Ch 3 After Effects

I picked up my phone and replied, "I hate texting, just call me instead." There, I thought to myself, most people hate talking on the phone so I should be safe. I wasn't, my phone started playing BIBI-Vengeance to let me know I was receiving her call. Fuck me, I'm obligated to answer. "Alison, I am SO sorry. Truthfully, I'm not a coffee drinker, so I just pointed to something and I didn't actually know. The waitress didn't ID me or anything." I sighed, "of course she didn't ID you, that dive bar is well known amongst celebrities for being in all of Hollywood's affairs. The owner gives incentives to his people for any celebrity information they overhear that the owner can profit on." Rachel audibly gasped, "why didn't you tell me? I'm so sorry. Does this mean we're going to be in tabloids tomorrow?" I snorted, "we're already in them now." I heard clicking in the background. "Holy shit, we are. Did you already look it up or something?" I thought over my words carefully. "아니, 난 그냥 너보다 이 사업에 더 오래 있었어." Sheepishly she said, "in English please, unless I'm not meant to know." I laughed, "in English, no, I've just been in this business a lot longer than you. You have to remember I've done this my whole life. I've been in numerous commercials, fashion shows, I've modeled, I've been a back up make-up artist when ours was too haggard to show up, I even once showed up to be a girls high school prom date my own senior year because she wrote me a letter that moved me to tears. Everything I've done has appeared in magazines and tabloids so I've learned to just accept it." Rachel sighed this time, "I'm sorry honey, I didn't realize. I'm still very new to this business, which you've not-so-subtly reminded me about just now. Is there anything I can do to fix it?" I thought about her request and discovered that I had no answer. After a long silence she said, "hmm, guess you're just as lost as I am then. Honestly, you have all the reason to be annoyed right now. This publicity will be great for my career while slowly tearing at yours." "Rachel, I don't know that I even want this career anymore if I'm being honest with you. I'm tired of everything. I just want to have a family like the ones I portray in my work. I have to act all shiny and happy and perfect, for what? At the end of the day chasing after all this money seems so disingenuous to my heart. I'm 25 and I've never been in love. Sure I've had partners and had fun but it was never anything meaningful. Am I even allowed to have that? I've just been told what to do my entire life since the age of 6. I'm so tired." I shouldn't have said any of this to her. "I really wanted to work with you but I understand too if you're retiring. But if you don't want to be in this business anymore then why start a beginning career of singing?" "I keep having this dream. I keep asking if this woman is my mom but when I look closer it's not who raised me as her daughter. I don't know if it means something or I'm just having a silly dream. She's told me to try singing throughout multiple dreams. I weirdly feel obligated." I heard her humming lightly, such a sweet tender sound. "Mmm, how's this.. sing something to me. I want to hear a song. Something you wrote. It doesn't have to be finished. I just want to hear something you wrote, not something your company wrote for you." I collected my thoughts and grabbed my guitar. I began to sing for the first time intimately to someone I think I could grow to really like, maybe even love. I began to strum my fingertips mournfully across my guitar strings.

Don't know if I am crazy or you're out of your mind, want to slow down and stop the fate of time. Thought you'd be there to catch me whenever I fall, but you are never there to answer my call. Leave me to whisper sweet lullabies of days gone by~

Chorus

Can you please (please) love me. Can you~please(please) hug me? I'm not the enemy why can't you see~?

You're slowly killing me (killing me)

Can you please (please) love me?

Can you?

Can you please?

Love me.

"Who hurt you?" Rachel asked incredulously. I furrowed my eyebrows wondering whether or not I should tell her the truth. "My mom." I guess the truth spilled out in the end. I'm definitely feeling the annoying after effects of drinking. No wonder I hate liquor so much. I was so embarrassed I hung up the phone. I'll explain tomorrow when I'm not being a dumbass. IF that day ever comes, and at this rate, I don't think that day will ever arrive.