4 Florida Man Defecates in Archeological Site, Covers His Stool with Ancient Mural
Chapter 4 – Florida Man Defecates in Archeological Site, Covers His Stool with Ancient Mural
Gao Yan endured the burning pain and carried the bundle of black grasses in his clothes. He also brought some of the blue grasses back.
Upon arrival at the city gate, the two guards were surprised to see Gao Yan back so early.
"You're fast. Did you run into a wild beast?" Asked one of the guards.
"N-No. I ran into a strong senior. I-I need to go back to the dorm quick!"
"I see. Go then."
The guards let him in. Gao Yan sprinted through the street and ignored the wandering pedestrians. Following the west road, Gao Yan reached the entrance of the Life Sword Sect's outer disciple school. He carried the grasses and entered the gate.
No one bothered with Gao Yan. He rushed to the pagoda north of the school. When he arrived, he saw the large signboard.
Contribution Pavilion (Outer Disciples)
"It has been a while."
This place was the only source of outer disciples' income. They could accept missions from the sect and complete them in exchange for contribution points. Then, they could exchange the points for cultivation resources. However, it also served as an exchange center – A disciple could exchange herbs or treasure for spirit stones or contribution points there.
Upon entering the building, Gao Yan found a long counter where outer disciples could exchange items, accept the sect's missions, or report the completion of the tasks. Several large bulletin boards were filled with request papers, waiting for the disciples to take them.
Gao Yan ignored the mission board and rushed to a counter. He approached the sect's deacon behind the desk and reported his findings.
"Senior, I'm here to exchange some spirit grasses for the sect's contribution points and spirit stones."
The deacon was a middle-aged woman. He looked up, "Your ID token?"
Gao Yan rarely came here, so the deacon didn't know him. He clumsily pulled out a wooden plank token from his pocket and dropped some of the blue grasses on the floor.
"H-Here."
Gao Yan put the token on the counter and picked up the grasses. Then, he put them on the bronze tray on the left side of the table.
The deacon raised her eyebrows when she noticed the aura of the grasses. She nodded in approval.
"Spirit Grass confirmed. But junior, you're not from the alchemy or the botany department. Where did you get these from?"
Gao Yan remembered that he hadn't collected all the blue grasses from the eastern forest. He was afraid that the sect might send someone to collect them all and steal his money-making method. Thus, he lied.
"I ran into a master in the east forest, senior. He sold me the spirit grass."
"Which senior? Do you know his name or Daoist Title?"
"I… forgot to ask him. His aura was as bright as the sect master. I was too afraid to ask."
"…"
The deacon gave Gao Yan a meaningful look. She secretly took notes and started calculating the exchange rate.
"26 high-quality spirit grass, 17 medium quality, and 9 low quality. That comes to 69.5 points in contribution. Do you want to exchange them for spirit stones or technique books?"
"Convert points to spirit stones, please!"
"Alright. Two points per spirit stone. How many do you need?"
"34!"
The deacon put 34 spirit stones on another tray on the table. Gao Yan picked them up in glee and strolled out of the building.
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After Gao Yan had left, the deacon searched for a book on the shelves behind her. A few minutes later, she found a dusty book. She flipped it to check the title on the book cover.
Outer Disciple – Gao Yan
The deacon flipped the pages. However, there were only two notes about his contribution to the sect. Overall, his total contribution points in the previous year were only five.
She put the book on the table and filled in today's contribution detail. She listed the name of the contributed items, the amount, and the sources of the items in the paper.
'Gifts from an unknown senior? We should check this disciple's background. He might have found a new source of wild spirit grass. But if he robbed them from someone, he'll be kicked out of the sect.'
She added a comment in the book – "Gao Yan needed a background check as his spirit grasses came from a dubious source. He claimed he had received from an unknown cultivator."
After finishing the notes, the deacon closed the book and put it on the audit shelf so that the internal affairs officers could audit the detail of the contributors and their achievements.
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Leo was never this happy. He enjoyed eating the mutated mandrakes, and these living roots didn't have an annoying pearl inside.
