1 Everytime the Rain Falls

It's raining.

Unfortunately, wala akong dalang payong kaya stranded na naman ako dito sa school. Napalingon ako sa may guardhouse at nakitang may extra nga silang payong doon but then, those are reserved for teachers, school officers, etc. That's why, I just decided to wait for the rain to stop and stay near at the exit.

Tahimik kong pinagmamasdan ang bawat pagpatak ng ulan, bawat pag-agos nito mula sa kumukulog na kalangitan at bawat tunog na nalilikha nito sa tuwing pumapatak ito sa lupa at mga halaman. And I really love that earthy scent it produces. Nakakatanggal ng stress.

Habang nakatayo ako rito at masaksihan ang ganitong eksena, hindi ko maiwasang magbalik-tanaw sa libu-libong masasayang alaala ko kasama si ate Kristy at kuya Drae sa tuwing naglalaro kami sa ilalim ng ulan noong mga bata pa kami.

Tawanan. Kulitan. Wala ng mas sasaya pa sa mga panahong iyon.

But among all those happy memories, there is only one unforgettable memory that forever engraved in my mind and maybe I could also say, in my heart.

****

"Oh ba't ka umiiyak?" Tanong sakin ni Kuya Drae nang makita niya siguro na lumuluha ako sa gitna ng aming paglalaro.

"Huh? Hindi! Hindi ako umiiyak no? Nabasa lang to sa ulan. Duh!" Pasigaw ko namang sagot sa kanya sabay tapon nung hinahawakan kong putik at natamaan naman siya nito sa braso.

Tinitigan lang niya ako, urging me to speak the truth but I break off our gaze at nagpatuloy sa pagkuha ng putik na itatapon ko naman sa kanya.

Inaamin kong umiiyak nga ako pero ayokong makita naman ito ni kuya Drae. Ayokong isipin niya na isa akong crybaby.

Akala ko dati okay lang ang umiyak kapag umuulan dahil hindi naman ito mapapansin ng iba. I thought these tears could be covered by these drops of rain. What a fool of me.

Nang nakakuha na ako ng putik. Tumayo ako at hinarap si kuya Drae. Itatapon ko na sana yun sa kanya subalit bigla na lamang niya akong niyakap na ikinabigla ko naman.

He patted my head and the tears that I've been resisting before starts to pour down.

I cried. Louder than what I had imagined.

The pain that I've been keeping in myself slowly starts to fade away. This is the best feeling one could ever experience.

Being hugged and comforted under the rain where there's nothing you could hear except the splash of the raindrops to the ground and the cold breeze of air gently touching your skin. I want to stay like this a little longer.

"Kuya Drae... si ate Kristy kasi eh nagkasakit..." Di ko na natuloy ang sasabihin ko nung napahagulhol na naman ako.

Nagkasakit kasi si ate Kristy at ayokong mangyari sa kanya yung nangyari sa mga magulang namin.

Namatay yung mga magulang namin dahil sa sakit at ayokong mangyari yun sa ate ko. Siya na lang ang natitira kong pamilya.

"It's okay. Gagaling din si Kristy at sa susunod, maglalaro tayong tatlo ng putikan. Kaya huwag ka nang umiyak. Mas madumi pa yang sipon mo kesa dito sa putik eh. Hahaha." Natatawang sabi niya habang may kinuha siyang medyo basang panyo mula sa bulsa ng kanyang pantalon at pinahid niya yun sa luha at sipon ko.

Nakaramdam ako ng hiya nung patuloy pa rin niyang pinapahiran yung sipon ko kaya napayuko na lamang ako avoiding his eyes when he suddenly kissed me on the tip of my nose which gave me a shock.

Dati kasi hinalikan din niya ako dahil sa dare game namin before na kapag natamaan mo ang isang player ng putik five times, kelangan niyang sumunod sa utos nung nakatama.

