Study

Cathlinn stared at the descriptions of the religious texts Carmichael gave her. After having that animated lecture from him, she found she needed to know more than what he thought the basics were. After asking a maid the way to the library, she was surrounded by pieces she hadn't even heard about. If she still had her interests, she'd have stopped and asked what were the favorites among the people here but none seemed willing to talk to her. After everything within the last few days, she wouldn't want to talk to the 'not' princess either.

She pulled out scrolls of maps and the different teachings that were suggested and sat at one of the many desks in the room. A man with black hair sat at another one across the way, his eyes occasionally looking up to watch her before he continued what he was doing. Cathlinn ignored him, anxiousness giving her second hand embarrassment as she began to read. It was a long while before the man stood, slamming his hands against the wood and startling Cathlinn into dropping a scroll. "Are you not well, princess?"

She blinked at the voice as she stared at the man. It was soft and the sharp blue eyes that studied her counteracted it. "Or are you just here to finally pick up studying after all this time?"

"I'm sorry? Am I not supposed to be here," she asked. The man huffed and walked straight to her desk, glaring down at the material there.

"Why are you reading this fodder? You're going to get no where in actual studies," he sniffed.

"Actual- look, I don't know what you're talking about," Cathlinn muttered. The man seemed to twitch at that, his hand reaching across and grabbing her arm.

"You're insulting my teaching by pretending I never taught you," he squeezed on her arm, causing her to stare at his hand. Did the other her not want to learn? She understood why but that was no reason to skip out on anything. She had it made here; with private teachers and her own personal security system.

"Right-right," Cathlinn sighed. She carefully pried his arm off, a perturbed expression on his face as she rubbed where he held. "I'm sorry, I'm here now and it's better late than never."

"Are you jesting? Better late than never? What sort of absurdity are you spouting," he cried out. She watched him as he went on a tangent about learning math from the basics, getting updated on the latest discoveries in the world, and even obtaining a higher reading comprehension. Cathlinn rubbed her head, sitting back down as he continued and pulled her glasses off.

"Hey, tutor guy," she hummed. He stopped short as she lifted the end of her skirts to clean off her glasses. His face shot red, his eyes practically bulging as she let the skirt fall. "Give me some sort of standardized test and I'll go through it. I can't guarantee I'll be good at history if you got it but I know enough math to get by."

"Where is your decorum," he snapped. "You can't just lift your skirts like that, your highness! It's unbecoming!"

"Unbecoming is not attending your fucking classes. That was unbecoming," Cathlinn shoved her glasses on, making air quotes as his mouth fell open. "I don't give a shit about looking the part but I can at least learn it, can't I?"

"What has come over you," he yelled. His hand rose and Cathlinn prepared herself, waiting for it to come down.

"Now now, children," the two looked up to Carmichael, a threatening grin on his face. "We can be civil, can't we? The princess was curious about becoming spiritual." The black haired man grit his teeth, pulling his wrist from Carmicheal's grip and rubbing it carefully.

"She can't even comprehend what she's looking at. Why would she need a map for religious studies," he snapped.

"Because the demographic and the geography affect what people believe," Cathlinn stated. The two stopped as she motioned to the books she had been reading and the black haired man's eyes widened. She had drawn on the map, territories drawn out based off of what she read.

"You outlined every country," the man marveled quietly. He leaned over the map as Cathlinn blinked, his fingers tracing the ink she had laid down.

"She isn't dumb, Simon," Carmichael chuckled. "In fact, this just might be a totally new princess for you." He winked at Cathlinn and she frowned slightly, looking down at the books.

"You can't honestly think I'd believe that," Simon snorted. He walked back to his desk, producing a large packet and slamming it down over the map. "Here is the standardized test I give all my students. Take it and return it to me."

Carmichael opened his mouth to protest but stopped as he watched Cathlinn pick up the quill and start writing on the test. The two watched as she answered the questions as best she could. Everything was jumbled together, word problems mixed with reading comprehension, science mixed in with folk tales. She rubbed her head and pushed the packet towards Simon after an hour, pulling her glasses off again and rubbing her eyes. It had been simple enough but it had been years since she took a test that lengthy. It gave her a bit of nostalgic anxiety and it was obvious by the scribbles over some of her answers.Simon was back at his desk, looking it over as Carmichael stared in shock.

"You didn't have to actually do that," he whispered.

"No, but it got him out of my fucking face," Cathlinn hissed quietly. She tapped at the books around her, pulling one down she hadn't opened yet. "Many of these are similar to pagan religions back where I'm from," she muttered, "There seems to be a repeat of monotheism trying to encompass the world though."

"Pagan? Monotheistic," Carmichael grabbed a chair, pulling it over and sitting in it as he stared at what she had researched.

"Well, yeah," she nodded. "See, paganism is like the worship of nature and certain gods that control it. Monotheism is a type of religion that only has one god. Do you get that?"

"I believe so," Carmichael slowly nodded. Simon was at Cathlinn's desk, his eyes a bit wide as he pointed at an answer.

"Why did you second guess yourself," he asked. "You were right the first time."

"I had anxiety over it," she waved at the paper and pointed at one of the regions on the map to Carmichael. "So, like this religion. It's seen a huge spread from what I've read and with some of the reports you gave me to read it seemed like the place associated with it has been on a campaign lately."

"You think it's for religious reasoning," Carmichael asked. Cathlinn shifted and rubbed her neck, the same hand soon moving to tap her nose as she began to feel a pressure on her chest. Why were the panic attacks suddenly coming at her so frequently? She could feel the air get stuffier around her. The two men watched her, glancing at each other as she took a deep breath to try and calm down.

"It's possible, but any country would use religious or ideological propaganda to spread out and gain more wealth," she muttered. "It's always been the forefront reason to a lot of wars."

"Propaganda," it was Simon's turn to pull up a chair, seating himself in it as he watched Cathlinn closely. She looked up at the two, her chest suddenly caving in as she went quiet. The two waited, both staring at her as if she had made a new discovery and the sudden pressure from their gazes was making the attack worse.

"Please-please stop staring at me," she mumbled.

"Your highness, you look pale," Carmichael leaned forward a bit and reached for her, only to be moved away from.

"Give me a fucking minute," she snapped. She put her head on the desk, resting her hands over her head as her breathing became audible.

"Are you sick," Simon asked cautiously.

"Yeah, so shut up," Cathlinn flinched at the sudden irritation she was feeling. She flinched again when someone's hand began to rub her back.

"Hey, breath," Carmichael's voice was soft as he knelt by her, his eyes glancing at Simon in concern. Cathlinn moves away from him, laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling to fight off the panic. There was no reason for it but she could pick out reasons not to panic in the moment.

"Just don't touch me," she muttered. The men stared before Carmichael shrugged, laying on the floor next to her.

"What are you doing," Simon asked.

"Well, I want to hear the rest of her thoughts," Carmichael stated. "And I want to know what's so interesting about the ceiling."

"The ceiling isn't interesting you dimwit," Simon sniffed.

"Well then why is the princess lying on the floor as if it is," Carmichael asked. Cathlinn couldn't make herself say a word as she tried to get her thoughts together.