Natsu-Level Dumb... Or Maybe Even Worse

Earth Land, Ishgar, kingdom of Fiore, Akane Beach.

November, x786.

"How dare a lowly human covet the fairest of the merfolk!" Kai shouted angrily. "Then, he reached into the pocket of his naval uniform and pulled out a white glove before tossing it onto the center of the dining room table. "I challenge you to a duel for Miss Sun's hand! And while I'm at it, I'll teach you your place for coveting something beyond a lowly human's reach!"

Hearing what Kai had to say, combined with the white glove laying in the middle of the dining room table, everyone fell into a momentary daze. A moment later, however, they all felt the atmosphere changing.

'Oh shit, this is bad.' Cana thought to herself. 'Alfonzo doesn't take too kindly to people treating us as prizes to be won. This guy's really gonna be in trouble.'

["Yeah, Wanna bet how many bones Fonzie's gonna break by the time he's done with him?"] Hoyle asked while grinning manically from Cana's inner world.

Hearing her [Armament Spirit]'s words and tone, Cana could only sigh internally. She already knew that Hoyle would never miss the chance to start a wager. However, Cana wished that she would take situations like this more seriously.

And just like Cana and Hoyle were thinking, Alfonzo was well and truly about to lose his shit. However, just as he opened his mouth to let Kai know what he thought about his challenge, he was forced to stop with a surprised expression.

"Just who do you think you are!" Sun shouted angrily.

In the next instant, Sun appeared in front of Kai with her right hand cocked back, ready to throw a punch.

"Huh?" Kai exclaimed in confusion.

*Bang!*

Before Kai could understand the situation, Sun threw her fist forward, landing a powerful right hook on his left jaw. Then, thanks to the force behind Sun's punch, Kai flew backwards. At the same time, Alfonzo created strategically placed chunks of metal in Kai's flight path. IN the end, Kai ended up on the same couch where he woke up with is eyes rolled back, a bruise forming on his left cheek, and unconscious once again.

"Well, damn…" Alfonzo said while blinking in dumbfounded amazement.

"Damn girl, you got one hell of a right hook!" Cana shouted happily as she sprung up from her seat and rushed over to Sun.

In response, Sun only huffed and puffed while trying to get her emotions under control. Then, when Cana eventually arrived at her side, she could only smile wryly when she was pulled into a hug.

*Sniff!* *Sniff!*

Before Cana could continue gushing over Son's punch, everyone turned their head towards the sniffling sound they could hear from the dining room table. And when they did, they saw Gozaburo quietly wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Gozaburo, are you okay?" Ren asked in a concerned tone.

"Oh, I'm great." Gozaburo said through his tears. "I'm just... so… proud of my little girl."

"I guess I should have expected that." Ren replied while shaking her head. Then, she turned her attention towards Alfonzo. "Anyway, when he comes to challenge you to another duel, at the very least, please don't kill him."

"*Sigh* He's one of those types, isn't he?" Alfonzo asked in an exasperated tone. "Next time, he'll come at me asking if I'm okay hiding behind a woman, right?"

"If what the reports have to say are true, then yes." Ren said with a nod.

"But there's something I don't understand, Ren." Cana said in a curious tone. Then, when Ren turned towards her, Cana continued. "It wasn't a secret that Sun was engaged to a human among merfolk, was it?"

"Of course it was." Ren replied in an exasperated tone. "My husband, didn't want anyone to know that Sun was no longer his little girl, after all."

"Hey, after the brat saved my precious sun from Acnologia, I retracted the gag order." Gozaburo replied, trying to defend himself.

"And do you really think two years was enough to get the news to every part of the seas?" Ren asked with her eyes narrowed. "Do you have any idea how much water there is to cover on Earth Land?"

Hearing that, instead of commenting on the bickering between the husband and wife, Alfonzo lowered his head in contemplation.

'I guess I'll have to find a way to put signal receivers in the sea, too.' Alfonzo thought to himself. 'I'll have to find a way to make the phones pressure resistant, too.'

