Nostalgia

"Matt wants a small, private wedding with just family," Olivia continued. "How is that even possible with the number of people we know? I mean, it's a Meyers-Kane alliance, for Heaven's sake! And as for the gown, I really think an original Romanov is a given – after all, we'll be getting married just once, so everything has to be just perfect. And the wedding planner I have in mind is so exclusive she's booked up three years in advance but of course she jumped at the chance to -"

Candy gripped her coffee cup harder as memories of the plans she had made with Matt for their own wedding flooded back. The day Matt had proposed to her had been one of the happiest of her life. Of course, she had always known they would marry ever since their high school days, but she hadn't anticipated the happiness she would feel when Matt actually popped the question. They had been on a date that day, she remembered, a special date that Matt had set up for her. He had pulled out all the stops, wining and dining her at the most expensive restaurant in town before surprising her with the ring hidden in her dessert. He had gotten down on one knee and held that ring to her, his heart in his eyes as he proposed. The whole restaurant had cheered and clapped as she said yes, Candy recalled. Had he wooed Olivia in the same way? she wondered, her heart aching.

Melinda cast a concerned look at Candy as Olivia prattled on gaily. "I just LOVE the house we saw the other day, don't you, darling? It's the perfect place to raise children, with lots of rooms and that big garden, and plenty of privacy even with kids around." She giggled coyly, looking at Matt from under her lashes, but Matt's attention was on Candy.

"Are you feeling alright, Ms. Kent?" he asked drily. "You look a little pale."

"I – I'm okay, I just -"

"Aunty Sa-wah!" Josh interrupted, tugging at her hand. "Pway?"

Candy looked around, glad for the excuse to escape. "Um…Josh is getting restless, A-Mrs. Kane. Is it okay if I take him outside for a bit before his nap?"

"Of course, dear," Melinda said quickly.

Candy hurried outside with an excited Josh, all too aware of Matt's eyes on her as she left the room. She took Josh out onto the front lawn to play in the shade of the bushes there. Her heart was heavy, the reality of Matt's impending marriage bearing down on her, but her son's innocent enjoyment helped allay her sorrow, at least for the moment. She did not notice Matt watching her through the big French windows that led from the living room onto the lawn where she was playing with Joshua.

Matt watched Joshua play outside under the watchful eye of his nanny, ignoring the conversation in the room around him. For some reason the woman intrigued him. He had the faintest notion that he had met her somewhere before but the more he tried to remember, the more elusive his recollections became. It was like trying to catch wisps of mist in your hand, Matt thought in frustration. The more you grabbed at them, the more insubstantial they became. He clenched his fists silently, his face grim and unsmiling as the all too familiar pain prodded at his temples.

"Sa-wah!" Josh's gleeful laugh returned his attention to the tableau on the lawn. Joshua was running as fast as his chubby legs could carry him while Sarah made a pretense of chasing him. She let the little boy run a little before swooping down on him and lifting him high up in the air.

"Caught you!" she cried, nuzzling his stomach and making him squeal and shriek in delight. The young woman laughed too and Matt was struck by the transformation it brought to her. She had seemed a quiet little thing, with her huge brown eyes and the serious, almost sad expression on her face. He watched now, riveted, as she laughed and played with the little boy, her face lit up with happiness and love. Sarah Kent was actually quite beautiful, he realized abruptly. More than just physical beauty, she had an inner glow that attracted him like a moth to a flame. In fact, she was the first woman he had really looked at in a very long time, probably from the time his memories began. He felt the pounding in his temples ebb as he watched the two of them.

"Matt, darling? What do you think? Matty?" Olivia's voice brought him out of his trance.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" he asked, mentally shaking himself. Josh's nanny may have caught his attention because she was pretty, but what also intrigued him was the feeling that there was something deeper to her, something that she was hiding from him.

"I was asking whether you would prefer Dawson or Maribeth as the caterer?" Olivia looked at him sharply, sensing his distraction.

"Whatever you like – I don't really care," he replied curtly, his gaze wandering to the window again. The lawn outside was unoccupied now, so Sarah must have taken Josh upstairs for his nap when his head was turned. Matt stood up abruptly, needing to get out of the room and away from all the wedding talk that made him feel vaguely claustrophobic.

