37 This Thing Called Improv

Fuyuki, Japan,

Shinto District,

"You realise you're putting your life at risk here?" Roman questioned as he walked through a rather dull back alley, using his cane to support himself. It was supposed to be a quick thing, just in and out after getting rid of the two newly located servants but no, someone decided to come along..

"...It's alright, nothing will happen." Irisviel's smile turned a bit brighter, she looked up at the slightly taller Roman and nodded to herself again before glancing at Artoria behind them. The Saber Class servant was no doubt a stoic individual but the homunculus believed in her prowess.

"My ears must be bloody ringing then." Roman referred to the sounds of thunder, explosions, crashes and the shouting coming from all over with a sarcastic voice, it was plenty obvious that two immensely powerful entities were clashing in the background...

"Rest assured, I can protect Irisviel." Artoria interjected stoically, she was confident she could defend her own 'Master'.

"Not me?"

"I... don't think one of your.... abilities, needs protecting." The Saber seemed annoyed, mostly because she didn't like the magician at all, he was too chaotic with what he did and put way too many in danger. Many that didn't deserve to be put in said danger.

"If you're annoyed with me, God knows what would happen if you saw your life from a different perspective."

"Are you calling my life wrong?"



Seeing the two not quite getting along, Irisviel cleared her throat and addressed her friend, "Roman, can I ask you something?" She hadn't just snuck out of her castle to talk with him, she actually had something very important to ask.

"Shoot, not like we're in the middle of a battle or anything." The Magician could only chuckle at Irisviel's strangely naive personality. Roman stopped abruptly, looking at the cement wall to his side with a strange light in his eyes, "Found him."

The best and optimal way to succeed in a Grail War was to hunt down the Masters, the Servants would end up dissipating sooner rather than later or at the very least, be immensely weakened.

The Trambelio raised his hand, pointing his palm at the wall.

"How much of this war did you actually predict?"

He slightly froze at the question but instantly decided to answer honestly, seeing no real harm in it.

"Not much? I mean, I made out a general outline but ja, that's about it." Roman shrugged, closing his eye, it was true. That was all to it, he'd only been making predictions about the general directions it could potentially take then coupling them with his rather lacking meta-knowledge... The rest was him coming up with stuff as it went along.

".....I find that hard to believe." Artoria couldn't help but interject, there was no way that was the case right? He had to be lying. Everything from the way he talked to the way he moved suggested that he'd always been in complete control, the British King refused to believe otherwise after all she'd seen.

"I forgot you existed for a second there.....A good second."


"Roman, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." A difficult smile formed on Irisviel's face, that was a pretty flimsy excuse coming from someone like him.... Or.. It was the actual truth, "Wait..." It did and didn't make sense at the same time..

"Believe what you want to." Roman didn't bother sparing the two a glance, more focused on precisely blowing out just what was needed from the wall now in front of him.

"But then what about all the things you do or say? Or you managing to get what you want?"

"Ever heard of this thing called improv? Very useful, you should learn it."

"Faking it?"

Roman shrugged, not much caring about what he'd revealed. He could capitalise on this information getting out, that was among the first things to consider when deciding to choose this path in life.

"There is no way that can work. Faking can only take you so far!" Artoria disagreed strongly, his words bringing up bad memories. Always lying and always controlling what others did, she had had enough of those people already...

"Um... I'll agree with Saber..." Irisviel nodded slowly, she doubted someone as confident and egocentric as Roman was like that... His personality was... well, extremely overbearing and he had the power to back it up.... The homunculus decided to not ponder on this too much. Maybe it was a sensitive topic or something.

"...." Roman looked to the side, hiding his mouth with his hand trying to stifle his laughter, it was always hilarious to see people take his words so seriously.... He was an ass wasn't he?

Still, it seemed that his moment wouldn't last for much longer as not a few seconds after, a shadow flashed by him and his arms suddenly fell limp. It happened so fast that none other than Artoria had a chance to even notice it. The Saber instantly manifested her armour and stood in front of Irisiviel, holding her arm out protectively.