"I think we've gotten off topic." Masa said in a poised tone. "What do you all plan to do with young Kai Mikawa."

"*Sigh* I'll just have to kick his ass." Alfonzo replied with a shrug. "Hopefully he'll give up after that."

"Do you really think that's possible.?" Cana asked while deadpanning.

"Not in the slightest." Alfonzo replied. "But a man can dream, right?"

Like that, for the next hour, the group of six chatted and continued to eat. Then, just as they finished desert, Kai, with bloodshot eyes, stumbled into the dining room once again while covering the giant bruise on his face.

"What kind of man are you?" Kai shouted angrily while pointing at Alfonzo. "You would hide behind a woman instead of facing me yourself?"

*Sigh!* x 6

In the next instant, Alfonzo appeared in front of Kai in a flash of violet light. And when he did, Kai's feet were no longer on the floor. Instead, they were dangling nearly a foot above it. And the reason for that was simple, Alfonzo's right hand was clasped around his neck while holding him off the floor.

"You've got some nerve, Kid." Alfonzo said while looking into Kai's eyes. "First, you act like an asshole after we brought your sorry ass inside after your little panic attack. Then, you have the nerve to leer at one of my woman's breasts like some common pervert. And when it's pointed out, you don't even have the decency to apologize."

"One of your… women?" Kai struggled to say. "Scoundrel!"

*Smack!*

"Oh, don't give me that shit." Alfonzo said angrily after slapping Kai across the face. "Especially after you treated your so-called 'soul mate' like a commodity than can be placed as a wager. You're nothing more than an entitled little prick."

At first, Kai was taken aback by the slap he received. A moment later, however, he was over taken by rage. Then, with all his might, he wrapped his hands around Alfonzo's wrist while staring at him with bloodshot eyes.

"How dare you, a lowly human, talk to me like that!" Kai roared angrily. "On top of that, for seeing me in my true form, you and that other human woman should be put to death!"

*Smack!*

Once again, Alfonzo's open palm found its way across Kai's face. And once again, Kai was completely taken aback. However, when he snapped back to his senses, he was ready to threaten Alfonzo once again.

However, when Kai looked into Alfonzo's eyes, his words got caught in his throat. After seeing the anger and annoyance in his eyes, Kai did not know what to say.

"Are you fucking stupid?" Alfonzo asked as he tightened his grip around Kai's neck. "I'm engaged to Sun you fucking dumb ass. And according to your people's laws, that means I'm eligible to know the merfolk's' secrets. On top of that, do you really think it's a good idea to threaten one of my fiancées like that when you're in this situation?"

Hearing that, Kai froze. On top of that, he realized that despite how strongly he was squeezing Alfonzo's wrist, Alfonzo seemed to be completely unbothered. Kai did not stay stunned for long, though.

"Even if what you say is true." Kai said through gritted teeth while staring into Alfonzo's eyes. "That doesn't change the fact that you're not worthy of Miss Sun. So, you should cancel your engagement. Then, let yourself be executed while I, one of the two people who are worthy of her, marries her."

Hearing what Kai had to say, Sun's angry aura washed over the room. And while everyone else was thinking that things would not end well for Kai, Cana tilted her head and asked a question about Kai's last declaration.

"You said you were one of the two people who were worthy of Sun, right?" Cana asked curiously. "Then, who is the second."

Glancing at Cana for a moment, more specifically her breasts and cleavage, Kai quickly turned his attention back to Alfonzo. Still, he felt it would not hurt if he answered her question.

"Naturally, the first is me." Kai said proudly. "As the owner of Ishgar's second most powerful business empire, I am eligible to take Miss Sun's hand in marriage."

"Yeah, you said that already." Cana said in an annoyed tone. "And unlike you, we're not interested in hearing the sound of your voice. So, just get to the damn point."

Looking around the room, Kai was able to see that everyone else, other than Masa, was starting to get annoyed with him. So, he decided to directly answer Cana's question.