And only the three of us were playing that game. That time ate Kristy won against kuya Drae and told him that he should kiss me.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ako pa talaga at bakit ganung klaseng dare pa ang ibinigay niya kay kuya Drae.

Wala naman akong magawa kase it's a game agreed by us and ayoko namang matawag na KJ.

Mabilis ang pangyayari, I closed my eyes and bigla na lang akong nakaramdam ng kaba.

Then I felt a quick kiss on my forehead.

Narinig ko yung tawa ni ate Kristy. Pagdilat ko ay nakita kong pulang-pula na yung mukha ni kuya Drae at dahil pala yun ay kinabukasan nung araw na iyon ay nagkaroon siya ng lagnat.

Remembering that, napatulala lamang ako kay kuya Drae sa ginawa niya. Nakita ko kung gaano kapula na naman yung mukha niya just like before.

"Kuya Drae, may lagnat ka na naman?" Nag-aalalang tanong ko sabay hawak sa noo niya.

"Hindi. Bakit mo naman nasabi?" Nagtatakang tanong niya sakin at mukhang nagulat ata siya sa ginawa ko. Tinanggal ko na yung kamay ko nang malamang normal naman yung temperatura niya.

"Ang pula-pula kase ng mukha mo? Singpula nung dati nung naglalaro tayo ng "dare" game?"

Nakita kong yumuko siya sandali at hindi makatingin nang diretso sa akin. He just stroke the back of his head and uneasily smiled at me.

"That's because... just because." He trailed off. "Malalaman mo rin in the right time. Basta. Uwi na tayo. Baka tuluyan na naman akong lagnatin nito. Haha." Natatawang sabi niya sabay takbo palayo.

I just stood there looking at his back as he slowly disappear from my sight.

And there, I went home, confused by his words.

Tsk. Anong "Just because" ang pinagsasabi niya? At anong right time? May dapat ba akong malaman? May sikreto ba silang dalawa ni ate?

At higit sa lahat, what is this throbbing feeling that well up inside of me all this time?

****

Reminiscing it now, napagtanto kong it happened 5 years ago, back when I was still 10 and both of my ate and him were 11. Ang bilis ng panahon.

5 years na rin ang nakalipas na hindi ko man lang makitaan ng sagot ang bawat tanong na bumabagabag sa aking isipan...maliban na lamang dun sa huli.

Napagtanto ko pala na yung feeling that I considered as new to me before is that kind of special feeling you will felt after liking someone. Oo. Inaamin ko na may gusto ako kay kuya Drae. I don't know when I start having these feelings but one thing I knew is that I love him ever since.

Si kuya Drae ay bestfriend ni ate Kristy na naging malapit ko na ring kaibigan at kalaro dahil he lived in a same neighborhood and went to the same school as ours, moreover, magkaklase sila ni ate from grade school until now, highschool.

Now, I am already 15 years old, a third year student in highschool while both ate and kuya Drae are now fourth year students.

Graduating na sila which means hindi na sila dito sa mag-aaral sa school na 'to next school year. Nakakalungkot isipin na hindi ko na sila makakasama.

Mamimiss ko talaga si ate, lalong- lalo na si kuya Drae.

"MISTY JEAN NOVIO!"

Speaking of the devil, napatingin naman ako sa bandang gilid kung saan nanggagaling yung sigaw.

I saw him at the window sa ikalawang palapag, waving his hand and showing me his bright smile. How I love that smile.

Matapos nun, tinalikuran ko siya at nagpanggap na wala akong narinig o nakita. I just want to annoy that idiot for easily making my heart flutter just because of his smile.

"Oy, Misty! Stop that obvious act of yours. Come up here!" Sigaw sa akin ni kuya Drae na hindi pa rin siya hinaharap.

"Mist. Tinatawag ka ng school president natin." Ani nung isang kaklase ko nang madatnan niya ako at tumango naman ako bilang pagtugon.

Yes. Kuya Drae is now the school president.