"I need to use the washroom – excuse me."

He went up the stairs quickly, not to his bedroom but to the nursery where he was sure Sarah and Josh would be. He heard her before he saw her, singing in a low, sweet voice. Matt paused at the door of the nursery, unnoticed by her, watching as she held a sleeping Joshua on her shoulder and sang softly to him. Something clenched in his chest, something so powerful and painful that he drew in a sharp breath and took a step back.

Candy rocked Joshua on her shoulder, singing softly as she held her baby son. It was amazing how she could feel peace and happiness in the midst of all the turmoil of her life just by holding her little boy, she mused, unwilling to put him down though he was fast asleep. It was almost as though she wanted to make up for all the years when she had been unable to hold him, or touch him, or even see him, she thought with a pang. She had missed his babyhood but she would always be there for him now, she vowed, kissing his soft hair.

She heard something, a slight sound by the door that made her turn around. "Ma-Mr. Kane!" she exclaimed in shock. Matt was standing by the door, an expression on his face that she could not understand. He looked – pained? she thought, wondering how long he had been there, silently watching her. Joshua stirred in her arms and Matt put a finger to his lips.

"Shh," he said quietly, indicating the sleeping baby. A dull flush rose in his cheeks as Candy continued to gape at him. "I – I just wanted to see Josh," he muttered, almost defensively.

He had been watching Josh, not her! Candy could not help the sudden flash of pain she felt even though she was happy that Matt cared about their son. She gazed up at him, momentarily overcome by a rush of emotion now that their little family was together.

"Matty?" Olivia's strident voice broke through the bubble they were in. "Darling, what are you doing here?" The beautiful brunette looked suspiciously at them.

Josh stirred at Olivia's loud tone and began whimpering softly.

Matt held up a warning hand. "Olivia, I wanted to see Josh, that's all. Shall we go down now?"

"Oh, the poor little baby!" Olivia's demeanor changed immediately. She flashed a coy smile at Matt and reached for Josh. "Give him to me – I'll put him to bed."

"I don't think -" Candy began, but Olivia cut her off.

"You're not paid to think," she said coldly. "I told you Josh is used to family, which you are not. Now, give him to me." She tugged at the little boy and Candy handed him over reluctantly, not wanting to upset him further. She glanced at Matt but he simply stood there, watching them with an inscrutable expression on his face.

Olivia took Josh in her arms, a triumphant look on her face. "Now, baby, let's get you to bed." She carried him over to his crib, making cooing noises as Joshua continued to fret. "Sleep, baby, Aunty Olivia's here." She bent to lay him in the crib but the little boy clutched at her hair, his face puckering with what Candy recognized as the signs of a fast-approaching tantrum. "Ouch! Let go, you little rascal!" Olivia tried to tug her hair free. Josh let out a wail as he saw her angry face mere inches from his, making her hiss in annoyance and surprise.

Candy hurried forward, untangling Olivia's lock from Josh's fist before taking him from her. "It's okay, sweetie, it's okay, hush now, I'm here, darling," she soothed, patting his back as Josh's loud wails filled the nursery. Josh hiccupped, his cries quieting as Candy kissed his tear-stained little face.

"How dare you?" Olivia's face was livid as she took a step towards Candy, but Matt put out an arm, restraining her.

"I think we should go now." His tone brooked no argument. "Come on." He turned to Candy and when he spoke, his tone was softer. "Will he be okay now?"

Candy nodded, holding the little boy on her shoulder and stroking his back. Already, his loud wails had died down to the occasional sob as he clung to her. Matt hesitated, then came forward and kissed Joshua softly on the head over Candy's shoulder. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered.

This close, Candy could smell the clean, masculine scent of Matt mixed with the woodsy cologne he used, sending her senses into overdrive. She could feel the heat radiate off of his body on her back. His face was so close to hers she could brush her cheek against his if she moved just a fraction. Then he moved away, breaking the spell.

"Goodbye, Ms. Kent," he said, pausing at the doorway. "I'm glad to see Josh is in good hands."