A fuckening (1)

'It is that simple,you just don't want to admit it.'

Opening my eyes I immediately checked my phones timer.

'7:02 am…'

I remembered the previous day before I slept and it seems like I passed out.

'Understandable,it was the last day of exams and everything except English was pretty easy.' I thought

After awhile i started doing my morning routine without exercising cause i was mentally and physically fatigued,and i was planning to go to the gym after school anyways.

After making my bed,eating,brushing teeth,and going back on my bed i just started to watch some yt short and fb reels.After awhile i just started reading some web novels.

'If you can't workout find something else to make you grow'I thought.

Reading is better than watching brain rot and random videos anyways.

Time passed by until i saw my timer nearing 12pm.

'Right… I had school at 2'

I got up and packed things I needed first for school and for the gym.

After that i took a bath while singing and listening to some songs to have a energetic mood.I felt pretty good doing my occasional shadow boxing while singing some random song or have some random music playing.

After taking a bath dressed up thinking 'gotta look good for the last day' while laughing a bit.While dressing up though i thought what should I do in school for today since it was gonna be boring anyways.I didn't want to jog to school for today since i was planning to get some food and of course didn't wanna look bad at the final day of school.

'Eh, I'll just relax and eat.

***

Going to school while listening to some music made me relaxed numbing the thoughts i would occasionally get a little.I arrived to a familiar store and bought as much food as i can with the money i have,also talked to the store owner a bit.He knew me from me jogging to school and to home it was pretty good to talk to him.Getting my food and saying thank you to the owner i went to a nearby small church and did my daily praying.

Refreshed my mind a bit.

After praying i continued going to school while holding my food on one hand and carrying the things i brought for the gym on the other,while on my back was my bag for school.

'I look weird im not gonna lie,oh well it is what it is.'

***

Walking to school i noticed it was silent and empty.I was pretty confused but when i went inside the school it was the same...Empty and silent. Then it hit me.

"Oh right only grade 11 and grade 9 was here because of the summer temperature being 42 degrees Celsius."

As i said that,there was some students i saw with black shirts and black pants.

'Who the heck are those guys?' I thought.

After awhile though i just walked to my class and just saw some of my classmates there talking, I didn't really care about what they were talking about but there was only around 5 of my classmates there which was understandable it was pretty early.

As i was going to my chair though i thought,

'Right he is seated beside me.'

The guy who i thought I would always trust,the guy who I thought was my best friend,the guy who helped me one time when I needed the most,a guy who now in my mind is a manipulative prick and a scumbag,a guy who-

I stopped my thoughts there. I had to.

After thinking a bit i took a random chair and placed it at the very back of the class where no one was and sat.

I fixed my things and began to eat most of my food and, IT WAS A 3 PIECE SIOMAI RICE WITH EXTRA EGG FRIED RICE WITH 2 SIOPAO LETSS GOOOOO.

'Gotta pray first before eating this absolutely delicious and stunning piece of a meal I'm about the get.'I thought

After praying I got my phone and began reading while eating and listening to some music in my Bluetooth earphones.

It was hella good.

After eating the siomai rice, I was thinking if I should leave the siopao for nutrients before going to the gym but… I was hungry so I ate 1 anyways and left 1 for later. Cleaning up or just stuffing my trash in my gym bag,i started reading in my phone ignoring the sounds everyone is making.

***

For the first class of the day no teacher was present and everyone was only suppose to check the papers of the exams the previous day.

But…

I didn't get any paper.

'Perks of being at the very back I guess'

After looking around a bit though i noticed the 'he' was seated in front of me.I was confused since both of us was not seated where we usually were in the classroom.Then i noticed that almost everyone was to.

'Since it's the last day of class i guess everyone's sitting wherever they want to be I guess?'

Then a sudden realization hit me, 'he' was seated in front of me'

'Bad luck i guess… man fuck it I'll just continue reading'

So I did. Continuing ignoring the sounds and him since I could not be bothered to overthink about the situation

***

While reading a bit, the class president told everyone to line up since we're suppose to go to the food laboratory.

I of course packed my things and lined up.

I saw 'him' and another person i cut ties with for a similar reason as 'him' both talking to each other.

I ignored them.They did the same.

