#122

One.

After leaving the cabin, the field road leads east through the pine tree forest.

If you walk along that road for about 30 minutes, you will come across a low hill.

The hill where you can rest your buttocks without losing your breath is densely covered with clusters of bright blue wild barley that has survived the late winter.

The barley, untamed by human hands and stretching out in its natural state, boasts jade-colored leaves full of vitality and turns its head here and there to match the wind.

Amelia and Siwoo each unfolded their easels, leaning against an unknown tree planted in the middle of the hill.

I started drawing, holding a wooden board behind the easel to prevent the paper from blowing away in the breeze.

Amelia quietly drew lines and captured the scenery in front of her on canvas.

There were many places near the cabin that could be used as subjects for landscape paintings, but Amelia's favorite place was the barley hill.

However, even though it was such a fun picnic with Siu, Amelia kept placing and holding her pencil and moving it around.

This is because Si-woo, who was unusually silent today, was just looking at the drawing paper with a blank expression.

"Siwoo."

"..."

"Siwoo."

"...Yes, Amelia."

Even when Amelia called him, he did not make eye contact with her.

The tip of the pencil, which is being waved around in a half-hearted manner, is just drawing meaningless lines on the white paper.

Amelia wasn't stupid either.

She had a good idea of ​​his condition and current situation.

"Are you hungry? "Well, I didn't eat breakfast."

"it's okay."

But the moment you put it in your mouth.

The moment I spoke to him, I was forced to pretend not to notice because of the anxiety that my sweet dream would be shattered into pieces without any chance.

"Today, I added a lot of salmon, which Siu likes."

"It's really okay. "I have no appetite."

Amelia bit her lower lip.

The combination of nervousness and anxiety led to an uncomfortably fast heartbeat.

She spoke again in the same voice as usual, that is, in the same way she used to talk to Si-woo when they lived together in the cabin.

"Siwoo, I told you this before. "When holding a pencil, use your fingertips… ah!"

Amelia's arm, which was trying to fix Si-woo's way of holding a pencil by squeezing the back of his hand, is violently thrown away.

Amelia, who was thrown off by Siwoo's strong resistance, stood still.

I couldn't process what had happened.

"I'm sorry, Ga, I suddenly grabbed your hand and you got angry, right? "It's because of what happened yesterday, right?"

Siwoo's hand, which was holding the pencil without even looking at Amelia, trembles slightly.

She continued talking about various things as if nothing had happened.

"Siwoo must be upset. I also think I was too careless... I'm reflecting on it. "I'm sorry... so let me take my anger out on you..."

"..."

"Or isn't there really something uncomfortable about your body? Shall we go back and rest together?"

If you do this, it's as if nothing happened.

As if the day of catastrophe she so desperately wanted to postpone would never return.

Close your eyes tightly and pretend not to notice.

Siwoo's eyes turned to Amelia for the first time.

Amelia thought those eyes were like looking at supercooled water.

It's flowing calmly now, but I imagined that the moment I hit it a little, it would freeze like a snowflake.

Amelia bit her lip and held back her tears before continuing.

I looked at him with a sad smile.

"Today... when I get home, let's have tea together. Milk tea and scones would be nice, right? "I bought butter at Taro Town the other day."

A vain hope that will disappear like bubbles.

"After that, I read books until evening... I also study magic, which Siwoo likes. After having dinner together, how about looking at the stars together? Lying on the roof and watching... Siwoo also liked it."

I talk about a happy day that will probably never come.

"It's been a while since we slept together. Now that Siwoo has grown up, the bed may be a little narrow, but I will sleep next to him. And then, and then…"

What to do next?

What happens next?

Drop drop.

There was no change in Siwoo's expression despite the tears that started to flow down Amelia's eyes.

"I know… I already know…"

Si-Woo, who used to come running to Amelia with worry whenever she pretended to be even slightly embarrassed, is no longer there.

Si-woo, who used to gently comfort her when she cried, is no longer there.

"You're back... completely."

"Yes, Associate Professor Amelia Marigold."

The extremely selfish dream of spring has ended.

2.

Amelia sat down.

Siwoo looked down at her.

I felt like my heart would break.

The fact that Amelia, who was more precious to him than anyone else, was crying because of his cold behavior was suffocating.

I wanted to come down right now and hug her and comfort her.

I wanted to hold her small body in my arms, stroke her head, and whisper that it was okay.

Because Amelia did that too.

Amelia also accepted the pampering of little Si-woo, showed beautiful and simple happiness, and always made Si-woo smile and make his heart flutter.

so that.

I couldn't forgive anything even more.

In the tangled mess of memories, Amelia,

He was smiling.

I was laughing.

Siwoo's emotions are as turbid as mud.

I was in love.

I was hating

"Why did you do that?"

"Ugh...Ugh...Black....."

Amelia tried to say something, but her attempts were often swept away by tears and crying.

Siwoo habitually looked for cigarettes.

But there were no cigarettes.

Siwoo nervously shook off his collar.

I confess in a forced, raised voice, pretending to be relieved.

"It's just as the associate professor said. All my memories have come back. "I woke up early in the morning and everything came to mind."

Siwoo pulled Amelia's arm.

Amelia stands up helplessly, being led by his hand like a doll whose strings have been cut.

"I wondered what to do. Do you know how it feels to go from being the person you loved and respected the most in the world to someone you really disliked and hated overnight?"

rather.

If only I hadn't lost my memory.

rather.

