CodeyVanilla
Wow, this is a really good story! I was bummed out when I got to the end of chapter 6 to find there was no more. The author has really developed an emotionally charged story that I'm sure many readers can relate to. The protagonist is really well developed right from the start as the reader is given insight into her happy but slightly poor family life before her parents separate. I like how the mother is set up as a really unlikeable character, but done in such a way you can somewhat understand her motivations. The characters are all portrayed really effectively and are each unique and have their own quirks. The dialogue reads exactly like real-life speech, adding an air of authenticity to the whole piece and the prose flows really well with some nice vivid descriptions. This book is a must read and I commend the author for their talent and ability to convey such strong emotions in just a few chapters so far.
I can say that the story is a roller coaster one. Though I am a fantasy/action type reader, this even made me enjoy its first person narrations. Splendid choice of narrations and choice of words. I can say your grammar was decent enough for me as I am not an English speaker. You can read Nr_Yet's godly narrations for more insights and other authors for more methaporic and poetic lines. Though the narration was proper for your genre as it was direct and precise. No need for flowery words to play with our tongues. Some may like it, some don't so let the readers say your success. Kudos for a job well done!
A very solid story overall. It's a nice change up from the horror stories and magic stories that I see so often on here. I could use something more light-hearted. I really liked the childhood aspects of the story. Keep up the good work author. I would put a bit more description into how the characters look and to describe their feelings. I think that's it. Everything else is spot on.
The author's great attribute is, they provide the questions for the readers that makes them curious enough to read the story. And then they get trapped in those well distanced paras of nicely crafted words, and lost in the story. The story unfolds, enticing plot moves forward and the author promptly goes on answering all those questions plus leaving new ones to edge on the curiosity. That's good. This story is great. It's loaded with potential, do try it. (Dear author, it's just my humble personal opinion, I think you're telling so much and there is not enough show. I mean I got the emotions and all but I had trouble properly imagining it. Creating it in my head. It can be just a problem with me. I might not be understanding the point of view by which you tell the story. Sorry I don't meaning anything bad by sharing this."