly.

That makes her feel sad.

Makes her feel sorry.

"Well, it might."

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