"Verdammt, really? My bloody bones?" The Trambelio winced, his eye closed in pain and his figure henched, the cane he'd been using fell to the ground with nothing holding it.

"Oh~? They're usually screaming after that..."

A melodious voice echoed throughout the alley, so melodious in fact that it could actually induce a stupor-like state on any that heard it.... It did do that considering Irisviel's cheeks turned a deep shade of red and she stumbled into Artoria.

"They must've been pussies.." Roman answered with a grin, his arms slowly regaining their strength as new bones quite literally formed inside them.... His regenerative abilities were extremely useful, useful enough for the cost he paid for them to be nothing... Roman's wallet had a lot to say about that though considering he acquired the necessary prana through mana crystals.

"The Japanese were fierce people if I remember right~?"

"Hah, knew it." Roman sneered, leaning down to pick up his cane, "Cuck fetish wankers."

"Oh well~, my voice doesn't seem to work on you?"

A few bones fell down from above, Roman's bones to be precise, and a horned girl jumped down after them, wearing the absolute minimum of clothing,


Shuten Douji was curious, it was one of her strongest skills, to make others drunk through quite literally anything, even her voice.... Removing his bones without damaging his skin was also a skill of hers, developed over a life of slaying men to devour their flesh.

"Trick of the trade dear, or, you just suck at it..." He gave her a small thumbs up, putting on one of his trademarked annoying smiles, "I vote for the latter."

"Ha?" Shuten looked at her prey with a blank, immensely confused face,.... He shrugged off bones being taken and was immune to her skills? "Interesting one." She smiled in amusement, so this was Raikou's Master? A shame he wasn't hers.

"You, rid Irisviel of this effect." Artoria pointed her invisible sword at the Oni, extremely serious and ready to attack at a moment's notice.

"Sure, gimme just a sec~" Shuten clapped her hands together once and Irisviel instantly came back to her senses, "There ya go, all good now?"

"Wha? Where?...." Irisviel looked around confused before, "...Oh.. What happened?" She was talking to Roman, then his cane fell down and this came about, "Right, where was I? Roman, why the star then? I don't see any reason to go that overboard."

"Test, a message to the people that wanted to try something like that... A fail-safe for the future I suppose? And..." Roman pointed at a confused Shuten with a small smile, "Assassin." He was slightly amused with how the homunculus had just straight up-

"Ignored...?" Shuten Douji found herself surprised... Sure this body was small but was it really that easy to miss her?... It was probably from her class... That was definitely it.

"What should I do, Irisviel?" Artoria looked to her temporary Master for orders, she could engage the servant but her job was to protect Irisviel, not go gung ho on whoever came out... That and it was still day-time, too many people would get caught up.

Irisviel slightly disappointed the Saber though,

"Roman?" Irisviel looked towards the Magician for instructions, he was the one calling the shots in this conflict.

"I'd usually vie for peace but that's just unholy.."


"You should be ashamed of yourself." Roman then realised the irony in his statement but chose to ignore it and keep talking, "Messing with people like that..."

"Are you referring to-"

"How dare you do exactly what I do?"


Their little talk however was interrupted by a certain Lancer.

"Gallop forth, Houshou Tsukige!"

A massive white stallion crashed through a wall to the side, golden lightning dancing about it and it's rider as it stopped right between Roman and Shuten.

"Avatar of the Eight Bladed Bishamonten! I, Nagao Kagetora, ask you to be my Master!"

The Sixth Magician found an ornate lance pointed at his face...


Share thoughts.


What's this? Roman trusted her with that info? Or is it all part of some elaborate hoax?


What are your thoughts on the fics where MCs are siblings or something of a character from the main cast?


Bloodborne Hunter MC in Nasuverse?



To the stack of shower ideas it goes.


Find up to 7 chapters ahead at patre0n.com/stoned_face

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