Yuki’s Holiday

Ever since the car accident, the holiday's were never something Yuki enjoyed. He was either incredibly lonely, by himself at home, or ridiculously stressed from being dragged to different business parties with Mikael. While he did prefer being at home during the holidays, being alone only reminded him of bittersweet and painful memories of past years with a happy family.

This year, he was relieved when the housekeeper informed him that he wouldn't need to get dressed up to attend any important functions. All the household staff would leave to be with their own family's so Yuki assumed he'd be alone again. That's why he was extremely surprised to find Mikael in the kitchen on Christmas morning, and cooking no less. He didn't know he was even home so Yuki ended up shouting and almost falling over.

"W-When did you get back?" Yuki put a hand over his rapidly beating heart. He could've sworn that the scare took ten years off his life. Mikael raised an eyebrow at him before he turned away and continued cooking.

"Late last night."

"Oh, I see." Yuki stood there, awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Mikael noticed how obviously tense Yuki was. He knew he should try to ease his worries but he wasn't sure if he'd end up just making it worse. He took a deep breath and tried to speak in a tone that wouldn't scare Yuki.

"...Go ahead and take a seat. Breakfast will be done in a few minutes."

"Huh? Oh, uh, okay!" Yuki scurried into the dining room and sat down at the table. He had no idea what was going on. Since when could Mikael cook and why was he making them both breakfast? Didn't he have a bunch of events to attend? Why was he back so soon? While Yuki's brain was spinning with questions, Mikael had finished cooking and brought over their meals.

"Here." He set down a plate of waffles with fresh fruit in front of Yuki.

"T-Thank you." Mikael nodded and sat down with his own plate of food. They both started eating and a heavy silence fell between them. After taking the first bite, Yuki's eyes widened and sparkled in delight. The food was delicious.

"Do you like it?" Mikael's sudden question made Yuki flinch at first but he slowly nodded with a slight blush on his face.

"Mhm…It's…really tasty." His words were barely more than a whisper but Mikael still heard it and smiled. Yuki happened to see it and dropped his fork in shock. It clattered against the plate and onto the table.

"What's wrong?"

"N-No, it's nothing! I…I'm sorry."

"It's clearly not nothing. Speak up." Mikael sounded harsher than he originally planned and he silently scolded himself. Yuki struggled to explain.

"I, uh…I was just surprised for a second. Y-You, um…I haven't seen…I mean you haven't…smiled…in a long time." Yuki lowered his head without realizing it and clenched his eyes shut. He was nervous about how Mikael would react. Would he be angry again? Would he say something hurtful? Would he leave him all alone again?

"Oh…I…" Mikael was at a loss for words. Had it really been that long since he had smiled at Yuki? So much so that it was such a shock? What was he supposed to say to something like that? Mikael cleared his throat and attempted to fix the strange atmosphere he'd created. "Ahem. Uh, I see. So, everything's fine then." Yuki nodded and munched on small bites of food without looking at Mikael again. The rest of their breakfast passed in uncomfortable silence.

"Um," Yuki finished his waffles and was getting ready to leave the dining room. "I'll…go back to my room…if that's okay."

"Hold on," Mikael stood up and motioned for Yuki to follow him. "Come with me for a moment." Yuki was confused but he followed along obediently anyway, without asking anything. They went into the living room and Mikael sat down on the couch. Yuki remained standing until Mikael told him to take a seat next to him and he did so. "This is for you." Mikael took an envelope from the top of the coffee table and handed it to Yuki. "...Merry Christmas, I guess."

Yuki stared blankly at the envelope in his hand. Did he hear that correctly? Was Mikael giving him a gift? Why now? He hadn't given Yuki a present since the accident. Yuki felt numb as he fumbled with the envelope to open it. He took out the papers inside, unfolded them, and read what it was. Yuki started to tremble and the papers in his hand shook violently.

"Why? *Hic* T-This is…*hic*" Tears streamed down Yuki's face without restraint. There were many things in the envelope he was given. The first being a document giving Yuki full ownership of the company his mother and step-father had built together. It was the company that Mikael was always working so hard for.

The next thing he was given was a list of gifts. For every year since the accident, every birthday and Christmas was accounted for. There was also information on a savings fund his mother had made to pay for his university tuition, the deed to their old family home, and all the settlement money that was paid by the people who bullied him.

"...Yuki." Mikael cautiously placed one of his hands on Yuki's knee. Yuki tried in vain to wipe away his tears before he spoke.

"W-What is *hic* all this? Why *hic* are you…*sniffle* giving this to me? *Hic*"

"That's…" Mikael sighed and bowed his head. "It's my pathetic attempt at making amends. I realize things have been…difficult because of me. I failed to handle things properly and I have no excuses. I'm not asking you to forgive me but I'm just trying to do things now that should've been done a long time ago." Yuki fervently shook his head.

"That doesn't make any sense! *Hic* Don't you hate me?! *Hic* Why would you do this now?! After all these years!!" Yuki completely broke down. He dropped the papers and sobbed into his hands. Mikael couldn't stand it any longer and wrapped Yuki in a vice-like hug. Yuki was already so upset that the sudden action startled him into having the hiccups while still crying his eyes out.

"Shh, just breathe. I'm so sorry I made you think like this. It's all my fault." Mikael didn't release Yuki from his embrace until Yuki's hiccups were gone and his tears had slowed. He was still sniffling and some tears escaped his eyes every now and then but, for the most part, he had calmed down considerably. Mikael wore a complicated expression. "Yuki, I promise I don't hate you. Not now and not ever. You've done nothing wrong." Yuki turned to Mikael with anger and hurt in his eyes.

"Then why?! Why did you never come to see me in the hospital? Why did you act that way when I finally got to see you? Why did you stop coming home and stop speaking to me? Why did you always treat me like an aggravating nuisance? Why did you leave me all alone?!" The many questions Yuki had been holding back for years spilled out, one after another. His voice rose to a shout as he desperately sought answers. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle it if Mikael still dismissed him.

"Because I'm an idiot," Mikael admitted plainly. "An idiot and a coward. At first, everything was so chaotic and then, even when things calmed down, they told me you might never wake up. If you did, they weren't sure if you'd recover completely. When I saw you lying in that hospital bed, covered head to toe in bandages and hooked up to all kinds of equipment, I couldn't handle it. I was scared so I left. I used the upheaval in the company as an excuse and worked as hard as I could until I couldn't think of anything else."

"But I woke up! I woke up and you still didn't come!"

"I know." Mikael frowned in guilt. "I told you, I'm a coward. After I heard you were awake, I was so happy but then it hit me that you had no idea what happened to our parents. The thought of telling you and seeing your reaction was too much at the time. I regretted not being the one to tell you and not being there when you needed me but by then I thought it was too late. I foolishly believed that everything would be fine even if I wasn't there. But then your health got worse."

"And whose fault do you think that was?! I was twelve and just found out that the only person I had left in the world never came to see me!" Yuki raged and more tears tumbled down his cheeks.

"I know. Everything was my fault. Then and now. I wasn't angry at you that day in the hospital. I was angry at myself and I had no idea what to do. I made excuses about work or your recovery but it all boiled down to me being afraid and messing everything up. As time went on, it only got more difficult to fix things. I didn't know what to say or how to interact with you anymore. It felt like everything I tried to do ended up only hurting you more so I tried to stay away. It's all because of my mistakes and I'll never stop regretting it."