If Amelia hadn't been nice to me.

rather.

If only she had continued to be Ugly Amelia.

rather.

I wish I had stopped liking her.

At least I wouldn't have felt this intense sense of betrayal.

If it weren't for the pain that felt like my heart was melting when I hugged Amelia and saw her face frowning in pain.

I would have hated her a little less than this.

"I was worried. Can't we just move on? Can't we just forget everything that happened in the past like this? Otherwise, this damn feeling, the confusion that makes me want to vomit, and the feeling of betrayal... what can I really do to get it back? Can you repay what I felt a hundred or a thousand times? "I thought about it over and over again."

Amelia's intentions are unknown.

Why was he suddenly so kind to Si-woo, who lost his memory and became a child?

I had no idea what purpose this was being done.

I wanted to give back.

This feeling of betrayal makes my teeth tremble,

This feeling of loss as the person I trusted more than anyone else changed overnight into the person I hated the most in this city.

I wanted her to share the feeling of being thrown into the air.

"But I don't think that's true. "I can't go that far."

But you can't.

I couldn't bear it.

Si-Woo's right eye, which used to have a bright blue chill, becomes bloodshot.

He said, holding on to Amelia, who was barely able to stand as she stumbled.

"So, convince me. why why why. After all, I was the one who had to suffer that shit. "I tell them why I pretend to be nice to them later and just stir up people's moods and why I feel so confused because of it."

"Siwoo...."

"Let go of this!"

Amelia's pathetically stretched out hand fell miserably on Siwoo's arm.

Amelia froze in a daze, not out of pain, but out of fear that it was Si-woo, not someone else, who was pouring out such harsh eyes, earnest resentment, and hatred.

"Do you still think I don't remember anything?"

"Siwoo, Siu... I'll explain everything... Don't be angry..."

How could Amelia, trembling in fear, look so disgusting?

She wasn't like this before.

He always looked at Si-woo with a cold face and stern gaze, and passed on harsh tasks to him without any mercy.

Everything seemed like a pretense.

Even if the truth is that she was changed by the experience of almost losing a useful assistant.

Siwoo can't understand.

I couldn't reconcile the two images in my mind.

Slaves must not climb on witches.

Treating Amelia of the 22nd rank poorly and fighting emotionally is the same as walking on a knife's edge.

But Siwoo didn't care.

Compared to the anger and betrayal he felt now, the heaviness of his life was not as heavy as a feather.

Amelia walked unsteadily and was hugged by Siwoo.

Without any response, I forcibly dig into my tightly closed elbows and forcibly hug his torso.

"I'm sorry... Siwoo, I was wrong... It was all my fault for harassing him, taking out my anger on him, making him work overtime... making him stay in a livestock farm for 5 years... It was all my fault... Forgive me. I'll do anything to get it… please, please…"

Amelia's apology was barely audible, mixed with sobs.

Nevertheless, it digs into the ear exactly like an awl.

However, Siwoo's heart did not calm down at all.

Rather, it was only a time to reaffirm that her bullying in her memory was a childish act.

All I could feel was that it really was like that.

"Tell me why you did it. All you have to do is tell me why you bothered me. "That's what I want to hear."

Amelia looked at Siu.

Siwoo looked at Amelia.

"Because I love Siwoo..."

Amelia said what she had been wanting to say for a while.

I pour out the words I could not convey to him.

"It wasn't until I almost lost Shiwoo that I was able to admit my feelings… I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

Si-Woo felt like his heart had completely relaxed.

This is not because the reason was not as great as I thought.

Just for that reason, just for such a trivial reason.

Even the sight of her carefully caring for Si-woo, who has turned young, is covered by the thought that it was just her greed.

In the end, it was selfishness from beginning to end.

Amelia was selfish from beginning to end.

"If you hate me that much... I will live in a stable from now on too... You can treat Siwoo like a servant until he gets better... You can bully him... So please, please forgive me..."

"Amelia."

Hearing Siwoo's voice become a little more moderate, Amelia looked up at him cautiously with some hope.

And the moment I made eye contact with him, I realized how vain my expectations were.

"I asked if you wouldn't forgive me even if I regain my memories?"

It's cowardly.

If you had thought for even a minute, even for a second, what kind of feelings Siwoo would have towards her after regaining his memories, or what kind of despair he would be in.

She shouldn't have said that.

never.

I couldn't forgive that much.

"That's enough. Now, I forgive you."

Amelia read in his eyes.

Deep resignation and disillusionment.

"Please, don't do that."

He felt that all the strings that connected him and Amelia were being torn apart.

"What? Because I forgave you. "It happened just as Amelia wanted."

Amelia took a step back and eventually fell to the floor.

"Because the slave certificates were also destroyed. I guess I won't be Amelia's exclusive slave. Still, since you are a baron, I will treat you with the utmost courtesy."

Lastly, Siwoo's sharply sharpened words cut off all remaining ties.

"Amelia's beloved Siwoo is dead. No, it wasn't there in the first place."

Amelia waited for his final sentence with blurry eyes, as if she had lost the strength to shed tears.

"Siwoo, who loved Amelia, also died. "This is the same."

Siwoo, with a bitter sneer, folded the drawing paper and took the easel.

Amelia couldn't hold on to Siwoo's back as he was trudging away.

"Oh right. "I really need to say this."

Siwoo suddenly stopped.

The last words fall out before Amelia can get any hope.

"You are so terribly selfish."