It'll Hurt Too Much

In the moment of pain, it feels like you were shocked by electricity, you know the rules, as a singer stated, don't get too attached.

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High school, it's the perfect place for people to completely ruin their life. Everyday a new challenge being challenged upon you, to skip class? or to not? Pulling out petals asking the living plant by torturing it. It's also the perfect place to become lesser of human, a pest or even lower. Perhaps my childhood was full of cherry blossoms and sweet chocolate but now that's far gone. Everyone who promised with that stupid smile on their face never to leave and to cherish our friendships forever.. They already choked on their own words and spat out them back at me, leaving me in the dust to recollect the lies and the terrible treatment.

There's actual days, when my alarm rings I rethink the entirety of why I haven't smashed that stupid object against the wall ages ago. Every time it rings, I think I am far too tired for the idea to smash it against a wall to occur to me. I got out of bed after turning off my alarm and started getting ready for hell. Hell, also known as "high school." Putting in my contacts, brushing my hair loose of the tangles that appeared overnight. Dressing in a black sweater and black jeans. Just in case I didn't look like a criminal, I definitely did now, plus my dark circles and red eyes making me look like I just committed murder. Which is also not quite far off, in my mind I can only imagine the number of times I closed one eyes and made a 'pew' word with my mouth whilst looking at someone in class.

I hopped down the stairs after getting on some socks and my binders and textbooks in my bag. I did hurdles with the amount of bottles that were scattered on the floor and quietly took my moms wallet, pulling out a 20 dollar bill, sticking out my tongue in the process. Then carefully putting the wallet back before skipping away quietly out the door, stopping dead in my tracks as I touched my pant pockets and hoodie pockets. I huffed an irritated sigh. I forgot my headphones upstairs. I threw my bag off and dashed up the stairs to grab my one and only savior on the planet other than the sketch book I had in my bag. It was my first school day back from summer vacation and I was already in hoodies? You bet. I plugged in my headphones and pulled out my phone to put on some music, as well as opened my front camera, double checking if my contacts were in properly. Then I started on my way to my bus stop, waiting for the bus. I closed my eyes briefly letting the music through my headphones help me forget reality. Where I was, and I was, what was going to happen, I let the music pull it all away briefly before I heard the brakes squeaking as the bus arrived. I snapped my eyes open once again and hopped on the bus, showing my bus pass quickly to the bus driver, receiving a nod before I walked in and sat down. I sat in one of the seats by the back, by the stairs. I leaned my head back, once again closing my eyes briefly, my phone buzzing then.

'Hey lil sis! Have a great day as school! Love ya lots!'

I rolled my eyes, a small smile forming my lips at the text. My phone buzzed once more again.

'Eden, please try this year'

My grip on my phone tightened, instantly switching it off and exhaling a shaky breath. Third buzz.

'Big bro loves you!!"

A chuckle left my lips, and I instantly regretted it. I raised my eyes reluctantly and locked eyes with number one person I wish I hadn't. I locked eyes with another pair of green eyes. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. I almost heard through my music his sassy puff of air from being ignored. I heard footsteps and in the corner of my eye I saw the seat beside me being filled.

"Hey," his voice was deep. I pretended that I didn't hear him, which I almost did. On cue I pressed my volume up higher. I heard him huff another exasperated sigh. Suddenly my left headphone was roughly tugged out.

"Hey!" I squeaked out in surprise and pain, glaring at him. He locked his eyes with mine, not looking impressed, as usual. I breathed out an annoyed breath. "What do you want Kai? You're actually going to school, woah, what a surprise," my voice was coaxed with sarcasm. He let out one of those laughs were you breathe through your nose quickly. I almost..

Almost saw his smile.

"Same goes to you, miss sass," his voices coaxed so much irritation. I blinked, and rolled my eyes, looking away from his threatening eyes. I felt him lean closer towards me, as if provoking me to start a fight on the bus or some sort of scene.

"Move," I hissed at him. My anxiety raised more and more as his face got closer, until he was a few inches away.

"Why.." he started before I shoved him. I didn't shove him hard, but hard enough that he wasn't inches away from my secret.

It's been my secret for my entire life, since my birth, and some rude boy with no manners isn't going to be the first one to crack me open. Sudden uncomfortable silence broke in between us. I turned my head, locking with his green eyes. We held each others gazes for a few moments before he grumbled and took his bag that was on the floor and got up and left, standing by the stairs. His back faced me, not once moving from his spot. I tilted my head to side and shook my head, and put an ear bud. What was he so shocked and grumpy about... My body relaxed as my favorite song came on shuffle. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly, my body starting to drift. He's always grumpy.

