1. The (Not so Mad) Bomber

My name's Deidara, I'm not originally from this world, and frankly, I always thought that if I were to be resurrected in another world, I would've been brought to Konoha, since most novels use the hero's location.

But then again, I'm not the hero, or the big bad guy, I'm just supposed to be a guy who really likes explosions and was forcefully recruited into this terrorist organization, and then I'm supposed to die so that Sasuke looks cooler, even if his way to survive was very... suspicious, so to speak.

But that's what happened on that story, and on my case, I'm in trouble, no, not the way I expected either , but it just seems so arbitrarily confusing, you see.

Not only I hold several Kekkei Genkais besides Deidara's original Explosion Style, it seems that I'm also a Jinchuuriki, although not of an actual tailed beast.

Genryu, the Light Genryu in my case, a strange case of 'filler' being involved into this new world, the Genryu were legendary dragons that represented each one of the five pure elemental natures, as in, not the mixed ones that are considered bloodline limits, such as Earth, Wind, Water, Fire and Lightning.

Combined they form the Light Genryu, which was stated to be capable of destroying the world, which is what I have in me.

I also have the Dragon Blade, which came from the same game, but not the orbs, so I will have to hunt them down, it's also great that the blade is able to absorb Chakra like the Samehada.

But back to why I'm in trouble, they want my genes.

I'm so overloaded with Kekkei Genkais, as it seems I contain Swift Release; Typhoon Release; Storm Release; Explosion Release and oh, not necessarily a Kekkei Genkai, but I can't die! Just like Hidan, but without that Jashin bullshit, I will not die if I get stabbed in the heart for example, and I can just regenerate the wounds because of the Jinchuuriki's properties.

Which means I am prime breeding stallion, and because I wasn't aware that this was a possibility, I did go out of my to show off, because as an orphan, I had to make the extra effort to look better than my counterparts, but now it's just goddawful.

The Tsuchikage already has his eyes on me, which is bad, and I can't be sure if Kurotsuchi following me around is because she's interested on me, because her family told her to try and gain my affections, or *what*.

But I'm not falling for it! I'm currently 14 years old and still stuck as a genin for political reasons, such as: my dick, they don't want to send in more dangerous missions right now because if I die they lose a very important piece of my bullshit genes.

Honestly, I wonder if all those things that weren't Deidara's are just a twisted gift of whoever the hell sent me to this world, I wouldn't be surprised if there was indeed some kind of benefactor or whatnot running around, after all, I am quite literally inhabiting the body of someone who I believed to be fictional until couple weeks ago when I died.

In fact, fuck him, just the Bakuton plus the ability to mold clay with the weird mouth hand was enough to make Deidara an Hokage Level threat, my bullshit right now is enough to make me one of the top what, top 10 strongest living ninja right now.

And you know what's the giant issue with that? I don't even know how to train half of these Kekkei Genkai! Swift Release to begin with, an literal who of a Kekkei Genkai that legit only appeared in a movie! Storm Release which is natural of Kumo, there's no one here that can use that. Typhoon Release? Also filler, with only one known user, fuck!

At least Bakuton has all of Iwa's Explosion Corps, but fuck me if I wanted help anywhere else. That plus the fact that I'm a Jinchuuriki, but not of a tailed beast and the fact that I'm blond with blue eyes, I almost feel like I'm Naruto if we was stuck in Iwa, which is pretty fucking shitty sometimes.

"Just let me take the chunin exam! I've been an genin for longer than people have been in the academy!" I was pleading to the Tsuchikage, it has been 5 years already, given that I was 9 when I graduated into the genin corps, with my own teacher and the duo that already left me behind when they managed to reach chunin.

"You know why I can't allow you to take the chunin exam," The old man said as I sighed, really man?

"Look, can't we reach an agreement and then I go to the chunin exams?" I asked him as he closed his eyes, was he thinking of a way to disagree with me or what?

"If you do not manage to become chunin, you will stay as a genin until you have at least a child," Really? For fuck's sake, next time I will make sure to bang 30 women on my way here to make sure that this can't be used against me.

But whatever, that's fine, that's fucking wunderbar, even! I will become Chunin, because fuck you I can't be one, and then I just gotta kick ass of whoever.

"You are aware that you're the only one planning to go on the chunin exam this time around, yes?" Really? I turned to look at the Tsuchikage, and maybe my confusion showed, because of the sigh he just released.

"The chunin exams will be at Konoha, and even though we are on rather peaceful times, we still are on shaky grounds with them, and likely will be until something out of the extraordinary happens, not that I'm actually hoping that happens," ...Right, actually I should've seen that happe- Konoha?

Oh no.

"Ah, by the way, did you bring the updated version of the bingo book? I've heard that Kakashi Hatake has managed to take out that Zabuza from the Seven Swordsmen and I wanted to confirm it," Oh hell no, I'm not partaking on that clusterfuck.

Unfortunately, I cannot actually pussy out just like that after all the ruckus I've made trying to get a chance, so I will have to partake in it.

"By the way, am I supposed to wait for a jonin or can I just go?" The Tsuchikage looked at me flatly as I shrugged.

"Of course we're sending a Jonin to go with you, perhaps even the previous Jonin that was looking after you," Eh, really? Well, it's not that Kitsuchi is a bad guy, or racist, it's just that he's the Kurotsuchi's dad and therefore, he doesn't like me since we spend a lot of time together.

"We decided to give Han this honor," HAN?! I had to hold my groan back because *fuck*, this is gonna be an issue. Not because of Han, he's kind to me since he knows that I'm a Pseudo-Jinchuuriki, and he's pretty strong. The issue I'm referring to is the fact that both Naruto and Gaara will be there, meaning that one third of the Tailed Beasts will be there, not to mention the fight between Sand, Sound and Leaf village.

"Okay then," I said as I imagined him beating up Sound ninjas, yeah, perhaps I could use this incident to make Leaf and Iwa closer, even though it's for the detriment of Suna.

"You're dismissed," Onoki said as I nodded, and walked away, going directly to the training grounds to keep up my stuff.

Frankly, maybe I was overreacting here, I have sparred against Jonin and won, however my issue is Orochimaru, was he already aware of my existence because of all these spies he seems to have? Was Danzo already plotting something for the Will of the Fire or whatever his excuse would be?

What about Akatsuki? What's actually stopping them from jumping in and stealing three of the tailed beasts in one stop, and don't say 'plot', because my entire existence probably retroactively changed a lot of shit that makes changes like this harder to understand.

Hn.

Fuck it, when in doubt, blow shit up!