GROWL
Because Leo ate too much, he had a stomach ache. He clicked his tongue and walked toward the temporary toilet around the boulder. Leo took off his hazmat suit and clothes. Then, he squatted above one of the small holes behind the rock.
Coincidentally, it was the hole in which Leo had dumped a mandrake seed in.
Several minutes later after the deed, Leo cleaned up the mess. He covered the hole with a shovel. He let out a long sigh of relief.
"50,000 years of mutation and I'm still vulnerable to diarrhea. Those mutated bacteria in my intestines need some work."
Leo patted his belly and put on his clothes and hazmat suit. Then, he glanced at the soil that he had covered just now.
It turned black as usual. Moreover, colorful aurora leaked out from the soil, emitting the stench of burning iron.
Leo covered his nose and grabbed the shovel. He used the extra soil from the other hole to create another layer of dirt to block the smell. He stomped it a few times to make sure that the soil was hardened enough.
Unfortunately, the odor kept coming out. Leo grumbled in frustration and looked around for anything useful. A moment later, he gazed at the large boulder.
"Meh, you will do."
With both arms, Leo hugged the boulders and lifted them off the ground. He took several steps toward the covered hole and put the boulder on top of it.
RUMBLE
The ground trembled after it landed. Leo patted his hands, getting rid of the dust on his gloves.
"I should dig deeper. Two meters ain't enough."
Leo grabbed his trusty shovel and started digging a larger and deeper hole. Once again, he failed to notice the movements of the mandrake pearl underground.
.
A day later, Leo admired his new work - A 20-meter-deep crater in front of the boulder.
"Did I overdo it?" Leo doubted himself, but he believed that it was reasonable.
He jumped down to the bottom of the hole and looked around. He patted the sloping wall a few times. As soon as he touched a certain part of the wall, his face distorted in disgust.
It was wet. Underground water seemed to flow around here.
"This won't do. If I take a dump here, it will contaminate the underground water! I need a clean outhouse system, or I'll ruin this world because of my radiation."
Leo opened his shopping menu. He searched for the keyword "Toilet", and many toilet seats showed up. A few minutes later, Leo smacked his forehead.
"I should have done that earlier! I could have bought a septic tank from the shop and been done with it! A plastic one will do. Once it's filled, I can just punt it to space to avoid the contamination!"
He opened the shopping menu and spent 50 years of lifespan for the 1,100-gallon septic tank. He then covered a portion of the crater to fit the tank. Then, he fiddled with the pipelines and the shopping menu, installing the tank properly.
Half a day later, Leo looked at the tank system in satisfaction. There was no drainage for the water to flow out, so the radiation wouldn't spread anywhere. Everything should have been perfect with this setup if no external influence interfered with the tools.
WIGGLE
A dozen black roots appeared out of nowhere from the side of the wall, coiling around the septic tank. One of them pierced through the tank and got inside.
Leo could have uprooted the roots right away. However, he stood there, watching how the roots rapidly grow at a visible rate.
He recognized the scent of these roots very well. It had the sweet scent of a margarita cocktail - the juicy delicious mandrakes.
"What the duck?! Are these… one of the mandrakes?"
CRACKLE
The roots stopped moving. They sank their roots into the tank and stayed there.
Leo raised his brow, amused, "What are you doing here? Do you want my organic fertilizer?"
One of the roots wiggled as if it understood Leo's intention.
"…"
Leo was speechless. He wondered if he was hallucinating. Still, he allowed the roots to stay there since they would automatically drain the scum and water from the toilet. Leo jumped out of the hole and buried the septic tank, leaving only the only pipe to go in.
After the septic tank system was completed, Leo installed a modern toilet seat on top of it. However, he left the toilet seat in the open for now.
When Leo finished his task, he gazed at the boulder. It cracked and turned green. However, the soil under the boulder leaked out blue smoke. Blue branches and leaves emerged out of the cracks in the rock and continued to grow.
"Welp! I'll be calling you the ROCK tree. Just stay there and don't contaminate the surrounding trees, okay? I don't wanna turn this world into a nuclear wasteland 2.0."
One of the branches wiggled, acknowledging Leo's command. The latter scratched his head and pursed his lips, wondering if it really understood his words.
