Omake 1: The Beast of FGO [Full]

The Chaldea Security Organization was established to counter a bored king who decided he had enough and aimed to obliterate humanity. 

I mean, seriously, f*ck humans! Who wouldn't want to exterminate them? Ultron took a mere few hours browsing the internet before concluding that humanity was a lost cause.

Moving on, my boy King Solomon, or rather Goetia, met his end, and peace— Peace? Please, we're talking about the Nasuverse here. The notion of peace, the whole "And so they lived happily ever after," is nothing more than a fairy tale in this context.

Luckily, we've got this clichéd concept known as Plot Armor. It doesn't matter how world-ending, young master-slapping, or powerful in cultivation an enemy might be; they're no match for the unbeatable plot armor.

Beasts? Nah, they're all tucked away in the backroom, only there to be violated occasionally whenever new servants arrive at Chaldea.

And wielding this mighty power is the protagonist of this universe, the bane of every foe and the secret ace of FGO, Ritsuka Fujimaru. Yet, in a twist, this character is female, known as Gudako. She boasts a slender figure, a cute face, and red hair. Despite being around 22, she looks more like she's 16—thanks to plot armor, of course.

So, it's another bright day for our girl. Sleeping in a serene room, she seems to be resting peacefully—

Gudako: Oh Mash, rock my genitals~❤

Scratch that.

Typically, her days are filled with waking up late, (harassing) flirting with her demi-servant friend Mash Kyrielight, casually overpowering world-destroying, reality-bending servants, and farming materials.

However, today, she decides to wake up...

And chooses violence.

Gudako: IMMA FUCKIN' SUMMON A SERVANT!!

She wakes up, freshens up a bit, and dons her signature outfit that slightly accentuates her chest. Then, she leaves her room and heads all the way to the storage room. There, she encounters numerous Elizabeths.

Elizabeth: M-master, is it another singularity? Can we go farming again?!

Elizabeth looks fanatic. Actually, Gudako has already maxed out all the bonds with Elizabeth, but since more useful servants have joined her team, Elizabeth isn't needed anymore. So, she simply left her once-valued servant in storage, hoping that one day she might have a reason to pick her up again.

Gudako: Etto… no.

Elizabeth: *Sniff* why…? How long do I have to wait?

And Elizabeth starts crying. Gudako wants to be honest with Elizabeth, to tell her that she will never be needed again because there are more effective servants now, but she can't bring herself to say it. If it weren't for reaching Bond Level 10 and for the sake of collection, Gudako would have dismissed Elizabeth long ago. After all, Elizabeth has spooked Gudako more than any other servant.

But Gudako knows how to manage her servants. She takes Elizabeth into her arms and gently strokes her face.

Gudako: Oh, Elizabeth, I wish I could take you along to soar through the skies, explore the universe, and battle evil, but I need to save your strength for a more dire catastrophe.

Elizabeth: *Blushes* I-is that so? Well, if there's no other choice...

So easy~!

Gudako: Anyway, I'm here to take all the Saint Quartz.

Elizabeth: Oh, okay. I'll gather them for you.

And so, Elizabeth assists, actually, she alone collects all the Quartz while Gudako stands back, watching, until Elizabeth hands over a sack of 120 SQs to her master.

Elizabeth: Here you go, master. Please consider—

Gudako just slams the door and walks away. Carrying the sack, she heads to the summoning room.

At that moment, Mash spots Gudako.

Mash: Senpai, where are you going with all those SQs?

Gudako: I'm gonna shove them in my ass and get high on delusions—what else are SQs for, Mash? Stop asking the obvious.

Gudako continues on her way, but Mash jumps and grabs her.

Mash: Senpai, you were saving them for the Anniversary and Summer events! Please don't just waste SQs on a regular banner like this!!

Mash does her best to hold Gudako back, but seems to forget she's dealing with someone who's faced down all the Beasts of Humanity. Gudako keeps walking as if nothing happened.

Gudako: Mash, it's inevitable. I can feel it; today is the day I summon an Irregular servant.

Mash: Like Sir Einer?

Gudako: Yup~! Today, when I was trying to have a bit of alone time thinking of you, Mash, it just didn't happen. That means it's a sign!

Mash: I... really didn't need to know about your... uh, personal fantasies, senpai. And how does that have anything to do with summoning a new servant?

Gudako: You wouldn't understand, Mash. It's a Grand Order.

Mash: Now you're not making any sense!

Anyway, Gudako heads to the summoning room with Mash unable to stop her senpai.

Gudako: And there go 30 SQs! Please, lords of Gacha, have mercy!!

With that, she does one multi-summon.

Gudako and Mash wait in anticipation, but for the first time in Gudako's life, she summons

…. 10 straight Mapo Tofu and a Cu Chulainn whom Gudako burns on the spot.

Mash: SENPAI!! WHAT'S HAPPENED TODAY? HOW DID YOU GET SUCH BAD LUCK??

Gudako: UGH! This can't be….

Seeing so many Mapo Tofus makes Gudako throw up. She can't believe her eyes. Let alone other CEs, she got Mapo Tofu! FREAKING MAPO TOFU! It's the genuine sign of bad luck!

