5 CH 5

Chapter 5: Welcome to the family.

"That escalated quickly," I chuckled while gazing beyond the horizon. Bathed under the soft rays of sunlight, a burnished metallic mass in the form of a majestic bull with two ocean-blue horns strutted forward, producing a loud boom that shook the earth with each step—the Bull of Heaven, Gugalanna, sent to the lower world to punish Gilgamesh for rejecting a goddess of love and beauty. Well, it was more like Ishtar complained like a distraught child until the owners of the construct gave it to her——semantics.

I knew most gods were petty, but holy shit. Sending a beast that could wrought destruction on a continental scale with its sheer size alone because you got rejected? Talk about overreacting, yikes. Well, I guess equating a deity to a normal human being isn't a fair comparison on any scale, my bad.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" I asked my companions, Gilgamesh and Enkidu, who stood before me with their backs stuck straight, not feeling even the slightest of fear from the beast in the distance, "that thing looks like it could deliver a mean stomp."

"We appreciate the thought, but no thanks. Gil and I can handle this," Enkidu responds with a reassuring smile that melted my heart.

"Hm," Gilgamesh scoffed, "an uncouth beast is no match for my treasures." Uruk's ruler extended her hand to the side, holding a prismatic greatsword that emerged from a golden portal. With its appearance, the air suddenly quivered under its presence, causing the area around her to become rife with magical energy.

Next, Enkidu took out a brilliant spear from a magical purple-dyed pouch tied on his waist. The weapon shone like a second sun, yet no heat could be felt from it due to Enkidu's interference. Had he wished to raze the area into a molten slag, all it took was a thought from him and the spear would accomplish just that in a span of a few seconds.

'The Zenith and Daybreak, never thought I'd see the day they'd use it simultaneously,' I recalled their weapons' names. They were objects of untold power, capable of taking down the Moon Lord, a being akin to an Outer God. Why and how do these two have them? Well, I gave it to them 'cause why not.

"Alright, I'll wait for you two back home." I turned around, not even bothering to spectate their battle, that's how confident I was in their ability. Well, more like I have an unruly guest to entertain back home.

Upon entering a secluded abode behind the royal palace, a yell that's both melodic and grating assaulted my ears.

"Unshackle me this instant, you insolent swine!" the voice bounced across the room. I turned to look at the noise's origin and found the goddess of love and beauty, Ishtar, who was enfolded by a series of golden chains atop a wooden stool, preventing her from moving. 

I've got to say, Enkidu's skills with the… uh, rope, was entirely unexpected. The way the chains wrapped around her chest and lower half only accentuated the deity's charm from all angles imaginable, especially with how little clothing she was endowed with. How did he even know how to do this? Was Enki getting freaky behind closed doors? Actually, now that I think about it, that was probably be my fault one way or another. I had most likely taught him the art of bondage back in the past but can't remember it. Oh well, no matter.

"No," I cooly replied. "Unless you promise not to ruin my bloody house, you're staying strapped on that chair."

She growled, "You! I am Ishtar! Goddess of—" her next words failed to appear as I spoke over her.

"Yeah, yeah. I know who you are. You've said it a dozen times already." I wave my hand, causing the goddess' eye to sharpen in frustration.

Her voice lowered to a dangerous octave, "You will not escape unscathed, mortal. Free me at once unless you want to—" Once again, I halt her words before it finished.

"Alright, here. If you behave properly you'll get some spaghetti and meatballs." With a snap of my fingers, a dish appeared in my hands and placed it on the table, stealing her full attention. (You are watching a master at work. Food can help solve everything.)

"W-what is this concoction you're showing me!?" Ishtar glanced at the object, then back at the strange feminine man with an unreadable expression. She has never seen such oddity like this until today. The delectable scent it was producing made her mouth water, was it enchanted by some form spell to gain her attentiveness this much?

"It's just food, nothing else," I said with a shrug. Then, an explosion resounded from outside, signaling the start of my two adorable friends' fight against their foe, yet not a tinge of worry marred my face.

"Hah! You fools, the Bull of Heaven cannot be felled by the likes of them. They are nothing more than tools for the gods to utilize, puppets to be played with," she announced with a hint of arrogance in her tone.

"Ishtar," I started, intentionally ignoring her prior statement, "promise me you won't cause any trouble or you'll be kicked out of my home, got it?"

