INNER WOLF

The minute my body lands on top of Caspar's, he stiffens in immediate alert as he tries to stand up.

"You and me need to talk." I say quickly as I wrap my arms and legs around his frame. We'd grappled enough times in the past that I knew exactly how to keep him down. He knew that too, but that didn't stop him from fighting back.

It'd been two weeks since Caspar and I had been separated in the woods. Two weeks since I was attacked by my mate. Two weeks where I'd been living in bliss while Caspar was suffering with guilt.

I'd tried to corner him numerous times but he always ran away. He didn't even sleep in my room anymore. I knew he blamed himself for me getting hurt and that he took it way harder than he should, but he needed to understand it really wasn't his fault.

But Caspar had always been stubborn and well, desperate times called for desperate measures.

So yeah, maybe I stalked him for half a day until he was at his most vulnerable. And yeah maybe I attacked him like a maniac, but I did it all out of love.

I needed my best friend back and I wasn't going to let him run away again without a fight.

"Caspar!" I shout when he begins rolling with me still on his back. "Will you just listen to me?!"

He ignores my pleas and continues fighting against me. Playing dirty and tumble rolling all along the dirt.

"It wasn't your fault." I say heavily as he places all his weight onto me. "It was mine. I wandered off like an idiot. You did nothing wrong."

He doesn't reply.

Small growls of aggravation being the only sound to leave his large jaws as he continues to squirm in my grasp.

"I was hurt for a bit and I know that sucked, but I'm fine now." I promise earnestly. "I'm okay Caspar. It's okay."

He stops at this.

His body coming to a standstill as his heavy heart thumps against his broad, furry chest.

It's not okay Feli - He replies after releasing a laboured breath. Nothing that happened to you was okay.

I digest his words for a moment before loosening my hold on him, allowing him to slide away from me. He doesn't run away like usual, he just stands with his head downcast. His eyes refusing to meet mine but I don't push him. Instead, I sit up and wait for him to continue.

I searched for you for hours - He starts, his voice strained with noticeable agony. I went further than either of us had even been in those woods looking for you. I didn't let myself rest for one second because I couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to you - He reveals, the pain in his tone so loud my heart ached in its place.

When the sun started to come up and I still hadn't found you. I went back to the pack for help. … but they had already found you - His eyes meet mine and I can't ignore the water swelling in them. (A.N. I don't know if animals can cry, let alone jaguar but like this one does soooo yeah) You have no idea how it felt to see you like that.. … covered in wounds with needles hooked to you. The whole family sitting at your side, everyone in pain because I messed up.

"You didn't m-"

I did - He says with a bit of frustration in his defeated tone. I'm the reason you got hurt. I should've never left you alone! They told me to never leave your side and I did!

I'm supposed to protect you and always be by your side … but I wasn't and you paid the price- He finishes with shame and pain cradling his frame.

I keep my mouth shut, giving him a moment to calm down. I'd never seen Caspar like this. So sad, so mad at himself that he wouldn't even look at me. I'd never even seen him cry.

The sight of him like this made me fill with shame of my own. I was so wrapped up in my own life, my mate and all the things concerning him that I'd let Caspar drown aimlessly in this darkness all alone.

I'd been a horrible friend.

But I'd fix it.

I knew and would remind him of what Caspar seemed to always forget and I'd just have to keep reiterating it until he finally accepted it.

"Caspar, do you know old I was when I got you?" I ask gently. His claws scratch at the dirt beneath his paw but he doesn't answer. I don't say or do anything until he finally replies.

Eleven. It was your birthday.

"Yeah, my eleventh birthday. I'd been in the pack for about six years, Sammy and I were good friends and dad was pregnant with the twins." I say with a small smile. "I was turning eleven and nobody had even realised that I didn't have an inner wolf.

I had a great family, who loved me and trusted me. They didn't treat me any different, even though I was adopted. My life was perfect." I say in memory, my smile faltering a little. "But I couldn't even enjoy it because I was so damn scared. Scared that it was all going to end when they realised that I didn't have a wolf inside me. That I wasn't the perfect child I tried to be … … and then I got you."

---------flashback/memory thingy/context in 3rd Person-----------

"Felicia." Katerina calls as she approaches the small girl who quickly spins to face her. Katerina smiles at the sight of the kid she'd watched grow before her eyes. Feli's smile shines brighter than her's as she cradles the small, jaguar cub in her hands.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." Felicia repeats over and over, like the happiest, broken record player in the world. Her joy a result of the jaguar Katerina had got her for her birthday despite Julian's disapproval.

"It's okay Feli." She chuckles before bending down to rub the furry creature's small head. Though Kat knew it'd damper Feli's mood, she knew they had to talk about the issue before the night ended.

"Do you remember how I told you I can tell supernatural beings apart from humans?" She asks the still beaming girl.

"You see an energy trails." Feli replies quickly, pride beaming in her chest for remembering.

"Yep, just like that. Each being has a different colour." Kat continues, smiling at the cub before looking to Feli, her heart sinking knowing how the girl would react. She puts up a small sound barrier before continuing. "It comes from within and for werewolves, it comes from their wolf."

Felicia freezes.

The smile trailing her lips immediately fades along with all the air surrounding her as she struggles to breathe. A once so simple task, suddenly becomes so challenging as her heart raced in her chest with anxiety.

Her biggest fear was coming to past and she had no idea how to stop it.

She knew.

"Hey, hey. Calm down Feli." Katerina says quickly, seeing the clear frenzy the girl fell into.

She knew and Feli feared that she'd tell everyone. Tell everyone that she was not normal. After that, her parents wouldn't want her anymore. They'd send her away and Feli would lose her family, she'd lose her friends, her home. She'd lose everything all over again, and once again she'd be left alone.

"Felicia, calm down." Katerina says seriously before glancing at her friend and then back at the girl. "Breathe Feli." Feli tries, taking in large gulls of air, trying her besr to calm down. "That's it Feli. Just breathe."

Feli hugs the cub for comfort, squeezing just a little too tight causing the sleeping animal to release a small cry. Feli quickly loosens her grip and brings it close once more, hugging and kissing it while whispering apologies. The sight bringing a smile to Katerina's lips, the level of kindest Feli held inside her always astonished her.

"I put us in a small sound bubble so no one else can hear us." Katerina says softly, not wanting to scare her any more. Felicia nods her understanding but still watches her warily.

"I know you don't have an inner wolf Feli." Katerina says honestly.