What am I now? What am I now?

So what am I now?

What have I turned into?

Simply nothing.

Dear Lewis,

it's always me.

I swear, this is the last time I write to you, this time for real.

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes, with my legs shaking and with the blood that is dripping more and more from my right arm.

I have made my decision and I no longer want to live in these conditions.

I have very little time left and I want to use the last few minutes to write this letter to you.

I don't even know if you'll find it.

I started writing it a few days after the party.

Initially, my idea was to try to give a 'positive message'.

I wanted to write the latter 'What am I now?' in the form of 'I did it, I managed to forget it!'

Unfortunately, it went differently.

This explains my fucking weakness and the strength that I can no longer have without you by my side.

These months have been hellish for me.

I fell into depression and was addicted to alcohol for a while.

Bad stuff, huh?

I'll be fine up there, I'm sure.

Up, there are the grandparents, grandfather Luigi and grandmother Anna.

Do you remember them?

I will meet them again, finally.

I really miss them a lot.

The world is not for me.

Or at least, not anymore.

I realized this when I started surviving instead of living.

In any case, my time is running out.

Before I left, I wanted to wish you the best, I hope with all my heart that it goes well with her.

You deserve to be happy.

You really deserve it.

You always had that 'power' to make people feel good, even with the little things.

I can assure you it worked great with me.

I wish you to achieve all the goals you have set for yourself.

I wish you a beautiful future, full of all the things that make you happy.

And finally, I want to say a huge thank you, which may never be enough.

In 3 years of relationship, I have learned a lot, I have opened my eyes to many things that I previously left out.

I learned to be more expressive and not to keep everything inside me anymore.

I learned not to hide anymore.

I have learned to appreciate the little things.

And above all, I have learned to love.

I have lived these 3 years in the best way.

We were very strong together.

But with a half heart, I can no longer live on.

Something too big is missing in my life.

Something that has now become unattainable.

In the past, I gave you most of my heart, now I give you my whole life.

I just ask you to keep them as well as possible, please.

And when you feel down, when you have 'bad moments', don't hesitate to go and find that piece of heart that I left you.

Maybe you will feel better.

Lastly, I'd also like to thank Harry Styles, the author of 'falling'.

Do you remember Harry?

We always listened to him when we were together, he was our favorite singer!

It is thanks to him and to this beautiful song with an incredible text that now I have managed to get a good part of what I feel.

To express my whole self.

Thanks for giving me the chance.

Last thing, then I'm leaving.

When you think that life is against you, when there are times when the only thing you want to do is sink and never rise again… look towards the sky.

I'll be there, ready to protect you from everything.

I'll make sure everything goes smoothly, that's a promise.

As for me, I'll be fine again, finally, don't worry.

Now I really have to go, my time is up.

Live life for two, Lewis.

Yours forever,

Harriet.