However, unfortunately, this Beast-eating girl has just one weakness, and it's her Gacha addiction. You might call her a fanatic for going all out, but she wouldn't be the legendary Beast-eating human if she couldn't handle a stroke of bad luck.

Gudako: It can't be helped.

Mash: Senpai?!!!

Before Mash can process the disaster, Gudako already spends another 30 SQs.

And this time…. it's all Mapo Tofu.

Gudako & Mash: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Seeing so many Mapo Tofu almost drains their souls out of their bodies. There should be only a 0.00000000000000000000001% chance to get all the same CE, and Gudako hits that mark.

It's the worst Gacha pull in the history of the Gacha universe. This is pure, unadulterated bad luck.

Gudako: This bad luck must be because of my sins. I must repent!

Mash: Senpai?

Gudako leaves a confused Mash behind and rushes towards another room. She kicks the door open and finds a saintly servant standing before her.

Gudako: I AM HERE!!! TO REPENT FOR MY SINS!!

Martha: Oh, master, I'm delighted to hear this. Then please join your hands—wait, why do I hear boss music, and master, why are you drooling?!

Gudako wipes her drool and closes the door slowly.

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

The door opens once again, and Gudako emerges in disheveled clothes.

Gudako: Slurps* Man, saints are so tasty. The purer, the more enjoyable.

Gudako tidies her clothes and closes the door, leaving a wasted Martha covered in white substance in the room.

Gudako: Well, now that I've repented, it's summonin' time!

She barges into the Summoning Room again, and before Mash can notice, Gudako does another multi-summon.

And this time…

It's again straight 10 Mapo Tofus.

Gudako's jaw drops to the floor.

Gudako: Nani the actual fu*k?!

Mash: S-senpai… what have you done…?

It's evident that Gudako still has her bad luck intact and nothing changed until…

The 11th and final card gleams with a golden hue before stopping. It's a gold Lancer card.

Fionn: I am Fionn mac Cumhaill...

Mash: ...

Gudako: ...

Fionn: What? What's with the disappointed look? You should be honored—

Before he could express his confusion further...

BOOM! SPLASH!

His abdomen is blown apart in the next second. The ever-clean and blue-tiled Summoning Room is now splattered with crimson, and chunks of flesh adorn the walls.

Gudako: Keh!! This can't be happening! This should be illegal! What have I ever done to deserve this cruel fate?

Mash stares at Gudako with a sigh. No one can casually destroy worlds like Gudako, but it seems the girl herself is oblivious to that fact.

Gudako: But since I've come this far, it's only natural to go all out.

Gudako clenches her teeth and looks at the last remaining 30 SQs.

Mash: SENPAI, NOOOO!!

Gudako: SENPAI, YEAHHHHHH!!

And Gudako summons one last time, only to get...

10 straight Mapo Tofus again.

Mash: Senpai, do me a favor and bury yourself in a corner.

Gudako: ...

120 SQs and all Gudako gets are Mapo Tofus. For a gacha player, Gudako should indeed bury herself alive. Such bad luck shouldn't even exist in the Gacha universe.

Just when hope seems to dim, the air cracks and the land trembles. Gudako and Mash take a fighting stance, sensing a hostile presence. Then, amidst purple lightning, a purple card appears.

Gudako and Mash widen their eyes. It's another rare servant.

But in the next second, the card reveals to be a 3-star Alter Ego, and a servant takes form. He's a young man with brown hair and an average face, looking like an ordinary British man with fair features.

???: Wait, I was banging Nero. Just where am I?

Mash: You're in Chaldea—

???: Oh, figures. Well, I am Titus Dusklock, a mage from the Clock Tower and my rank—

Mash & Gudako: ...

Titus: *Cough* Let me introduce myself again. I am Titus Dusklock, a pseudo-servant. But... *winks* you can call me the All-father, Odin.

Mash: Oh wow, senpai, look, you've finally summoned a rare servant.

Mash tries to cheer up the master of Chaldea, but all she sees is a complete abyss.

Gudako steps forward towards the newly summoned servant and places her hand on his shoulder... then squeezes it with unimaginable strength.

Titus: Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai!

Titus feels incredible pain, and then his gaze meets Gudako's. There, he sees a vision of literal hell.

Gudako: What the hell? I spent 120 SQs and all I got is a three-star Alter-Ego who claims to be Odin?

Gudako glares at Titus, a menacing grin spreading across her face.

Gudako: Unless you possess the prowess to satisfy me, I'm going to incinerate you.

Titus is filled with sheer terror. He might be the protagonist of his own universe, but in this Gacha universe, Gudako is a monster among monsters.

Titus: Look, there's an SQ!

He points towards a large pile of SQs outside the summoning room.

Gudako: GACHAAAAAA!

Gudako leaps towards the pile of SQs and...

BOOM!

She demolishes the front wall. However, aside from some chunks of Cu Chulainn, who happened to be behind the wall and met his demise, and some debris, Gudako finds nothing.

Gudako: Wait, an illusion?!

She looks back at the summoning room and sees only Mash.

Mash: H-he got away.

Gudako: NOOOOOOO!!!!

On this day, the ultimate Beast of the Nasuverse faced a dreadful setback.