"The second person, though he's only a human, is Alfonzo Marcus of Fairy Tail." Kai replied in a tone filled with respect. "Not only did he build his own business empire from scratch, he's also one of the strongest people on the continent. And I have no doubt that he would be able to keep Miss Sun safe from any harm that might come her way."

Hearing that, Cana, Gozaburo, Ren, Sun, and Masa looked at Kai as if he were the world's biggest idiot. Then, they all lost interest and began chatting amongst themselves.

"Hey, what's with that reaction?" kai asked in an irritated tone. Before he could question the group any further, however, the grip around his neck loosened and he fell to the floor. "Ow… What's going on?"

"*Sigh* You really are just a spoiled, little, rich prick." Alfonzo said in an exasperated tone. "I'm guessing you just heard about my feats without doing any research. And now you look dumb as a mother fucker. *Sigh* This was a complete waste of time."

"Huh?" Kai exclaimed in confusion while rubbing his neck. "What are you talking about? Your feats?"

While Alfonzo walked away from Kai, who was sitting on the floor, Kai could not understand what was going on. A few moments later, as Alfonzo retook his seat at the dining room table, Kai finally understood what Alfonzo was talking about.

"Wait, are you saying you're Alfonzo Marcus?" Kai asked in an incredulous tone. "But how is that possible? He's supposed to live in Magnolia. Why are you on Akane Beach?"

"Oh, yeah, because it's not common for someone as wealthy as Fonzie to have more than one house." Cana replied sarcastically. "I mean, I'm sure your grandfather had more than one home, too, right?"

"Hmm… Now that you mention it…" Kai said, stopping to stroke his chin while the thought about it. "Even so, just because you're Alfonzo Marcus, that doesn't make you more worthy of Miss Sun's hand than me. You're only human, after all. Whereas I, a proud member of the merfolk race, have the strength to protect her."

"Did this idiot forget how Fonzie just manhandled him a moment ago" Cana asked as she whispered her question into Sun's ear. Though, she was loud enough that Kai would be able to hear her as well.

"He probably did." Sun replied disdainfully without lowering her voice. "But who does he think he is to decide who is worthy of my love and affection."

"Don't worry about it, Sun." Cana said as she pulled Sun into a hug. "It looks like he's Natsu-level dumb, and even more self-centered. So, he'd never understand the concept, anyway."

Nodding in response, Sun turned her attention back to Alfonzo, who looked like he had something to say.

"Thinking like that is the reason you'll never be worthy of Sun." Alfonzo said while shaking his head. "I mean, she's stronger than you, by quite a bit. So, why the hell would she need you to protect her?"

After hearing Alfonzo's question, it was obvious that Kai did not know what to say. But Alfonzo was not finished.

"On top of that, it's clear you're not good at looking after your own people." Alfonzo continued. "I mean, what about the crew of your submarine? Instead of worrying about their well-being after you clearly just left them to follow Sun, you continue this shit even after Sun made it clear she wasn't interested in you. Hell, she doesn't even remember you after your one meeting over ten years ago."

Immediately after Alfonzo finished speaking, Kai froze.

"*Sigh* It's too bad old man Mikawa only had one heir to pass his legacy onto." Gozaburo said after taking a swig from his sake glass. "With this brat in charge, the Mikawa group will probably cease to exist in a year or two."

Gozaburo's statement was enough to snap Kai back to his senses. Then, he frantically started running around the villa before he finally found an exit. After finding the exit, Kai ran out of the door. However, before he could get too far, he fainted after another agoraphobic panic attack.

"*Sigh* Cana was right." Ren said. "He really is Natsu-level dumb."

"No, I think he might be worse." Alfonzo replied as he stood from his seat. "Natsu never forgets his motion-sickness, ever. But it's happened to this guy twice in a little more than an hour. Anyway, I'll go bring him back inside. Masa, if it's not too much trouble, could you go and inform his crew of where he is? Then, they could hopefully get him the hell outta here."

"Sure thing." Masa said as he, too, stood from his seat.