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Fate/Fisted

'If violence isn't solving all your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it.' Shitty day at work cause your boss wants you to do overtime? Punch him. Kids giving you problems? Punch 'em. Supernatural entities trying to fuck with you? Punch 'em. Demon Gods trying to destroy to humanity? Punch the ever-living shit out of 'em. Nicholas Martel is the sort of man who can and will solve any and all problems by beating the shit out of them. Young masters and even tsunderes beware, his hands are rated e for absolutely everyone.

Bleap · Anime & Comics
Not enough ratings
89 Chs

Ritsuka Fujimaru Wants To Cry

"We here at Chaldea intend to..."

Mash glanced at her newest senpai from the corner of her eyes, she would have liked to help her more but the seats for the A-Team were too removed from the staff and B-Team seatings, especially the ones for rookies.

The girl would be having a hard time here, B-Team had too many members of the nobility for anyone to like and while they couldn't work against Nicholas cause... well, he attacked one of them when she did and the others seemed to get the message, but they could work against a 'civilian rookie'.

She also seemed to be on the verge of falling asle-

Mash's thoughts were interrupted by Nicholas who interrupted Director Olga Marie Animusphere's orientation by abruptly holding up his hand and shouting, "Question!"

"For the last time, NO!"

"Last one!"

"Grr... Go ahead."

The noise seemed to disrupt Gudako's doziness and she jerked awake before yawning and rubbing her eyes. The red haired teenager looked around in confusion, then recognised where she was and nodded to herself, spotting Mash,

"What is going on here?"

Chaldea's newest Master mouthed the words to the only person she recognised there but received no answer, slightly nervous about all the dignified looking strangers and staff all around here. She looked around again, this time noticing the man who'd introduced himself as a random grunt.

... The hell was a random grunt doing sitting with what was clearly the top brass around here and calling out the irritable looking scary lady?!

"Can you send me to Fra-"

"For the last goddamn time, NO! I won't send you back in time so you can try seducing a holy maiden!" The Director of an esteemed organisation shouted at one of her staff members like she was younger than him, face flushed from embarrassment, "And no! There's no record of King Arthur being a woman either!"

"...The hell do you take me for? I was joking." Nicholas deadpanned at the woman.

Gudako could only stare on dumbfounded at his audacity.

Did no one escape his wretched behaviour?

Olga let out a relieved sigh to calm herself down, only to regret her actions the next second, "Send me to Atilla the Hun. With how fucked up this world is, the Scourge of God is probably a chick."

The woman fumed again but this time, she was interrupted as soon as she opened her mouth, "C'mon, I'm trying to work with you here, Olga. Send me back to Aztec times so I can throw down with the Sun, you gotta see how that's a good idea."

"Indeed, I believe he needs either a reality check or an actual affirmation of his prowess." Gudako was startled by a beautiful purple haired woman gracefully walking out of thin fucking air and placing her hands on his chair, standing behind the so-called 'grunt'.

"Oi Martha, stop tryna be slick with it. You wanna see it too."

"Shush Master, we must use diplomacy to get her to do it."

So she wanted the same thing... Gudako deadpanned, some grace.

What was wrong with these people?

"Are you people really trying to fool the head of Chaldea with smart words?" A young girl in a white coat pointed out calmly, staring at the two incredulously, "You don't think she's used to it with how the Clock Tower is?"

"Can it, four eyes."

"They're just for looks!"

"I thought you didn't care about looks, 'Hinako'." Nicholas pointed out, slightly smirking as he turned to face the girl, "Guess it's all words in the end."

"I can not allocate the resources needed to accommodate your 'joyrides'."

Gudako decided to keep her mouth shut, recognising that it wasn't her place to speak out... If they could actually send people back in time, she couldn't see why they didn't just let him do it instead of wasting time.

And, in what fucking world was trying to meet bloodthirsty warlords a joyride?!

"Do it, no balls." The one who spoke out this time was a young man with long blonde hair in a white suit, sitting with the kind of elegance she'd only seen in movies about nobility and ancient kings.

Her next words left her mouth without her knowing about them, "What did he saay?"

And like that, all eyes in the room were suddenly on her.

"And who are you supposed to be?" Olga spoke sternly, crossing her arms and slightly tilting her head to stare at Chaldea's 48 Master, "I don't think I've seen you here before?"

Her words came off as stern, unforgiving and harsh sounding, making the teenager lower her gaze in shame, "I-I umm..."

"Oh that's Gudako, she's your 48th Master... just don't let her near the FATE System."

It was nice that the rude pervert did something decent, it was, but,

Ritsuka Fujimaru wanted to cry.

"Huh. Are you sure you're fine? Mash told me you were in a combat simulation..." Olga walked closer to her, leaning down to stare at her with narrowed eyes, "You don't need to be here if you don't want to, today's agenda is only A-Team's deployment."

"I-I'm alright."

"Damn... I want to cry, they grow up... so fast." Nicholas wiped away a phantom tear looking at Olga's behaviour, she'd have slapped Gudako for looking like she was about to doze off a few months ago.

Flinching, Olga turned to glare at Nicholas but then she seemed to remember something and turned towards the blonde man who'd spoken up earlier, "And Kirsctaria, who taught you those words?!"

"He told me to say it." Kirsctaria snitched immediately, pointing at Pepe who just shrugged and pointed at Nicholas, "What does it mean?"

Olga audibly facepalmed, "Are you all children?"

"Statistically, Director? Yes."

A-Team stared at their most elusive member in silence, stumped that he'd chosen to speak out.

"Gah! You have the fate of the world resting on your shoulders! Be a little more responsible!"

"T...Technically, we should relax because of that... I tend to screw up when anxious." A silver haired teenager spoke out, drawing nods of approval for his words, "I guess, the others don't have that problem? I'm sorry."

"Wait, hold up a second." Nicholas interrupted the atmosphere by shooting to his feet and running his gaze over the whole room, he'd just watched Babylonia and that last... Temple of Time movie in his free time, how exactly was it that such a diverse cast of people hadn't made a single appearance throughout them?

He'd thought about it before but now, so close to the 'first mission', it came up again and again.

"Where the fuck is Lev?"

How come the operator of a system critical to Chaldea's operations was missing at this crucial moment?

Fate had decided that that day in particular was one that was going to have more interruptions than the rest of the fucking week combined as Nicholas was interrupted by a loud snore.

"I told her she should head to her room." Olga sighed with a small amused smile, glancing at the sleeping Gudako, "Someone take her to the designated one."

She looked at Nicholas with narrowed eyes, and spoke sarcastically, "And, if you could give me your expression permission to start, can I explain what we're meant to do?"

"Up yours, smartass." Nicholas shamelessly flipped his boss off.

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Grand Orders begin next chap

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You can find up to 7 chapters ahead at patre0n.com/Bleap

I can't believe I'll have to do a poll for Mordred or Astolfo... never saw it coming.