1 #1 Felix's bloody tears
"HAHAHAHA" *self-loathing laugh*
Here I am, laughing at my own immature behavior, my stupidity, naiveness.
AT MY OWN VERY EXISTENCE!!!
Here I am, lying in a pool of blood with no help, with no family, with none to trust.
I am slowly but surely dying. I am seeing my entire life before me, that hell called life began with...
--------10 YEARS AGO--------
"Mommy! I want to go to that new indoor ZOO, I want to see tigers, lions, and all other big animals!" I, 6 years old kid, was screaming inside the car at a beautiful mature lady who was my mom. She had a nice black smooth hair and very pale skin like she was a vampire or had an allergy against the sun.
"Don't worry Felix, we will be there quickly. Your papa will speed up a bit and we will arrive before you will be able to blink." My mother said gently while caressing my hair, I was sitting on her lap. It wasn't really safe for me to sit there because she was sitting on the co-driver seat, but my parents allowed it. I was really spoiled child who knew the only selfishness and fun. But I guess that's how kids are, aren't they?
"HAHA I will try my best, but we cannot break the law by speeding too much." My father laughed and replied upon hearing my mother's words. He had no exceptional looks, however, he was probably the most kind-hearted person I knew, always helping others, even strangers. He indeed increased speed a bit but his speed didn't exceed maximum permitted speed on the road. It was winter so it was dangerous to drive even within permitted speed.
Of course, we had to be unlucky and our car seemed to "slipped" on the frozen road and began to shake and be unsteady.
"AAAAAA!!!" I was screaming like a normal kid would in that situation. Thankfully my father was better than the average driver and could stabilize the car and stop in the middle of the road. Of course, such a thing created a lot of panic and cars behind us started to decrease their speed to not bump into our car.
It was at that moment when everything seemed fine and my father closed his eyes for a second to take a breath, I screamed: "PAPA!!!"
My scream startled both my parents and they looked at the front window which was still covered with a little bit of snow. Their faces immediately changed to worst and they instantly tried to shield me with their bodies against a truck that was speeding towards us. Did that truck "slip" on the frozen road too or was it another reason? At that time I had no idea, I also had no idea that this "peaceful" day would change my life into a living hell.
--------1 YEAR LATER--------
"..m..o..m" I said weakly while trying my best to open my eyes. When I finally opened my eyes and adjusted them to a strong light, I didn't see my mom or father. I only saw a white ceiling.
"You are finally awake?!" I heard a happy voice that belonged to a lady who was standing right beside the bed I was lying on.
"Where..Am..I?" I asked quietly, I was scared by being in a room with a random lady I didn't recognize.
"You are in hospital sweety, you were in a coma for almost 1 year." Lady beside me answered my question as gently as she could, perhaps to make me more comfortable.
"Hospital?... Coma?... Where is mommy and papa? UGH!" I was confused so I asked more questions however when I tried to remember something my head was in extreme pain, so I grabbed my head with my hands.
"Easy there... You are still weak if you will try to forcefully remember something it could end really badly for you sweety, just relax for now." Lady said with a gentle smile and tried to help me by distracting me from thinking.
3 weeks after waking up from my coma I was strong enough to remember a few fragments of my memories what actually happened. I didn't believe it, I couldn't believe it. I was deceiving myself.
Lady who was taking care of me came into my room. I wasn't sharing it with anyone because of my parents being a little bit richer than the average people.
"Hello, nurse Alice" I greeted her with a weak and fake smile.
"Good morning, Felix. I have extremely good news for you" Alice greeted me with her usual kind smile.
What kind of news could be considered good in my situation? Even though I sarcastically smiled inside I still answered with curiosity: "What news?" At this time I already didn't try to deceive myself, I fully knew what happened from my memories and no one told me about the situation of my parents which only strengthened my sadness.
"Your aunt and uncle want to take care of you and since you are already strong enough to leave, they want to take you home with them!" Alice delivered so-called "good news" to me with an excited face.
Aunt and uncle... I met them only a few times, I knew almost nothing about them. How could it be good news? But despite that, I still agreed, after all I had no place to go and I couldn't take care of myself.
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My aunt and uncle took good care of me even though I isolated myself from others including them. I had no friends because of that so I could only read books all day, not like I hated it. To be honest I liked a quiet life without annoying energetic people.
When I was 15 years old, the situation escalated and classmates began to bully me, not as I cared because most of it was only little pranks, however, one day few boys from the upper class tried to verbally bully me and made few remarks about my mom and father which crossed my bottom line. I got into a fight with them, even though I didn't know any martial arts, rage, and hatred gave me all the power I needed to beat them. Of course, I also got injured but I didn't care as long as their injuries were worse than mine. At that day, the darkness consumed me, I got to know how fights can get me free of my depression and even made me genuinely smile a little. Since that day I got into more and more fights. Anyone who mentioned my parents met my wrath.