"You dare impose your measly—" she paused, feeling a sudden change occurring from the man before her. The weight of his existence was magnified by a dozen times, followed by the sense of foreboding crawling across her back. He began to emit a divine feel, something she was all too familiar with.

"Y-you… you are a god!?" she exclaimed in utter disbelief, "But-but it shouldn't be possible for a god to fully manifest into the lower world anymore, the First Flame had dried out long ago!" 

"Aren't you here right now? What's the difference?" I casually responded, not seeing the problem. I mean yeah, a being of my stature shouldn't be able to remain in the world due to the decline in mana quality, but I'm an exception. Perhaps the only exception. Still, I don't see the issue here.

"This vessel of mine is nothing more than an avatar created to enact my will! You on the other hand, you're somehow here with a body made of ether without the aid of a mortal shell," the goddess explained. Oh, I see, that's why her essence felt awkward or incomplete when I first saw her.

"I'm just built different," I said pompously, "anyways, what's your answer? The food's going to get cold, you know."

"A trade," she offered while shuffling in her seat in slight discomfort, completely forgetting about the poor spaghetti's existence.

My brows quirked at her response, "You know you're not in a position to demand anything, right?"

"I just want to know how you remain here without being forced to the Reverse Side of the World!" Ishtar huffed, her eyes rapidly switching from the floor to my face, "In exhange, I'll... b-behave, okay?"

"Oh? How about this," I crossed my slender arms and stared directly into her eyes, "I'll help you stay in the mortal realm if you live with us and treat Gilgamesh and Enkidu like family, and no fighting anywhere in Uruk, especially in the palace, alright?"

It wasn't a fair trade by any measure, I was giving her the secrets to live in the mortal realm for an extended period of time just for her to act proper, but I can handle her if she ever does act out of line.

Ishtar blinked, seemingly taken aback by my proposition to have her live in with the ruler of Uruk. "You're not asking me to recall the Bull of Heaven? What if they lose?" the goddess speculated.

From her point of view, such outcome was an inevitability for the almighty bull cannot possibly be slain by a demi-god and a construct made from earth alone. Of course, that's not taking into account the weapons I've given to the pair throughout the years. Terraria's endgame weapons weren't something to be casually brushed off.

"Nah, they'll win," I proclaimed with a confident grin.

[hr][/hr]

A few hours later, the thunderous booms in the distance had ceased, announcing the end of the battle. Unsurprisingly, the Bull of Heaven had been felled by the combined efforts of Gilgamesh and Enkidu with the help of their world shattering tools that Leon had bestowed upon them.

On their way back to the palace, they heard a commotion by the entrance of Leon's home. The pair immediately went into action and arrived in front of the eccentric man's abode carrying differing expressions on their faces.

"What is this piece of garment? And why are you making me wear this!?" a familiar woman with silky raven hair tied on both sides complained to her company, who was presenting a pair of black leg coverings adorned with colourful cat paws.

"Do not disrespect the thigh-highs! I'll have you know that thick thighs had saved millions of lives!" he yelled back, appearing offended by the woman's comment.

"Why do you even have this?" she asked, confused as to why a man would be in possession of such clothing that is clearly targeted for younger girls. "And don't even get me started with those skirts of yours!"

"God forbid a man has hobbies," the man rolled his eyes, refusing to elaborate further.

The two figures bickered some more until the man noticed Gilgamesh and Enkidu's appearance. The man in question, Leon, beamed a radiant smile and waved at them, while the woman, Ishtar, threw the leggings on the table while doing her best to hide the slight blush tinting her cheeks.

"Oh, hey Gil, Enki. Come in-come in," he ushered the two inside, while the goddess tottered away as if embarrassed to be seen with him. With a hint of confusion, the two entered Leon's house side by side while staring at the bashful goddess sulking in the corner.

"Stupid human emotions, muddling my sense of judgment…" the goddess complained while sitting atop Leon's plush bed with her knees pulled to her chest.

"Leon, do I even want to ask what happened here?" Enkidu started, a frown marring his otherwise cute face. They left him alone for a few hours, and he's already back to his streak of unusual happenings.

"Now-now, let's not arrive to conclusions and—" Leon tried to explain himself, but was interrupted by the blonde known as Gilgamesh, who wore a stoic mask that sprouted from the unfiltered rage bubbling within her. 

"Fear not, Leon. I shall get rid of this blight from our home, it'll only take a moment," the ruler of Uruk interjected, a tinge of madness enveloping her voice.

