50 is it a sin to do your duty?

P@treon shoutouts -Henry hammond(♾️), Devor 👑👑(Thank you for being the first member king)

Chris chalich, Danny york, Hastien056

-Uncle Ben POV-

I woke up in the middle of the night and went out to get some water, after drinking some of the water I look for Peter and couldn't find him or V in their rooms so I rush through the suite looking for them when I find V lying down with her eyes open near the hallway window.

I approach her and ask in a soft voice "why are you still up V?" She looks up in surprise as she says "I am waiting for Peter" I frown as I ask loudly "What? Where is he?" V looks up at me afraid and I feel bad for scaring her so I say "I'm sorry about that, I am just on edge right now" she nods as she asks me "can you drop the glass now?"

I frown and look down to find that I had broken the glass on the chair, I was holding the sharp piece as a knife.

I dropped that and asked her "sorry, but where is Peter?" She pointed upwards as she said "on the roof top" I nod and move towards the door but before I left i told her "Be careful with the glass, I will clean it once I come down" she nods so I leave her be and head to the roof.

I climb the roof to find Peter sitting at the edge, the wind was strong enough to push me a little but Peter seemed to be fine so I get close to him as I ask "What happened?" He looks back at me in surprise before he turns away as he says "nothing"

I chuckle as I move forward and sit beside him "I know you don't sit by yourself when your mind in free, tell me son what happened" he seems to want to say something before he settles it with a "I got dumped by Billie" my eyebrows raise as I ask him "was it your fault?".

But Peter just shrugs as he mutters "I don't know" I frown at that as I ask "would you feel guilty if it wasn't your fault?".

-PETER POV-

"Would you feel guilty if it wasn't your fault?" I wanted to say that I was guilty, that I was guilty of pushing a man to consider spilling blood against his will. 

I am the reason he might have to pick up a weapon again, I am the reason he would spill blood on his hands, I am the reason he would have to commit more sins. 

Uncle ben is more religious than others think because even though neither I nor may would ever call him a sinner, he would call himself that as long as he lives because we only know what happened, but he remembers it, every death, every family that lost a father, a husband, a friend he remembers it all.

"Would not helping an ungrateful person make me guilty?" Uncle Ben looks at me in shock as he asks, "What was the real reason you refused to help them?" I am surprised by his question as I say, "because they were ungrateful" my confusion must be evident on my face because he explains "that can't be the real reason".

I frown as I ground out "it is the real reason" but uncle ben shakes his head as he says "if that was so, you wouldn't feel guilty" I looked away from him to hide my surprise, but I thought of whether I should tell him the reason for my refusal to help.

I decide to tell him just to get it over with "I thought..." But uncle Ben said it before I could "..they would stab you in the back as you helped them" I looked at him, surprised as he nodded at my shocked expression.

"I know what that feels like and you know what I did?" I shook my head with my mouth held agape "I helped them" I looked at Uncle Ben with a frown as I asked "why?".

Uncle Ben pointed around to the buildings as he said, "all the people living in the richest homes to the poorest need help and not everyone one of them is brave enough to ask for it" I scoff as I look away saying "you don't need to be brave to ask for help."

Uncle ben chuckles as I say "yes you do, you need to be brave enough to trust an unknown person to help you out of your misery and not fuck it up any more than it already is" I looked at him in shock for cursing while he grinned.

I had to admit that he was right, so I told him "Thank you for letting me know that I was guilty" he laughs, and I laugh along with him as we look at the clouds that seem to suggest a rainfall soon so uncle ben says, "Let's go, it looks like it's going to rain".

I shake my head as I tell him "No I'll stay up here for a while" Uncle Ben just sighs and places a hand on my shoulder as he asks, "what else are you worried about?" I shake my head as I look at the buildings "nothing" but Uncle Ben holds my shoulder again and asks me louder "PETER" I look at him as he says, "just tell me".

I shake my head as I say "I can't" but uncle ben smiles as he asks "then sing it, I know you like to sing when you are emotional so try it" I shake my head so he turns around and is about to leave so I place my phone on the side with the music playing and he turns around as I start to sing.

-Uncle Ben POV-

I was about to leave when I heard music, I turned around to find Peter singing making me stunned at the depth in his voice.

"Telling myself I won't go there

Oh, but I know that I won't care

Tryna wash away all the blood I've spilt"

I remembered my time as an agent killing people who would be threats to the world, people who had families, people who just did their jobs.

"This lust is a burden that we both share

Two sinners can't atone from a lone prayer

Souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt"

At first, I was happy at my job, killing evil, ridding the world off the filth but then I had to attend the funeral of my partner and I saw his family crying for him, crying for their husband, brother, father. I looked to the side to find the family of a robber crying for their husband, brother, father and found no difference in their grief.

"There's darkness in the distance

From the way that I've been livin'"

I couldn't quit my job

"But I know I can't resist it"

Because it was necessary to save lives

"Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

You and I drink the poison from the same vine"

I had to do what I had to, but it doesn't mean I didn't hate it

"Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

Hidin' all of our sins from the daylight"

My sins were mine to bear and May and Peter didn't need to know.

"From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight

From the daylight, runnin' from the daylight"

But no matter how much I run my sins will catch up soon and they seem to have caught up to my family now.

"Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

Tellin' myself it's the last time

Can you spare any mercy that you might find

If I'm down on my knees again?"

I am grateful that Peter knows now but I don't want him to bear the guilt with me, this guilt is my own and no one can share it with me. Every time I spill blood, every time I fight back I tell myself it's the last time but it's never the last because god decided I didn't deserve that little bit of mercy. 

"Deep down, way down, Lord, I try"

I tried my best to follow the light

"Try to follow your light, but it's night time"

It started raining as Peter sang with heartbreak.

"Please, don't leave me in the end"

But all I found was more bodies to bury.

"There's darkness in the distance

I'm Beggin' for forgiveness (ooh)

But I know I might resist it, oh

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

You and I drink the poison from the same vine"

I might try to resist it but I can never stop myself from committing this sin again and again and again, the sin of wrath consumes me when I see injustice and what comes after is something I cannot stop myself from doing. I might resist it but not for long.

Once Peter finished singing, I asked him "so you know why we had to get out of New York then?" He nods and that's all I needed to know, so I close my eyes and let the rain cover the tears I was shedding.