Never thought na ang dating maputik at mud lover na bata ay ngayo'y isa nang school president na nagme-maintain ng cleanliness ng paaralan. How ironic. I always laugh by just the thought of it.

Umakyat ako sa second floor patungo sa meeting room nila kuya Drae.

And there I saw him na nakikipag-usap sa lalaking school vice president namin.

Namataan naman niya akong nakatayo sa may pinto kaya natigilan sila sa pag-uusap.

Napalingon din sa akin yung vice president and I think kalilipat lang nito this school year because his face is kind of new to me.

"Misty, umuulan ngayon. Sabi ng ate mo mauuna na siyang uuwi. May dala ka bang payong?" Tanong ni kuya Drae sa akin habang nag-aayos ng mga nagkalat na papel sa kanyang mesa.

"Naiwan ko sa bahay."

"Kung ganun, sabay na lang tayong umuwi. Kunin mo lang yung payong dun kay manang dun sa baba. Ihahatid na kita."

"You don't need to. I'm fine on my own. 'Di naman ako masakitin tulad ng iba diyan." Patama kong sabi sa kanya.

"Whatever, Misty. Sabay na tayong umuwi, whether you like it or not."

"Fine." Walang imik na akong lumabas sa room at bumaba para kunin yung payong. Sobrang saya ko ngayon and I could feel the excitement in every step I take. Makakasama ko naman siyang uuwi.

Matapos kong kinuha yung payong, papunta na uli ako sa meeting room nang marinig kong may seryosong pinag-uusapan sina Kuya Drae.

Napatigil ako sa harapan ng nakasiradong pinto nang marinig ko yung sinabi nung kausap niya.

"Drae, dinig ko may nagugustuhan ka raw dito sa school? Ano nga yung pangalan nun? Lizzy? Missy? Crissy?" May nagustuhan na palang iba si kuya Drae? Nakaramdam ako ng konting kirot by the thought na may ibang gusto si kuya Drae.

The idea of him liking somebody else never really crossed my mind before. Palagi kase namin siyang kasama, tuwing nag-a-outing kami ni ate, tuwing nagbabakasyon at tuwing may social events.

I never even saw him together with another girl before.

And with that, anticipated pa akong naghintay sa isasagot niya sa tanong na iyon.

*BOOOOOOOOGSSSSSH!! TOOOOOOOGGSSSHHH!! DUUUG!!"*

"isty Jean Novio, ulol." Di ko masyadong narinig yung unang sinabi ni kuya Drae dahil sa bigla na lang pagkulog pero pangalan ko yun diba? Tama ba yung narinig ko? isty Jean Novio? And I'm Misty Jean Novio. Ako ba yung pinag-uusapan nila?

Bigla na lamang bumukas yung pintuan dahilan para madapa ako sa harapan nila kuya Drae. Shet. Kainin na sana ako ng lupa.

"M-Misty? Kanina ka pa diyan?"

"Ah. No?" Agad naman akong tumayo. "Kakarating ko nga lang eh. Nabigla lang ako sa pagbukas niyo ng pinto kaya ayun nadapa ako." Excuse ko sabay fake laugh.

"Ah okay. Tara na?" Pag-anyaya ni kuya Drae at tumango naman ako sa kanya.

Nagsimula na kaming maglakad at nakasunod naman sa amin yung vice president na kausap kanina ni kuya Drae.

Hindi pa rin ako makamove on dun sa usapan nila kanina. May gusto sakin si kuya Drae?

"Wait. Nakalimutan ko yung phone ko. Just wait here." At agad tumakbo pabalik si kuya Drae sa meeting room leaving me and the vice president behind.

Ramdam ko ang talim ng tingin nung vice president sakin kaya hindi ko siya matingnan nang diretso.

"You heard our conversation, right?" Nagulat naman ako sa tanong niya. I thought bumili na sa kanila yung excuse ko kanina. Iba pala ang isang 'to.