Another woman dared to step into her and Leon's home then proceeded to get chummy with him, it was a crime deserving of a thousand deaths. The blonde gave Leon nothing more than cursory glance, he would receive his share of punishment for letting a random female into their living space without her permission. Nobody gets to trek into her territory and leave unscathed, goddess or not. Ishtar suddenly felt a cold shiver run down her spine for unknown reasons, sending her senses into high alert.

"Woah woah!" Leon moved in between the twin-tailed individuals with his arm spread out defensively. "No need for hostilities, she just wanted to be part of our family, that's all."

"I said no such thing! It is you who forced me into this, you perverted buffoon!" Ishtar corrected. Gilgamesh scowled upon hearing her words, in her mind she had already decided to chain Leon inside her sleeping quarters for the following months to make sure he doesn't leave her sight.

"Do you want to stay here or no?" Leon sent a glare her way, silencing the goddess. "Good, from now on you'll be part of this family whether you like it or not. You'll get your daily dose of hugs and kisses next morning."

Enkidu on the other hand let out a sigh while massaging his temples. Leon's bizzare antics was getting out of hand real quick, asking a goddess as notorious as her to live amongst humans like family, really? The grass-haired entity had no doubt that it'll work somehow, as it always does whenever it involves Leon, but that doesn't discount that magnitude of what he has done. Enkidu's deep affection towards Leon prevented him from reprimanding the man, but he knew Gilgamesh didn't possess even a sliver of patience as him. She might just do something stupid in order to keep Leon, her most prized treasure as she called him, from being taken by anyone else.

"Gil, calm down, I'm sure Leon knows what he's doing," the only sane minded person in the group placated the Golden King of Uruk. "Stop reaching for the Zenith, bad Gil," Enkidu slapped her hand away from said weapon's hilt, "you can have your time with Leon later, okay?"

Following the construct's words, the blonde woman's temper cooled. She then crossed her arms below her bountiful chest while glaring at the goddess, causing Ishtar's eye to twitch for a brief moment. She didn't know why, but that small action of Gilgamesh's irked her more that she had thought.

And so for the next few weeks, Leon wasn't allowed to leave Gilgamesh's sight for more than a minute lest she brings a decade of drought upon the land in order to find him. Fortunately, he managed to lower the duration of his punishment to a measly 4 weeks by pampering her (a lot) and was free from the blonde's watchful gaze, but was still kept under intense supervision by Enkidu just in case he did something out of the ordinary.

Ishtar on the other hand was having the time of her life. Freed from the constraints of the lower world and retaining her full form once more, she began to spread her influence across the world and attained worship from all—well, that was the plan if not for a certain someone who always kept her at arm's length, literally.

"Let go of me, Leon!" the goddess pleaded to the enigma known as Leon, who had her locked in a loving embrace that suppressed her authority as a deity for some odd reason, "I have offerings to collect by the temples, unhand me this instant!"

"No," he answered dryly. Leon secured his hold over her petite figure, preventing the goddess from escaping. Ishtar lets out a sigh of acceptance and deflated into his arms with a sour expression, not even bothering to rebel against the man's clutches.

It had already been many months since the goddess of beauty's incarnation, and she had gotten intimately familiar with Leon's personality over that time. She knew he was an oddball from the start, but she didn't expect him to be completely out of his mind the more she got to know him. Oh Heavens above, how many times had she almost took his head off his shoulders for being a bother, but the man would simply laugh it off while saying "It's just her way of showing love", or something along those lines.

His obsession with hugs and cute things was well known around Uruk, earning him some rather endearing names. No matter who it was, the moment you caught even a hint of his attention, you'd be pulled into his embraces, whether you liked it or not. Ishtar could not have expected herself to be Leon's target of affection for many moons straight, greatly restricting her range of activities. But she had grown accustomed to his sporadic shows of love in the form of cuddles and forehead kisses, and it also frustrated the living daylights out of the Golden King, which brought her nothing but joy.

"We've been at this since sunrise, am I free to go now?" she inquired, her voice soft as she rested against his chest for stability, his arms gently wrapped around her neck. She waited, but received no answer. "Leon?" She raised her head and found the man dozing off into his dreamscape.

