'If violence isn't solving all your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it.' Shitty day at work cause your boss wants you to do overtime? Punch him. Kids giving you problems? Punch 'em. Supernatural entities trying to fuck with you? Punch 'em. Demon Gods trying to destroy to humanity? Punch the ever-living shit out of 'em. Nicholas Martel is the sort of man who can and will solve any and all problems by beating the shit out of them. Young masters and even tsunderes beware, his hands are rated e for absolutely everyone.

Bleap · Anime & Comics
Not enough ratings
89 Chs

I Just Wanna Talk To Him

Nicholas was lying in his less than comfy bed, arms crossed under his head, and staring at the plain metal ceiling in silence, "What am I doing with my life?"

It was a simple room, with a metal book shelf in one corner, a bed extending from the wall and a table with a lamp right next to it, also extending from the wall, also made of metal... It was actually weird how just about everything was metal here.

It had been a week since he'd arrived in Chaldea, met a few 'interesting' personalities, signed a few autographs for staff members, and noticed that the Director, Olga Marie Animusphere, was avoiding him like he was a discord mod trying to hit on her.

But he digressed.

The fact of the matter was, he'd shown up out of nowhere, gotten selected as a Master and this was his life now.

"I get the feeling whoever built this place didn't have comfort in mind. Wonder why?" He deadpanned at the white shitty excuse of a mattress under him.

Anyway, they'd given him his own place to stay, and told him that he would be getting paid when he punched the haughty son of a bitch who was SUPPOSED to give him a tour but ended up just going off on how a civilian like should bow down and kiss management's feet for the opportunity they'd given him.


Nicholas didn't mind, it wasn't like he had anywhere else to go. Everything aside from this little facility was going to be erased from existence sooner rather than later by a trigger happy necrophile.

To be honest, he wanted to try punching the son of a bitch at least once.

Plans for the future aside, Chaldea was about the only organisation he knew willing to honestly induct someone who technically didn't exist until a week ago solely because of his compatibility with what they wanted.

Before he could think about how punching a government official could land him an id, the metal door to his room slid open and a certain ginger doctor walked in, holding a laptop in his hands, "Here's the laptop you've been requesting."

It's staff was also extremely amiable.

Nicholas tilted his head in confusion, "Doc, why's the head of the medical department doing delivery duties? Isn't this a job for... dunno, a grunt or something?" He sat up as he spoke, slightly surprised by the visit.

"You're really asking me that?" Romani sighed at the Master Candidate, placing the laptop on the table, "Nobody wanted to come here after... you know, the incident."

Understanding flashed in Nicholas' eyes and he groaned, "Bah... It ain't my fault. He shouldn't have crept up like that."

"You punched someone that might as well be on the board of directors!"

"What did he even do around here? Laugh weird and give everyone chocolate?"

"No..." Roman massaged his forehead with a hand, the other on the table, "Lev Lainur Flauros invented Sheba, you know the device we use to look at what Chaldeas is showing."

Nicholas deadpanned further in response to what many considered an amazing accomplishment, "You mean the satellite y'all can't stop riding... The 'civilians' you like to look down on made those decades before you."

"It's not just a satellite, it can... look at... the past..." Romani's voice got weaker and weaker as he spoke, and he clicked his tongue, realising what he'd just walked into.

Nicholas smirked as much as his frozen face allowed him,"Oh yeah, sure it can. Tell Lev to use it to look for his mind, cause he done lost it."

The thing just started short circuiting and blacking out when they used it as anything other than a satellite.

"You know what, nevermind. I'm just not gonna do this." Romani threw up his hands in surrender and opened the laptop, "Anyway, last time you looked at me like I was a waste of space when I brought up Magi Mari. Have a look, you'll get why she's amazing."

"Don't you da-"

"Oh look, she's streaming right now!"

"Hello everybody~! It's your beloved Magi☆Mari~!"

Nicholas' straightened abruptly when he heard her voice and Romani thought he'd been enamoured completely, like he was.

His theory *ehem* delusi-*EHEM* was only further supplemented by the fact that the teenager narrowed his eyes and leaned a little too close to the screen, extremely thoughtful.

"It was actually just a site where she posted stuff you know, but then she started streaming too." Romani would never admit he was little unnerved by the teenager's focus, "Hehe... look at you."

The doctor laughed sheepishly and rubbed his nose, a hand at his waist, "You were hating me so muc-"

"Yeah... I'm pretty sure that's a dude."

Romani's heart sank, and he physically recoiled as if he'd been slapped in the face, "W...What?" He'd probably misheard hi-

"Yeah sorry, that's a dude."

"You lie! You're just trying to lead me astray, you... You evil, evil man!" Romani ripped the laptop away from Nicholas and stared at the screen with eyes that were threatening to pop out of his head, "There's no way my beloved Magi Mari could be a man!"

"Brother, it's 2015, you should be used to this." Nicholas looked at his fist, he'd have punched the man but he'd actually grown on him, also because it wasn't even annoying... just pitiable. He looked at Romani with sorry eyes.

"Stop looking at me like that! No! You're lying!" The doctor obviously refused to believe him.

"I'll admit there's guys who can do really good impressions but if you listen closely enough, there's always a slight edge." Even Nicholas raised his hands in surrender, "Look, I'm sorry. Really, I get it. Also, I might be wrong."

"Noooooooo-... My perfect Magi Mari has been tainted!" Doctor Romani Archaman ran out of Nicholas' room hiding his teary face in one of his arms, with a laptop in the other, "I won't believe your lies!"

"The lapt-..." Nicholas held up his hand to call after the doctor but then paused and lowered his hand, "You know what, nevermind." The teenager turned around to look at the wall with narrowed eyes.

They were supposed to be in Antarctica, right at the centre of it.

These people had some damn good insulation.


"I fucked your mom! You hacker fuck! You should kill yourself!"

"I will find you, and I will hurt you. It may be years later, but I will." Nicholas chortled and put down his console, satisfied with his killstreak and completely unbothered by the abnormally steady stream of profanity coming from his discarded headphones, "You sure you don't wanna play?" He held up the console and glanced over his shoulder at the young man sitting on the bed in the other corner of the room.

"N... It's alright. I don't think I could handle such a crowd."

"Eh... they're not that bad."

"My ancestors skull fucked yours!"

Nicholas smiled again and turned to stare at Kadoc Zelumpus, a timid young man who happened to be a member of the A-Team. He had silver hair a shade lighter than his own and really needed to eat some food. Nicholas had sought him out after learning that he had a particularly powerful system at his disposal.

"S...So you're the one who... well, I want to say, got into a fight with Beryl." The whole of Chaldea knew by now what had happened and Kadoc was surprised how his other team members seemed to think nothing of the ordeal.

Nicholas nodded, "Yeah, fight, sure."

"He was talking about how he was going to rip off your limbs one by one."

"...He's up?"

Kadoc nodded hesitantly when he noticed the sudden shift in mood.

"Where's he at?"


"I just wanna talk to him."

"You're not going to-"

"I just wanna talk to him." Said the man who was folding up the sleeves of his standard issue Chaldea uniform.

Some time later, a boom resonated throughout the facility, startling many.


Some feedback for dis tired soul.

Y'know, I could be persuaded to drop another chapter for some P.S.