"Well it's nothing much, it's just about the person he loves." Tulala lang akong nakinig sa sinabi niya. Seriously? Ba't ba niya sinasabi sakin 'to?

"And what's that name again? Lissy? Missy? Oh it's Kristy! Kristy Jean Novio. Kilala mo?" Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya.

So that "isty Jean Novio thing" was my ate Kristy pala. Not me.

Hindi na ako umimik pa at yumuko na lamang para hindi niya makita yung mukha kong dismayado.

I don't know what to feel.

To be sad because of my foolishness o to be happy because among the girls he might probably like, he chose to like such a great woman which is my ate.

But right now, mas nananaig pa yung mabigat kong pakiramdam na tila ba parang bang sinasaksak ako sa sobrang sakit.

"Seems like you don't want to talk to me. I guess I'll head home first, tell Drae for me." Tumango na lamang ako sa kanya without looking at him at ayun nauna na siyang naglakad.

Ilang sandali ay nakabalik na si kuya Drae.

"Where's Troy?" Tanong niya. So that vice president's name is Troy.

"Umalis na." Walang sigla kong sagot sa kanya.

"Oh. Okay. Let's go." Kinuha na niya yung payong at nagsimula na kaming naglakad palabas ng school.

Siya na ang humawak sa payong as we shared it together.

Tahimik lang kaming naglakad sa ilalim ng ulan. All I could hear are the sounds of the drops of the rain and the breathings of the most special person beside me.

Sometimes I really wonder what he was thinking right now? Is he even thinking about me? Kasi ako there's no time na hindi ko siya naiisip. Tuwing umuulan, all I could think is him.

The memories we had together. Even now, alam kaya niya kung gaano ako kasaya ngayong kasama ko naman siya?

But in the end, these feelings would never reach him. He has another special person in his heart. These feelings could only be kept as a secret between me and the rain.

"Hay. Missing those days when we were still playing under the rain, eh?" Ani Kuya Drae.

"Yeah." I answered without looking at him. Because if I do, I don't think I'll be able to resist these tears any longer.

"Misty."

"Ano?"

"May sasabihin lang sana ako sayo. Care to hear it?"

"Only if it is sensible enough, I'll be willing to listen." I heard him laugh at my remark.

"Well, there's this girl I've known since a long time. I like her since the first time I met her. Kaya nga lagi akong pumupunta sa bahay nila para maglaro especially kapag umuulan because that girl really loves rains. I want to be close to her. Kaya nung maghighschool na kami, everything has changed. Hindi na kasi pwedeng iexcuse ko yung paglalaro sa ulan para lang makasama siya. Kaya palagi akong naghahanap ng paraan para makasama lamang siya and with that, I decided in wanting to become part of her life."

I never thought na ganun na niya kamahal si ate Kristy. He even chose to play under the rain though madali lang siyang magkasakit. All this time, I never thought that I've been liking someone who already likes somebody else and not just merely anyone but my sister.

"Tingin mo, Misty, may gusto rin ba siya sakin?" Hindi ako sumagot sa tanong niya. I don't know what to say to him. It's even hard for me right now to keep myself firm and pretend like everything's alright. We'll just leave it like that, please, kuya Drae. I tried to fasten our pace, leaving him with no response.

"Geez. Never thought na isa ka palang dakilang manhid, Misty. Hahaha."

That's it. I can't handle this anymore.

I stopped walking kaya napahinto na rin siya.

Without looking at him, I told him the sincerest advice I could give to him. Besides, he's my good friend, too. I should support them. Both of them are precious to me and acting like this will do no good.

"How about saying those words to her directly? It would be much appreciated if you do." I smiled widely at him, smiling and hiding the pain at the same time. Nakatitig lamang siya sakin and it's really, reaaally awkward na ngayon ay hindi na siya nagsasalita. And pardon me for my clumsiness, I don't know kung bakit nasagi ko pa talaga yung payong. Ngayon, basa na kaming dalawa sa ulan. Just great.

