13 [13] Just Wanted to See Your Expression
In the face of Alvin's inquiry, the golden-haired youth revealed a bewildered expression. He had never engaged in such complex contemplation nor considered these profound questions before.
Due to the admiration of his foster father's figure and the responsibility he bore, the youth aspired to become a knight. The title of a knight represented justice, represented the hope of saving Britain, this was ingrained in him since childhood.
However, it was merely... an aspiration.
Aspiration was the farthest distance from understanding.
"The stark reality is, praising those who harbor virtues as knights allows the discordant and sordid individuals to also share in the crown of justice."
Alvin's gaze seemed to scorch the youth.
"If it were you, would you be pleased with such acknowledgment?"
"..."
The golden-haired youth fell silent.
He was truly intelligent.
So even though he couldn't fully grasp some vocabulary, he could still understand Alvin's expression.
And precisely because he understood, it became challenging to respond.
... The other party was right.
If knights were all virtuous do-gooders, marauding bandits wouldn't persist for so long. They wouldn't have to wait for the so-called Silver Star Guiding the Way to single-handedly seek retribution.
Witnessing the chaos in the town caused by bandits, he had also thought about contributing to easing everyone's troubles. However, this notion was discouraged by his foster father, who advised him that, with his esteemed status, he shouldn't attract attention. The spread of his name would draw the attention of Vortigern.
Furthermore, he was pointed out that he currently lacked the determination to kill, trying to face bandits with a heart of persuasion was naive and pointless.
"Always expecting goodness from people. To become a king, you're far from ruthless enough."
Being criticized so unreservedly by his foster father, the golden-haired youth had to give up.
"Ruthless."
This word deeply pierced into his heart.
To become a king, did he have to learn to be ruthless?
The youth found it hard to accept such a cruel truth.
Until... he heard about the name Silver Star Guiding the Way in the town.
Peers of similar age were undertaking benevolent deeds he aspired to, temporarily freeing the young man from his hardship and igniting a deep yearning.
Silver Star Guiding the Way, this coveted title, was subsequently etched into his heart.
However, at this moment.
Upon hearing Alvin's straightforward words, the youth finally realized the malice concealed within the praises.
...Yes, why?
Why should one's virtuous deeds, acknowledged as the righteous actions of a knight, be reasonable?
Clearly, he was of the same age, yet he was adorned with the shackles of righteousness.
To be acclaimed as a knight who slays villains at the age of eleven would surely bring shame to every self-proclaimed knight in the region.
"Sorry..."
Realizing the actions of the knights.
He became more aware of his immaturity in thinking.
"I don't know how to answer your question... But at least..."
The golden-haired youth spoke with bitterness.
"You are a... good person."
"'Good person'...?"
Alvin fell silent for a moment.
"It's truly a heavy term."
"People can tolerate the looting of bandits, endure the exploitation of lords, and gradually consider these laws of the jungle as natural. However, when it comes to good people, various demanding requirements often follow. If there's even a slight moral flaw, their motives are subject to widespread questioning."
"As a good person, one becomes a target."
"The world works in such a way that being called a 'good person' is not a pleasant blessing..."
Alvin shook his head gently, looking out over the golden wheat fields swaying in the wind.
Amidst the brilliance of gold, the silver symbolizing the son of the White Dragon appeared singular and lonely.
"Unfortunately, I'm going to disappoint you again... I'm not a 'good person' at all. I do these things merely to satisfy my own desires, I need seeds for crops. Today, I came to borrow your fields for a while."
"To be honest, these rumors have caused me quite some distress. But unfortunately, people tend to mythologize those they worship. I tried to explain, but it didn't work. I'm sorry."
If he were a knight, he wouldn't joke about such an honorable topic.
Listening to Alvin's extremely candid tone, the golden-haired youth's expression seemed somewhat dazed. Faced with these harsh but real truths that he rarely contemplated in the past, he lowered his eyes, revealing a sense of melancholy called disillusionment.
"Sorry, Sir Alvin. This... this is quite sudden."
Hahaha!
He felt so disappointed, so disheartened!
It was like the shattering of a beautiful dream!
After saying so much, he just wanted to see this expression!
Unexplainably.
Seeing the gray and dim expression on the other's face, a secret and excited thrill suddenly rose in Alvin's heart.
It was so exhilarating!!!
Yes~! He just wanted to see this guy's expression, this kind of heartbroken and disillusioned expression, as if it were as intoxicating as fine wine!
Ah! A little more disappointment! A little more sadness! Just like that, revealing confusion and sorrow...
...Wait a minute?! What is this?!
The curve that unconsciously appeared at the corner of his mouth as he brushed his fingertips over it.
For a moment, Alvin was slightly stunned.
He raised his gaze, looking at the golden-haired youth's delicate face, feeling the surging and intense pleasure in his heart. The hand holding the sword handle couldn't help but tremble.
He wanted to...
He wanted to bully him, defeat him...
Even... defile him, insult him!
To make him fall into corruption, sink into debauchery, and unable to extricate himself!
... Just imagining such scenes.
A profound and thrilling pleasure seemed to surge in his heart.
Subconsciously refuting the ugliness of the knights, envisioning the vision of crushing the other, was also for this unbearable pleasure.
... What is happening?
Alvin tried to control the sword handle, took a deep breath, and exhaled gently. He couldn't help but question himself in this numbness.
Eat him! Corrupt him! Defile him! Insult him! Violate him!
In his mind, there seemed to be such overlapping voices roaring.
What the hell is this? Why did he suddenly go crazy and change his preferences?
Indeed, this guy, who could be described as the best among beautiful youths, had a body full of sturdy muscles. But the attractiveness shouldn't be that different from his own, right?
When he looked in the mirror, there was no reaction at all?
This... although it's embarrassing, but...
WTF! Why would he want to corrupt a man!?
Oh no, he have too much male hormone!!!
Feeling the surge of emotion in his heart.
Alvin was somewhat numb and horrified, and he was on the verge of losing control.
Yes, his previous self had never encountered such an irresistible impulse, even when facing the absolute zone of the witch with her black silk suspenders.
Having tasted hundreds and thousands of Morgan's explicit pictures, he was very sure that there was nothing wrong with his preference!
You can question his character, but you can't insult his preference!
Or rather...
Who is this guy in front of me?!
Trying to suppress the surging waves of emotion in his heart.
Alvin calmly held the trembling sword handle and then smiled, asking,
"I haven't asked for your name?"
The golden-haired youth hesitated for a moment.
After a little consideration, he cautiously revealed his name.
"Ar-... Artorius."
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