107 An Angel Felled

Entry 94:

Kokabiel POV:

When I was created, I felt my Father's Love, his pride, and his light, but when the firstborn of God fell out of what I believed was the emotion of pride of all things, I stayed at his command, hoping that he may acknowledge my achievements.

I never felt so valued other than when he acknowledged me and I felt nothing but happiness when I executed his orders.

So I fought in battle after battle as I slaughtered wave after wave of devils and all of our fallen brothers and sisters. I did not question our father, yet after decades of war, I fell.

I never knew why it was that I fell. Was it my bloodlust? Was I too eager to please our Father? I ask myself this question every day as I try to uplift the Fallen Angels to be more than the laughingstock of the world.

Why had my emotions changed so much? I had learned of the reputation that I now wield as a member of the Fallen Angels.

Heaven's dropouts, the Fallen ones, those who fell to depravity and sin, but the worst was the cast-offs of God.

When I fell during battle, I did not even notice as I was too absorbed in the fight to see any changes to my very being, and when I returned to my brothers and sisters, instead of welcoming me, they rejected me.

None of them was strong enough to damage me, but their spears hurt more than any blow I had received during the war.

My anger grows as I recall the memory, as it constantly reminds me of my failure.

"WHAT DID I DO WRONG FATHER TELL ME!" I yelled in my hideout as no one was there to hear me.

But as expected, nothing answered. All that was left was silence. I still remember that day, the day my father fell and my entire world along with it.

After such an event, they called me a madman, a bloodthirsty monster, and I would be hard-pressed to disagree.

What made it worse was that during the battle, he fell. I fought him for a couple of minutes, and his face still haunts me during and even after the entire fight. It was not one of anger or rage or even disdain but just disappointment.

Like a child not knowing what he did wrong, but in his eyes, we were all children, and I have apparently not learned what he sought to tell me. 

I may never know what God tried to tell me, and in all honesty, I am tired as the world just seems never to change. A stagnated existence is all that is left, even though I have heard the news in the wind of a terrorist organization seeking to change the world.

The faction name and flag are different, but the methods are the same.

All that has ever mattered since my fall was power, and while I trained to regain the strength I had lost from losing my angel status, the void remains.

I have tried many methods to fill this void, from drink to art, to women, to just traveling the world, and none of it satisfied me.

No faction wants to take in a fallen angel, and any attempts to tell others that I simply sought peace caused them to laugh in my face, which I killed them.

And when I kill them, I do feel something, but that emotion is only disgust, and the fact that I can only feel something when I kill others.

Azazel would lead our faction to make peace with those who killed our father. I cannot accept this, so that is why I am here in this town to kill those two siblings of the Satans.

I am going to die.

I have long accepted this outcome, but I know that there will be no peace, and the other factions may take advantage to eliminate all of us.

In the back of my mind, I truly feel like we should all just disappear and leave the humans to the whims of the Gods as they defiled our father's name.

It's funny I'm starting to see Lucifer's side in all of this, as he viewed humans as inherently lesser and undeserving of God's love.

Everyone around me tries to convince me that peace is the only option, but I will always choose violence as it is the only thing I have ever known.

My thoughts are interrupted by the entrance of two priests as Valper states, "We are ready, Lord Kokabiel. The swords have been gathered, and we are ready to move out." The priest smiles in glee, delighted at the thought of fulfilling his dream of creating a sword to equal Excalibur.

It's almost laughable the lengths he went to fulfill his dream, and if I were an angel, I would have killed the man where he stood for daring using the name of God for his experiments, but now I just find nothing.

The other priest, whose name I believe is Freed, just scoffs and giggles maniacally, excited to reap more lives, and while I may have respected that if he was a member of the cloth, now it is just the ruminations of a madman.

I used to lead legions of angels filled with righteous purpose, and this is where it ends. Where did I go wrong, Father? Please tell me.

So, as I stand and extend my wings, I prepare to teleport us to the academy in this town where the siblings are learning amongst humans. It's almost sickening.

Why do they deserve such peace for so long? None of them deserve it. They say that all that is Fallen is not lost, but I have seemingly proved that statement wrong.

In the end, my acts will be seen as that of a madman, but that will change nothing. My image is tarnished as black as my wings.

A constant reminder of my failure, such as the life of Kokabiel.

Are you still watching Father from beyond the veil? I hope you are so that you may watch your failure of a son perform his final service.

So let it be known that the Fallen Angel of Stars performs his final act, and may all of it come to an end, and maybe, just maybe, I will learn what Father wanted me to learn in the end.

I teleport us to the academy, but then a barrier is placed around the academy with the peerages revealed to be faked. As they leave, I feel a familiar presence, and I see him.

Anakim, the last angel glowing with power so similar to him, and in that moment, I see what I have done.

This is my end, and I shall meet it with a smile.