"S-sorry. I need to go first." Nauna na akong naglakad nang bigla na lamang niya akong hinawakan sa braso at napahinto na lamang ako. Hindi siya nagsalita ng ilang sandali.

"Misty, listen. Tingin mo, kailan kaya niya malalaman na gusto ko siya noon pa?" Sabihin mo nga sa kanya diba? Pinulot ko na lamang yung kaninang nahulog na payong.

"Alam kaya niya kung gaano ako kasaya ngayong kasama ko naman siya?" Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Ano?

Unti-unti niya akong ipinaharap sa kanya. Nung magkaharap na kami, he looked at me intently with his eyes. I just stayed there silently, a bit confused by what he said at mukhang napansin niya naman yun kaya napasinghap na lamang siya.

"Misty, kelan mo kaya marerealize na ikaw yung taong binabanggit ko kanina pa?" may halong inis na sabi niya. And wait, did he just rolled his eyes?

I'm loss of words after hearing that. And I can't hold back my tears anymore. Totoo ba 'to? Parang akong nabunutan ng tinik sa sinabi niya. From feeling the pain, I suddenly felt once again those tickling butterflies in my belly.

"Oh? Ba't umiiyak ka?" Natatawang sabi niya habang hinawakan ang magkabila kong mukha.

"No. I'm not crying. It's because of the rain, duh." Sagot ko sa kanya sabay irap.

"Geez. You're so cute and such a crybaby." He suddenly gave me a quick kiss but this time it's on my lips. I looked at him with a shock face. Geez. Mahilig talagang magnakaw ng halik 'tong isang 'to.

"You know what, I've been waiting for this right time to tell you this and to reach this level kung saan I could give you a kiss on the lips." Ani niya habang nakatitig sa aking labi.

"Well, kanina it's just a peck. Why not give you a real one this time?" he asked, curving his lips into his playful smile. Landi nito. I pushed him away trying to avoid it from happening but really, by just saying that, it made my heart race. Damn him.

"By the way, tagal mong makagets kanina. Kailangan ko pa talagang iclear out bago mo maintindihan." ani niya na natatawa.

"Akala ko kasi si ate Kristy yung nagugustuhan mo."

"Si Kristy? Hah! And where the hell did you get that?"

"Well, I heard it from Troy yung bagong vice president. Sabi niya si ate Kristy yung taong mahal mo. And I kind of heard your conversation earlier that's why there's no way not to believe him."

"Hay. Alam mo naman kung gaano kaulyanin yung Troy na yun. Though ilang beses ko nang binabanggit yung pangalang "Misty Jean Novio", he always confused it with the other names." Napairap siya sa kawalan. Natawa naman ako sa reaksyon niya.

"At si Kristy? Astiging best friend ko yang ate mo no. Yung dare game dati, pakana niya yun at alam kong sinadya niyang maagang umuwi ngayon para hindi kayo magkasabay umuwi though she knew na wala kang dalang payong. Alam na kasi niya dati pa na may gusto ako sayo." Dagdag pa niya at nahihiyang tumingin nang diretso sa akin.

Alam ni ate na may gusto si kuya Drae sakin? Ang manhid ko pala talaga para hindi mapansin iyon.

With no words coming out from my mouth, I expressed these heavy feelings into my actions. I hugged him first for the first time na ikinabigla naman niya. We stayed like that for a moment.

"That's really unexpected of you, Misty. But that's what I like about you." He said chuckling as he hugged me back much tighter.

Though I said before that the best feeling one could have is to be hugged by someone under the midst of the rain, but then, I just realized now that there is way even better than that feeling and that is to be hugged by someone you like who also likes you back under the midst of the rain wherein it feels like only the two of you existed.

I don't know but I feel like the rain is similar with the situation I am in right now. No matter how many raindrops fell to the ground, you could still always see other millions of raindrops falling endlessly from the sky, just like my love for him, it continues to overflows.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Fin.