You said you care, and you missed me too

I still remember when you told me that you missed me.

You wrote to me the morning after the night of the party, when I was already aware of everything.

That was the worst day of my life.

When I learned that you had done it with someone else, my heart broke completely.

And do you still remember the 'she was never anything to me and she's a big ball and chain, especially lately, so tonight I'm allowed the fucking fun'?

That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Hearing those words come out of your mouth didn't hurt, anymore.

You didn't even apologize.

It certainly wouldn't have brought our relationship back to normal, but I would have appreciated.

Instead your only words before moving away forever were: 'Love please, I care about you and I miss you so much, I was drunk, I don't really think about those things.'

And there I also understood that you were not at Andrea's house that evening as you had told me, but at a party.

And as much as I wanted to let go of the bullshit and pretend nothing happened, I didn't.

On that, I resisted and I'm proud of it.

Mending a relationship with those who have betrayed their trust is no, it's not impossible: but it will never go back to the way it was before, the sign remains indelible.

And you would probably make me sick a little too, I wouldn't look at you with the same eyes.

Always remember: whoever betrayed you once, will continue to do so.

Yet think... after a month, I'm still here like an idiot thinking about you and I'm even worse than before.

I still can't accept the fact that I no longer have your constant presence near me.

It hurts to feel the bed and feel it cold and empty.

It hurts to have more of your clothes in the closet than mine.

It hurts to look back at old photos.

It even hurts to listen to music, especially my favorite songs, the ones I have dedicated to you.

Everything goes wrong without you.

And I know I shouldn't, because it's wrong, but I really miss you so much.