prologue

Empty.

i felt empty. Somber.

i wasn't sad or lonely. ive been sad. ive cried. but it didnt help anymore. so i was just somber.

mom was gone. crying, feeling sad, or growing angry wasn't going to bring her back. she was gone. gone. dead. i was never going to see her again. no matter how much i wanted to see her again, i wasnt going to.

i reminded myself as i stood and watched as my mother's coffin descended to the ground.

Dad held me tight. but i didnt feel content. nor did i feel any sort of assurance or security. i was just... there.

i missed mom already.

i missed her, badly.

a week without her had been hell, but i still had hundred more years to live without her.

i felt as gloomy as the fox rain that started falling. dad's bodyguard opened an umbrella for us and i didnt bother to move for at least a minute as moms coffin hit the ground.

we stood there for twenty minutes with dad trying to move me. as i moved from the grave, i saw a kid kneeling in front of a grave five rows back.

so was that me in the future?

i hope not. i hope I'll be fine. i walked to the car as the kid looked at me and dad's escort.