1 The beginning and end

The subject had always been unheard of, in fact, it was straight up taboo. Love isn't real for my kind. There is no need for it after all. Demons don't reproduce nor do they need to since they just come into being. Love is what He gifted to his children and what is theirs alone. To love is to be loved by Him and He is nowhere here. In Fact he has never been further away than now.

I have felt it though. Or at least I thought I did once long ago. It was a simple possession. I had won the long battle with my whispers into my hosts ear. Urging her to pick up the razor. To not be such a pussy and go deep. Deep. Deeper. Until the scarlet flowed freely into the warm bathwater. This life was mine for the taking. Then I do what I was meant to do. I eat. That sweet soul going down like thick molasses as He unwillingly turned his back on her. There was no salvation for those who gave in to the demons of the mind. She will stay with me forever. I could nearly hear His sobs as I devoured her from the inside out. It was always such a thrill to feel the rush of victory overtake me. The feeling closest to bliss and Him that I will ever get.

Then he appeared. The one who had been waiting on my host. The once locked door popping open after desperate calls fell on silent ears. I had seen him countless of times but he had always been insignificant. He held me, or more like he held her, without knowing it was me. Clutching me into his chest and sobbing almost as mornfully as Him. A plea fell upon my ears so desperate that I almost felt remorse for who I had taken. Almost. The way he pressed a cloth to the oozing wrists with shaking hands was fascinating. The desperation never leaving his voice as he picked up the phone and called for help for the soul who was no longer there.

I watched him with unblinking eyes and uneven breaths. Unused to staying this long in a dying body I was struggling. I wanted to watch though. To watch his suffering and hear his near intoxicating desperate voice cry beside this body. Trying to hold in the ever flowing blood. I feel a feeling I've never had to feel before. So light in the head and near bubbly in this body. What is it?

I stick around to find out. Why? I don't have a single clue, but I'm still here when men come rushing in to haul my hosts limp body up and soon into an ambulance. I'm still here when they rush this body to the ER. I'm still here when this body's stitched up and I'm stuck waiting in a white room. Needles pumping fluids into me and tubes force oxygen into my lungs drawing the soulless body away from death. I could leave if I wanted to. I could leave and this body would simply die with nothing to hold it together. I stay though. Just so I could hear him once again.

His name is Noah and he loves me or more like he loves my host. As soon as it's allowed he is by my side. Every night and every day. His hand laced between these mainly numb fingers, stroking them as if he could rub life back into them. He talks to me. Making promises to be better and to be there. Whispering sweet nothings and more promises. His voice never loses the desperateness. I stay.

Through the hospital and through the phyciatric ward and I am still here. It's mundane and pointless. I don't know why I do this until I'm 'home' and I'm in his arms for the first time.

He knows that something is off about me. Knows that she is gone and what is in this husk isn't her, but he has thought this for a long time now. After all she has isolated and changed herself so much that he had almost forgotten how she was before. Almost. He loves me though and stays. So do I.

This world is strange and I feel laughter for the first time. I taste and I touch. Never in my existence have I indulged this much in human life. Time passes in the blink of an eye. I have family and friends. I became Charlotte Eliza Jones, then I become Charlotte Eliza Miller. I am happy. The feeling is intoxicating and exhilarating all at once. The sensations of this body overwhelming. The food, the gifts, the smiles, the laughter. This feeling is something that I have never tasted before. Everything is so new and exciting. I relish in being loved by him. He is desperate to show me and I thrive on his attempts to woo me. I adore his delicious desperation to get his message across and I welcome it with open arms. Then I am sick.

Sickness is something that I will never enjoy. The weakness of humanity at its finest. I eat pills to feel better but nothing helps. I go to the doctor and they do tests. The ironery I felt when I, the parasite, discover that this body I stole has welcomed a whole new parasite all together.

Noah cries and holds me when the news comes. He's happy so I am too.

I can feel it grow. I hear it's heartbeat for the first time on a machine. The sound is so bazaar and the knowledge of it being there is weird all together. The day it kicks is the day I nearly decided to run away and leave this body. Something scares me, but I am settled by Noah's sweet kisses and voice of encouragement. This wasn't right, I know that this isn't allowed, but I stay.

Life feels like a dream. Excitement builds and builds as my stomach grows round. Hands tend to rest there in wonder. The hands of others and of my own. I don't think this is meant to happen, but it does.

It's a girl. She wiggles and dances inside me a lot. She fascinates me to no end. Noah picks the name Donna Avery after his mother and passed grandmother with the promise that I could pick the next one. I agree.

The time comes with pain. So much pain. I've never felt this much before. All the times that I have taken my hosts were always fleeting and filled with numbing adrenaline. I thought healing from the cuts on my wrists hurt. This took the cake.

Then she's in my arms. The feeling of dopamine and something I've never felt before coarse through my veins. She's covered in blood and ick but never in my life have I witnessed something so beautiful and pure. For the first time in my existence I cry. She isn't with me for long until they take her away to be cleaned.

I want her. She's mine and I want her. I could barely contain myself when they brought her back. I refuse to hold her though. The feeling is too much. I need distance but they force her on me when she cries to be fed. Letting her settle into my arms and them teaching me how to get her to latch onto my body. I sit fascinated by her very being. Her smell was incredible and she was just so soft.

The nurses left and only a sleeping Noah and I remain with her. I can't help but stare. Petting her soft hair as she suckles herself to sleep. Never in my existence have I felt such an overwhelming feeling looking at one of these creatures before. That's when I realized. I love her.

I'm scared. Something is wrong, but I can't peel myself away from her. He is angry. He is so angry and I have overstayed my welcome. My whole body convulses and I clutch her close. She is mine. I can't leave her. I won't. I do the only thing I know I can do to keep her with me. I eat. I aim to keep her soul with me forever like I have before. Not wanting Him to have her.

Before I know it there is screaming. So much screaming as they pull the bloody tiny body away from my clutches. I am fading but I still reach to grasp her. I need her. I want her. I love her! She is mine. Forever and always.

It's only when I am ejected from my husk that I realize what I've done. My mistake. Demons are not meant to love nor are they to be loved. I am left with the horrifying scene before me. I don't feel regret for him. Not even as he sobs over two lifeless bodies in the carnage I left behind. The only thing I feel is rage as He comes to collect what is mine. I was foolish to forget what I was and what I could and couldn't have. I am no longer Charlotte Eliza Miller. Now I am nothing more than a demon.