Wanting to Heal

Vallum woke up in a sweat. It was all a dream. He was back in the torture chamber. There was a knife slicing through his skin. Blood was pouring out of his body like water over a waterfall. He screamed and screamed, searching for a release to the pain. He loaded each throat tearing scream with the pain that he felt, trying to scream the pain away. There was a liquid poured into his open cuts, making them burn with the pain of a thousand cuts. His eyes went red and he lost control. He started thrashing and screaming like a madman. His arms and legs were being bruised and scraped as they rubbed against his restraints. He had gained the slightest reprieve by losing consciousness and dreaming about Kenra, but now he was back in hell.

"Vallum!" Kenra yelled hysterically. "Wake up!" She clung to his chest to stop him from thrashing around and hurting himself or the room.

"I'm here, Vallum. Listen to me." She pleaded with him as the doctor she had brought back watched with a grimace.

Vallum's eyes fluttered open.

"Kay?" He asked.

"Yeah, Val. I'm here." She gave him a warm smile and he shivered.

Vallum looked down at his body and saw that his entire chest was bandaged. Then he looked to the doctor and thanked him. The doctor nodded his head and slipped out of the room after accepting his payment from Kenra.

Vallum touched his bandaged chest with a troubled look on his face.

"I deserve those scars, Kay. I deserve them. I should feel the pain that they bring, not cover them up and try to make them better."

"Val, what do you mean?"

"I killed people, Kenra. They were all slaves like me. I killed them so that I could try to escape. They didn't do anything to me, and they weren't there of their own will. I am a murderer. Each scar is a person that I have killed." Vallum said in a hollow voice.

"Those are scars, not people. They are a cruel form of punishment. I killed someone too, Val. I killed him to save you. You are more important than those other lives to me."

"But... they all had families. Each one of them that died was as special to someone else as you are to me. Its almost like..." Vallum trailed off. He imagined what he would feel if Kenra died. Then he imagined each person that he killed being just like Kenra was to him, but to someone else.

All of sudden, "Kenra!" Vallum cried out. "I killed you." He started to sob. Each life he had taken convoluted in his mind. They twisted until he remembered each and every one of them with Kenra's face. "You're dead. You're dead. I killed you. Kenra. I- I'm so-"

Kenra clamped her hand over his mouth. "Shut up." She said harshly. "I am here. I am right here, alive." Her harsh shell broke and she started to cry at the state Vallum was in. His bandages were being soaked with tears as they both lay there crying.

"You're... alive." Vallum said quietly, after a moment of silence.

"Yes, Val. I am alive."

"But you killed someone to save me." Vallum was filled with despair. "I made you into a murderer."

"That's not true." She squeezed him in an embrace, "I have had to kill before. We would hunt down bandits and other trash as part of my training."

"So..." Vallum laid motionless while Kenra hugged him. "We are both murderers. Ha. Haha."

"Vallum, we are going to be okay."

Vallum opened his eyes and lifted his head up at the use of his full name. Kenra was staring at him earnestly. She put her hand behind his head and pulled him into a kiss. Being lost and confused, Vallum simply let it happen.

"I don't care what you are. I love you." Kenra said after breaking off the kiss.

Vallum pushed himself into a sitting position. Kenra readjusted herself so that she was sitting right next to him and partially on top of him.

"I wanted to save the people from the warehouse that I was sold out of, but after killing so many it doesn't feel right to try and save them. I am a traitor to them." Vallum said.

"They don't need some righteous zealot to save them, they just need someone that will save them." Kenra told him, wrapping her arms around his deflated body.

"Y-you're right. I do need to save them. That way I can atone for what I've done."

"You don't need to atone. You can't atone. You do what is right in your eyes and you live with the consequences. There is nothing that the future holds that will change the past."

"So, when will we leave?"

"I want to give you time to heal, so we will stay in this town for a few days."

"There is something that we have to take care of first, though. Do you remember the young girl that was with me when I found you right after you left the village?" Kenra nodded to the affirmative, so he continued, "She was enslaved too, and she made the escape with Raef, my bull. I got caught by that red court mage. Anyway, we have to find them. I did not have enough food supplies for her to last very long, and it has already been near a week."

"Have you tried contacting your Raef, Val?"

"Not recently, I'll try it no-"

'MOO (Danger!)' Raef suddenly contacted Vallum.

Vallum sat straight up, 'Raef, what's wrong?' He asked urgently.

'Moo. (Bad people) Mooo (Surrounded)'

'Where are you, Raef?'

'Moo.' The moo had no meaning, but for a fraction of a second Vallum could sense exactly where Raef was.

Kenra was watching the whole thing go down purely by Vallum's facial expressions.

"What's wrong?" She asked, concerned.

"It's Raef and Sari... they are in trouble." Vallum said with a look of distress.