The morning breeze blew, brushing past his face and ruffling his braided hair and revealing his tranquil face. As she was about to free herself, an imposing figure appeared from behind a corner, showered by the sun's warm rays. The ruler of Uruk looked down upon the goddess with her signature penetrating gaze, as if judging Ishtar's very existence.

"Do not think of yourself as my equal, goddess," the blonde sent a sharp glare at the deity, "you're only permitted to touch my most prized possession so long as you do not tarnish it with your filth." She then lowered herself to the floor, getting comfortable next to Leon's sleeping form. Gilgamesh grabbed one of his arms and coiled it around herself before snuggling closer to him.

"What are you talking about?" Ishtar questioned, not really understanding what she's on about.

"Hmph," Gilgamesh responded with nothing more than a huff. She relaxed her head above the man's chest next to Ishtar's and closed her eyes, gradually slipping into a peaceful slumber.

"Haah," a sigh escaped Ishtar's lips, "maybe a short nap wouldn't hurt." The goddess decided to join the Golden King and nestled deeper into Leon's embrace, feeling the warmth and comfort of his presence. The offerings could wait, nobody had the nerve to steal from her shrine after all (excluding Leon).

[hr][/hr]

"Your majesty," a woman of darker complexion wearing a thin veil over her face spoke, "Lord Gilgamesh seeks your presence by the dining area."

"Okay. Also, enough of that, why doesn't anyone refer to me by my name?" I let out a drawn out sigh, "Come on, Siduri, can't you call me by my name for once? and why do people keep calling me that? I'm not even part of the royal family."

"I'll put that into consideration," she replied with a slight bow, utterly ignoring the latter half of his sentence. 'Every single person in this palace knows about your eccentric personality and not one of them wants to be part of whatever weird idea that pops up in your head,' Siduri's thoughts drifted, explaining why people keep their distance from the man known as Leon, the self-proclaimed God of Hugs.

"Well alright." I pulled her into a tender hold which she showed no reaction to, then walked to the royal palace's dining hall and saw a familiar trio already occupying the space.

"How many times do I have to tell you that no, I have not been 'snooping around' Leon's sleeping chambers, you wild cow! Where did this even come from?" Ishtar's voice boomed across the hall.

"There were a pair of rubies hidden under his bed, Leon does not carry around any type of jewelry on his person so it could only mean you," Gilgamesh accused with a straight face.

A chaotic scene ensued as the two exhanged some colourful words, vying to gain some form advantage over the other, Enkidu meanwhile simply watched from the side while taking a sip of his drink, seemingly unbothered by their bickering. Seeing this, my mind stirred, 'What the hell is happening here?'

"They could've been yours, I'm not the only one walking around in clothing adorned with pretty gems, you know," the goddess shot back in an annoyed tone, "and who's the one that keeps sneaking into his room every night to sleep next to him—you!"

"My jewels are kept safely within my treasury, and I require no permission to enter his quarters for it is rightfully mine," she confirmed the claim without a lick of embarrassment, "and when I said hidden, I meant it wasn't supposed to be found by the tenant," the Golden King elaborated.

"Then ask him, not me. Maybe he hid it there, you don't know everything about him!" Ishtar puffed her cheeks, seemingly at her wit's end. She might actually explode if this continues.

"There is no one on this world that knows him better than I, do not suggest otherwise, you unruly goddess," she declared with pride, causing me to suddenly choke on my breath.

Hearing the disturbance, the pair turned at the same time as if they agreed to do so prior and stared directly into the windows of my soul. Enkidu took a loaf of bread off the table and began nibbling on it adorably (god I wanna pinch his cheeks so badly!), his eyes sparkling with a mixture of interest and reluctance, probably because he's the one who has to clean whatever mess we (me specifically) make.

"Uh… hi?" I greeted with a small wave. Honestly, I don't know what to do at this moment.

"Leon, I demand an explanation on why these pair of rubellite ores are tucked under your bed. I do not recall you being interested in such things," Gilgamesh started, her arms folded beneath her sizeable bust, a frown capturing her lips.

"Yeah, why do you have these and who did you get these from? Are my collection not enough for you?" Ishtar joined in an equally commanding note, pointing at the pair of rubies on the desk. Her posture slightly leaned forward, eyes reflecting a dangerous glint.

Both of them gave me a look that promised violence if I didn't answer truthfully, preventing me from taking the easy way out of just walking away. And what is up with their tone of voice, it's as if my partner for life had just found out about my mistress due to a random piece of undergarment strewn across the bedroom that the latter had forgotten to take with them.