'Here I thought 3rd semester was gonna be the hardest semester this year' I thought remembering the various incidents that happened in just a short semester

'Move on move on move on move on move on move on' I repeated in my mind

While having these thoughts I was walking to the food laboratory with my classmates.

***

After arriving I sat down at my usual chair at the same table every since the first time I went to the food laboratory.This time though, there was a teacher.

After everyone sat down the teacher got the attention of the class to announce something.

"Hello class since the final periodic test has ended your all basically done with everything. So, you may do anything you want as long as your not to noisy.And today is also the final day you may submit your outputs to me and the teachers that are available today."

I sat and listened to the announcement and it was what I expected so I just thought on what should I do for now.

'Should I just read and listen to some music? I mean I am almost done reading the free chapters of the novel…'

While I was thinking what to do everyone already had their phones out playing games or chatting with each other.

'Eh I guess i'll just try to complete Very hard mode in dead cells'

But before I got my phone and started looking at the schools gymnasium or big basketball court nearby and thought of a idea.

'I can go and jog there…'

I thought of why not go ahead and jog at the gymnasium since there wasn't anything else to do anyways and i already completed all my school works.

'I have a extra shirt anyways'I thought

Walking up to the teacher i went ahead and asked the teacher if I could jog around the gymnasium of the school.waving at the teacher to get her attention i asked:

"Ma'am can I go jogging outside at the gymnasium?"

"Huh why?"

"I just want to."

"If you do you might get asked why you are jogging and the principal might see you."

I thought about it a bit and shrugged.

"I don't mind"

'Im use to people staring at me while i jog anyways' I thought.

"Okay how long will you jog there for?"

"I'll jog until recess."

"Recess is in a hour and fifteen minutes though?" Said the teacher almost surprised

"Yea?"

"… You can only jog 15 minutes. You might get asked by some teachers or worse the principal and I'll be responsible."

"Come on ma'am it's only jogging and I'll only be going in circles at the gymnasium anyways.Plus you can see me anytime you want since it so close by.So can I please go?"

And that wasn't a exaggeration it was literally just outside the food laboratory and you would only need to walk 20 or 30 seconds to get there.

"…Fine but if I call you, you have to go back to the food laboratory."

"Okay thank you ma'am"

So walked out and went to the gymnasium ignoring the glances i saw and sensed from my classmates and 'him'.

'Eh they don't really care what I do anyways, plus I really need to lose weight'

***

Arriving at the gymnasium I stretched a bit while setting up my blue tooth earphones and some music in my phone.While doing that however, I saw the black shirt and black pants students again but it now their entire group is there.

'Oh yea must be the dance team I keep seeing around the school'I thought.

Seeing them at the gymnasium made me hesitate a little bit if I should jog or not but I dug my grave already so it's a little to late.Plus I'm use to people seeing me jog.

After my quick stretching I started to jog in a calm and steady paise but i approached what seemed like the coach of the group to say that I would jog around the gymnasium.

"Hi sir im ****** ***** From class ***********,Im gonna be jogging around here if you don't mind."

"Huh? Oh go ahead" The coach of the group said

After the brief talk I continued jogging while listening to some music at max volume.

***

After a few minutes and a few laps I already started sweating looking like i bathed in a light rain but, I didn't really feel much,sure my breathing was starting to intensify and my core and lungs were already feeling heavy but I was used to it.

I was also getting occasional glances or stares from the dance group but, I didn't care much and just hoped they weren't making fun of me.

Not that I would actually hear them since my earphones was at max volume.

But while jogging and halfway through a lap the coach of the dance group approached me.

"Hey can you take a picture of us?"he said

Me being a little tired and had to process what he said while taking my earphones off I said:

"Sure"

And he gave me his phone and walked to the dance group,Everyone was already in a what i call a 'Picture position' but I noticed that…

'FUCK THERE WAS WOMEN IN THE GROUP, ALLOT!' As I noticed them I felt embarrassed a little bit since I'm pretty shy with women…

But at this point I just sucked it up and continued to wait until everyone is ready for the photo.

***

After taking allot of photos of the dance group i felt relived knowing that I can finally jog again, they were all chatting amongst each other and the coach also was but making a hand gesture to return his phone, i of course gave it back and decided to put my blue tooth earphones again.

