Killing Two Monkeys With One Throw

If the deranged, monkey-obsessed man attacking him was bad, the actual Battle Monkeys themselves attacking him was much worse.

All 20 of them approached at once, then some broke off and ran toward Shelly while the others advanced on Colt. As Colt managed to get back on his feet for what felt like the millionth time, he noticed that most of the monkeys had come after him. Only approximately five of the twenty monkeys ran at Shelly, while the other 15 were slowly starting to wrap around him. He thought this was extremely unfair, and wondered if the monkeys understood English so that he could ask a couple of them to go make sure Shelly was having an equally bad time.

But then he realized that they were Battle Monkeys, so this must be their strategy. Send more personnel after the person actually wielding a weapon. Seemed smart enough, but Colt still didn't like it. Not one bit.

He heard some shrieks from Shelly as the monkeys approached. She didn't have a weapon, but Colt could see her doing a halfway decent job at fending them off by swiping at them furiously with her arms. This didn't keep the monkeys away for long, however. They were starting to close in on her as Colt was forced to take his eyes off her. He did have 15 monkeys of his own to worry about, after all.

As the monkeys drew closer to him, Colt picked the nearest one and swung his sword. The Battle Monkey blocked the blow and countered effectively. It managed to make contact with Colt, but only barely. The monkey's sword cut through Colt's pants and a thin, shallow cut formed on his leg.

"Ow," Colt muttered, but it was more out of offense than pain. How could something so small and cute want to cause him harm? It didn't seem right.

Colt backed away from the monkeys, but they began to circle around him. He noticed that they weren't very vicious. They took their time, as if luring him into the perfect position. Somehow this made him even more nervous.

"We can talk this out, right monkeys?" Colt looked around at them hopefully. "I mean, I know we can't actually talk to each other. But come on, you don't want to hurt me!"

They didn't look like they believed him. They continued to rotate around him curiously. Colt stepped backwards some more and felt something against his lower back. He realized there was now also a monkey directly behind him, pressing his sword to him and making sure he didn't leave the circle of death.

"Fine," said Colt. "Then I'll hurt you."

Colt charged the monkey directly in front of him. The monkey jumped out of the way of the attack, then used its tail to wrap around his cutlass. Colt remembered what the fisherman had taught him and continued to grip his weapon tightly so he didn't get disarmed. But then the monkey flicked its tail and the cutlass, along with Colt himself, flipped into the air and back onto the ground.

Colt turned himself onto his back and started coughing. Then he noticed the monkeys starting to come even closer to him by closing their circle, so he jumped to his feet. They stopped tightening the circle, awaiting his next move. He realized they liked to defend, not attack. Until their opponent could do no more attacking.

Colt turned himself around in circles, looking at all of the monkeys before him. These Battle Monkeys were true strategists, that was for sure. And Colt was nowhere near skilled enough to beat them in a sword fight. He couldn't even beat one of them. That meant he'd need to out-strategize them.

Okay, think, he told himself. How to beat a big group of attack monkeys? The fisherman hadn't been able to get to the specifics, so he didn't really know how to tackle something like this. He supposed he'd just start with one thing at a time. He needed to find a place to start.

He looked around some more, thinking frantically.

A weak-link, he thought. He needed to find a weak-link among them. Like... ah, perfect.

Colt spun around quickly and without warning. The monkey behind him, who was still holding a sword to his back, was disarmed immediately as Colt's cutlass came in contact with his own weapon. The monkey had obviously not been taught to grip his weapon tightly like Colt had. Nine times out of ten that ends the battle right there.

He raised his sword to get a final attack in, but then had a second thought. He grabbed the monkey by the arm and swung him as hard as he could. That monkey then hit another monkey, and they slammed into the trunk of a tree together as one. Two monkeys with one throw.

The monkeys didn't look too terribly harmed. One was disoriented and the other seemed unconscious. In the moment, Colt had had a hard time stabbing an animal like that. It just seemed wrong. And besides, he was no good with a sword. Why risk it? And, of course, he got two for the price of one. Bargain.

Unfortunately the other Battle Monkeys didn't like the fact that two of their friends were now down for the count. Rather than slowly start to circle around him again, they came running after him. This time they were on the offensive.

As the first monkey came at him and swung, Colt's mind said, block it! Colt brought up his sword and managed to stop the creature's attack, but he was too slow. By then the monkey had brought back its sword for a second strike and that one caught him straight in the chest. Colt staggered back and ended up, yet again, on the ground.

The monkeys didn't waste any time at all in surrounding him and holding him down. Colt punched the ground angrily. He had felt like he was improving so much when he was training with the fisherman, but every time he actually needed to use his weapon he failed miserably. He'd only been able to survive this long in the Gold Forest by using his head to make up for his bad combat skills. But now he was facing Battle Monkeys who are strategists that don't fall for his cheap tricks. He was done for.

One of the Battle Monkeys turned him on his back and held its sword up to Colt's neck. The monkey made a screeching noise that was echoed by the other monkeys. Then it looked Colt in the eyes and readied its sword to finish him.

Colt closed his eyes and prepared himself for what was about to happen. This was it, he was about to die. He wouldn't reach Goldtown's Authority base after all. He wouldn't be able to get the information on Captain Finch and continue his search for the legendary pirate and his riches. He wouldn't be able to deliver on that promise he made himself all those years ago.