"Why are you two on the same side all of the sudden?" I took a step back, overwhelmed by the duo's combined assertiveness. They were at each other's throats not a minute ago, but the moment I cross the picture they suddenly become allies? "And I don't know where those came from."

Perhaps it was me to put it there and just forgot about it the next day. Goodness me, there seems to be a lot of things my mind just decided to throw away for no apparent reason (silly me).

"I dunno. Maybe it's mine," I drew out my thoughts with a casual shrug.

"Hoh? Since when were you allowd to keep things hidden from me, Leon?" Hearing my words, Gilgamesh's lips thinned into a fine line. "Have you forgotten I own everything in my domain?" 

A jolt of electricity spread across my body accompanied by the weight of a mountain suddenly pressing itself on my shoulders. Since when did this girl have such side on her? I didn't raise you like this, little Gil! Where's the adorable gal I've spoiled since she was small? The girl who'd ask me to tell her bedtime stories every night!? (That last part might be false, but I like to think it's true)

Before I could speak a word out, Ishtar immediately followed up, giving her current thoughts about me a voice for the world to hear.

"Unbelievable, you have the gall to replace my gems that I've graciously granted you for these inferiors?" The goddess clicked her tongue and bit her lower lip.

"I already told you two that I can't recall anything about it. Stop looking at me like I'm some pest on the side of the road that needs to be squashed, my heart cannot take this!" I clutch my chest, sobbing in indignation. 

Enkidu continued to watch the drama unfold while stuffing another snack into his mouth. While Leon's antics had lessened in intensity for the past few months it still occasionally happened, leaving it up to the clay construct to drag the man back to fix whatever problem he, himself created—like that one time where he threw a "bath bomb", whatever that thing was, at the communal natatorium and causing panic amongst the people in the waters.

This back and forth went on for a while until the two were finally convinced that I had nothing to do with the peculiar objects (or at least I think) and left me alone, well Gilgamesh kept me under her watch for a while until Enkidu came to the rescue and pried her off me, stating the she had some things to look over. Ishtar went out of the castle, not without giving me a look of suspicion however, and attended some ceremonies around the city—and by that I meant receiving offerings from her followers, usually in the shape of jewels or regal ornaments.

Soon enough, the sun dipped into the horizon, blanketing the sky in utter darkness. I retired into my bedroom not long after with a slouched back, caused by the crushing weight of being rejected a hug from Enkidu. He said he was busy with things, but it certainly appeared more like he was avoiding me. Damn, he just knew how to strike directly into my soul, didn't he?

Well, at least Ishtar and Gilgamesh were there for me—well, mostly. They were still miffed by the whole jewels thing and didn't return the same level of affection they usually gave me to show their displeasure. A fissure broke across my fragile heart remembering those particular moments, what did I do to deserve such torment!?

I crashed into my bed and instantly lost conciousness, only to be stirred awake by the sound of a rock crashing onto the ground. Snapping my eyes open, I heaved my upper body upright and immediately noticed something amiss.

"This isn't my house." I was all of the sudden inside some sort of cave system with blue flames flickering out and about like grass in the wind. The air in this place was frigid like the winter gales, making me shiver.

"Uhm, hello? Are you Leon of Uruk?" an ever calming voice echoed from behind, making me turn around. 

I spotted a young girl that sported a similar appearance to Ishtar except for her hair colour—hers were bright as a wheat field ready for harvest. And the most damning difference between the two was the fact that this person wore a red cloak over a beautiful dark dress, unlike Ishtar who donned nothing more than her gold-laced undies underneath a robe that I practically forced her to wear.

Instead of panicking at the predicament I've found myself in, I delivered a calm reply, "Indeed I am, you are?"

I had zero idea to where this place was, apart from it looks like a kid-friendly version of Hell. Had my sins of being cringe finally caught up with me after all these years? Well, at least there's this cute girl to accompany me to the afterlife.

"Oh, yes! Let me introduce m-myself," she exclaimed, her voice quivering slightly at every word, "I am Ereshkigal, Goddess of the Underworld. I've been wanting to meet you for a while now! But-but the gems kept malfunctioning for some reason," her voice lowered for a moment before picking back up, "w-well! You're here now, and that's all that matters!"

"What?" I blinked, caught off guard by the reveal of her identity.

END.

Author's notes: I dunno.