I WANNA END ME

"What's your favorite color?" I ask J as we try to walk to the next tree. Try being the operative word. "I feel like you're a red kinda man."

He doesn't reply. I'm pretty sure he wasn't even focusing on me, just on making his feet move the way he wanted them to.

Today we were working on his walking. He was really trying his hardest, growling everytime he tripped and throwing a fit everytime he took me down with him.

He didn't like hurting me.

Though about ninety-nine percent of his weight was pressed onto me, it was still a valiant effort. I tried to keep the mood light with conversation, but obviously it was bound the fail. Nevertheless, I couldn't just leave him to brood in the selfhatred he showcased as he continuously glared at his feet.

"My favorite color is orange." I say bouncing his arm higher onto my aching shoulder, my fingers tightly gripping his own. "I just like that it's bright and subtle all at once. And don't tell me they're different shades and tones of each color, cause it's different. Yellow is too bright and some reds are too dark, orange is just right."

J takes his eyes away from his feet to look at me. He stops us in our fifth attempt of walking from tree to tree and pulls me by my shoulder, his lips meeting my forehead. His lips are gentle and loving and I melt into him as a thousand butterflies flutter in my stomach.

He releases me. Looks to my head, trails his eyes down to mine, keeps them there before glancing briefly down to my lips. I bite them subconsciously making the air between us denser.

He suddenly looks at them with the same intensity he'd previously directed to walking. Before my hopes could peak, he shakes his head profusely before glaring at his feet and nudging me a little.

Eventually we make it to the tree, both of us panting in aspiration as we leaned against the ancient wood.

I bring a gentle hand to the spot he'd kissed, a feverish blush running up my neck and displaying itself on my cheeks. Ever since I kissed him on his cheek that one time, he'd been doing it nonstop.

He used it as a way of comforting me or just saying thanks, but sometimes I felt he was just doing it because he could.

He always kissed my forehead or my cheek; never anywhere else. This was because those were the places I'd kissed him, so like most things, he'd mirrored my actions.

It made me wonder what he'd do if I kissed him on his lips. Would he draw me in more or … would he take it even further?

Sometimes I caught him looking at my neck in deep curiosity, his wolf most likely driving him to mark me. But he most definitely didn't know what that was, let alone how it worked.

Should I tell him … show him perhaps? But was that taking advantage of someone who didn't know? Was it wrong to withhold it; he was my mate. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, and I couldn't even ask the people who always knew the answer to everything.

The kiss J presses to my cheek brings me back to reality as I jump a little in his hold. He pulls back to look at me, worry etching his features as he held my face in his large hands, his thumbs massaging my skin.

"I'm fine." I say but he didn't seem to buy it. "I am, just got a little lost up here." I say pointing to my head.

He looks to the place I'd pointed to and frowns a little. My eyebrows meet in response but I'm not given the opportunity to question him as he leans in and kisses the place I'd pointed to. He pulls back before looking to me again.

The laughter rolls it's way up my throat before I can stop it. I double over, my head pressing against his chest as my amusement gets the best of me.

"I didn't mean …" I start but my words are quickly drowned out by another wave of laughter.

Confusion is etched into his features but he doesn't move. He just watches me. No longer worried, just a little confused. When I finally regain control of myself, I stand tall to look at him. A smile lays on his lips, mirroring the large one stretched across my own. The sight warms my entire being and I take it all in gratefully.

"I don't know what I would do without you." I whisper as I draw closer to him. "I don't think I could've kept going much longer."

He expression remains gleeful and I keep my smile up, not to disturb him. I knew he couldn't understand me but I just needed him to know, know that I couldn't live without him.

"Okay." I say after a moment, redirecting my gaze to the tree we'd travelled from before. "Let's try again."

He groans loudly and shakes his head vigorously.

"Come on J, you're getting better." I insist as I loop our arms to pull him up. He stands reluctantly with a deep glare pinpointed directly at me. "Ready?" I question despite the clear reluctance. He looks to me and then to the tree and then to me once more, his gaze hardens before he tackles me to the floor.

We land with a small thud in the heap of autumn leaves which littered the ground. Like a child, J lays on top of me, his weight pinning me down when I try to get up.

"Very nice." I comment when I finally give up and let him cage me to the floor. "You'll never learn to walk and it won't be my fault."

Our eyes meet and my annoyance slips away almost instantly. Everything slipped away with J.

Every problem, worry, heartache and heartbreak.

Everything.

He leans down and kisses my forehead and then my cheek and then all over my face until I'm squirming beneath him. Squeals and giggles making it out as he lathered me with affection.

I find the strength to pull him back by his bare shoulders, far enough for me to breathe without laughing. I pant below him but he just smiles with that big, dazzling smile that brightens my entire world. A chuckle escapes his lips and my heart burts with a newfound joy at the sound. I look to him wit unimaginable glee evading every nerve from the brief noise.

"You are going to be the end of me." I comment running my hand through his hair. We'd managed to unknot it enough for me to enjoy how soft it really was.

"Now if you're not going to try walking anymore, why don't we try dressing you again?" I say gesturing to the pile of clothes I'd tried and failed to dress him in earlier. His smiles fades instantly and he attempts an escape, but I don't let him.

It's my turn to tackle him as I keep him pressed to the ground. I laugh above him as he tries crawling away with me still on him.

J hates clothes.

If it was one thing I noticed about him since our initial meeting, it was that he absolutely hates them with a burning passion.

He hates them on me because it stops him from touching me freely, well touching me the way he wants to. The thrilling skin to skin contact of mates that sent electricity running up one's spine.

At the start, that led to a lot of my shirts being torn open, something which led to me yelling a lot and him being fucking adorable until I'd forgiven him.

Now he knew to tap my shoulder when he couldn't stand it and I'd pull off my shirt for him. Teaching him that was a lot harder than teaching Damon to stop poking people in their eyes as a baby.