CHAPTER SIX

Laikyn Skyer is not Laikyn Skyer if she's not funny. It's like, everything she says is either word of pun or words of wisdom. Or both. There's this overflowing of sarcasm all throughout her veins that she could unleash any time she want. The way she handles my nosiness is pure professionalism. She answers all my offensive questions so well without being offended. That's just extremely stunning.

"Oh! And by the way, Mrs. Scout. . ." She raises her hand to call for Mamma's attention.

Mamma, with her usual 'uh-huh' response, turns herself away from the table where she's working and walks a few steps to get herself out of the kitchen to answer what Laikyn is about to ask her.

"Would you mind if I ask your lovely daughter for a walk? I'll tour her somewhere outside."

Mamma looks straight into my eyes. She raises her eyebrows and stretches her lips sideward without exposing her teeth. Doing this gesture is like telling me 'it is up to her without saying any words.

I close my eyes for a while, split open my mouth, and is about to say something but I got muted at the last minute. I take a deep breath, open my eyes, and divert my head to Laikyn. "No. I'm not going anywhere."

Her shoulder drops. "You need a life." She stands up, pushes the stool with her butt, and gets herself out of the tea table. "You can't remain like this forever, Callie. I know you were used to this kind of living, but you have to change. Get out of your box and explore. The world is beautiful. But it is ending. I'd feel so pity for you if you'd die without seeing how beautiful it really is."

Her words. It's like a giant palm that slapped me on my face. It hit me so hard.

She holds my hand and I feel the coldness of her svelte palm. Her clench tightens and tightens every time I try to get rid of her grip. That moment feels like eye-opening for me. But with all the doubts, with all the 'what ifs' swamping my head, I choose to remain blind.

"Sorry, Laikyn. But I'm not meant for bigger crowds." I remove my hand from her grip. "We're not certain of what awaits me out there. You know well that in a snap of a finger, I could die. In a snap of a finger, I'll be gone. And I don't want that to happen. I'm doing my best to live as long as I can and staying here is the best way to do that."

Laikyn sits on the stool again. She lowers her back, draws her face near me, and whispers something. "Death is inevitable, Callie. Staying here doesn't mean saving yourself, or getting yourself rid of danger. If it's your time, it's your time. And no one knows when that 'time' is going to come."

She makes three pats on my head before she recovers herself back. I feel the same coldness the moment she holds my hand for the second time.

"You are not living your life. You are living your fear. Living life means spending it as much as you can, enjoying things as much as you can. Living in fear, on the other hand, means escaping from everything; getting yourself rid of exploring new things, keeping yourself away from joy, and ignoring all possible sources of happiness. Life is not a matter of how long or how far you spend it. You only know you spend it right if you don't regret anything in the end. You can't jail yourself in an open cell, Callie. Freedom is selfish. That's why if you have it, grab it before it's too late."

Silence begins wrapping the atmosphere, showing us that silence could be more silent if it's mixed with heavy blues. It's hard for me to believe what really happened after that blasting of vigorous words of reality by Laikyn. It's either we got muted for a moment, or it's just really the silence that swept the room after we all realized she was right.

Each time I decide to get myself out of the house, it seems like every possible scenario could be a perfect storm. That's why right now, I'm torn in the middle of staying or going out.

The tapping of Mamma's shoes against the floor brings the dead air back to life. The sound of it saves me from being devoured by the black hole of silence.

She walks toward us while juggling a familiar orange case in her hand. She opens the case, takes out some pills and tablets, and it's when I know it's my medicine dispenser. She closes the case, moves to the left to place it onto the TV cabinet, and hands them over to me.

"Take these and ready yourself. You're going to have your first tour in Paris." I could tell she was happy because of her smile. But her eyes are watering in a way that happy eyes generally shouldn't be. It's not tears of happiness, I swear.

I breathe. I give them short glances before I move out of the dining area. Mamma takes over the seat I left, and has a one-on-one talk with Laikyn. I am past the room divider when they start talking in their low voices, probably keeping it as low as they can so I won't hear anything from them.

I take a bath in the fastest way I can. I grab a pair of black leggings and white plain tops out of my closet and fit them in front of the mirror. I tie my pale golden blonde hair into a single bun, brush them and keep them as neat as possible. I stare blankly at myself in the mirror. So plain. So simple. So boring.

I transfer to the other side of my room- the one with the windows showcasing the Paris City skyline outside-scrutinize the corner wood table which has been left at sixes and sevens all the time and search for something I could use as body decoration. Then I found a jewelry box containing a set of accessories; a ring, a bracelet, a necklace, and a pair of earrings-all decorated with ruby stones and silver chains. I wear them with no hesitations and walk back to the mirror to check myself. Nothing really changes, to be honest. Still plain. Still simple. Still boring. But it's better to wear them than to wear nothing at all. I put on my sneakers, the one in fuchsia pink color with mint green shoelaces and transparent rubber outsoles. And finally, after a quarter of preparation, I rush back to the living room to tell Laikyn I'm ready and good to go.

As far as I can remember, the last time I went for a tour was when I was in eleventh grade. Papà fetched me from school in his police car, as usual, and asked me to have lunch with him in his favorite Italian restaurant. And I said yes, and then we had lunch as expected, and then that's where it ended. Nothing really happened except feeding ourselves until our stomachs couldn't take it anymore.

In summary, I'm new to these outings and stuff because I'm not one of those typical people who'd spent the entire half of the day just shopping, or going for a movie, or going for lunch, or whatsoever.

"Let's go," I say, looking straight in the direction of the tea table where the two women were talking.

Laikyn's head tilts slowly to her right, showing me her confused face. She shoots her brows toward the ceiling and spits out some words. "You're not bringing anything?"

I shake my head, faking a smile. "We're just going for a stroll, no need to bring anything."

"Seriously? Cellphones? Money? Lipstick? Won't you bring any of them?" The tone of her voice goes high-pitched, and it makes her sound like a squeaking mouse.

"But we're just up for a walk, aren't we? So why do I have to bring money?" I shrug my shoulders.

Mamma scratches her head, sucks her upper lip, and blinks a few times before speaking. I don't have an idea what was that for, but after she did that, she clears the table, puts on the tray the empty glasses and a plate with remaining steak, and walked past me to place those dishes into the sink. She's in the kitchen when she shrieks, "wait a minute! I'll go get your things for you."

"I can't imagine your life without her as your mom." Laikyn whispers, steady and calm.

"Me too," I answer, the lower jaw protruding slightly.

I leisurely trod in the direction of the windows where the white see-through curtain remains placid despite the incessant howling of winds. The unwavering flock of birds flies past the serene skies making it the best picture of the day. The sun glimmers on the opened window frames, reflecting the outline of the buildings and the busy streets of Paris.

I look down from one of the highest floors of the building, carefully shifting my eyes to all the corners of my horizon. Flowers blossoming like there's no tomorrow. Winds whistling like there's no tomorrow. People enjoy themselves like there's no tomorrow. If only I could be a little braver, maybe I could also do things like them. Like there's no tomorrow.

"Callie." I feel a poke on my shoulder. "Let's go?"