When I turned 16, I realized that uncle and aunt were always supporting me even though I did such bad things and I started to change once again and opened up more to my uncle and aunt. I was slowly accepting them as my new "parents". I would probably accept them if not for that one ominous day.
--------------------------------
It was already 9 PM and I was planning to do some homework for school and then go to sleep but first, I wanted to ask aunt something so I went from the 2nd floor where my room was located down to the 1st floor. When I arrived near the kitchen I heard an angry voice of uncle: "Why did we have to take care of that shit?!"
"Keep it down!! Felix might hear you!" Aunt immediately tried to calm him down.
shit? Felix? Are they talking about me?! I hesitated to show myself but in the end, I hid behind the corner and eavesdropped on them.
"You know that his parents were rich, he is the sole heir. If he would have died back then we would be able to get our hands on their money but since he was able to survive we had to change our strategy. By taking care of him, we will be able to control him in the future." Aunt patiently explained to uncle.
?!!! I almost couldn't believe words I just heard. I peeked into the kitchen while leaning onto the corner and I saw a lot of alcohol bottles on the table. At first, I thought that it was just alcohol that made them say those words but then I recalled words "Drunk person is the most truthful person you can find." I panicked and didn't know what to do, so I moved a few steps back but I forgot about a vase with a flower behind me and I knocked it down on the ground. The vase shattered and sound, of course, attracted the attention of people next door.
"Felix?!" Aunt panicked a bit but still called my name out.
Since my presence was discovered, I showed myself.
Aunt and uncle probably already guessed that I heard everything from my disappointed face and my lifeless eyes.
"Felix, I thought you were already asleep" Aunt said with her usual smile acting as nothing happened. She was probably trying to salvage the situation, however, uncle was too drunk to even try to salvage it. He probably lost it and grabbed a knife from the kitchen table and run towards me.
"Don't!!!" Aunt tried to calm him down but he already lost it and thought that this was the only solution to get the money, to get rid of me.
I never expected my uncle to actually attack me so my reaction was moderately slowed down and I moved only when I saw the knife in front of me. I jumped back but it was already too late and the knife made large wound on my hand.
"Agh!!" I groaned aloud but didn't scream out of pain, not like it would help, our house..no, their house was in the wildness and just to go shopping for daily necessities would take 40 minutes by car.
Uncle was nearing me once again and I had no time to think of what to do so I did the first thing that came into my mind, I kicked him into his genitals which immediately made him lose consciousness.
I have to run away, I thought so I instantly run towards the front door and kicked them open. I didn't have time to take anything useful from the house. Although I knocked down uncle, there was still aunt, woman or not, with a weapon even kid can be dangerous and I didn't have any military training to actually go against someone with weapon.
I run far away from that house until I could no longer run due to the loss of blood. For the first time, I checked how bad my wound was when I saw it my face turned pale. It wasn't just a light wound, even my bone was visible. I knew that even if I was able to perform First aid and slowed down bleeding, an ambulance wouldn't be able to make it here fast enough.
I laid down on the ground and looked at stars for a little while before fishing out my phone from the pocket. I looked at the contacts and saw 1 person who I could still trust, nice and kind Alice from the hospital. I decided to press the call button and waited until she accepts the call.
"Yes, who is calling?" Alice's voice could be heard within a matter of seconds, yet it sounded a little bit cold.
"It's me, Felix..." I answered her weakly.
"...I see...and? What do you want?" Her reply got even colder than before.
"...Do you have a bit of time to spare?" I wasn't affected by her cold answer, I thought that she was probably in a bad mood.
"...Felix, sorry but no" (Alice)
"Even if its matter of life and death?" I asked her in a serious voice.
"I am sorry but we are nothing but strangers..." (Alice)
"Then why did you gave me your phone number back in the hospital?!" I asked her in a confused voice.
"I was at my work, I had to be nice towards you. I am sorry but I have no interest in talking to you any longer so I will hang up now." (Alice)
"A- *beep*" Even before I had a chance to say something, she already hung up.
"FUCK!" I cursed and threw my phone away into the woods.
.
.
.
.
"HAHAHAHA" *self-loathing laugh*
Here I am, laughing at my own immature behavior, my stupidity, naiveness.
AT MY OWN VERY EXISTENCE!!!
Here I am, lying in a pool of blood with no help, with no family, with none to trust.
------PRESENT------
While looking at stars I am thinking... I don't want any revenge, because I know that I can't have any.
I want a second chance, I want a second life. I want to live a life where I am powerful, where I can decide other people's life and death, where I am a manipulator and not a puppet!!! Only then I will be able to live happily smiling, with everything on the palm of my hand! If only I was given that chance, I would forget past regrets, revenge and live another life.
Just in those 2 minutes staring at the stars made me fascinated by them. I never knew that stars could look so beautiful. My vision is getting blurry, I guess its coming. For the last time, I imagined my mom and father looking at me.
"I am sorry..." I said aloud into a quiet and calm night. I closed my eyes and 1 bloody tear escaped from them.
