Faded Feelings

I unlocked the door after I fumbled with my keys in the dark. The whole house was so dark I couldn't see it against the splash of the black tree shadows. No single room was lit up despite it being late into twilight and I at first thought that Aime wasn't even home until I saw him sitting on the bar stool in the greyness of the room. It was the first time after many days that the house looked just as dead as the day I got my parent's asthi here. I felt nauseous. But I went ahead and switched on the lights.

Avril: Hey, why didn't you switch on the lights until this late? Here I brought you some of your favourite burgers from down the street.

Aime: Are some measly burgers gonna fix this now?

Avril: Are you drunk Aime? And what are you even talking about? You have been this way since the whole morning today. What is it?!

He leaned in and threw the burgers on the floor. He then muttered something inaudible.

Avril: What is wrong with you!? If you don't want to, don't eat it. Why would you waste and disrespect food this way? Is it something I did?

I was on the ground picking up the food when he stood up wobbling and lashed out at me.

Aime: YEAH, IT'S YOU ITS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. IT WAS YOUR BL**DY PARENTS. THEY KILLED MY MOM, MY DAD, MY OLDER BROTHER. YOUR PARENTS KILLED THEM!!!

I was too stunned to speak. I didn't immediately process what he had said since that one childhood memory resurfaced. My mom was on the floor cleaning broken crockery and spilled tea in our old tiny apartment while my dad was screaming his lungs out at her. I don't quite remember what they were arguing about but I couldn't just forget about it no matter how frequent it became later on.

Avril: I-

My voice broke. I was genuinely on the verge of crying and I hadn't noticed. I had cried before Aime but this was a very stupid reason to do so again. Just because he was upset and yelling at me didn't mean I could just start crying like a toddler. But I couldn't hold back my tears and ended up running outside of the house again.

Aime: Where do you think you are going again?!

Yeah, keep doing that, just run away when things get harder like you always do. You are an adult for f*ck's sake.

I was bawling my eyes out again after hearing those words from him. Were we becoming like my parents even before we started a family? Wait but what did he mean when he said MY parents' killed his? My parents would never do that to anyone. They were a bit paranoid and meticulous in everything they did but they definitely weren't murderers right? I didn't know anymore. I didn't know anything about myself or Aime nor did I know who truly my parents were after discovering all they had kept prepared. If they had machine guns in their panic room it could be possible they had killed at least a few people back in the day or until the end who knows? But I still had some faith in them. I knew them for 17 whole years and they weren't bad humans. They had good principles and high morals while still being quite generous to the needy. But what if? What if I am the child of murderers? What happens next? Am I even supposed to be seeking revenge for my parents or atonement? My head was getting clouded and my body was still aching while the wounds had reopened and kept bleeding. 

Alain: What are you doing here all alone Avril? Wait, are you crying?

Avril: (while brushing off my tears) No, it's nothing. I was just taking a late evening walk when I was reminded of my parents again And I couldn't stop crying once again. Honestly, It's just embarrassing and nothing to worry about so please be on your way, Alain.

Alain: How could I do that? We are friends remember and you are my best friend's younger cousin after all. How can I just leave you all alone after seeing this? Let's get you home shall we? It's getting cold out here.

Avril: No, no I can't go back into that house right now!

Alain: Well, I understand then shall we go to your aunt's house around the corner?

Avril: No…I'm fine here…I'll go back to my own house soon…I don't want to burden them anymore…You should go inside it is pretty chilly out here.

Alain: Well, I am not leaving if you aren't.

Avril: Please just go! I can't- with this

Alain: Well, just follow me then…. it's just beside your house. Go back whenever you feel like. But get inside now. I'm really worried for you.

I needed to get some rest and I couldn't do that at home, I hadn't even brought my wallet or phone with me just the dagger still strapped to my thigh. 

He took me to a guest room and gave me some clothes to change into. He left the room thereafter. They were his clothes and too big but who was I to complain? I took a quick shower and poured some hot water on the wounds. My body still ached but I was incapable of applying the ointment everywhere by myself. I just changed into his clothes which looked fresh but smelled just like him. I unknowingly drifted to deep sleep until after a while I heard someone at the door. It wasn't nighttime but broad daylight. In fact, closer to the afternoon by now. I walked out of the room to the outdoor hallway and saw Aime. How did he find out I was here? What if he misunderstands but what should I say about yesterday? But by the time I could even arrange my thoughts he ran inside towards me. I was afraid of him hitting me for some reason so I reflexively flinched. He just stood there for a minute. Just shocked.

Aime:..... You thought I would ever try to hurt you?

Alain: What do you mean she THOUGHT?! You already did once, didn't you? I mean look at those scratches and cuts on her face?!

Aime: HOW DID YOU GET THOSE?! I didn't see those yesterday…

Alain: Coffs

Avril: It's alright Alain, He didn't do anything. I just got into a small brawl with some girls on the street yesterday. Let's go home. Thank you for letting me stay the night Alain. I'll clean and return your clothes soon. 

Alain: You can keep those I have way too many but are you sure you want to go back with him? You could stay here forever as long as you want. I have no issues.

Aime: Why the f*ck would she stay with you?! If anything I would leave the house or she could stay with her aunt.

Alain: Controlling much huh? You should at the very least tell Lawrence about it.

Avril: No not at all. I am quite fine Alain but anything more than this would be a burden, I am sorry I need to leave.

 We didn't say a word until we reached my house.

Aime: I am sorry, I am so so sorry Avril. I- I- didn't mean to lash out at you like that yesterday. I am really, really sorry Av, I am sorry I don't know what got over me but-

Avril: hahaahaha…that's what my dad used to say to my mom after each fight. I told you we won't ever work out…

Aime: No, no Avril this won't ever happen I just took it out on the wrong person. My parents I never really got to spend much time with them and my brother too lost his life when he was far too young. I am already much older than he was when he died…

Avril: So what? What if my parents really did murder your parents? What would that make me? The daughter of the people who killed your only close family? Will you be able to live with a woman like that then? Won't you see their dead faces before you even see mine each time? I would kill you each day without even trying Aime.

Aime: But we are still not sure about that and I- I can figure out something…. There must be something... I know I know there must be something…

Avril: I don't know Aime, I don't even know who I am anymore or what my parents were.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. This was the END.