But that was unacceptable, he thought. What was he doing, laying here like this? He'd been beaten by a group of monkeys. They couldn't even talk, but they could beat him in a battle? No. Colt wouldn't allow it. He didn't care if he was bad with a sword. It didn't even matter. Maybe the fisherman had only taught him basic moves, but before he met that old man he had been striking at sacks of flour. He hadn't needed to rely on formal lessons from a teacher before now, so why start? He would use what the old man taught him, but the rest was up to Colt himself. He would figure out how to master the art of the sword, or die trying.

Colt's eyes snapped open. He yelled out as he grabbed his cutlass and swung it as hard as he could. He slashed the lead Battle Monkey, who stumbled back and fell to the ground. The other monkeys hesitated in surprise, and Colt used that moment to pick one of them and start attacking.

He swung at the monkey to his immediate right. The monkey blocked the blow, and Colt remembered this happening before, with the first monkey he attacked. The creature tried to counterattack after blocking, but this time Colt knew it was coming. He sidestepped the attack and got a clear shot. He stabbed the monkey in the side.

He didn't see what happened to it because just then he sensed movement behind him. He turned around and saw one of the monkeys striking at him from behind. Colt blocked the blow and then stole a move from the previous monkey, launching a counterattack of his own. Apparently the monkeys weren't used to fighting one another because the monkey didn't see it coming and that was yet another one down.

Colt noticed two more monkeys coming at him at once, from the trees that made up the border of the clearing. He backed away from them, but remembered that there were probably more monkeys behind him, and that's what they wanted him to do. So instead he charged the two monkeys. They weren't expecting this, and were caught off guard as Colt ran past them. As soon as he was behind him Colt turned and slashed his sword catching them both.

Colt turned around, looking for his next opponent. He saw one in front of him and focused on it. But it wasn't even looking at him. It seemed to be looking past him. Colt turned back and saw another monkey standing behind him. Then, without warning, the two monkeys ran at him at the same time.

Colt was about to panic, but he managed to calm himself down. He knew how to deal with this, he just needed to be patient. He let the two monkeys draw closer before rolling out of the way and letting them crash into each other. Another two down.

He was in a kneeling position on the ground after the roll, taking a moment to catch his breath. But that was a moment of weakness, as four more monkeys approached him. He groaned inwardly but stood back up to face the monkeys, determined to beat every single last one of them.

He ducked under the blow of the first monkey and grabbed it. He slashed it with his sword and then used it to hit the next monkey that came up to him. The third monkey came stabbing at him with its sword outstretched. Colt evaded the strikes and swung his cutlass, not at the monkey, but at its sword. The monkey's sword flew out of its hand and into the cleanly cut grass. The monkey went to retrieve the sword but Colt used the hilt of his cutlass to smack the creature across the face.

The fourth monkey attacked. Colt stepped out of the way of its attack and used his foot to kick the monkey and send him backwards and onto the ground. It made no attempt to get up, so Colt moved on.

There were only two monkeys left standing. One of them, Colt had noticed, had been watching him the entire time, not bothering to attack him itself. Colt decided to focus on him.

Colt walked up to the monkey and it prepared itself. It swung at Colt as he approached. Colt, by now, knew how to block these effectively. He then performed a counterattack like before. But the monkey was expecting it and was able to easily avoid it. He realized that the monkey knew he was going to make that move, because he'd made it earlier. If Colt was going to be a good swordsman, he needed to switch up his attacks and never use the same moves twice.

The monkey cut his sword toward Colt's side, likely where it saw an opening, but Colt brought his cutlass down and blocked this attack too. The monkey quickly switched into its own counterattack, which Colt remembered one of the other Battle Monkeys doing before. He hadn't been fast enough with his sword before, but this time he was ready for anything. Instead of trying to bring his cutlass up to block the next attack, he dropped down to the ground and let the sword fly over his head. Then he went up with his own sword and caught the monkey by surprise. It crumpled to the ground and Colt stood back up.

One to go. Colt looked up at the last monkey standing and started toward it. But this monkey didn't immediately run at him to attack. It didn't attack at all, in fact. It glanced at its dozen or so friends littered around the grass of the clearing, then looked back at Colt. Ultimately it must have decided that it wasn't worth it, because it sprinted past Colt and out of the clearing as quickly as possibly.

"Hmm." Colt let it disappear into the trees, watching it curiously. It was running away, trying to escape just like that first monkey they'd seen. Maybe... maybe the monkeys were being held against their will. He'd known since he'd laid eyes on that monkey back in the alcove that something was off, but Shelly hadn't believed him, and...

Just then, Colt remembered something: Shelly.

He looked over and saw her in the distance. She had evidently stopped fighting, and the five monkeys had completely surrounded her. As one of the monkeys stepped forward, sword drawn, Shelly looked over and caught Colt's eyes. She looked around, seeing the monkeys laying all around where Colt was standing. Shelly stared at him with a look in her eyes that Colt couldn't really make out. Maybe hope? But then she shook her head slightly and focused back on the monkeys.

Then it dawned on him. Shelly expected him to leave her there to die. She thought that since he was free, he would run and forget all about her. For a moment, Colt hesitated. It would be easier, wouldn't it? But he couldn't do it. He couldn't just leave her to die, no matter how mean she was to him.

Colt took a deep breath, then ran to battle some more monkeys.