The bus came to a stop, and all the students from Dixon High School. I waited patiently around the school whilst all the kids went through the main entrances. Once the coast was clear I sneaked to the door of the band room. I played around with the lock, hustling and attempting to unlock the door.

"Move," I moved away without hesitation and a bang of the metal against the door rang in the air. He dropped the metal stick on the ground and turned away, his green eyes almost digging a hole in me. I opened my mouth but closed it instantly. I averted my gaze from the popular delinquent towards the broken lock on the ground. I sighed and opened the door, peeking in and seeing no one was there.. I mean I hoped no one was. I walked in to the room and walked towards the piano. I sat down in the chair by the piano, setting my bag by the chair gently. I lifted the key lid, and and ran my fingers against the keys. There was a bit of dust, it made me twinge in slight sadness how unwanted the piano was over the past couple months. Hesitantly I pressed down on the keys, the sound ringing through the empty room. My anxiety bubbled, and once again I sharply sat up straight and scanned the room in search for anyone I didn't want in the room. After a moments of silence and my anxious looking I relaxed and started on a melody. I played a melody of my own, humming along to the melody as my body was practically lifted. A smile made its way to my lips as my fingers lightly played on the piano.

"Hey Eden!" I saw in the corner of my eyes his brown hair jumping up and down as he jogged his way to me.

"What is it Nixon~" I teased the male, who instantly clicked his tongue.

"I missed you!" he complained, earning a fit of giggles from me.

"So?" I hummed and swung my legs over the edge of the bridge I was sitting on. He grumbled angrily, clearly expecting more then that as a response. I saw him drop his body down on the bridge, laying on the bridge like a starfish, being the exact definition of a nuisance. I started humming a melody. I felt the bridge move a bit under me, the water crashing against it as Nixon sat up.

"What's that melody?" he asked. I looked out somewhere far away, staring at the trees, the blue sky that was filled with scattered fluffy white clouds. The water was a mirror, it mirrored the sky, everything was so still and quiet. My hum was the only source of sound through the stillness of the livings. The birds chirps heard distantly. I felt his look, I didn't look though.

"It's called Paper Lovers," I responded. He perked up, his eyes sparkling.

"You- you mean the--" he started off his voice coaxed with cherries from excitement.

"No, it's my own melody, I would've thought you'd recognize if I was humming that by now," I teased. He moved, making more creaking sounds of the bridge and the crashing of the water as he sat beside me. He swung his feet over the bridge too.

"Are there lyrics?" he asked. I shook my head, finally turning my head to meet his eyes. He smiled genuinely. "You're eyes are beautiful," he didn't say it because he loved me, but because he knew I needed to hear it.

"What color are they?" I asked him, my voice growing softer, my humming stopping.

"Purple," he almost whispered. It was almost we were exchanging secrets.

"And you're black mark is also beautiful, even though their broken," I smiled at him. I saw his smile turn in to a sad one as he broke our eye contact.

"I really hate that we are both like this."

"Me too."

-----

The door swung open and I was startled that my hands whipped off the piano, and I blankly stared at the brown eyes that stared back at me.

"That was beautiful!" she exclaimed, a smile rising to her lips.

Oh no.

"Hey, hey, what's that melody called?" she asked, her smile glowing with lies.

Go away.

"Eden Beckett? Right? I'm Ember Dixon!" she grinned sweetly, extending her hand. I slapped it away and rose out of my chair. I grabbed my bag and swung it over my back, also quickly closing the key lid before leaving. "Eden!" she yelled. I didn't stop walking towards the door, she grabbed my wrist. She was now frowning at me. I sharply pulled away from her grasp on my wrist.

"Hey. Don't touch me, you rat," I growled. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"You know, judging people is an asshole thing to do," her voice was coated with venom. I turned on my heel to face her, bravely stepping towards her.

"You know what's also an asshole thing to do?" I hissed at her, my glare digging in to her. She shifted uncomfortably under my sharp gaze, waiting for my response. "Being a fake bitch, just to make people like you, just to make yourself not lonely, after everything, that's an asshole thing," I snapped at her, turning around and starting on my way out the door once again.

"Eden! No listen!" she grabbed my wrist pulling me towards her. I turned my hand, making her flinch in pain from her wrist being twisted, and she let me go.

"Go give that crap your best friend," I emphasized the last two words. She looked at me bitterly and then back down. I let out a choked laugh, a laugh of amusement.

"I'm sorry." she whimpered against my harsh look of hate. I smiled at her, a smile of pity.

"Take that somewhere else, the dearest Dixon princess," I bowed to her, sarcasm in my voice once again. I turned my heel and left out the band door. I headed to the gym where all the other grade 11's were.