Before I did though, allot of the dance group members started to cheer me on and to continue my jogging,I appreciated it and it even motivated me. There were also some that approached me to cheer me on which startled me a bit.

"Ay man keep jogging bro!"

"Hey man dab me up!"

"YO MAN KEEP JOGGING MY N-"

Some just shook my hand,some dabbed me up,and some would motivate me with some words and of course a firm hand shake even though I was still sweaty.I felt motivated and decided to why not jog until i pass out.

Eventually they all left to perform or practice their dance near the gymnasium where I could see them and where they could see me.

Well, almost everyone could see me if they just got out their classrooms and looked outside.

'I usually don't care much about how people view me after 'that' day but now I feel as if I want to live up or go even further from their expectations.'

With just a few cheers and words I was fully motivated to jog until either the teacher calls me or I pass out. I of course wished for the latter more but, the mindset it what matters.

So, I put my earphones on and went straight to jogging.

***

-5 minutes in-

'My lungs are fucking heavy,my legs are starting to feel fucking pain, and my core is hurting FUCKKK!'

Five minutes of full sprinting with a long but motivating song made me forget the draw backs if I went all out very early.

And I dearly regretted it.

I even started swearing way more than i do normally even though I'm trying to stop swearing completely, Habit i guess

'FOR MY FUTURE WIFE AND KIDS AND FOR MY FAMILY ASWELL DON'T STOP NOW!'

I stopped and started aggressively walking 5 seconds thinking that.

'Dammit'

'Am I gonna keep being this pathetic?'

'It wasn't even that much pain compared to what real and not real people felt'

'I need to do better'

The voices began to form.

I felt pathetic already walking in just five minutes of my jogging. What's worse is that the dance group was still near the gymnasium and allot more students started to show up to either do the same thing or maybe stare at me.I hated this feeling.

'No matter what I'll always overthink these moments huh?' I thought.

Everything felt slow while I was getting increasingly frustrated with each step I took while walking trying to replenish some more energy to jog again.

While I was having these thoughts however,I heard my favorite songs opening and it felt like the nerves in my body shook,goosebumps.

'Man fuck it.'

With a seemingly recovered leg and lungs full of air i slapped my faces and ran as fast as I could.

…

Is what I wanted to happen but the fact is,The only thing that actually happened was me slapping my face.

With already heavy legs,exhausted lungs, and a core in pain I slapped my face and continued my jogging. This time on a calm and steady paise.

***

-15 minutes in-

'…'

I could not think or say anything.

Music not being able to hide or distract me hearing my breathing anymore.

looking like i got a bucket of water accidentally fall and the water went at me.

My breathing was heavy,my legs felt heavy,my lungs begging for more air, and my core in pain.

Not much changed from ten minutes ago except i was even more exhausted and my left ankle feeling pain.

'This is easier than boxing and wrestling training come on…'

'I and many more people experienced way more than this keep jogging…'

'I a man of god shall not rest from just this much!'

The voices stopped.Leaving me with my own thoughts.

Surprisingly the dance group is still near the gymnasium and allot more students showed up and allot of students i see looking outside their classrooms either waiting for their final test that I would also take soon or to watch the dance group's performance.

I did not care a single bit if people was staring at me at this point and just thought they probably weren't and just watching the dance group.

After a song from my playlist finished I decided to take a break and walked a bit.Of course with regrettable thoughts.

'I need to do more.'

'For my goals and for myself.'

I thought.

But as I thought that it hit me,

'Wait… IM NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE FROM PASSING OUT!'

My legs were heavy,my lungs was begging for more air, and my core was in agony. Even my left ankle was starting to feel pain.

But…

So what? I definitely remember that feeling of jogging and training until passing out and this definitely isn't it.I know I should probably rest and stop but man… fifteen minutes? Really?

'This ain't fucking shit' and I knew that.

I know I could do more and I know I could continue despite what I'm feeling, yes may be exaggerated but I knew it with 1 simple reason,I and many more living or fictional being gone through way worse.

So,Ignoring the stares i sensed i slapped myself ready to go for another jog and…

'LETS FUCKING GOOOO!'