1 Chapter one: August

•• Olivia ••

Tears roll down my eyes, I can't control them, this was too much to handle. I'm only sixteen, what else can I handle?

I handled my parents getting divorced when I was only ten years old, I handled my father marrying a twenty year old to please himself, I handled my mother drinking her pain away every night. Through these days, only one person stood with me. I could never imagine what life would be without him, but now; I had to force myself to imagine, because he was in a coma. In a coma for six days, how could I let it happen?

How could I let go of the only person who believed in me? My first kiss. My first love. First boy who made me feel like a queen. Made me feel like I was the only girl in the world.

I never understood what love felt like until he kissed me that night, until his hand holding mine, until I felt his tough that sent sparks all around my body. Without him, I feel like I'm nobody.

He was my best friend, my ride or die, and he was my boyfriend. Heartbroken when I saw him on the floor, covered with blood.

I couldn't stop the silent tears from falling as i watched the birds fly, or the other cars that were filled with happy people who sang along to their music, and bobbed their heads with the beat of the song they're listening to.

I can feel my father's stare as he drives me to the graveyard, I can tell that he was giving me a sympathy look, and I suddenly have the urge to look at him and yell. Yell at him for treating me like a child, yell at him for making me feel weak. Can they just give me a break? Of course I am going to break down at any moment, after all, today marks two years since he passed away.

Everyday, I imagine him with me through everything, I imagine him sitting next to me, telling me to hold on, because tomorrow will be different. I still imagine him coming back, I still wait for him to open my bedroom door just to tell me that his cat just gave birth to four kittens. Every year. That cat never stopped giving birth.

He's gone and there's nothing I can do about it, the joy that we shared, the chaos that we made, the dreams we had, the bed we shared, it was all too much, and I never thought of losing him.

I am lost without him, he decided to leave me and didn't think of what would happen to me. You might say it's not a big deal, but it is. Losing someone you relied on, the only person who understood you.

I still need him. I still want him closer. I want to feel him breathing.

'Come back, I still need you'

"Sweetie, we arrived," dad spoke. I got out of the car, I couldn't move as I looked for his grave. I knew where it was, I was there every single day.

I walked slowly to his grave that was filled with flowers, I smiled at his name. August Samuel Griffin. Written below it was 'a beloved son, brother, friend, lover. Gone too soon.' Below it was the quote he chose before his death, he had a note in the bathroom with him, and he wanted it to be on his tombstone. 'Died because I was excited to live'.

"Let's pray for him?" My father asks, as he places the flowers down.

I nod, closing my eyes and pray that he's watching above me, I pray that he is resting in peace.

I wish I would've been there when he needed most, because if I did; he wouldn't be dead.

It's a shame that he was there for me, but I wasn't. It feels like a dagger in my heart, I can't go back in time to show him how much I loved him, I can't go back in time to prove to him that there's too much in this world we haven't seen yet.

My heart is shattered, I lost self-control. I fall onto the ground, tears streaming down my face. If I can be fourteen again.

It's been two years and still, I can't comprehend. He's gone forever. I look up at the sky, and let out a scream.

"GOD, HE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS!"

I just wish someone can save me right now.

After his death, I buried the guilt inside my heart because it was my fault he died. If I got there in time, he'd still be with me and I wouldn't have to come here.

But I still can hear his voice, he's telling me just to keep on living, but I can't. Half of me is buried under the sand, how do someone live without their loved ones?

It's just so difficult living without him, I'm drowning in an ocean of my tears. He never gave me hints, he showed me that he was okay. We planned to get married and have kids together, man, this is crazy.

"Honey, I'll be in the car when you're ready," dad pats my back before heading back to the car.

I nod, but my eyes focus on the grave in front of me.

I sit there, telling August about my day and how I accidentally punched my younger brother because he refused to behave in front of my friends.

I don't know why but it feels as if August is here, and it feels good.

"Aug, I have to go now," I frown. "But I promise you, I'll come back soon... tomorrow."

Maybe tomorrow is not soon enough. I have to sneak out because five minutes isn't enough for me.

"Aug, wait for me."

I raise my pinky up in the air, and said, "I pinky promise I'll be here after eleven at night."

I walk to the car, I turn around to see an unfamiliar boy standing next to August's grave. I gasp, because his features from far away look so much similar to August. I wonder if that's his soul, waiting for me to come.