No Goodbyes

The next day, when I woke up, I was surprised not to find any message from Vivaan. I figured he must have fallen asleep too, so I decided to call him.

'The number you are trying to call is switched off,' a tinny voice announced. 'Please try again later.'

Perhaps he forgot to pay his phone bill in all the excitement of getting Kafe Kabir up and running, I thought.

I showered and got dressed, sliding into a soft, long skirt that I knew Vivaan liked.

I tried to call him again, but got the same recording.

I wasn't sure what was going on. My mind went to the sad poem he had sent me the previous night. I kept calling, but his phone remained switched off.

Finally, I dialed Kabir's number.

'Hello,' he answered.

'Kabir, there is something wrong with Vivaan,' I began. 'He has not replied to my messages, and now, his phone is switched off.'

'He might be busy working. I am sure he will get back to you soon,' Kabir said, consoling me.' Don't worry.'

'I hope he does,' I said, and hung up.

~

Two days went by and there was no message or call from Vivaan. Kabir grew more and more worried. In the meantime, I was becoming frantic.

We finally decided to go to Vivaan's bank and figure out the reason he wasn't responding. It didn't take us long to get into the car and arrive at Citibank.

I was unable to speak, so Kabir took over. 'Can we please talk to Vivaan?' he asked a teller.

She shook her head, allowing her long black hair to sway back and forth. 'I am sorry, Vivaan doesn't work here anymore. He resigned two days ago.'

The words hit me as if someone had punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. Vivaan had resigned from his job as the assistant manager at Citibank. He had not told me that he was going to resign.

'Do you know where he works now?' Kabir pressed nervously.

The teller shook her head again. 'I don't know where he went, but I doubt he decided to work anywhere else. I heard him telling the manager that he was leaving ... no, he said he was "escaping". It seemed like he had had enough from life.'

I gasped and held on to Kabir as my knees threatened to buckle. I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn't believe he had made all these arrangements and hadn't told any of us. My body, my mind were numb when I realized he had truly 'escaped'. I had dialled his number so many times, but there was no response. There had been no goodbye or explanation from him.

I tried to be brave and at first I was determined to brush it off. This was Vivaan, and his dream was to escape. I knew that from the very first night I set my eyes on him. But there had never been any real hint that he was just going to get up one day and leave.

I couldn't help thinking, how long had he planned this? Had it always been his plan to vanish one day? He had told me several times that he couldn't stay long in one place due to his love fortravelling. I knew that. Then why did it crush me when the day finally came that he fulfilled his dream? He had moved on. Without me.

We somehow managed to control our emotions and reached Kafe Kabir.

'Come on Meera, don't cry,' Kabir said as he noticed my eyes begin to fill up. 'Meera, we all knew that he loved to travel. But don't worry, he will be back.'

'He didn't even say goodbye,' I broke down, throwing my arms on the counter and sobbing into them. I was heartbroken, and worse, I already missed him.

Kabir patted my shoulders. 'Oh Meera, stop your tears. I am begging you to stop, or I am going to start, too,' he said, his voice breaking.

I brought my head up and glared at him. 'How can you ask me to stop crying? My heart has been ripped out of my body! The day I finally get the strength and courage to tell him how I feel, he is gone. I am lost without him!' I threw my head back down and kept crying.

'Meera, we will all miss him and you have every right to miss him,' Kabir soothed. 'All we can do is stay busy and keep him in our hearts and memories until he returns.'

No matter how long his trip would be, it was a very long time to live without Vivaan in my life. His beautiful smile wouldn't be warming my soul any longer.

I sat at the counter as my whole world continued to shatter around me.

Kabir brought me my cappuccino. 'At least you have a book to write! You can keep yourself busy with that. Maybe you can finish your novel before he comes back. Wouldn't he be proud of you then?'

My whole body was still numb and I felt isolated in the crowded café. I knew there was still a lot more for me to do and accomplish in my life, but I thought Vivaan would be there to share it. Now I was trying hard to fit back into that place where I once belonged before he entered my life.

I finally realized that the walls of the café no longer had any miracles left within them. I had lost all interest in everything about my life or my story. Everything reminded me of Vivaan.